General Hospital blog - October, 2015

October 1st, 2015

The good news is that Sonny makes it through surgery. The bad news is that he could have "catastrophic" damage. The worse news is that the Corinthoses give up Avery without a fight. Anna asks Sam to help her look into Sonny's shooting, since she has reason to believe Carlos wasn't responsible. Sam agrees to team up because she's no idiot. Anna also basically gives Patrick and Sam her blessing. Paul tries to get some information about Anna out of Nathan, but ends up learning more about Nathan himself – namely, that Nathan doesn't believe Ava's claim that Carlos shot Sonny. Paul then tells Ava that they need to move quickly to wrap up the investigation before anyone picks apart her story. Maxie realizes that Dillon wants Lulu and advises him to transfer his affections to someone else. Nathan gives Valerie the same advice, leading Valerie to decide to step things up with Dillon. Lulu remains in the dark about everything Dante/Valerie.

"She's a murderer," says the guy who came within an inch of killing someone just days ago.

Jeez, Ava, how many teddy bears did you buy?

Interesting that Nathan trusts Anna and Dante to have his back, but not Jordan.

Weird but cool: Sam working with her boyfriend's ex-wife's mother. Weird and not cool: the eventuality of Sam working with her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife's mother.

Proof that Maxie has matured: She won't get involved in the potential Dillon/Lulu mess.

When does Patrick sleep? Sam, leave him alone.

October 2nd, 2015

Sam agrees to marry Patrick, so let's start a four-week countdown on their happiness. Oh, and then Laura shows up. Valerie admits to Dillon that she's been using him to distract herself. He admits that he's using her for the same reason, and they commiserate over having feelings for a married couple. Dillon figures out that Valerie slept with Dante but assures her that he won't tell anyone. Little does he know that his annoying intern Andy's video camera was on while they were talking. Franco and Nina check on Kiki, who claims to have a job and be doing great, when in reality she's been spending her days drinking at the Floating Rib. Also, Nina and Franco want to move in together. Maxie and Nathan confess to keeping secrets from each other about other people. Lulu becomes a better wife with every passing day, which just makes Dante look like a worse person.

I don't think I've ever said this about any of Sam's clothes before, but I really liked her dress today.

Valerie asking Dillon who he's "jonesing" for would have been funny if he were in love with Maxie.

Me: "Why do I get the idea that Andy was recording Dillon and Valerie's conversation?" (ten seconds later) "Oh, that's why."

Call me crazy, but maybe Nina and Franco could buy Silas' apartment? I thought that was where that was going.

Back in town: Laura Spencer
Engaged (not legal): Patrick Drake and Sam Morgan
Presumed dead: Kyle Sloane

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Patrick: (to Sonny) "You're supposed to be avoiding stress." Carly: "Are you saying marrying me is stressful?"; the way Dillon said "okay" after Maxie made it clear she'll never have sex with him
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: I can't choose
Sweetest/cutest moment: If I liked Sam and Patrick together, I'd put all of Friday's episode here, but I don't, so Avery wins again
Least believable moment: People kept leaving the hospital instead of hanging around to make sure Sonny hasn't kicked yet
Best instance of continuity: Cheesy puffs on the scene when Sam accepted Patrick's proposal
Worst instance of continuity: "Anna stopped by last night." No, sweetie, she left, like, ten minutes ago
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Andy
Smartest characters: Ava, Mrs. Yi
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

October 5th, 2015

Once she learns that Sam and Patrick are engaged and super-happy, Laura decides not to say anything about Jason. Emma wants to write a school report about how awesome her grandmother is, which makes Anna feel guilty. Sabrina asks Anna if she should tell the police that shooting Sonny isn't Carlos' style. Anna cautions her to stay out of it in case the police ever suspect her of aiding and abetting her ex. Hayden reads up on her shooting, wondering if the bullet was really meant for Jason, as reported, or if someone was after her. Nikolas: "How could you think I would try to have you killed?" Hayden: "I...didn't say that, you weirdo." She then calls Elizabeth to ask why she broke the vase, but Nikolas intercepts the call and hangs up. Hayden calls Nikolas on being controlling and always either deflecting or flirting to change the subject. Nikolas: "If I kiss her, she shuts up." Laura, catching them making out: "Why is everyone in this town suddenly crazy?" Franco and Nina find Kiki drinking, and Franco saves her from an overly amorous beau. Kiki laments how alone she feels and how horribly her life has turned out, so Franco suggests that he and Nina move in with her. Nina agrees with me that that's a horrible idea. Tracy and Sabrina both want Michael to stay out of mob stuff, though Tracy's a lot meaner about it. Sabrina tells Michael that she doubts Carlos' guilt, but he thinks that's just what she wants to believe. Later, Tracy overhears Paul on the phone, saying he can't be tied to something. Jason tells Elizabeth about his encounter with Sam at the restaurant, her admission that she thought Jason was still alive, and her acceptance that he's not. When Hayden calls, Elizabeth says she's someone from work, but Jason's suspicious because she seems rattled. As soon as he gets the chance, he checks her phone to see who really called.

Why did Laura tell Patrick that she has a condition that needs monitoring? He knows. He used to be her doctor. He's the reason she's not catatonic anymore!

Hayden, someone who polices your Internet use and phone conversations is an abuser. GET OUT NOW. P.S. You're not such a good guy right now either, Jason.

Here's irony: Franco the alleged rapist preventing a rape.

I loved the little Emma/Sabrina moments. They were a nice reminder that they used to be close.

October 6th, 2015

Nikolas and Hayden fill Laura in on developments like Hayden's amnesia and residence at Wyndemere. Once they're alone, Laura asks Nikolas what he's up to. He admits to having feelings for Hayden, so Laura asks how he plans to have a relationship with the woman he tried to have killed. Sonny's awake and mentally fine, but paralyzed. He sets a world record leaping to the inevitable pushing-away-of-the-significant-other-so-she-doesn't-have-to-deal-with-him-like-that plot, as if Carly will ever go along with that. Jason asks Sam to help him ID Elizabeth's mystery caller. When the number turns up as Wyndemere's landline, Jason figures that the call came from Hayden. Franco tries to smooth things out between Kiki and Nina, though not to the point where the two actually want to live with each other. Kiki heads back to the Floating Rib, where she encounters and attempts to ignore Ava. Meanwhile, Franco convinces Nina that they should be Kiki's new family (and hey, if it makes Ava mad, that's just a bonus). Paul and Tracy are boring, and apparently she thinks he'll be able to convince Michael not to do anything mobby?

It's been so long since the show has done a paralysis storyline that I can't remember who the last victim was.

Can't wait till Elizabeth gets self-righteous about Jason not trusting her.

You're telling me that Ava and Julian a) voluntarily spend time at the Floating Rib and b) think it's an appropriate place to take a baby?

I'm with Franco – Kiki should live with him and Nina just to make Ava mad.

Heh, Nina keeps stepping over the spot where Silas died. (Okay, I guess it's not really funny.) She should put a rug there.

October 7th, 2015

Hayden overhears Nikolas pretty much admitting to Laura that he tried to have her killed, as well as stating outright that Jake is Jason. Meanwhile, Elizabeth tells Jason that Hayden wanted to know why she broke the vase, leading him to go to Wyndemere and tell Hayden to leave Elizabeth alone. When Laura learns that Jason and Elizabeth are getting married, she tells him it would be better if he knew who he was first. Jason isn't happy with her interference, but it has the intended effect: He asks Sam to help him find out who he is. Sonny tells Carly he won't marry her as long as he doesn't know how/if he'll recover. At first Carly doesn't want Michael and Morgan to tell Sonny about Ava getting custody about Avery, or about Michael going to the mob meeting. By the time Carly changes her mind and starts to tell him about Avery, he already knows. Ava has rushed Avery to the hospital, worried that she's sick when she just has eczema. Elizabeth is nice to her partly because it's her job and partly because she can relate to going to extremes to get what you want and worrying that you'll lose it. Sonny warns Ava that he'll keep custody of his daughter, and she should watch her back. Then he tells Carly that he's realized how important family is, so he'll marry her after all. Emma talks to Sam and Anna about Robin (whose birthday is coming up), and how weird it will be to have two mothers. She's also concerned that something will prevent Patrick from marrying Sam, just like something prevented Patrick from marrying Sabrina – namely, that Jason will come back and Patrick will get hurt. Sam eases her fears, which is just going to make things worse for Emma in a month. Felix thinks Sabrina's pregnant, which she probably is, because this show loves to write in actress' pregnancies. Sam wonders why Anna wants to exonerate Carlos for Sonny's shooting.

It's a Wednesday in October, the new writers have been in charge for two days, and look at everything that happened in this episode. I no longer dread having to wait 30 days for anything awesome to happen.

I read that Sam was going to ask Spinelli for help with an investigation, and now that we know what she'll be taking on, I'm crossing my fingers that Spinelli puts everything together.

Does Hayden even know who Jason is? That would be a funny development.

Also, +1,000 points to Hayden for "someday I'm going to make it up to you."

Hey, Laura, back off of Jason. He hasn't done anything wrong.

That was exactly the opposite of how I expected Sonny to react to Carly not telling him about Avery. Thank you, writers.

They probably shouldn't put Maura West in clothes that zip up. Avery almost made her have a wardrobe malfunction.

Speaking of Avery, I would watch an hour of her saying hi to people.

I want a big "I told you so" from Emma when this all comes out. I also need her to take out the knife that keeps getting jammed into my heart when she talks about how happy her family is.

Yeah, Sabrina doesn't need to take a test. She's definitely pregnant. You're a Corinthos after all, Michael! And I finally get my wish for Carly to become a grandmother.

This show needs more Felix.

October 8th, 2015

Sabrina buys a pregnancy test, but she and Valerie accidentally swap bags, and Sabrina ends up with a box of candy instead. Nathan finds the test and jumps to the conclusion that Dante got Valerie pregnant. He shares the news with Dante, who's confronting Valerie when Dillon arrives and sees the test. Meanwhile, Sabrina takes half a dozen of them, and they're all positive. Lulu accidentally interrupts Dillon and Maxie while they're shooting an important scene, and Dillon goes off on her. He tells Paul he's just mad because Nathan's being a macho jerk, then asks for advice on how to handle being in love with someone he can't have. He decides to keep his mouth shut, but it's too late – Maxie has already told Lulu that Dillon's in love with her. Olivia brings Leo to Port Charles and tells Dante that she's thinking of telling Julian he's alive. Dante still doesn't believe Julian's claims that he's out of the business and warns his mother not to do anything rash. But since Julian and Olivia are both staying at the Metro Court, it's only a matter of time before they cross paths. Paul figures out that Tracy has an ulterior motive for wanting Michael not to join Sonny in the mob. She points out that the two of them working together could lead to Sonny getting involved in ELQ. At Tracy's request, Paul talks to Michael about his future plans, but Michael easily realizes that Tracy put him up to it and tells her to stay out of his business. Julian and Alexis have a great day: He gives her a family photo album, she asks him to live with her, and Paul drops the charges against him.

It would have been funny if Dante had seen the pregnancy test on Nathan's desk and thought it was Maxie's.

Epiphany, please turn up and teach Sabrina about birth control.

Does this mean Valerie ISN'T pregnant? Or are we just going to long way around for the same destination?

"Same Rivera Twice." And the headline writer is back in the game.

Yay, we finally got to see Leo! And he's a cutie! By the way, with the addition of Sabrina and Michael's baby, we'll have six kids on the show who are three and under (the others being Danny, Rocco, Avery, Leo, Georgie). I think we can put the brakes on anyone else having kids for a while. Sorry, Dante and Lulu.

Nathan, I love you, but shut up about Dillon.

So are we pretending that Kristina went back to school? Because no one's talking about her. (As usual.)

October 9th, 2015

With few leads to start with in discovering Jason's real identity, he and Sam decide Hayden is the place to start. They still think Nikolas is the person she mentioned also knowing the truth, so they break into Wyndemere to look at his computer. This involves climbing the house and other spy techniques. While Valerie assures Dante that she's not pregnant, Dillon basically tells Lulu to ditch her husband and get back together with him. Just when Dante and Nathan have calmed down about a possible pregnancy, Maxie finds the test. Laura bugs Elizabeth again about coming clean, but Elizabeth still won't budge. Then they discuss Jake, who won't talk much about his time with Helena and may have gotten in a fight. Also, he's a little eavesdropper and may know that "Jake" is Jason. Olivia quickly spins a lie, telling Julian that she adopted the baby ("Mateo"). There's a hiccup in the form of a blanket with Leo's name on it, but Olivia gets around that and successfully convinces Julian that the baby isn't Leo. Hayden makes a play for Nikolas and spends a bunch of money on clothes, somehow considering this payback.

"What did you do today?" "Operated on a man with a spinal injury. You?" "I free-climbed Wyndemere. Thai food for dinner?"

As a detective, Nathan needs to work on not automatically assuming things. Valerie could have been pregnant with Dillon's baby. In addition, Valerie needs to work on deductive reasoning. What does she think happened with the candy and the test?

With all this overhearing going on, Jason and Sam are going to be the last people to find out who he is; everyone else will already know.

For someone who's usually really moral, Olivia's a pretty good liar.

Back in town: Leo (AKA Mateo) Falconeri
Pregnant: Sabrina Santiago

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): There wasn't a lot of humor this week
Funniest moment (unintentional): Elizabeth saying that she and Jason should pick up the kids "at some point." Nah, just let them roam in the wild and fend for themselves
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Emma saying, "Roger that"
Least believable moment: Wyndemere is scalable
Best instance of continuity: I think someone's used that password-cracking flash drive before
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Nathan
Smartest character: Olivia, for coming up with a story about the baby on the fly, but...
Dumbest character: Olivia, for not having a story ready to go

The week in a nutshell:

October 12th, 2015

Sam and Jason are trapped on a parapet while Hayden and Nikolas start to go at it, then stop because she remembered another time he threatened her. The spies accidentally sacrifice a gargoyle in their attempt to escape, then get slowed when Sam hurts her ankle. Ultimately, they're able to get out without being detected, and Hayden uses the distraction of the gargoyle to put on the brakes and frustrate Nikolas. Ava bugs Morgan to try to help her win Kiki over, something he's not the least bit interested in doing. Seeing Ava at the Floating Rib again just makes Kiki's already-bad day even worse. It continues to go downhill when she breaks a bottle, accidentally cutting the bartender, who has her arrested. Morgan's like, "Aren't I supposed to be the wreck right now?" Nina and Kiki's new living situation is clearly a bad idea, as they're already fighting 30 seconds in. Kiki objects to Nina wanting to redecorate, and Nina objects to Franco always siding with Kiki. Franco smoothes things over with Nina and they move on to the topic of sleeping arrangements. She admits that she's only ever had sex with one person, so she's nervous that she won't live up to Franco's expectations. Franco's more surprised that she never had sex with her common-law husband. Dillon kisses Lulu, who makes it crystal clear that she's happy with her husband, so Dillon needs to back off. Dillon catches up with Valerie, who's moping because Jordan flipped out about her pregnancy scare and is annoyed with her employees acting like teenagers. Lulu immediately tells Dante what happened with Dillon, because she's a good wife.

RIP, Goliath. You were a casualty in a noble search for truth. Your death will not be in vain. Also, I'm not at all surprised that Spencer had a favorite gargoyle.

So for that month-or-so-long stretch there after Nina and Ric split up, she and Franco were...doing what, instead of having sex or talking about having sex?

Looks like we dodged a bullet with Valerie getting pregnant. Let's celebrate! Drinks are on Kiki!

Poor Jordan. She signed on to be the police commissioner, not a camp counselor.

October 13th, 2015

Sonny and Carly are determined to get married at City Hall, but Lucas refuses to let Sonny leave the hospital. When Sonny threatens to go anyway, Carly tells him she won't go with him. For once in his life, Sonny backs down, arranging for them to get married in the hospital chapel. Sabrina tries to get in touch with Carlos, then confides her pregnancy to Felix. Sabrina's hesitant to tell Michael because she's worried that she'll lose the baby like she lost Gabriel. While Olivia tells Dante that she's worked out a way for Leo to stay in Port Charles, Julian and Alexis discuss the possibility of adopting a child together. He tells her about Olivia's supposed adoption, which Alexis finds very convenient. Later, Alexis questions Olivia about the adoption but doesn't trip her up. However, Olivia leaves behind Leo's pacifier, the perfect thing for Alexis to use for a DNA test. Kiki spends some time in PCPD lockup, facing ridiculous assault charges from the bitter bartender. Franco's no help, harassing Nathan and making Kiki act even brattier. Nina finally resolves the situation by paying the bartender to drop the charges. Yet Kiki's still not happy and sneaks a drink from a hidden vodka stash. Michael and Morgan want to keep Sonny in the dark about their mob dealings, but Max ruins that plan by spilling everything. After they tell him everything they've been keeping from him, he orders them never to get involved again.

I was wondering why Carly and Sonny had to leave the hospital to get married when there was a chapel right there. Also, I like that he included Felix in the plan – it's a nice reminder that Carly and Felix are friends. Also also, it looks like Kristina's there in the previews, so she hasn't been completely forgotten once again.

So, like, Carlos' cell phone is still in service? Did Sloane take it? Is Paul listening to his messages and wondering why Sabrina keeps calling?

I know it's most likely a complete coincidence, but I think Leo looks like the original baby Danny, which is a nice touch since they're uncle and nephew.

Hey, Kiki, you can't rag on Franco for being an "unemployed sad sack" living off of Nina's money when you're an unemployed sad sack living off of Silas' money.

If Franco were smarter, he might realize it's a bad idea to antagonize a) the cop you're trying to get to help you, who happens to be b) your girlfriend's sort-of brother. However, I got an answer to my question about whether or not Nina knows that her boyfriend slept with her sort-of brother's girlfriend.

October 14th, 2015

Sonny and Carly finally get married. Bobbie thinks the wedding is an appropriate place to lecture Sonny on having a dangerous job. Just as Paul tells Ava that he's about to shift the police's focus to Anna, Maxie and Dillon spot a faceless decomposed dead body in the harbor. The body is quickly ID'd as Carlos', which makes Carly wonder if Morgan killed him. (Sonny, for his part, doesn't think so.) Paul bugs Ava to launder money for him, which she tries to get out of by whining about Avery's custody case. After she guilts him about losing time with his own child, Paul allows her some leeway so she can focus on personal issues. Anna then confronts Ava for lying about Carlos being the shooter, though she obviously can't reveal how she knows for sure that he's innocent. Valerie yells at Nathan for causing the misunderstanding with the pregnancy test. Later, she yells at Maxie for thinking she and Dillon are having sex and that she might be pregnant. Valerie needs to calm down.

I guess Valerie, T.J., and Molly weren't invited to the wedding this time. And Sonny put Felix to work and then didn't let him come!

Kristina, that dress is NOT appropriate for a wedding. But I'm glad you're here, so I'll let you off with a warning.

Someone should tell Jax that he sent the wrong kid back from Australia. And someone should tell Josslyn that Sonny's her stepfather, not her uncle.

Okay, does bringing in Carlos' body help Paul? It's going to become clear that he's been dead for a while and therefore couldn't have shot Sonny, right? Won't this just put Ava back in the limelight?

The PCPD needs to teach tact. Sabrina was RIGHT THERE, Dante. Maybe be a little gentler the next time you announce a guy's death in front of his ex-girlfriend.

Hey, Dr. Lee still exists! She was cool.

October 15th, 2015

Nikolas' hard drive is encrypted, so Sam summons everyone's favorite computer genius for help. Hayden has an appointment with Patrick, who tells her that she's physically fine, so her amnesia must be due to psychological trauma. He suggests that she see Kevin and possibly get hypnotized. Hayden's hesitant, which makes Elizabeth think that she's faking her memory loss. Nikolas admits to Lulu that he likes amnesiac Hayden better than pre-shooting Hayden, so he kind of doesn't want her to recover. He also promises that if she ever makes a move that could hurt someone he loves, he'll take her down. Dante confronts Dillon over kissing Lulu, so Dillon throws his affair back in his face. He'll still keep quiet so he doesn't hurt Lulu or make Valerie a pariah, but he's not happy about it. Lulu can carry a baby, which means she's happy, which means when Dante's affair inevitably comes out, it'll be even more devastating. Maxie tells Nathan that Dillon's in love with Lulu, then bugs him to tell the secret she knows he's keeping. Nathan manages to talk her down by reminding her that it doesn't directly affect them.

Hey, it's the Jackal! I didn't think he would be on until at least next week. This is happening, people!

But his next stop needs to be Maxie's so she can find him some better clothes.

Now I'm wondering how much memory loss Hayden really does have. Maybe she remembers stuff from before she came to Port Charles, but really doesn't remember all the Jason stuff? But at this point, they need to address the fact that she knows who "Jake" is. I think it would be a great development if she told Patrick, who wouldn't be able to say anything because of doctor/patient confidentiality.

"Now that Carlos has turned up, I don't have to work as much!" Okay, but...shouldn't the police be trying to find out who killed him?

October 16th, 2015

Spinelli discovers that Nikolas has Jason's DNA tested back in February, and though he's hesitant to break the law and hack into the testing lab's database, Sam talks him into it. While Sam and Spinelli talk about Jason on the docks (specifically, how she can still feel him, and how similar "Jake" is to him), Jason asks Nikolas straight out to tell him who he is. Nikolas offers Hayden a job, and the second she gets a chance, she calls someone to report, "I'm in." Somehow Carlos' time of death has been placed in the past two weeks, which takes the focus off of Anna and puts it on the Corinthoses. Jordan and Paul try to get information out of Michael, which is pointless because two of the men who raised him are Sonny and Jason, AKA the two people least likely to ever talk to a police officer without a lawyer around. Tracy figures out that Sabrina's pregnant and tries to ease her mind about anything going wrong. At her urging, Sabrina finally tells Michael about the baby. Hayden sticks to her total-amnesia story, leading Elizabeth to complain to Patrick that she might know "Jake"'s real identity but is keeping it secret to take advantage of him. She might have said some other stuff but I guarantee everyone watching was laughing too hard to hear her. Patrick asks her if she loves Jason enough to take the risk of marrying him without knowing who he really is. Instead of feeling better about not being pegged as Carlos' killer, Anna starts spiraling.

Jason never looks more Jason-ish than when Spinelli is Spinelli-ing.

I was just wishing that Hayden had someone to talk to so we could find out what's really going on with her...and now maybe she does?

Finola Hughes did great with the barely-keeping-it-together stuff today.

I really, really can't wait for Michael to tell Carly that she's going to be a grandmother. I'm popping popcorn right now.

Back in town: Damian Spinelli
Married: Sonny Corinthos and Carly Jacks

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Kristina's very impatient-little-sister "really, Dante?" when his phone rang during the wedding; Nikolas: "Spencer's crazy about [Hayden]." Lulu: "Spencer loved Britt. That doesn't fill me with confidence"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Sabrina worrying about losing another child
Sweetest/cutest moments: Carly and Sonny's wedding; Tracy encouraging Sabrina
Least believable moment: Jason was able to decrypt some of Nikolas' files
Best instance of continuity: Alexis has experience with adoption, both as a lawyer and from placing Sam for adoption
Worst instance of continuity: Wasn't Spencer in the hospital at the end of February? Wasn't Nikolas too busy to deal with Jason's DNA?
Hero of the week: Spinelli
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Alexis
Dumbest character: N/A
Unanswered question of the week: Who is Hayden scheming with?

The week in a nutshell:

October 19th, 2015

Nikolas tells an increasingly violent Jason that while he did have his DNA tested, there were no matches. Jason is smart enough to know that he could be lying. He also hopes that Nikolas will rush to tie up loose ends and accidentally forget something. Spinelli tells Sam that Jason is all around them, because of science, so he'll never truly be gone. Then she and Jason both see a shooting star, because someone in the writer's room remembers history. Michael's stunned by the news of Sabrina's pregnancy, and a little annoyed that she waited so long to tell him. She assures him that she's ready for this next step, and the two exchange "I love you"s for the first time. Olivia plans to propose to a visiting Ned, but he's picturing a different future: He can't deal with all the Leo lies anymore, so they need to break up. Molly makes it clear that she doesn't like that she'll have to share a living space with Julian. Julian tells Alexis he's willing to hold off on the move, but Alexis won't give in to someone she can outstubborn. Later, she overhears Julian demanding something on the phone, as Molly also overheard earlier, and wonders if she can really trust him. Spencer wants to know how Nikolas feels about Hayden, so he can be prepared if things go the way of Nikolas and Britt's relationship. Kiki keeps pushing Morgan away, so he decides to get to know Molly and T.J.'s friend Darby.

As I've been reduced to incoherence, I will speak in emojis: Sam + Jason + ☆ ☆ ☆ = . Also, God bless the person who put this together.

Are they trying to make us think that Carlos could be the father of Sabrina's baby? The timing doesn't work out. Or are they trying to make us think she's further along than would be reasonable?

Someone should check Ned for head injuries, because he was very out of character today. Actually urging Olivia to tell Julian the truth about his child, which could put Leo in danger? I think that was actually Ned's evil twin, Ed.

Anything else that happened in this episode flew out of my head when I saw that Kevin and Max are both on tomorrow. So I will just ☺ ☺ ☺ until then.

October 20th, 2015

Sonny thinks he's ready to go home, but Patrick refuses to release him, trying to give him a reality check. Later, he overhears Patrick telling Carly that Sonny might be paralyzed for life. Lulu's mad at Dillon for the kiss and his trash-talk about Dante, so she tries to squeeze him out of the Haunted Star. Maxie attempts to play peacemaker, suggesting that they crowdsource the movie's funding and turn the Haunted Star's annual Halloween party into a fundraiser. Julian finally reveals the secret he's been working on: He had a new house built for Alexis. Alexis has her own secret – she had Leo's pacifier tested against Julian's DNA. Anna has a session with Kevin (yay, Kevin!), who thinks she'll feel better if she tells someone about the crime she so clearly committed. Sonny doubts that Carlos was the shooter, so Max does some investigating. All he learns is that no one on their side did anything. Brad turns to Alexis for help getting out of his marriage without going to prison. Dante and Olivia talk about stuff we already know.

Patrick, if you want Sonny to understand something, you need to actually tell him what it is. You're not garnering any of the sympathy you're going to be needing in a few weeks.

Hey, Dillon, I know a penthouse that's about to be vacant. You can shoot there. It wouldn't be the first shooting there. (Hi-yo!) Also, I wonder if Nina would fund the movie. She's rich, and I think she mentioned an affinity for the arts. Plus, it would be a good way to endear her to her sort-of brother's girlfriend.

Speaking of which, nice timing, Julian. You all were going to have to move out of the penthouse in a few weeks anyway.

I know I always like to keep my purse by the bathtub.

October 21st, 2015

Alexis tells Julian that Mateo is really Leo, and that she has the DNA test to prove it. She warns him to keep quiet while she gets in touch with a son about setting up a custody hearing. Julian listens to her for 30 seconds, then runs straight to the hotel to confront Olivia. Nathan suggests that Dillon and Maxie ask Nina to help them fund the movie. Maxie and Nathan approach her for an investment, which she happily supplies. She and Maxie are also quickly becoming closer, but the same can't be said for their boyfriends: Nathan thinks Franco's using Nina for her money, which makes him no better than Ric. This makes Franco continue to postpone his and Nina's first trip to the bedroom. Patrick, Carly, and Michael try to give Sonny a reality check, encouraging him to accept his condition and fight to get better. Sonny remains in denial, even telling Morgan that he's been released from the hospital. Kiki and Nina snark at each other for a while until Franco tells Kiki to calm down and be nice. Nina's so happy with her change in attitude that she starts acting BFF-y with her. When Dante and Lulu hear about Alexis' knowledge of Mateo being Leo, Lulu's like, "Thank goodness we don't keep secrets from each other and our lives are perfect!"

Sorry, Nina, but Nathan and Maxie aren't going to introduce you to their friends. Your boyfriend tried to kill their friends.

There are few things weirder than a former serial killer saying "cuddle."

Hold up. Patrick gave Sonny a lecture that turned into encouragement? Is he sick?

Maybe someone should draw a parallel between Sonny and Morgan re: needing help.

I guarantee that Sonny will be depressed for a couple weeks, and then he'll become motivated when he finds out about Jason. (Two weeks and two days till November 6th, y'all!)

October 22nd, 2015

Nikolas had Jason's DNA results deleted from the database after he and Sam broke into his safe back in July, so all of Spinelli's work is for nothing. Jason throws a fit and declares that hes not going to search anymore. Sam convinces Spinelli to move forward anyway, and they decide to focus on using his medical records to find his identity. For some reason, Sam mentions this to Patrick, who's not going to say anything but would rather not be involved. Spinelli easily hacks into the hospital's mainframe and suggests that they use Jason's pre-surgical x-rays to reconstruct his face. Sonny's still stubbornly in denial, and when he realizes the extent of his condition, he tries to push Carly away again. Of course, Carly won't play that game, and she gets him to accept help and fight to recover. Then there's practically a Corinthos family hug. Also, Sonny's going to step down from the business temporarily and let Max be in charge, which Michael and Morgan think is a bad idea. Julian and Olivia fight until Alexis manages to calm Julian down and get the two of them to talk. Somehow, amazingly, the parents agree to work things out without taking each other to court or trying to hurt each other. Nikolas warns Elizabeth that Jason's looking into who he is, so she asks him to stop. He's already decided to, so it's all a waste of time. Can it be November 6th now? Lulu notices tension between Nikolas and Laura.

I wonder if Spinelli could hack the police database Helena screwed with to hide Jason's fingerprints.

Maybe Alexis should be a judge instead of a lawyer, because she just single-handedly headed off an entire custody trial.

Is it too much to ask for Nikolas to be written consistently? What's with him telling Elizabeth that she might as well tell Jason the truth?

Repeating my weekly plea for Elizabeth to use birth control.

October 23rd, 2015

Anna tries to sneak into the morgue to see Carlos' body, but Paul has already signed off on its cremation. Sabrina's upset by this news, since his parents had asked her to arrange for the body to be sent back to Puerto Rico. Jordan's also upset by the news, since Paul has again interfered in a case. Anna gets a look at the autopsy and realizes that it was either tampered with or the body wasn't Carlos', since it should have had four bullets in it but only had two. Jake displays strange behavior, spying on his parents in bed and attacking Cameron for scaring him with a Halloween mask. When Jason tries to get him to open up, Jake expresses worry that Jason will go away. Elizabeth overhears him announcing that Jason's his real father. Spinelli explains to Sam that he's developed a program that will help them reverse-engineer Jason's face. If they don't recognize it, they can run it through facial-recognition software. Before they can accomplish this, someone at GH realizes that the hospital's database was hacked and calls the police. Spinelli manages to wipe the program from his computer just moments before Jordan arrests him. Sonny's adamant again that Michael and Morgan stay out of the business, not least because he wouldn't be able to handle losing a child. Michael tells him that the family's just going to grow, then announces to his parents that Sabrina's pregnant. Little does he know that Felix may have stumbled across another possibility: that Carlos is the baby's father. Elizabeth gets a surprise bridal shower thrown by a bunch of people who will probably hate her in two weeks. Jason and Elizabeth ask Carly and Patrick to stand up for them at their wedding. Patrick gives Sam an engagement ring, which is really just a waste of money.

Take one for the team, Spineli. It means we get to see Diane.

I like that we're getting this Jake-is-creepy plot right before Halloween.

Just the reaction everyone wants when they announce a pregnancy: blank stares.

People who need to keep receipts: Patrick, anyone who bought Elizabeth a gift, Carly if she buys anything for Jason's bachelor party.

Epiphany, please stop supporting this madness.

Laura, why are you doing Elizabeth's laundry?

Arrested: Damian Spinelli
Broke up: Ned Ashton and Olivia Falconeri

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Alexis: "I have not yet begun to dig into the depths of my stubbornness"; Lulu's "mm-hmm" after Maxie quoted Abraham Lincoln
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Ned and Olivia's breakup
Sweetest/cutest moment: Spinelli talking about his friendship with Jason
Least believable moment: "My patient with a spinal injury just fell, but I'm not going to bother x-raying him to make sure he didn't injure himself further"
Best instance of continuity: Sam, Jason, and stars
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Nina, Alexis, Carly
Most annoying character: Sonny
Smartest character: Spinelli
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

October 26th, 2015

Diane runs to Spinelli's rescue, chastising him for not being more careful about breaking the law but ultimately getting the charges dropped. Sonny advises Michael to marry Sabrina, which Michael thinks is a great idea. Sabrina disagrees. So does Carly, since she doesn't think Michael and Sabrina are that much in love. Kelly (!) tells Dante and Lulu that the odds of the embryo being viable are pretty low, and the odds of the implantation resulting in a full-term pregnancy aren't much better. Dante's ready to drop the idea, but Lulu wants to give it a try. Jason apologizes to Sam for his earlier tantrum and asks her to keep helping him with his search. He wants to make sure he's not dangerous before he makes a commitment to Elizabeth and her sons. Sam assures him that he's a good person because a bad one wouldn't be going to this much effort to make sure he's not a bad one. Elizabeth tries to convince both Jakes that the younger one is confused about who his father is. Diane doesn't think Sam should marry Patrick because she needs adventure.

"They don't have passion." Good, I'm not the only one who thinks Michael and Sabrina are dull.

Kelly came back! Amazing! I really didn't think we'd ever see her again.

What are the odds that Helena switched the Dante/Lulu embryo for the Stavros/Lulu one? I'd say pretty good. What they should do is implant the Stavros/Lulu embryo, have it not be viable, and then later have Lulu find out about the other embryo. Though I suspect what will actually happen is that Lulu will find out about Dante's affair and there won't be a second baby.

"I am prepared to walk away from Elizabeth." Best news I've heard since this storyline began.

October 27th, 2015

Maxie asks Dillon what he's keeping from Lulu about Dante, even though she previously told Lulu there probably isn't anything. Dillon agrees to tell her after they watch the movie's sizzle reel. But first Dante shows up and sees Dillon focusing in on a shot of Lulu, so they get into another fight. Maxie tells Lulu that Dillon basically admitted that he does have something on Dante. Dillon gets fed up with Dante and decides to spill the news to Lulu after all. Sabrina suggests that she and Michael hold off on marriage until they get to know each other better. Monica's thrilled to hear about the baby, and she and Tracy bug Sabrina about why she doesn't want to get married yet. Then Tracy bugs Michael about getting involved with mob stuff. Then she and Monica accidentally push Sabrina over the edge by asking when she's due. Then Monica celebrates the fact that her sons' families are still growing, and she gets to keep filling the house (that Alan gave her). Paul accuses Anna of interfering in the Carlos investigation by asking to see his autopsy report. She tells him she thinks the body wasn't really Carlos, and that someone's trying to cover things up. Also, Emma tries on Halloween costumes. Julian gets to have a happy day, introducing Sam and Lucas to their little brother. Hayden asks Nikolas if they're boyfriend and girlfriend, and if he'll kiss her behind the slide during recess. She also finagles an invitation to Elizabeth and Jason's wedding, "joking" that she might "remember" Jason's real identity while they're there. Nikolas whines to Sam about how she and Jason broke into Wyndemere, and how he doesn't deserve that kind of treatment because they're cousins and everything. Sam tells him to stop saying that, then lies that she's dropped the investigation at Jason's request. Meanwhile, Spinelli gives her updates that he's making progress. Olivia asks Dante and Lulu to be Leo's godparents, because Dante is such a model of morality.

I was sure Maxie was going to see the footage of Dillon and Valerie talking about Dante's affair. Eh, it'll probably still happen.

Awww, happy Monica. I love happy Monica. And she's only going to get happier...

Uh, where did Anna's scenes take place? Did she get a house?

So "Carlos'" body is really...Sloane's? That doesn't explain his hair.

THANK YOU, Sam, for finally realizing that telling Nikolas what you're up to is a bad idea.

Can't wait till Sam throws "how could you do this to me?" back in Nikolas' face.

Why are people so surprised that Laura's not going to Jason and Elizabeth's wedding? Most women wouldn't go see their son's ex marry another man.

In the past two weeks, we've seen Spinelli, Diane, Kevin, Max, Kelly, and now Monica. Who should we hope for next? (Only acceptable answer: Jerry.)

Later: Also acceptable.

October 28th, 2015

Valerie and Nathan interrupt before Dillon can make any big revelations, and Valerie quickly warns him to keep his mouth shut. Then she tells Lulu that his big announcement is that they're dating again. Dillon tells Dante he'll stay quiet as long as Dante doesn't give him a reason to tell Lulu anything. Maxie promises to stop bugging Nathan about the big secret if he wears the Halloween costume she picked out for him. He agrees, then realizes that might be a bad idea. Kiki apologizes to Morgan for being cold to him, then invites him to hang out. While he's out of the room, she intercepts a text from Darby and texts her pretending to be Morgan, saying that the two of them are having sex. Morgan busts her and she decides that she doesn't want to be friends after all. The rest of Morgan's evening goes much better, since Darby actually enjoys his company and even wants to go to the Haunted Star Halloween party with him. Spinelli continues to make progress, getting his hands on Jason's medical records again (this time legally, thanks to Jason himself) and successfully maneuvering through his program. Ric tells Sonny and Carly that they have an uphill battle in regaining custody of Avery. In fact, considering Sonny's condition, he might want to reconsider the fight. Carly gives Ric a talking-to, advising him to stick to legal matters while she worries about her husband's condition. Ava asks Kiki to testify on her behalf at the custody hearing, which is one of the dumbest things she's ever done, and that's saying a lot. Jason and Elizabeth whatever.

Now Tristan Rogers is coming back. And it's been implied that the casting announcements for the week aren't over. I'M DYING.

If VALERIE thinks your behavior is inappropriate, it's definitely inappropriate.

Maxie: "Tell me your secret." Nathan and Dante: "You should know better since you kept a big secret." You're saying that she was wrong to keep a secret, but it's okay for you to. I HATE THIS PLOT.

Since Spinelli was in the background of Morgan and Darby's scenes, I kept waiting for him to yell, "Eureka!" or something in the middle of one of their lines.

October 29th, 2015

Dante admits to Sonny that he cheated on Lulu, and though she doesn't know, Dillon does. Sonny tells him that in business, you need to keep control out of the hands of your enemies; since Dillon is Dante's enemy, Dante needs to render him powerless by telling Lulu the truth. Dante decides he'll do it right after the Halloween party. Lulu might find out on her own, though, as she's found Andy's footage, which he's been trying to show Dillon. Elizabeth suggests that Jason adopt Cameron and Jake after they get married. Jason's already thought of that, and Cameron's definitely on board. Jake, hilariously, is like, "Fine, but it's kind of a moot point, right?" Later, Elizabeth tells Patrick that she's glad Jason has stopped the search for his real identity. Maxie causes the Jason reveal to continue to be dragged out by accidentally spilling something on Spinelli's computer. He fixes it, so whatever. Tracy bugs Ava about her custody battle and how Kiki hates her. Avas still hopeful that Kiki will testify for her, but Kiki finally makes it clear that that will never happen. Paul comforts her with a makeout session. Jason receives a text message warning, "We're coming for you." As Paul encourages Dillon to fight for Lulu, Valerie urges Lulu to forgive him.


I need someone to take a picture of Jason in his Halloween costume so Sam and Carly can use it to tease him for the rest of his life.

Ohhhh, Cam. Ohhhhhhhh, sweetie. You're not getting a dad. Your mother is a heartless shrew and you deserve so much better.

If I were Patrick, I would wonder why elizabeth is so relieved that Jason's supposedly stopped trying to figure out who he is. If I were Patrick, I would also need a haircut.

The scariest thing this Halloween is Sonny giving good advice.

Sam, please give your costume to Elizabeth. If anyone should be an evil queen, it's her.

October 30th, 2015

Dillon immediately realizes that Lulu's about to see incriminating footage, so he shuts it off, then tells Andy to delete it. Dante arrives and starts to tell Valerie that he's going to tell Lulu about the affair. Dillon sees them together after Dante has helped Valerie adjust her costume, and seems to think they hooked up again. When it comes time to show the sizzle reel, the footage of Dillon and Valerie's conversation about the affair airs instead. Michael, Carly, and Sam throw Jason a bachelor party at the Floating Rib, complete with karaoke (which, sadly, we don't get to see). Meanwhile, Spinelli runs the facial-recognition program but has to leave when Ellie has an emergency back in Portland. He leaves his computer with Carly just as it finishes, showing Jason's true face. Paul messes with Anna, telling her he has evidence backing up Sloane's accusations that she killed Carlos. He also planted Carlos' wallet on a random body and had it cremated so no one will discover it's not him. But Anna doesn't need to worry, since he's going to keep her secret (and, you know, if she'd like to do him a favor in return, that's all right). Later, Anna thinks she sees Carlos. Ava takes Avery to see Kiki and try again to win her over. Kiki continues to rebuff her, with Franco and Nina firmly on her side. Franco tries to keep Kiki from driving drunk, but she's able to take advantage of the distraction of Ava's visit to leave with her keys. She's interested in finding Morgan, who's in the process of getting naked with Darby. A sweet note and present from Audrey make Elizabeth panic about the horrible, life-ruining decisions she's made. Patrick tells her that it's okay if she doesn't want to get married. Sabrina tells Felix that she's not sure Michael is the baby's father. Molly seems ready to try again for her first time having sex.

I'm confused. Is Dillon pretending the footage is being played by accident?

Everyone at the Haunted Star party looks like a Millennial. How do they have the money to finance a movie?

They should have just done an hour of Sam, Jason, Michael, and Carly. Maybe then we could have heard them sing.

Sam: "After tonight, everything changes." Me: (sobbing in the corner)

I wonder if Kiki's comment that Nina's been more of a mother to her recently than Ava was a reference to the neverending speculation that Nina's her real mother. I also wonder who Kiki will inevitably hit with her car while driving drunk.

"Every time I turn around, there's another Corinthos or Quartermaine." I know, right?

Hey, so Carlos has been gone since mid-May, and Michael and Sabrina didn't have sex for the first time until late June. So...she should be able to figure out pretty easily who the baby's father is.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Jordan, re: Spinelli: "So he has an off button?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Spinelli: "It's an unmitigated disaster." Cut to Elizabeth
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: UNICORN AVERY
Least believable moment: "We can't fill out the marriage certificate because we don't know anything about your past, but there's nothing strange about this situation at all!"
Best instance of continuity:N/A
Worst instances of continuity: Maxie's birthday is Halloween, so Spinelli shouldn't have wished her a happy early birthday; how is November 6th suddenly the day after Halloween?
Hero of the week: Spinelli, who doesn't even know it yet.
Most annoying character: Ava
Smartest character: Sonny
Dumbest character: Ava

The week in a nutshell:

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