General Hospital blog - November, 2016

November 1st, 2016

Griffin takes Charlotte to Anna's, hoping she can protect them from Valentin. They guess that his return and Claudette's disappearance are probably related. Anna's apparently allowed to pick the cases she takes through the WSB, and she tells Robert she wants Valentin to be her first assignment. Nina tells Valentin she doesn't want to have anything to do with him ever again. He thinks she's lying. Jason's angry when he learns about Valentin's freedom and decides he needs to take care of that. Before he can return to his violent ways, Sam has inevitable baby-related distress. Jason blames himself for stressing her out and changes his mind about doing anything to Valentin. Sam and the baby both seem fine, but Alexis won't find that out until tomorrow, since she's drunk herself into a wine coma. Michael thanks Nelle for her meddling help and asks her to keep checking in on Sonny under the guise of checking in on Avery. He notes that she seemed upset about something and offers to listen if she wants to talk, but she'd like to keep whatever's bothering her to herself. Really, though, she's keeping a secret involving her supposed-to-be-dead father. Ava thinks Valentin's going to come after her, since she saw him kill Nikolas. Julian promises to protect her, as if he's even done anything to protect himself in the past month. He also promises that Sonny won't be targeting him.

Valentin is both the villain we need and the villain we deserve.

Okay, writers, this was your one opportunity to pull baby-in-distress crap with Sam and Jason. You don't get any more.

Excuse me, does Alexis have a letter opener shaped like a DAGGER?

It's a day ending in Y, so of course it's time for Ava to make something about herself.

November 2nd, 2016

Sam and the baby are both fine AND BETTER STAY THAT WAY. She and Jason head back to Alexis', where she's trying to get rid of Valentin. He wants to hire her to confirm that his claim to the family fortune (and Wyndemere) is legit. If it's not, he says he'll move back to Europe and let Spencer have everything. Jason does some posturing to intimidate him, which doesn't work. As Valentin's leaving, he tries to earn points by saying he sent Alexis a case of wine, not realizing she wasn't drinking anymore. Sam thinks she's nuts to consider accepting his offer, but Alexis likes the idea of proving that Spencer's the real heir. Anna asks Dante for intel on Valentin, and the two of them decide that he bribed his way to freedom. Since they figure no one will step forward to admit that, she decides to go to the man himself. Even though it could still be sold, the hospital reopens. Franco's upset not to get any credit, as if Monica would ever acknowledge his existence if she weren't forced to. He complains to Obrecht, who thinks his bigger concern right now is the fact that he's acting like a different person to keep his relationship with Elizabeth going. He claims he's going to work on his jealousy issues, which lasts for about five seconds before he sees Elizabeth and Griffin talking again. The hospital board hires Hayden to do something finance-related, so not only will she be working with her long-lost sister, she'll also get to see her hopefully future boyfriend every day. She apologizes to Finn for pushing him to get over Reiko but tells him again that she has feelings for him, so she's not going to be satisfied just being his friend. Valerie finds the photos of Morgan's file on Curtis' phone and decides that Jordan was right about what a bad person he is. So that's over. Curtis calls Julian to report that he has info on Sonny, which Jason overhears.

I'm going to start a band called Dracula Charm.

Time for a drinking game: Drink every time Franco eats something.

I'm mad that they kept showing that picture of Steve Hardy but no one mentioned to Hayden that he was her grandfather.

I like Curtis a lot more than Valerie, but she was in the right about everything today. Whatever, he deserves better anyway.

November 3rd, 2016

Sonny creates a foundation in Morgan's name for kids with mental-health issues, shocking Carly and Jason with the amount of money he's putting toward it. They both think he's trying to ease his conscience. Nelle overhears Sonny working with Diane again to get his affairs in order, saying that after the funeral, his family will never have to see him again. She thinks he's facing legal trouble and is going to skip town. He lets her believe this, swearing her to secrecy. Remember Daphne? She was picked up in New Zealand for using a fake passport, and Robert had her sent to Port Charles so Dante and Lulu could question her. She tells them Helena hired her to be a surrogate for the long-lost embryo, but the deal fell apart and Helena claimed the embryo had been destroyed. Lulu decides this is really the end of the whole saga and they should move on. Anna questions Valentin's identity and motives for being in town. She also finds him familiar, though he says they've never met. She taunts that he's angry because he was rejected by his family, then orders him to leave town (or get kicked out if he does any harm to anyone). Anna lets Griffin know that Valentin didn't mention Claudette or Charlotte, so he may not know that Charlotte's in town. She still thinks he was familiar, and we can start brainstorming as to why, since he has an old picture of her. Nathan tells Griffin that since he's not on record as being Charlotte's father, Social Services considers her a ward of the state. If he wants to keep her, he'll need to take a DNA test and file for custody. Griffin worries that this will alert Valentin to her location, but he takes the risks and submits to the test. Curtis isn't willing to share his findings with Jason, so Jason says he'll just get Spinelli to hack the info from the cloud. Curtis finally lets him know that the ingredients in the car bomb came from Puerto Rico, which means it would be easy to tie them to Sonny. Then a police officer summons him to see Jordan, so the investigation is the least of Curtis' problems. Nina's annoyed that no one told her that Nathan isn't Charlotte's father after all. Maxie's like, "Nathan and I were kind of busy being kidnapped and rescuing me from being kidnapped." She updates Nina on the latest goings-on, so Nina finally knows that Valentin is linked to the Claudette/Charlotte stuff. Maxie worries that he'll target Nina, since she ratted him out for going after Spencer, but Nina isn't worried.

When are people going to stop believing anything Helena and her associates has ever said? I'm not naïve enough to think this is the end of the embryo storyline. I doubt we won't see another trip to Greece.

Still unclear on the point of Nelle being on the show. Still don't care anyway.

Valentin can't possibly be Anna's son. Right? ...Right?

Valentin: "I'm the product of an illicit affair." Me: "On this show, who isn't?"

November 4th, 2016

Griffin tells Anna he's going to leave the priesthood so he can focus on being a different kind of father. The two of them take Charlotte out to dinner at the Metro Court, even though they know Valentin's staying there (DUMB). They get Griffin's paternity-test results as Valentin arrives, and Anna opens them while Griffin warns Valentin to keep his distance from Charlotte. Valentin replies that Griffin's protectiveness is misplaced – Griffin's not Charlotte's father, Valentin is. Nelle brings Carly Morgan's journal, which shows how much hope he had when he was in treatment, and when his mental health started to decline. It also proves that he took his medication every day, so Carly doesn't think that's what caused him to spiral. She suspects that something could have been wrong with the meds. Alexis accepts Valentin's offer to investigate his claim to the family fortune, then quickly discredits it, citing his lack of notarization of the documents Nikolas signed in Greece. Valentin has another trick up his sleeve in the form of a Greek document Alexis will have to translate herself. Sam and Jason track down Julian's ex-driver, Pete, and tag-team him to try to get his version of what happened the night Morgan died. He's reluctant to tell them anything, and when he finally starts talking, he's shot by a sniper. Ava thinks Kiki needs a change of scenery, since being in Port Charles (and around Carly) will always remind her of Morgan and how things went south with them. Kiki wants to stick around, even if she still feels responsible for his death. Ava insists that Sonny's the only person to blame, though Kiki thinks she's trying to convince herself more than her daughter. Later, Ava gets a text from a blocked number saying the texter knows what she did to Morgan. Valerie turned herself and Curtis in for what happened with Morgan's file, so Jordan reprimands him for betraying Valerie and threatening her career. She's not going to do anything against him legally, but she's going to ensure that he's never a cop in Port Charles. Curtis blasts her for acting morally superior after all the crap she put Shawn and Thomas through. She tries to slap him, he grabs her arm, and they'll probably make out next.

"Wow, Valentin is Charlotte's father? What a surprise!" said absolutely no one.

They keep mentioning fig jam. Is fig jam the new BLT? The new caviar omelet?

Alexis: "You're forgetting about Ava Jerome." Me: "I wish I had that luxury."

I feel like dealing with a witness to investigate a car bomb isn't on Sam's doctor's list of advisable activities for a pregnant woman.

Sorry, Jason, you can't pull off calling Sam "Sugar," even jokingly.

Once a-freaking-gain, they ruined their own cliffhanger, by showing a preview of Lucy saying she knows what Ava did to Morgan. Sigh. (Note: If that turns out to be about something else, I'm deleting this comment and pretending I never made it.)

Broke up: Curtis Ashford and Valerie Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Alexis saying Valentin has "Dracula charm"; the look of horror on Franco's face when Obrecht said she'd like to sex Griffin up
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Do you remember a little while back when my house exploded?"
Saddest moment: Morgan wanted to take his medication partly so Carly would be proud of him
Sweetest/cutest moment: Griffin being parental
Least believable moment: Anna shouldn't have just been worried about keeping Valentin from doing anything to Charlotte, she should have also worried about him knowing where she was, so taking her out in public was a big mistake
Best instance of continuity: Morgan went to Vanderbilt
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Franco
Smartest character: Carly
Dumbest character: Sorry, but Griffin. Don't bond with your "daughter" until you know she's really your daughter!

The week in a nutshell:

November 7th, 2016

To no one's surprise (except Griffin and Anna's), the DNA results say Griffin isn't Charlotte's father. Valentin also happens to have Charlotte's birth certificate on him, and it names him as her father. He even gives them some of his blood, in case they want to run a DNA test. Though Anna and Griffin are still determined to protect Charlotte, she may not need it, since she definitely knows Valentin and definitely isn't scared of him. Lucy reveals herself as Ava's mystery texter, explaining that she saw Ava throwing away Morgan's pills and figured out that she had something to do with his behavior before his death. Ava tries to talk her out of telling Carly and Sonny by saying it'll make things more painful for them. Then she pulls the mother card, asking how Lucy would feel if someone did to her child what Ava did to Morgan. Lucy ultimately says she'll keep quiet (at least for now), but Ava should really come clean on her own. Carly shows Sonny Morgan's journal and shares her theory that something was wrong with his medication. Sonny doesn't think he was telling the truth about taking his meds, even when he discovers that Morgan's lithium is missing. Carly still feels like something's off, but Sonny believes he's the only one to blame. Carly also finds Sonny's goodbye letter, but he keeps her from opening it. Jason calls an ambulance for Pete, then rifles through his pockets and nabs his phone. Curtis catches him and promises not to tell the police if Jason shares the contents of the phone with him. Jason reluctantly shows him the numbers Pete received calls from the night of Morgan's death. Dante hides Lulu's engagement ring in a piece of Rocco's Halloween candy and reproposes. Lulu says yes without a second thought, so at least now they have something to look forward to. Andre interrupts Jordan and Curtis' fight and chases Curtis off. He tells Jordan he's going to Morgan's funeral, and she laments that she has to do police work while they're there. Andre comments that she must feel hypocritical about expressing condolences to people she's investigating. This sets Jordan off, for some reason. Curtis calls while Jordan's out of the room, and Andre answers the phone to tell him to stay away from her. Elizabeth is taking an art class and asks Franco to pose for her, which is just a waste of all our time until they head to the bedroom.

Yeah, it sure looks like Charlotte needs protection from the scary man she just hugged and said she missed.

I need Jason and Curtis to work together. And then I need Curtis to join McCall & Jackal, P.I.

Olivia was the only person at Dante and Lulu's original wedding, so it would be nice for them to have a second one that everyone can attend.

Ugh, Franco and Elizabeth, please use protection.

November 8th, 2016

Brad ignores a hazardous-materials sign on Finn's lab and starts touching his stuff, because he's an idiot. Finn has isolated the pathogen that's killing him, but he's rationing his medication, which makes him shaky. Brad's annoyed that Finn is working with dangerous materials while unstable, and even more annoyed that he could be putting innocent lives in danger. He complains to Tracy, who sends Hayden to let Finn know what Brad's saying about him. She and her oozing paper cut also ignore the sign on the door, so now she's been exposed to the pathogen. Sam and Jason look up the numbers on Pete's phone, learning that he spoke to someone named Oscar Jessup around the time the bomb was probably planted. Jason finds the name familiar but can't place it. He wonders if Sonny's broker really did call off the hit, meaning the bomb was planted by another one of Julian's enemies. Alexis passes out drunk while watching Danny and baking cookies, then wakes up to a smoky kitchen and MIA grandchild. Franco and Elizabeth are on their way to the bedroom when she gets a call letting her know that Tom Baker, the man who raped her when she was a teenager, may be released from prison. Franco urges her to write a victim-impact statement to keep him behind bars, then offers her comfort when she breaks down. Diane tells Alexis that, thanks to a last-minute change Mikkos made to his will before he died, his whole inheritance goes to his oldest living male heir, meaning Valentin. Diane also threatens to do mean things to Julian, which is awesome. A GH board member expresses his displeasure with Hayden's new position at the hospital, leading Tracy to say nice things in her defense. The board member later tells Julian that things don't look good, so he could get his wish: to turn GH into luxury condos. Curtis tells Julian he's still working on the investigation and has gotten access to Pete's phone records. Julian's determined to put Sonny in jail, complaining that he's a killer, too, but no one keeps his grandkids from him. Curtis points out that, killer or not, Sonny's definitely suffered.

Well, I haven't gotten to say this for a while: Shut up, Brad.

On the plus side, now Finn has more motivation to find a cure. And he'll be worried about losing Hayden, and she'll probably realize that that means he really cares about her, and they can finally get together.

I can't do algebra anymore, but I remember the name of Elizabeth's rapist from almost 20 years ago. Welcome to my life.

Franco being involved in this plot is GROSS.

There goes my theory that Julian was going to swoop in and save the hospital.

November 9th, 2016

Finn panics over Hayden's exposure to the pathogen, desperate to keep her from dying like Reiko did. Hayden insists she's fine, heads home instead of getting admitted for observation, and promptly passes out. Griffin tells Carly that he was with Sonny the night Morgan died and thinks he called off the hit. Carly doesn't care, since Morgan's still dead. Sonny hints to Griffin that he has some sort of plan, asking Griffin to look after his family. Nathan gets a letter from Claudette, forwarded by her mother, confirming Charlotte's paternity. She also warns that if anything's happened to her, Valentin is to blame. Elsewhere, Valentin tells Nina that Charlotte is his daughter, insisting that he would never hurt her or Claudette. Nina says she still doesn't want to have anything to do with him, but he knows her weakness and starts talking about how Charlotte needs a mother. The only casualty at Alexis' house is a batch of cookies, so she lives to drink another day. Laura's upset to learn that Valentin gets everything, which means he didn't really need to kill Nikolas. Michael's still mad at himself for not being more helpful to Morgan. He and Nelle talk about crossing lines, which is meaningful to her, apparently because of the letter from her father. Griffin confides to Sonny that he's thinking about going back to the priesthood after all. Jax returns to town for the funeral and to give Carly and Josslyn support.

Hayden: "I'm not your wife." Me: "YET."

Nina, no! Don't fall for his Dracula charmTM!

Is Maxie trying to say that she'll go up against Valentin if necessary?

If Alexis is still going to drink after almost burning her house down, I'd say she's officially an alcoholic.

November 10th, 2016

Hayden insists she's fine, but she can’t keep up the façade for long. Since she didn't let Finn tend to her the previous night, she might have developed sepsis, so that's...not good. Brad complains to Elizabeth about Finn's mayhem in the lab and strange behavior. Elizabeth thinks he's an addict, so Brad tests the medication Finn's been taking. Obrecht overhears him telling Elizabeth it's an illegal opioid and thinks this is her way to finally get Finn fired. Nelle still thinks Sonny's leaving town, and Kristina starts to suspect the same thing when he talks like he's going away. He gives Nelle his goodbye letter to give Carly after Morgan's funeral, then takes a gun with him to the church. You know the Corinthoses are in crisis because Sonny and Jax don't say mean things about each other and even have a little hug. Alexis downplays the fire, but when Danny's story doesn't match hers, Sam questions whether she was drinking. Alexis blames her half-drunk bottle of wine on Laura and pretends she hasn't broken her promise. Franco's still jealous of Jason, this time because Elizabeth feels safer with him than with Franco. Obrecht encourages Franco to tell Elizabeth how that makes him feel, but why would he do that? He actually regrets making Sam believe he raped her, and since he can't take that back, he vows to protect Elizabeth from Tom, who's going to be paroled. Jax asks Nelle if she's remembered anything more about the donor surgery, but either she doesn't or she doesn't want to tell him what she remembers.

Enjoy Laura being nice to you now, Hayden, because it probably won't last.

Robin's still in town, right? Someone should introduce her to Finn. She'd probably cure him and Hayden in ten minutes and still make it to the funeral with plenty of time to spare.

Obrecht, please don't encourage Franco to talk more.

Jax and Sonny hugging means Hell froze over, yes?

November 11th, 2016

As Morgan's funeral begins, Jason and Max interrogate the broker who was supposed to call off the hit. He tells them he did, and besides, the contractor he was working with doesn't use bombs. Jason wants proof, but he's starting to think that Sonny didn't cause Morgan's death. At the church, Jax notices that Sonny has a gun with him, but Alexis points out that he takes it everywhere. Kristina's mad that Carly came to the funeral with Jax. In other news, Kristina needs to be quiet. After the service, Sonny announces that he knows of a way Morgan can have peace, then pulls out his gun. Finn revives Hayden after she stops breathing, then rushes her to the hospital, where Elizabeth helps him stabilize her. The board is discussing whether Finn should be banned from the lab, which means he won't be able to help Hayden (since he's the only person who knows enough about the pathogen). Tracy comes up with a plan to have Hayden taken to the mansion so Finn can treat her without anyone interfering. Jordan warns Curtis again that if he's investigating the bomb for Julian, he's interfering with police work. Curtis ignores her and tells Julian that Pete got a call from Jessup the night of the bomb. Julian claims not to recognize the name (though Curtis doesn't believe him) and tells Curtis to keep trying to get proof that Sonny was responsible. Kiki finally lets Dillon comfort her. Franco learns that Tom will be staying with his brother, then pretends to be from the parole board to get their address.

We've had to listen to mediocre acts at the Nurses' Ball when Eden McCoy has that nice voice?

I wish we'd seen Alice at the funeral. I always liked her and Morgan's friendship. Also, once again, Lucas misses a major family event.

What was the point of all the Davis women leaving before Sonny's big moment?

Molly's haircut: A+.

Back in town: Jax Jacks
Left town: Emma Drake (who we didn't even get to see!), Robin Scorpio
Reengaged: Dante and Lulu Falconeri
Sick: Hayden Barnes

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): There wasn't really anything funny going on this week
Funniest moment (unintentional): Same
Saddest moments: Elizabeth being upset about Tom's possible parole; the funeral, of course
Sweetest/cutest moments: Dante's proposal; Finn calling Tracy a good friend and hugging her
Least believable moment: People keep ignoring the sign on Finn's lab about hazardous material
Best instances of continuity: Lulu has a Maha Chang shirt; the details about Tom Baker; Michael didn't like it when Morgan called him "Mikey"
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Finn
Most annoying character: Brad
Smartest character: Kiki, for telling Ava to stay away from the funeral
Dumbest character: Brad, who thinks it's okay to just pick up beakers in a lab
Previously unanswered question now answered: Lucy took Morgan's medication after Ava threw it away.

The week in a nutshell:

November 14th, 2016

Sonny declares that he's the only one to blame for Morgan's death, and he's ready to go to jail. (The gun was just a prop/red herring.) Jordan doesn't want to arrest him on the day of his son's funeral, but she takes him to the PCPD to get his statement. She tries to talk Dante out of sitting in when Sonny makes his statement, not because it's a conflict of interest but because he shouldn't have to hear the details of his brother's death. Meanwhile, Jason sneaks in to see Sonny and try to tell him to keep quiet because Morgan's death wasn't his fault. Ava fills Scott in on what Lucy knows and asks him to get the pills from her so she has no proof that Ava did anything. Scott wants to know what's in it for him, so she promises him anything he wants. Later, after everyone else has left, Ava goes to the church to say goodbye to Morgan. Nina hangs out with Charlotte, which is convenient for when Valentin shows up to try to make nice with her again. Anna and Griffin are annoyed to find him there, but they officially don't have a leg to stand on: The DNA results are in, and they say Valentin is Charlotte's father. Valentin kicks Laura out of Wyndemere, so Kevin offers to let her move in with him. Laura should probably be more concerned with him not thinking that's a horrible idea. Carly's basically unmoved by Sonny's actions, and still angry with Andre, though she does want to talk to him about Morgan's medication. Nelle reads the letter Sonny wrote Carly, then reseals it. Bobbie asks Michael how he feels about Nelle, ending the conversation when he says she's great.

Sonny, don't say anything without Diane there, unless you want to get yelled at.

Why is it that Ava's life always seems to depend on an object she can't get her hands on?

A little tip, Scott: If you want to sleep with a woman, don't call her "pal."

Did Nelle reseal the envelope with holy water? I need to ask Griffin if that's a sin.

November 15th, 2016

Jason's news makes Sonny retract his confession and refuse to give Jordan and Dante his statement. Diane further delays things, then determines that, semantically speaking, Sonny didn't say anything incriminating at the church. Jordan and Dante are mad and arrest him anyway. Sonny's letter to Carly is about how his money should be distributed among his family, indicating that he planned to confess the whole time. Jason tells her that Sonny's innocent after all and encourages her to reach out to him while he's in lockup. Obrecht learns of Franco's plans and tries to talk him out of going after Tom. Franco swears her to secrecy and lies to Elizabeth about his destination before letting himself into the Bakers' house to confront Tom with a fireplace poker. Obrecht tells Elizabeth she's a horrible person but keeps Franco's secret. However, she drops the Bakers' address, and when Elizabeth looks it up, she realizes what her boyfriend's up to. Anna talks Valentin into leaving Charlotte with Griffin for now, then tells Griffin that if he wants to keep Charlotte, he'll have to be a better person than Valentin (not that that's a tough job). She points out that Griffin has a lot of support while Valentin has none. Little does she know that Valentin's definitely using Charlotte to keep Nina's attention, so he might end up with one supporter. Nelle thinks Michael should take care of himself instead of just taking care of his family.

Obrecht won a point with me today for telling Elizabeth how awful she is. She would have won another point if she'd told her what Franco was going to do.

Elizabeth: "I'm a horrible person? Where is this attitude coming from?" Me: "Facts in evidence."

Claudette's mother may not like Griffin but I bet if Nathan explained that Charlotte could go to a murderer, she'd join his team. (P.S. Why doesn't she step in and try to get custody?)

"Why is it your job to fix everything?" asks the woman who's spent the past month trying to fix everything.

November 16th, 2016

Franco squares off with Tom, psycho to psycho, fully ready to murder Tom to ensure he can never be a threat to Elizabeth again. Elizabeth panics about what Franco might be doing and decides to go over and stop him, even if it means she has to face Tom again. Finn sidetracks her by asking her to steal medical supplies for Hayden, who downplays her condition and makes Elizabeth wonder how serious things are. (To be fair, Hayden's surprisingly calm and has too much color for someone who might be on her deathbed.) Franco keeps Elizabeth away from the Bakers' house and promises her that Tom won't be a problem. Carly confirms with Sonny that he didn't cause Morgan's death, then asks what he plans to do to the person who's really responsible. Sonny pretty much says he'll kill him (without actually saying the words), so Carly's really done with him. Jax confesses to Alexis that he went through black-market channels to get Josslyn's kidney. There's more to the story but he keeps it to himself. The two of them have drinks at a roadhouse, and she stays behind on her own to get drunk without anyone seeing her. She's not alone for long, though – Tom would like to join her. Scott puts Operation Seduce Lucy and Get the Lithium into action, but she's a step ahead of him and knows exactly what he's up to. She threatens to tell Kiki what Ava's been hiding from her, but Scott asks her how she would feel if she were in the Jeromes' position with Serena. Then he suggests that they team up and blackmail Ava. Nelle and Michael play chess and bore me. Wary that things could turn more intimate than they should, Nelle slams on the brakes and says they can't get involved because if things didn't work out, her job with Carly would get awkward. Kiki's upset that Ava went to the church after the funeral. Ava's like, "I haven't made it about myself for two days, so I'm going to do some catching up now."

Don Harvey's resemblance to Mark Pellegrino really helps sell Tom's creepiness.

Hey, recycled Spencer house now serving as the Baker's house. How ya been?

Elizabeth's actually right about something – Hayden doesn't look like somoene who almost died just a few hour ago.

Dear baby Jesus, please don't have Alexis sleep with a rapist.

While we're coming up with reasons Michael and Nelle shouldn't get involved, here's one: Sabrina died exactly two months and two days ago.

November 17th, 2016

Alexis wakes up in a motel room across the street from the bar and worries she had a fling with Tom (it doesn't look like she did). Jax finds her and expresses concern for her behavior, guessing exactly what's going on with her. He threatens to call her daughters and get them involved, but she shuts him down by threatening to tell Carly and Josslyn what he admitted about the black-market kidney donation. Anna, Griffin, and Valentin attend a custody hearing where Anna and Griffin present tons of evidence that Valentin is a bad guy, and Valentin counters with, "She's my kid and I want her." Elizabeth's still upset with Franco for going after Tom and risking criminal charges. She also doesn't appreciate that he lied to her. They make up, and he reaffirms that Tom isn't going to be a problem for her. Sounds like he's wrong, since he wants to chat with her outside Kelly's. Bobbie catches Nelle taking money from Carly's purse and calls her out as a thief. Nelle and Carly explain that she was taking the money to deposit it in the bank, as per Carly's instructions. Bobbie still thinks Nelle is shady, which she is. But Carly's on board if Michael and Nelle want to become friends or, you know, more.

Natasha, no! We do not blackmail our ex-husbands when they're trying to help us!

I don't know how old Charlotte's supposed to be, but I think she's old enough to have said something about Valentin when Claudette told her two other men were her father. Like, she's old enough to know that "papa" means "father."

I'm not proud to admit this, but Valentin and Charlotte speaking French to each other was pretty cute. (Sorry, Griffin.)

So now Elizabeth wants to practice total honesty with someone. INTERESTING.

November 18th, 2016

Sonny's ready to plead guilty and accept his punishment, even after Jason confirms that the bomb wasn't placed by his broker. He asks if Sonny knew an Oscar Jessup, which Sonny recalls is the name of a contractor the Jeromes worked with decades ago. Just before Sonny's arraignment, Diane says she's ready to defend him, thinking he's not interested, but now Sonny wants real justice. Julian tells Curtis that since Sonny's going to jail, his services won't be needed anymore. Not that Curtis has made much progress in the investigation, as he's stalled at Jessup's name. Then Jason and Sam stall as well when Spinelli tells them that Jessup died in 1990. The truth is that Jessup is alive and has been pulling Julian's strings for months. Elizabeth's reaction to Tom's release inspires Franco to give Sam a genuine apology for making her think he raped her. She's not interested in forgiveness or easing his conscience, and in fact thinks he's just trying to get in her head and lull her into a false sense of security. She tells him he's still sick, tumor or no tumor, and will never be able to change. Elizabeth hates the idea that Tom is free and lives in her hometown, but she doesn't want Franco to do anything that might land him in jail. Franco ignores her, remembering what Sam said about him being sick, and arranges to do some stalking. Griffin thinks Valentin did something to Claudette, which makes him angry enough to throw a punch. The judge sees, but it ends up not hurting Griffin's case, since the judge has already decided to give custody of Charlotte to Valentin. As he's making his triumphant exit, Valentin gets under Anna's skin by saying "open your eyes" to her in Latin, which I guess means something to her. Josslyn convinces Jax to stay in town a little while longer, then tries to play matchmaker for her parents. Carly seems to think that reuniting wouldn't be such a bad idea, and there's kissing.

So here's how they can attempt to redeem Julian: Jessup threatened to hurt his family, so Julian made Alexis think he wanted to kill her so she would stay away from him. Every bad thing Julian's done in the past year has been on Jessup's orders.

Crossing my fingers that Curtis teams up with Sam and Jason...

I was actually hoping that Franco would give Sam a sincere apology as a result of this plot, but I also love the way she responded. Rock on, Sam.

Elizabeth, how many chances are you going to give Franco? Can you at least ballpark it for us?

Ugh, no. I can't stand Jax and Carly together.

Carly's going to arrange to get shared custody of Avery? Ha! Ava will never let that happen.

Arrested: Sonny Corinthos

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Charlotte to Valentin: "I want to play a game." Nina: "She's asking the right person"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Griffin saying goodbye to Charlotte
Sweetest/cutest moment: Valentin and Charlotte speaking French to each other
Least believable moment: No lawyers at Charlotte's custody hearing
Best instance of continuity: Scott and apples
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Jason, I guess
Most annoying character: Franco
Smartest character: Lucy
Dumbest character: Franco

The week in a nutshell:

November 21st, 2016

Sonny pleads not guilty and is allowed to go home on house arrest. Now that he knows Sonny didn't cause Morgan's death, Michael is back on his side. Jordan removes Dante from the case, but at least she listens when he notes that they need to pursue every angle of the investigation because Sonny might not actually be guilty. In other news, Diane is awesome and should have no problem getting Sonny out of this mess. Carly's totally ready to tear off Jax's clothes, but he stops things before they can go too far, knowing that hooking up while she's still married to Sonny would be a huge mistake. Carly's embarrassed by her behavior but promises to keep her hands to herself while Jax is in town. Nelle chats with Kiki about the Sonny/Carly/Jax love triangle, wondering if Carly and Jax might ever get back together. She's thrilled, for some reason, to overhear them talking about their kiss. Hayden's over the sepsis, and Finn tells her the antibiotics that took care of it might have also wiped out the pathogen. She believes him, though she admits to Curtis that she's still scared. Tracy privately calls Finn out for lying even as he says it's possible Hayden's okay now. (She's totally not.) Finn beats Tracy at backgammon and wins a favor, which he uses to ask her to invite Hayden to stay at the Quartermaines' for a while. Also, Finn sees Hayden in a towel and almost loses the power of speech. Sam and Jason try to find out who paid the bill on the number that called Pete, but they hit a dead end. They realize they might be able to get security footage from a business near the Floating Rib, which is Curtis' cue to announce that he's gotten footage from a mini-mart across the street. Unfortunately, there's a van blocking the bar, so they can't see anything. Fortunately, the investigators are now working together, and they have a new lead, believing the van was parked there on purpose.

Now that everyone's made a big deal about house arrest and the ankle monitor, how long until Sonny takes it off or leaves the house?

I have to laugh when people ask if Diane can get them out of legal trouble. She got Jason acquitted for Alcazar's murder when he was guilty. Don't worry.

Michael, please don't dress like Jason. You can't pull off that look.

Drink every time Nelle interrupts someone and then apologizes for interrupting.

If I didn't want Hayden with Finn, I would definitely want her with Curtis.

Tracy: "It's only my house." Finn: "Does Monica know that?" 10,000 points to Finn.

Jason and Curtis are working together! It's a Thanksgiving miracle!

November 22nd, 2016

Alexis spends all of Thanksgiving thinking about alcohol, then comes up with an excuse to leave so she can get a drink at the roadhouse. She runs into Julian, which is bad for a number of reasons. Jordan and Andre are invited to the Davis women's Thanksgiving, and T.J. brings Curtis, so the tension in the house is pretty thick. Jordan complains that Curtis didn't call her after Pete's death, and he says he did, but Andre answered and told him to leave her alone. Lucy thinks Scott is going to double-cross her (which is exactly his plan), so she leaves the pill bottle in a safe while having sex with him. He manages to guess the code after she leaves and swaps the fake pills for real lithium. Dillon pretends he has to work so he can avoid his family, and since Kiki really is working, she runs into him. He shares with her the first turkey a Quartermaine has eaten in 22 years, in the form of a turkey burger. Julian's moving forward with the hospital/condo thing, but it looks like it's on Jessup's orders.

Alexis needs to learn how to tell an un-unravelable lie.

Another example of how nice T.J. is: He's been dating Molly for years and still calls her mother "Ms. Davis."

If Danny and Jake had gone to the Davises' Thanksgiving, they would have shown better behavior than Curtis and Andre.

Lucy, if you took Scott to the Scorpios', I'm pretty sure Mac would kick him out.

November 23rd, 2016

Julian threatens to call Sam and tattle on Alexis for drinking too much. Alexis plays on his sympathy to get him to back down, and it seems like they might connect, but he ruins it by offering to give her some support. She tells him she'd rather die, then tries to leave. Julian runs after her to stop her from driving and is repaid when, too drunk to realize she's not in reverse, she runs him over. Olivia thinks Carly should forgive Sonny because the fact that he didn't cause Morgan's death means he really did try to change for her. Sonny calls Carly, who doesn't realize her phone's ringing. Nelle sees and immediately runs to Sonny to announce that Jax is spending Thanksgiving with Carly. Sonny intimidates her into announcing that she saw them kissing. Dante and Lulu surprise their friends and family with a Thanksgiving wedding at home. Tracy holds Ned, Dillon, and Monica's prized possessions hostage so they're forced to spend Thanksgiving as a family. They're about to sit down to a turkey dinner for the first time in years when Monica realizes that the turkey has been marinated not in brine but in bacteria, thanks to Finn. Once again, pizza is ordered, but at least everyone's happy. Laura visits Sonny, who's spending Thanksgiving alone, to commiserate over having lost children. She assures him that his family will rally around him soon and encourages him to let them.

Julian really is delusional if he thinks Sam would even take his call.

Good, they got a new Rocco. The last one was, to quote someone on Tumblr, a potato.

Hey, does Leo still exist? Did he ever exist? Did I just imagine him?

I'm impressed that Finn was able to ruin the Quartermaines' Thanksgiving without even being there. I'm also mad that FINN WASN'T THERE. I was so looking forward to that.

Sonny, re: Spencer: "He says he's going to be president of his class."
Me: "Sounds about right."
Laura: "It's a position he created."
Me: "Also sounds about right."

Remarried: Dante and Lulu Falconeri

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Tracy: "It's only my house." Finn: "Does Monica know that?"; Finn getting awkward around half-naked Hayden
Funniest moment (unintentional): Scott giving Avery a throwaway "hiya, kid"
Saddest moment: All the Morgan stuff is still sad
Sweetest/cutest moments: Curtis encouraging Hayden; AVERY
Least believable moment: Michael, Jason, Jake, and Danny didn't even stop by the Quartermaines' for a few minutes
Best instances of continuity: Dillon and Paul ruined the last Quartermaine Thanksgiving; Michael got pies from the Eckerts' bakery
Worst instance of continuity: Jax said Thanksgiving wasn't on anyone's radar two days after he, Carly, and Josslyn talked about it
Hero of the week: Monica
Most annoying character: Nelle
Smartest character: Jason, for agreeing to work with Curtis
Dumbest character: The Quartermaines' cook

The week in a nutshell:

November 28th, 2016

Alexis tries to help Julian but bolts before anyone can see her at the scene. His situation is deemed a hit-and-run, and when he wakes up in the hospital, he doesn't remember what happened. Ava figures that Sonny just came after him again. Thinking he might die, Julian starts to tell her that when he rejoined the business, it wasn't just to protect her. Jax stops by Alexis' house and she tells him she may have accidentally killed her husband. He tells her she needs to use this as her rock bottom and go to rehab. Alexis says she will, but she still doesn't want him to tell anyone what's going on with her. Nelle implies to Sonny that Carly and Jax are sleeping together, then drugs his drink. She strips him, puts him in bed, and strips herself to join him. Josslyn really wants Jax to stick around, but Jane's suddenly deathly ill, so he has to go back to Australia. Carly discovers that Sonny called her and tells Josslyn that she's starting to see things from his perspective – he lost a child, too, and is hurting as much as she is. Jordan confronts Andre for not telling her Curtis called, and he insists that he kept it from her because he didn't want more conflict. Jordan is rightfully upset that he's policing her life. The Sam/Jason/Curtis trio does more digging into the van that blocked the security camera and discovers that it belonged to a nonexistent company. In other Morgan family news, Sam admits to Jason that she thinks Alexis lied about where she went after dinner, but then again, she doesn't think Alexis would do anything to jeopardize possibly getting her career back. Valerie is definitely not interested in reconciling with Curtis.

Alexis to Julian: "Don't die on me." Me: "Eh, do what you gotta do."

Interesting that Julian asked Ava to call his kids but not Alexis.

Nelle...what? Just...what the $%&#?

Rats, the angel on Alexis' shoulder is leaving the country.

I can't believe I'm saying this but Jordan and Andre need to break up. I also can't believe that Jordan and Curtis didn't end up in bed together today.

November 29th, 2016

Nelle tells Sonny they slept together and begs him not to tell Carly, which Sonny thinks is a good idea. Then Carly comes over to make up with Sonny, promising that she's not going to punish him anymore (at least not for this). Sonny keeps his mouth shut about his activities the previous night, and seems to be in the clear until Carly notices two glasses on the coffee table. Jordan asks Julian about the hit-and-run, which he still claims he doesn't remember. She tells Alexis what happened, prompting Molly to wish the hit-and-runner had finished Julian off. Alexis is super-relieved that she didn't, but has something new to worry about when Julian calls to ask her to visit, since he figures she owes him a favor. Finn finally tells Hayden that she's sick with the same thing that's killing him. She takes it well, thanks to denial, but ends up breaking down and seeking comfort from Elizabeth. Even though he no longer has a lab, Finn vows to find a cure. Obrecht tries to convince Franco to stop obsessing over Tom, though her advice to wait until he makes a move is probably a bad idea, considering that move would probably be rape. Franco freaks out when the tracker he placed on Tom shows that he's heading toward the hospital. Bobbie is back on staff at GH, if anyone cares.

I kind of want Sonny to say the second glass was Laura's, since she stopped by the day before. It would be the second time this month that someone has attributed a drink to her. least Julian probably won't send Alexis to jail, right?

Franco ate – drink!

Yeah, I bet Obrecht watches Doctor Who. Wait, is she a Cyberman? That would explain a lot.

November 30th, 2016

Sonny first tells Carly that the second glass was Max's, then Laura's. She admits that she kissed Jax but stopped things before they could go too far. He keeps quiet about what happened with Nelle, but after Carly leaves, Nelle says they should tell her after all. Sonny says it's never going to happen again and she's not going to find out. Of course, this is a soap, and she definitely will, especially since Nelle recorded their conversation. Franco tries to get Elizabeth to leave town so Tom can't get anywhere near her. Once he tells her his reason, she agrees to leave with him, but she runs into Tom before they can go. Tom's been hired to help with some refurbishing at the hospital, so he and Elizabeth are going to be working in the same building. Elizabeth tries to keep the peace, but things soon turn violent between the two men. Valentin tells Nina all about his pathetic childhood – Mikkos sent him to boarding school in England when he was six and he was never allowed back home. Nina can relate to feeling out of place, and is charmed enough to not stop him when he makes out with her. Claudette calls Maxie and Nathan's apartment, but Maxie doesn't know where she is or who she's with. When Nathan gets home, they get distracted by talk of wedding gifts and then just have sex and forget all about the missing woman who might be in danger. Griffin asks Anna about what Valentin said at the end of the custody hearing. She reveals that he recited the WSB's secret motto, but she doesn't think he was an agent. Dillon wants to go on a road trip with Kiki and try to snap her out of feeling bad for what happened with Morgan. Things are awkward when Carly sees them together, and Kiki decides the best way to defuse the situation is to quit her job. Carly seems to be past her anger at Kiki, but she agrees that they should keep some distance between them.

People are going to start thinking Laura's an alcoholic.

Franco, Sam Winchester called. He wants you to cut your hair.

Hearing Nathan speak French almost makes up for his new beard. Almost.

Anna realizes that Valentin could have been an agent and used a different name, right?

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