November 2nd, 2013

Next week: People are actually going to go to Franco's show? But...why?

November 4th, 2013

Nikolas stops Patrick before he can see Robin without her mask and tells him that she's "Ruta," Spencer's nanny. Patrick goes along until Emma tells him that, contrary to Nikolas' claims, "Ruta" does speak English, since she spoke it to Emma. Sabrina doesn't think there's anything to find suspicious, but Patrick can't help being bothered by the whole thing. It takes him a while, but Duke figures out that "Anna" is really Obrecht. It doesn't do him any good, though, since it's two against one, and he ends up unconscious in the secret passageway. Tracy wants Luke to get checked over by a doctor to make sure he's really cured. Luke distracts her by assuring her that he meant it when he told her he wants to be with her. Britt and Elizabeth have a catfight, and Britt wins points by calling Elizabeth out for thinking she's above criticism while she judges everyone else.

"Ruta Bega"? Don't quit your day job, Nikolas. Whatever that is.

Patrick, if you're going to marry a Latina, your Spanish is going to need to improve. A lot.

Having to choose sides between Britt and Elizabeth is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

So now Luke and Tracy are back to thinking that Jerry's doctor is a hostage? When did that happen?

"We did what we could for Sean Donely." You mean...nothing?

Hey, Britt and Nikolas, why don't you talk about Robin a little louder?

November 5th, 2013

While Julian and Morgan listen through the bug, Sonny and Lazaro talk about Julian's file and how Sonny knows who "Derek" really is. Ava tells Julian that Sam is close to figuring out the same thing, but Julian isn't worried about that. He sends Morgan off with a recording of Sonny and Lazaro's conversation so Scott can use it to win the election. Back on the bug, Julian overhears Sonny telling Max to attend Franco's opening because he's going to take Julian out tonight. Franco bugs Carly some more, again, but Diane wants to keep up their fake relationship. Franco spies Julian with Morgan, so now he's happy to have information he can give his crush. Sam informs Ava that she knows she's one of the mob Jeromes, and despite her best efforts, Ava can't really deny it. She tries to change the subject by telling Sam that she should be more concerned with the supposed big secret Silas is keeping from her. Sam's sick of hearing about that and tells Silas that he's entitled to his secrets. Heather dresses up as a doctor and sneaks around the hospital, apparently just with the goal of inviting Scott to Franco's opening. Then she goes to the gallery and discovers whose paintings he's showing. Silas lets Kiki know what he and Sam uncovered, with the additional warning that Ava might be in the mob. Kiki shares this with Michael, and he tells her about Sonny's recent encounters with Julian's name. Diane invites Sam to the opening, which seems like a ridiculous idea until she mentions that part of the proceeds will be going to pediatric leukemia research.

I have a bit of a suspicion that Sonny knows about the bug. I don't know why, I just do.

Julian, you should be more worried about your daughter busting you. She's a PI, remember?

"Sam's not so bad." This is the woman you're trying to date, Silas. Maybe come up with something a little more flattering.

Heather doesn't like Kelly Clarkson? That is UNFORGIVABLE.

November 6th, 2013

Julian plans his counterattack in case Sonny does come after him at the gallery, while Ava whines and whimpers about how it's a bad idea for him to go. Kiki begs Michael not to tell Sonny that Ava might be working with the mob, but changes her mind when she realizes that it might put him in danger. So now Sonny has confirmation that Julian and Ava are brother and sister. Franco tells Carly that Julian is sleeping with Morgan, which is kind of a fair conclusion to jump to considering he heard Julian talking about a secret relationship while wearing a bathrobe. When Carly confronts Julian, he just laughs. Scott gleefully accepts Morgan's gift of his guaranteed ticket back into the DA's office. He almost kisses Lucy, and if that goes any farther, I will throw up all over everything. Olivia tries to get Morgan to realize that Sonny loves him, it's not too late to make things right, etc. Morgan tells her she's wrong about that second thing. Sam hopes to take advantage of the relaxed setting at the gallery to talk to Ava more about her family. Heather tells Sebastian that Franco's paintings are hers, but he doesn't get it. Julian almost tells Sam that it wasn't Franco's idea to donate proceeds from the opening to cancer research.

Thank you, Kiki, for doing the right thing. Boo, Michael, for thinking you need to tell a mobster to be careful, and for making sure Max knows how to do his job.

HANDS OFF, BALDWIN.

I think the real reason they had Sam go to the opening is that the truth about Julian's identity is going to come out.

If there are going to be bullets flying at the gallery, Sebastian should watch his back. He's definitely the most expendable person on the show right now.

When did I start liking Silas?

November 7th, 2013

Olivia starts to tell Sonny that Morgan's in trouble, but before she can go into details, Lazaro shows up to accuse him of setting him up with the recording. Olivia mentions that she saw Morgan talking to Scott, and when Sonny remembers that Morgan returned the clock to his office, he puts it together that Morgan bugged him. Ava distracts Carly by revealing that she and Julian are partners, which doesn't really do anything since Carly already knew that. But then she makes out with Morgan in front of Carly, and that works. Michael and Kiki crash the opening to confront Ava about her mob family, and to warn Morgan to stay away from her. Heather offers to buy all of Franco's paintings (minus one purchased by someone at Wyndemere); in exchange, she demands that he tell the crowd his inspiration for each piece. He and Diane try to make things up, but Heather eventually explains her inspiration for the first piece: a BLT. T.J. worries that Shawn's job puts him in danger, and tells his surrogate father that he doesn't want to lose him like he lost his real father. Shawn assures him that the senior Ashford would be proud of him. Silas and Sam ask Julian to submit to more testing at the hospital in case Danny ever needs another transplant. (I don't know; I'm sure this will come back.) Scott's blackmail worked, so he's the DA again. Max is confused over Diane's supposed relationship with Franco.

Huge gold stars to Lisa LoCicero for one single moment in this episode: When Sonny poured himself a drink, she gave the glass a long, disapproving look. Very nice touch.

Franco trying to explain the paintings was like a bizarre Whose Line Is It Anyway? sketch.

Heh, a painting based on BLTs. Well, Sam did say it made her hungry...

I bet Faison bought the other painting. Crazy calls to crazy, you know?

I'm sad that I forgot all about Max and Diane's former relationship until they ran into each other at the gallery.

November 8th, 2013

Heather explains how all the paintings are based on sandwiches on Kelly's menu, then starts waving a knife around so people will leave her alone. Diane tries to cover for Franco, but he admits to everyone that Heather painted all his pieces. Scott announces that he's officially the DA again, and his first act to restore law and order to Port Charles will be sending Heather back to the institution and arresting Franco for fraud. Heather halts him by announcing that he's Franco's father and she's Franco's mother. It's completely ridiculous and stupid and renders the previous Franco/Quartermaine stuff pointless, so of course it's true. Franco’s sad and broke, but at least Carly wants to talk to him now. Sonny figures out that the thing Olivia saw Morgan give Scott must have been a recording of his conversation with Lazaro, and from there he figures out that Morgan is working for Julian. Now he has even more of a reason to want to go after Julian, so he calls off Shawn and goes to the gallery himself. Morgan has the sads, either because he betrayed Sonny or because Kiki decidedly cares more about Michael than about him. Julian is still completely concerned that he could be killed tonight, saying he has a "guardian angel." Apparently Diane defending Franco is enough to make Max decide he no longer carries a "flame" for her.

So after months of twisting history to make Jason and Franco twin brothers, it wasn't true. I can't decide which twist is worse, them being twins or them not being twins. Either way, my time is being wasted.

By the way, this is Scott's THIRD child he didn't know about. (And the first two are dead, so watch your back, Franco.) You know how, when someone says that Sonny has four children, people (okay, I) add, "That he knows of"? I'm doing that for Scott from now on.

So much for my idea that Sam was only at the opening for a Derek-is-Julian revelation. But at least we got to see her go off on Heather. That was great.

Thanks, Max, for not bothering to disarm Heather while she was standing with her back to you. Remember how you're a bodyguard?

Kiki dodged a bullet – Heather could have been her grandma.

What's that random taxidermied animal in Sonny's office?

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): All of Faison's facial expressions on Monday's episode; "There are any number of men who would like to get with this"; "The last time I voted, it was for Justin Guarini"
Funniest moment (unintentional): "I won't be able to protect you." Yeah, Ava, Julian needs you to protect him
Saddest moment: T.J. worrying about Shawn
Sweetest/cutest moment: Julian's reaction to Sam hugging him
Least believable moment: Heather's roaming around with a knife; everyone's just chatting
Best instances of continuity: Shawn learned his lesson about taking secondhand orders; Sonny's sensitive about wires
Worst instance of continuity: The complete retconning of the entire Franco/Jason connection
Hero of the week: Olivia, I guess?
Most annoying character: Ava
Smartest character: Sonny
Dumbest character: Julian, for so many reasons
Things we learned this week: 1. The hospital is a polling place.
2. Port Charles still uses paper ballots.
3. The writers are crazier than Heather is.

The week in a nutshell:

• Scott and Heather are Franco's real parents. Please ignore how stupid that sounds.
• Heather was revealed as the real painter of Franco's art, and was taken back to the institution.
• Thanks to Michael and Kiki (the latter of whom heard about Ava's paternity from Silas), Sonny put more pieces together and decided it was time to take Julian out.
• Morgan gave Scott a recording of Sonny and Lazaro talking, and it allowed Scott to blackmail his way back into the DA's office.
• Patrick is suspicious of Nikolas' claims about his supposed nanny.
• Ava found out that Sam looked into her past, but Julian doesn't think she'll be able to figure out who he really is.
• Faison and Obrecht left Duke unconscious in Wyndemere's secret passageway.

November 9th, 2013

Next week: Let's hope it includes Franco waking up and saying, "Oh, good, it was all a dream."

November 12th, 2013

Sonny calls Morgan out for planting the bug, and Morgan immediately confirms that he did. This leads to the typical blather about how Morgan is the unloved child, Michael stole Kiki from him, etc. Michael and Kiki basically tell him he's an idiot because Ava's been using him ever since she met him, including with regards to the gambling. Morgan runs off, Michael goes after him, and the two of them have it out over all of their problems. The fight turns physical, with Michael getting the upper hand and vowing not to forgive Morgan if Sonny gets killed. He's about to punch Morgan again when Kiki arrives and yells for him to stop. Morgan takes advantage of the distraction to gain an advantage and drive Michael's head into a tree smack Michael's head into a post. Michael ends up unconscious and in the harbor. Sam and Silas briefly leave the gallery and make out, then return when they see Michael and Morgan leave, curious about what happened. They get there just in time for Sonny to force Julian to out himself as a Jerome. Julian swears that he loves Sam and Danny, and wanted to tell her that he's her father, but he knows he's out of time, since Sonny's going to have him killed. Carly tries to comfort Franco through an identity crisis. Chances of their clothes coming off: 80%.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Michael woke up with amnesia. The rest of the storyline has been so parallel to A.J. and Jason's arc that I might actually be surprised if he doesn't end up with brain damage.

Morgan should have known better than to go hand-to-hand against Michael. After all, Jason taught Michael to fight.

I wish we'd seen more surprise from Sonny when he realized that Julian is Sam's father. He's too focused on his own issues that he doesn't seem to care.

Is Shawn still outside? He has to be wondering what's going on.

November 12th, 2013

Through a tag-team-like effort, Kiki, Franco, and Carly save Michael while Morgan does nothing. Michael decides not to tell his mother that his brother was responsible for his near-drowning. Sonny predicts that Julian will use Danny as insurance to keep himself alive – Danny's life could someday depend on him again, so if he doesn't bank his bone marrow, Sonny can't kill him. Julian does exactly that, and shouldn't expect a Father's Day card from Sam. He also totally wants Alexis, but shouldn't expect a Happy Father of My Child Day card. Carly wants to hook up with Franco but can't get past his past sins against her children. After he helps save Michael, though, she's all in, and joins the Slept With Cousins Club. Speaking of that club, Sonny reups his membership after getting some TLC from Olivia. Shawn meets Carlos, and neither likes each other very much.

Dear everyone, please use protection. Unless you want to make Scott's head explode by making him a grandpa.

Sonny to Sam: "If I was your father..." Me: "That would be gross, because we had a child together."

I swear, Danny inherited Jason's Spidey sense.

They keep mentioning T.J.'s mom – does that mean we're going to meet her?

November 13th, 2013

The custody trial begins with Alexis putting Elizabeth on the stand to recount everything Maxie did to Lucky. Then she wants to brand Maxie a murderer. Carly and Franco are happy, which is weird. Heather sends Carly dead flowers with a warning to stay away from Franco, but Franco hides the note from her. Diane suggests that Spinelli marry Maxie to make them look better to the judge, but Spinelli assures Ellie that that's not going to happen. I guess Sonny and Olivia are together? But they're not really talking about it? And they haven't told anyone? Which makes sense, because this isn't a good time for Dante to have to wrap his head around that. Luke finally makes it to the hospital for tests to make sure Robin's cure worked. Julian outs himself in the paper but pretends he's still a legitimate businessman. He wants to use Scott's relationship with Lucy to keep him in line, because she used to be involved with Victor, but I'm really not sure how that will work. Julian also tries to flirt with Alexis, who lets him know where she stands by smacking him, then warning him to stay away from Sam and Danny.

Can we talk about the fact that Maxie did all that stuff to Lucky seven years ago? Just saying.

Seriously, Lulu, you're going to make Maxie look like a murderer for accidentally turning on the gas in the lab? You know what, your "name game" name was accurate. Screw you, Lulu.

Did Sonny get out of bed, get dressed, get the paper, get undressed, and get back into bed? Or did he make Max bring him the paper (while averting his eyes from half-naked Olivia)? These are the things I think about.

Ellie, when you take Luke's blood sample to the lab, please label it "ROBIN, USE THIS ONE FOR YOUR CURE."

November 14th, 2013

Robin has figured out how to make Jerry's cure from Luke's blood, so once Britt gets Brad to confirm that the sample is available, Nikolas and Robin head to the hospital. Unfortunately, Robin has to work in the same lab where she was almost killed. Nikolas orders Brad to keep everyone out, but he gets distracted, so Patrick's arrival goes unnoticed. He's there to check on Luke's blood work, having learned about the cure from Luke and Tracy. Maxie admits that she caused Robin's "death," but even Alexis insists that it was an accident. Lulu thinks it's enough proof that Maxie is careless and gets innocent people hurt. Maxie's so furious that she authorizes Diane to play dirty as well, so Lulu's branded a murderer, too. Sabrina and Patrick are getting married next week, so the hunt is on for the perfect wedding dress. Sabrina tells Felix that she always wanted to wear her mother's dress, but she doesn't even have a picture of it. Felix decides to try to save the day, and somehow, Brad will help. Britt catches Obrecht leaving the secret passageway, where Duke's being held captive.

ROBIN, KEEP YOUR MASK ON! Or at least don't sit in front of a bunch of windows with it off.

I'm 95 percent sure they had to reshoot that Robin/Maxie flashback – I think it was originally a Jen Lilley scene.

"This is my lab"/"This is my hospital" is the new "It's my house"/"I gave it to her."

Lulu is, indeed, a murderer, but if we're talking about Logan, that was self-defense.

I'm guessing Juan's return will have something to do with this fast-approaching wedding. Maybe Felix will call him to help with the dress?

November 15th, 2013

Robin hides in the lab so Patrick won't see her, then has to endure hearing him and Sabrina talk about their upcoming wedding. Carlos is definitely a stalker now, telling Sabrina he wants to spend his life with her, then following her to the hospital. He goes to the lab to find her but instead encounters Robin. Robert uses his spy skills to open the lab door. Obrecht wants to kill Duke, who knows that Faison wants him alive so he can threaten to kill Duke if Anna won't be with him. Duke tries to turn Obrecht and Faison against each other, and it's definitely working. Lulu tackles questions about killing Logan and having an abortion, then perjures herself when asked if she planned to take Connie and run. Diane counters by calling Dante to the stand and asking him if Lulu told the truth. Nikolas and Britt do some more smooching.

How is Carlos seeing Robin a cliffhanger?

I thought the abortion might come up. But Maxie should have told Diane how Lulu broke up Georgie and Dillon's marriage instead.

Hey, remember how a husband can't be forced to testify against his wife? Get on that, Alexis.

Nikolas. Oh, Nikolas. You can do so much better.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Alexis: "There was some kind of blow-up. Sorry, wrong choice of words with these people"; Heather signing her threat to Carly with "hugs"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Franco feels like all his crimes were committed by someone else. Oh, recast humor
Saddest moment: I guess Franco being sad about...you know, I don't have the energy to care
Sweetest/cutest moment: Luke and Lil' Connie
Least believable moment: Nothing I can think of
Best instance of continuity: Everything Maxie did with Lucky
Worst instance of continuity: This doesn't really count, but Lisa LoCicero herself noted that Olivia didn't get a dress or a trip to the island before she hooked up with Sonny
Heroes of the week: Kiki, Franco, Carly
Most annoying character: Lulu
Smartest character: Robert "MacGyver" Scorpio. Although...
Dumbest character: Robert and Anna, for using up all their bullets
Things we learned this week: 1. Anna and Robert were once chewed to freedom by a goat.
2. Sabrina's middle names are Maria Dominica.

The week in a nutshell:

• Morgan almost killed Michael.
• Franco saved Michael, and Carly found it so hot that she slept with him.
• Robin went to the GH lab to start working on Luke's cure. Patrick nearly saw her, and Carlos definitely saw her.
• Sam and Alexis found out that Julian is really Derek. Julian also announced it on the front page of the paper. Sonny can't touch him because Danny might need his bone marrow again some day.
• Maxie and Lulu pulled out the big guns in court.
• Robert got the lab door open.
• Duke was taken hostage in the Wyndemere catacombs and tried to get Obrecht to turn on Faison.
• Sonny and Olivia hooked up.

November 16th, 2013

Next week: One trial ends and another begins. And no one gets married. (That's not a spoiler. No matter what happens, wedding or no, that marriage ain't gonna be legal.)

November 18th, 2013

Carlos doesn't recognize Robin, who uses Epiphany's name as an alias and encourages him not to give up on Sabrina. After he leaves the lab, she gets the cure going, and it should be ready in about 48 hours. Carlos sees Epiphany's picture and not only realizes that Robin lied to him but remembers where he's seen her before. When he goes back to the lab, Robin's gone, but Sabrina's there, and I'm sure she'll believe Carlos' story about who he saw. Robert and Anna get the upper hand on Jerry and his guards, but Jerry tells them that if he dies, Obrecht and Faison will kill Duke. Robert shoots him in the leg anyway, and for some reason this makes Jerry scrap his plans and tell them that Robin and Duke are in the same place. They'll just have to take him with them when they go get them. Luke, Patrick, and Tracy pool information, so now they all know that Obrecht and Faison were in Greece, and that Anna, Robert, and Duke are all missing. Since Wyndemere is the last place Patrick knows Duke went, Luke heads over to talk to Nikolas. Dante confirms that Lulu perjured herself, so I think he's sleeping on the couch tonight. Spinelli tries to play peacemaker, telling Lulu that things shouldn't have gone this far, but Diane points out that he still wants to take Lil' Connie from her. Despite the assumption that the judge won't return with a verdict for a while, it only takes about ten minutes for him to make a decision. Britt's nervous to get into a relationship with Nikolas since he's a good person and she's decidedly not. He doesn't seem to care. Faison ties Obrecht up next to Duke, who again tries to get her to turn on Faison.

The Carlos part of the Robin plot is going exactly as I'd expected. The rest is not.

I know it's bad to be happy to see Jerry, considering what it could have meant for Robert and Anna, and yet I feel no remorse.

Robert, Anna, and Duke all disappear while pursuing the same investigation, but people are only getting worried now? Hasn't Mac been looking, too? Did he just...not say anything to anyone?

Alexis forgot how to lawyer.

Didn't Nikolas and Britt kiss on Halloween? Did I imagine that? Am I Olivia now?

November 19th, 2013

The judge denies Lulu and Dante's petition for custody. Lulu panics and goes to collect Lil' Connie from Tracy and Olivia, telling them that she and Dante won. Dante immediately figures out what's going on and stops her before she can flee the country. Back at the courthouse, the judges also denies Maxie custody, citing her lack of ethical behavior. He announces that Spinelli will be Lil' Connie's guardian, but Maxie isn't allowed to see her for six months. Nikolas and Britt play dumb about Anna and Robert's whereabouts, then refuse to help when Luke demands that they accompany him back to Greece. When he tells them he'll just go by himself, Robin reveals herself and tells him about all of Jerry's orders. Luke wants her to screw the plan, give Jerry's cure to Sean, and rescue Robert and Anna, but Robin is on Nikolas and Britt's side. Carlos insists that he saw Robin, despite all of Sabrina's protests and Brad's lie that the only person he saw in the lab was Ellie. Carlos warns that Sabrina's big fairytale wedding won't lead to a happy ending. Felix thinks Brad deserves another chance, so he invites him to Patrick and Sabrina's wedding.

Port Charles judges are hardcore. (Somewhere in town, Michael's saying, "Amen.") Maxie can't even have supervised visits?

Robin, have you followed ANY of Jerry's rules? Also, you don't seem concerned that Luke said Sean's sick, too.

Sabrina, please go find Felix right now and tell him that Brad is racist.

Felix, please raise your standards. A lot.

November 20th, 2013

Lulu blames Dante for their loss of Lil' Connie because he wouldn't perjure himself about her perjuring herself. Spinelli and Ellie collect Lil' Connie while Mac and Felicia try to comfort Maxie. A.J.'s trial finally begins, and once Sonny and Elizabeth testify about how he almost strangled Connie, things don't look good for him. Next up on the witness stand is Olivia, whom Scott wants to review some security footage from the hotel. Todd asks Scott to help him out in the Heather department, but Scott's facing a recall election and wants to distance himself from his crazy ex and his ex-crazy son. When Heather shows up for another visit, Franco takes matters into his own hands, threatening to kill her if she goes after Carly. She's taken away by men from the institution, but unfortunately, they're the same guys who helped her escape in the first place. Carly tells Felix about her new boyfriend, but Felix isn't allowed to be judgmental, poor guy. Sonny tries to impress upon Scott the importance of convicting A.J.

Oh, yay, Spinelli's moving back into the penthouse! I was actually going to suggest that.

I don't know if it was intentional or not (I'd guess it was), but notice that whenever they show A.J. in the courtroom, you can see Kiki right over his shoulder. I think that's supposed to be a subliminal message – A.J.'s innocent, but don't forget that Kiki's mom has the same initials...

I can't take the Heather visits anymore. Just can't.

Thanks, Felix, for attempting to take Jason's place as Carly's only friend/the guy who has to listen to her talk about all her issues. It's a thankless job and will most likely negatively affect any relationship you might end up having.

November 21st, 2013

Robin realizes that it might not be that easy to go back to her old life, now that Patrick and Emma have moved on. Carlos tells Ava that Robin's alive but Sabrina won't listen to him. Ava suggests that he tell Patrick, but Carlos knows Patrick won't believe him. He decides to just keep quiet and let things play out. Scott has conveniently just acquired security tapes showing A.J. taking the elevator up to Crimson while holding a gun, and they make A.J. think that he really did kill Connie. Diane gets them barred from evidence since they don't show any actual crime being committed. Patrick asks Elizabeth to be his "best man" while Sabrina asks Felix to be her "maid of honor." Elizabeth decides she's done with A.J.

The fact that this episode was so boring better mean that the next few episodes are awesome.

Dear video time-stamper, August is the eighth month, not the ninth.

Dear Ava, you held on to those for three months? Really?

Patrick and Sabrina really need friends. Elizabeth had to have been Patrick's third choice behind Matt and Steven.

November 22nd, 2013

Britt realizes that Obrecht is missing and alerts Nikolas. The two of them confront Faison, who Robin has been taunting all day, then split up to get ready for the endgame. Britt heads to the hospital to get the cure while Nikolas goes into the catacombs looking for Obrecht. Robin continues bugging Faison, who eventually kicks her out. Meanwhile, Robert and Anna return to Port Charles with Jerry in tow and reunite with Luke. He thinks they can go ahead and reveal to everyone that Robin's alive, since Jerry's no longer in power, but since Duke is still a hostage and Jerry refuses to make his daily don't-kill-Duke phone call until he has his cure, they'll have to rescue him first. As Anna, Robert, and Luke head to Spoon Island, Nikolas ventures into the catacombs and finds Obrecht and Duke, who have reluctantly teamed up to try to free themselves. Faison arrives next, knocking out Nikolas. Obrecht gets free, grabs a gun, and turns on Duke. Faison heads back out into the main house and runs into Luke while Anna goes in to rescue Duke. Robert searches the rooms upstairs and finally comes across his daughter. Sabrina doesn't like the dress Felix picked out for her, and hungover Elizabeth isn't sure her plan B will come through in time. Patrick and Mac jinx the heck out of Patrick's wedding day.

I figured Robert and Anna would show up at Wyndemere today or Monday; I just thought it would be as Robin was about to go stop the wedding, so she would be delayed.

Also, Robin, don't taunt the crazy person.

Way to step on your cliffhangers, show. Don't end with two characters opening their doors, keep us from seeing who's there, then show previews revealing both of them.

So they just left Jerry in the hotel? I want so badly for Tracy to show up and find him handcuffed to the bed.

Scorecard:
Back in town: Anna Devane, Jerry Jacks, Robert Scorpio
Injured: Jerry Jacks

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Carlos: "Then I remembered where I saw her from." Sabrina: "At a séance?"; Franco: "You're the new DA. You're my brand-new D-A-D"; Felix: "He's playing Hide the Tort with his lawyer"; Luke being jealous that Robert got to shoot Jerry
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sabrina basically saying, "I tried to make sure people who hate each other won't be seated near each other at the wedding, but everyone in this town has a dozen enemies"
Saddest moment: Dante and Maxie broke my heart more than Lulu did
Sweetest/cutest moment: Mac and Patrick
Least believable moments: Franco had a Band-Aid for, like, two months after he had surgery, but Michael has nothing the day after hitting his head; the whole trial has been full of stuff no judge or lawyer would actually allow or do
Best instance of continuity: Dante perjured himself after Sonny shot him
Worst instances of continuity: A.J. wasn't that drunk; suddenly Nikolas claims he's sad that Helena and Stavros died
Hero of the week: Diane
Most annoying character: Lulu
Smartest character: Nikolas, simply for sending Spencer and Ben away
Dumbest character: Robin (sorry)
Things we learned this week: Lil' Connie likes the Arctic Monkeys.

The week in a nutshell:

• Carlos recognized Robin but was too late to clue her in. Robin later revealed herself to Luke to keep him from putting himself in danger with Jerry.
• Anna and Robert escaped from the lab and took Jerry back to Port Charles to get Robin and the cure. Luke told them Robin was at Wyndemere, so they headed over to get her. Anna encountered Obrecht and Luke encountered Faison, but Robert was lucky enough to find Robin.
• Spinelli got sole custody of Lil' Connie, and Maxie's not allowed to see her for six months. Lulu blamed the outcome on Dante.
• A.J.'s trial started, but so far neither side seems to be winning.
• Franco is so done with Heather.
• Felix tried very hard not to tell Carly that she's crazy for hooking up with Franco. Someone needs to tell him he's crazy for wanting to give Brad a shot.
• Britt and Nikolas made out.

November 23rd, 2013

Next week: If Anna doesn't get to reunite with Robin, I will kill someone.

November 25th, 2013

While Robert reunites with Robin, Anna and Obrecht have an hour-long standoff, debating the merits of killing Duke over killing Anna. Eventually Duke gets himself untied and overpowers Obrecht. Then finally, finally, Anna gets to see her daughter. Luke shoots Faison, but the psycho's wearing a bulletproof vest, so it doesn't do much good. Just as Faison's about to kill Luke, Robert arrives, so Luke, Duke, and the Scorpios are three for three in subduing the bad guys. Ava tells Patrick that Carlos saw Robin, but Patrick thinks Carlos asked her to help gaslight him so Carlos can get Sabrina back. Juan brings Sabrina her mother's wedding dress, so everything is perfect! Absolutely nothing can go wrong! This will be the best day of Sabrina's life! Brad catches Britt in the lab and asks if her mystery doctor from the other day was Robin. Apparently he wants to know so he can warn Felix and save Sabrina from getting embarrassed on her wedding day. Britt plays innocent, so Brad threatens to reveal that he's not Ben's father if she doesn't tell him the truth.

Yay, all the Scorpios are back together! Wait, we need Mac in there, too.

Me, ten times during the episode: "Duke, stop talking and untie yourself already."

Is anyone going to check on Nikolas? Poor guy missed all the fun.

Juan's wife is named Becky. Har har har.

November 26th, 2013

Robin and Anna have a happy reunion, then kill half an hour before realizing that they need to do something to stop the wedding. Unfortunately, no one knows where Nikolas is, and Faison and Luke have disappeared, so there's another emergency to attend to. While the spies do their thing, Duke loans Robin his phone, and she leaves Patrick a message telling him she's alive. Patrick tells Elizabeth about Carlos and Ava's claims, which she thinks are ridiculous. Patrick decides to find out for himself what's going on, so he shows Robin's picture to Brad and asks if he's seen her. Brad plays dumb, which isn't much of a stretch for him. Britt tells Patrick that if he's having doubts, he should delay the wedding, but Patrick decides he's ready to marry Sabrina. Emma, on the other hand, has some anxiety about the wedding going well, so Sabrina and Felix have to calm her down. Sabrina doesn't have a something blue, leading Felix to call Ellie to ask to borrow something. Ellie mentions that she didn't get an invitation, which makes Sabrina wonder if Robin took it. Ellie helps Spinelli adjust to fatherhood and Maxie adjust to not-motherhood. Mac and Felicia talk Maxie into going to the wedding, but first she makes a stop at the penthouse, which is a big no-no. Sam and Silas attempt another date.

When did Faison have time to stash Nikolas somewhere?

If Patrick's phone is at home, then whose phone did he use to show Robin's picture to Brad? Elizabeth's?

I love that the stolen invitation is now a plot point.

Why didn't Ellie call Maxie and have her take the bracelet to Sabrina? Eh, whatever.

You guys, Epiphany's wrong about something! Is that a first?

I guess Sam didn't catch the irony of Alexis offering to babysit the same kid whose parents she lost a custody case for.

I will give $10 to the first person to mention Noah.

November 27th, 2013

Robin continues to delay going to the church until she knows Nikolas is okay. When Britt returns with the cure, she tells her to just go already. Sabrina and Felix have another wedding-day hurdle in the form of Lucy freaking out about her own marriage, but once they're past that, the ceremony can begin. Robin arrives at the church just after the wedding begins, but she doesn't reveal herself. Luke takes Faison to the stable, where he's stashed Nikolas, but Faison suddenly has goons, so Luke and Nikolas are overpowered. Anna arrives and announces that Obrecht escaped and killed Robin, Robert, and Duke, so she has nothing to live for anymore. If Faison won't let Luke and Nikolas go, and take her with him, she'll kill herself. Faison falls for it, so he's unprepared when Robert comes in, shoots the goons, and gets Faison under control. The next step is taking Faison to the authorities, but Anna has a better idea: They kill him. Bobbie returns to town for the wedding but gets sidetracked when she goes to Luke's hotel room and finds Jerry there. He uses their past together to guilt her into going to the hospital to get the cure (which isn't there), then freeing him so he can try to save himself. Her naivety gets her taken hostage. Spinelli tries multiple times to get Maxie to leave the penthouse, eventually having to threaten to call the police on her.

Where did Faison get all those minions?

When did Anna find out that Faison is Britt's father? Did I miss a scene, or did the writers forget that it wasn't common knowledge?

I know I said I wanted Tracy to find Jerry in Luke's room, but Bobbie finding him was just as good.

Elizabeth was the first person to mention Noah, so she gets $10. Don't spend it on booze, girl.

Scorecard:
Back in town: Juan Santiago (just briefly), Bobbie Spencer
Taken hostage: Bobbie Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Epiphany giggling over her pictures of drunk Elizabeth
Funniest moment (unintentional): Spinelli saying that if Lil' Connie asks about Maxie in the next six months, he'll be happy since it'll mean she's a prodigy
Saddest moment: Maxie continues to break my heart
Sweetest/cutest moments: Robin's reunions with Robert and Anna; Noah offered to walk Sabrina down the aisle
Least believable moment: The more I think about it, the more I think there's no way Faison could have gotten Nikolas out to the stable in the amount of time he had
Best instance of continuity: Bobbie and Noah both live in Seattle
Worst instance of continuity: Someone mentioned needing to find Faison before it was revealed that he was gone
Hero of the week: Robert
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Jerry
Dumbest character: Bobbie
Things we learned this week: 1. Juan got married.
2. Rafe moved in with Silas.

The week in a nutshell:

• Robin reunited with her parents, but circumstances such as Nikolas' disappearance and Faison's ability to mobilize minions on no notice gave her an excuse not to go stop the wedding before it could start.
• Ava told Patrick that Carlos saw Robin, and though Patrick claimed not to believe her, he did double-check with Brad that he didn't see Robin in the lab. Brad lied, but also managed to keep his mouth shut and not tell Felix anything.
• Bobbie encountered Jerry, who used his charm to get her to free him.
• Maxie risked jail time to see Lil' Connie.
• Juan made a brief appearance to deliver Sabrina's mother's wedding dress.

November 30th, 2013

Next week: "Emma spies an uninvited guest at the wedding." Yeah, girl.

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