General Hospital blog - September, 2013

September 3rd, 2013

Britt names Brad as the baby's father, so now Patrick has someone else to be mad at. Brad finally stops being a jerk and tells Felix how he feels. They're considering getting something started, but their first kiss is interrupted by Patrick's fist in Brad's face. Spinelli starts to tell Lulu and Dante that the baby isn't theirs, but realizes what Maxie already realized about not being able to ruin their lives. He agrees with them that Maxie needs to distance herself from the Falconeris, but promises to support her. Kiki thinks Morgan should hold off on calling the police about the gun because of how it could affect Michael. Morgan doesn't give a crap about A.J. or Michael's feelings, and he's not pleased that she's putting them ahead of his father's girlfriend (because Morgan apparently does give a crap about Connie). He's even less pleased when Anna accidentally spills that Kiki visited Michael at the PCPD after she told Morgan she was going to see Franco. Diane's overconfident that she can get A.J. released since there's no evidence that he killed Connie, and the murder weapon is still missing. Morgan's discovery changes that, as do A.J.'s fingerprints all over the gun. Danny's transplant is a go, and Sam celebrates with a hug for Julian and a kiss for Silas.

I'm still Team Brad is the Father, but I'm also Team I Want Brad to Confirm It Before I Believe Britt's Telling the Truth.

I love that Patrick and I think alike: "Your baby's half Chinese, yo. How were you planning to explain that?"

Let me put my police hat on and ask if they tested A.J.'s hands for powder burns. If he didn't have any, they can't prove that he fired the gun.

Awww, Julian just wants to be Sam's friend! It's hard to say no to that face, isn't it?

September 4th, 2013

Patrick's furious with Brad for going along with Britt's lies and sad that he's not going to be a father again after all. But on the plus side, he doesn't have to deal with Britt anymore, and he still has Sabrina. Felix is also mad at Brad, so there goes their attempt at a relationship. Britt tells Nikolas what she did and why (she just wants love! She's not a bad person!), and gets a lecture about lying about paternity, since he's been there. Nikolas is too princely to kick her out, though, so she gets to spend at least one more night at Wyndemere. Michael thinks Morgan framed A.J., which Kiki rightly convinces him is ridiculous. He tells her about his struggles to accept his biological father back into his life, admitting that he thinks A.J. might be guilty. Olivia can totally relate to Morgan's situation with Michael and Kiki, and she advises him not to let it get as far as Connie and Olivia did. Then she finally goes to check on Sonny, who's disappeared and left behind what sounds like a suicide note. Sam decides this is a really bad time to get involved with Silas, or even discuss the possibility, and claims that she's not even sure she likes him like that anyway. Alexis finds Julian a little familiar, but she's too distracted by the sight of him in his underwear to expend too much energy on it. In what's practically an afterthought, Julian makes his bone-marrow donation.

I know I said I wanted Brad to confirm Britt's claims, but...I'm still not 100% convinced he's the father. She could be pulling a Carly, starring Brad as Jason.

I can't believe Morgan didn't find Michael and Kiki together. What kind of a soap is this?

I'm sorry, I don't buy that Sonny would want to kill himself over Connie's death. I bought it when he was suicidal after Michael was shot, and I would have bought it if he'd been that way after Brenda's "death," but not now.

Silas to Julian: "Do you have any questions?" Me: "Yes – could I have a different lab tech?"

September 5th, 2013

Nikolas practically forces Britt to stay at Wyndemere until the baby's born, since her alternative is going apartment hunting while hugely pregnant. Then he goes to yell at Brad to take some responsibility, even though it's pretty clear now that he's not really the baby's father. Sabrina also wants to do some yelling, namely at Britt, and her timing is good since Britt's having some baby-related pain. A.J. wants to plead guilty to killing Connie, but Diane has a defense cooked up that will claim Sonny killed Connie and framed A.J. Michael calls Elizabeth to try to convince A.J. to plead not guilty, and it works, though he has to hang out in jail until his trial. Franco's released from the hospital just in time for a pretrial hearing, which he guilts Carly into attending. Diane is definitely going with the strategy that Franco was responsible for his actions because of his tumor. Olivia, Dante, and Morgan spent the night looking for Sonny but have no luck. An unseen Shawn has already been to Bensonhurst and back, also with no luck. They finally bring Michael into the mix, thinking he'll be the most likely person to know where Sonny might be. Felix tells Sabrina about the Brad situation, then tells Brad to give up on any hope of them getting together.

Yeah, I'm off the Brad's the Father Train. And I'm out of ideas, so I'm as clueless as everyone on this show who isn't Britt, Brad, or Obrecht.

Again I say, a woman who's about to have a baby shouldn't be hanging out on an island.

So...Diane basically bought a tumor. This is a weird show.

Morgan, shut up. Just...shut up.

September 6th, 2013

Sabrina and Britt yell at each other for a while, and Britt undoes all the good will she might have built up when Nikolas made her a little human. Britt has baby pain again, and at first Sabrina thinks she's faking, but it's looking like the baby's going to be born at Wyndemere. A suicidal Sonny hangs out at the Haunted Star and hallucinates marrying Connie. Then she leaves and he's suicidal again. Fortunately, Olivia has a vision of Kiki wearing Connie's wedding dress and somehow interprets it to mean that Sonny's on the yacht. Carly testifies that she's seen how Franco has changed, but she's still not sure if his behavior is genuine or if he's using his tumor as an excuse. She also wouldn't trust him with her children. Diane thinks she's sunk the case, but Franco just appreciates Carly's honesty. Patrick tells Emma that the baby isn't going to be joining their family after all, but she's all, "You don't need a son! You have me!" Nikolas orders Brad to be a man (and a father), but Brad isn't going to be doing that. He later approaches Dante, giving hope to Team Britt's Carrying Lulu and Dante's Baby.

Somewhere, Sam's grumbling, "Complain all you want, Britt, but at least you have one medical professional to deliver your baby."

Maybe someone should tell Kiki about Olivia's visions?

Hey, it's the corrupt DA! How do you still have a job? Oh, right, Scott hasn't taken it yet.

Emma, you may not be getting a baby brother, but can I interest you in a cousin? Actually, just chill out for a little while. You're going to get something much better very shortly.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): A nurse extra cringing and running away so she wouldn't be in the middle of Felix and Brad's fight
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nikolas agreeing with Julian that they should buy the hospital and control the doctors, because I kind of thought Nikolas didn't know he was kidding
Saddest moment: Patrick being upset about not having a baby
Sweetest/cutest moment: Everything Emma
Least believable moment: No one told Michael that Sonny was missing
Best instance of continuity: Diane remarking that Michael knows what happens when you plead guilty to murder
Worst instance of continuity: A.J. was let out on bail when he came back last year, but this time he has to stay in jail
Hero of the week: It's looking like Olivia
Most annoying character: Britt "I'm Just Misunderstood! Now Let Me Spend an Hour Mean Girl-ing Sabrina" Westbourne
Smartest character: Carly, for not being completely snowed by Franco
Dumbest character: Whoever decided it was okay to leave Sonny alone
Things we learned this week: 1. Brad's Chinese.
2. And a tap dancer.
3. You can buy a tumor.

The week in a nutshell:

September 7th, 2013

Next week: If that baby isn't half Chinese, we're back to square one.

September 9th, 2013

Britt can't get off Spoon Island fast enough to get to the hospital, because no one listened to me about her being in a horrible place for a pregnant woman. That leaves Sabrina and Nikolas to deliver the (very fair, decidedly not half-Chinese) baby, and you can probably guess which one of them is the only one Britt thanks. Then she insists that something's wrong, so let's just hope she doesn't wander off into the woods while Nikolas gets knocked out and wakes up on the side of the highway. Olivia spends half an hour begging Sonny not to kill himself until the Corinthos boys show up and pull it off. Maxie and Lulu make peace, with Maxie promising to work on letting go of her attachment to the baby. She, Ellie, and Spinelli all agree to keep the baby's biology a secret, but Maxie and Spinelli haven't quite learned to use their stealthy voices, so Brad overhears. Spinelli's still ticked with Ellie, obviously, but he's not sure he'll never be able to forgive her, so they put things on hold instead of breaking up. Brad tries to tell Dante something about Britt's baby, but he takes way too long to do it and Dante doesn't have time for him.

Britt, THIS IS WHY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU. You can't even say thank you to the person who delivered your baby.

Incidentally, if Britt's baby is really Dante and Lulu's, Nikolas just helped deliver his nephew.

Well, I, for one, was really worried that the highest-paid actor on the show was going to be killed off. Please, writers, stop treating us like we're that naïve.

They need to name at least one of these kids so I can stop typing "the baby" in every other sentence.

September 10th, 2013

Sabrina takes Britt's baby to the hospital while Britt worries that she'll do something nefarious, because Sabrina has proven so many times that she would hurt an innocent child to get revenge on his mother. Silas tends to the kid, who's fine. Felix is the only person who notices that he's not half Chinese. In a scene that we don't get to see, all the charges against Franco are dropped, and in his triumphant return to the Quartermaines', he announces that Ava has to leave. She threatens to tell Tracy about the relish, so he does it himself. He tells Ava that he never cared about her and has eyes for someone else – Carly, who definitely doesn't return his affections. Olivia appoints herself Nurse Falconeri, but Sonny doesn't want any nursing and declines to take his medication. Michael and Morgan are apparently all cool now, and Kiki doesn't like that, for some reason. Morgan also blames himself for Connie's death, which makes even less sense than Sonny blaming himself for it. Taylor returns after some time with her parents and bugs T.J. about where things stand with Molly. Molly sees them together and thinks there's something going on between them, but T.J. assures her that there isn't. By the end of the episode, Molly and T.J. are back together and Taylor and Rafe have the sads. Sam is as curious as I am about why Ava didn't want Silas to know he had a daughter. She also thinks he's awesome for saving Britt's baby.

Did I miss something? Why didn't Britt and Nikolas go to the hospital with Sabrina and the baby? Was it just so Britt could be annoying some more?

A Sonny-goes-off-his-meds storyline? Is it my birthday already??

I love when Carly makes her "nuh-uh" face.

Taylor is such an insignificant character that they didn't even have a voiceover telling us that the role is being played by someone new now.

September 11th, 2013

The media finds out about Diane's planned defense for A.J. and swarms Sonny's house to find out if he killed Connie. He handles them pleasantly and patiently, and definitely doesn't beat one of them up on camera. Dante and Lulu name the baby Connie, so now I guess Sonny has no reason to be sad about anything. Monica's finally reached her limit with A.J., reminding him that she went to great lengths to get him a second chance (more like a ninth chance, but okay) and he wasted it by falling off the wagon and possibly killing someone. A.J.'s arrest also affects Monica negatively in that the GH board wants her to step down because her family's making them look bad. Michael begs A.J. to change his defense, but the chances of that are pretty slim. Britt is weird about bonding with her son, possibly because she's afraid of being like her mother. Anna bonds with Maxie over leaving/giving up a child. Nikolas and Sabrina encourage Patrick to remind himself of the good things in his life, like Emma and Sabrina.

How did all those reporters get up to Sonny's house? Where the heck is Max?

Connie? Eh, whatever. Eventually she'll be renamed Georgie.

The board wants Monica gone because A.J. was arrested, but they were totally okay with her when they found out she'd helped him fake his death and flee the country? So much whatever.

Maxie and Anna's scenes together were nice, but I'd like to see some Patrick/Maxie scenes. They haven't interacted for a long time.

I may have missed a few things during all of Nikolas' scenes. I was a little distracted by his GIANT BICEPS.

Oh, Sabrina. So naive with her, "We don't have to worry about Britt or any outside forces trying to bring us down! We can be happy and free and just enjoy dating each other!" I hope you appreciate the next five days or so of that.

September 12th, 2013

It's Jason's birthday (Franco's, too, but no one cares), so all of his loved ones are mopey. Someone's lurking around, and both Sam and Carly think it might be Jason. Ava wants to take advantage of Sonny's vulnerable state to make whatever her and Julian's next move is, but he's distracted by his long-lost family. She decides to make a move himself, showing up at his house and making him think she's Connie. In case his failure to shave hasn't tipped us off that Sonny's in a bad place, his calling Shawn "Jason" certainly does. Monica kicks Franco out of the mansion, but even that doesn't make her feel better, what with her older son being in jail and her younger son being dead. Tracy, of all people, gives her hope by telling her that Diane plans to pin Connie's murder on Sonny. Then she calls the board to try to get Monica's job back. Sam catches on that Alexis has a crush on Julian and encourages her to pursue him. Carly and Elizabeth almost share a nice moment in their grief, but it's ruined when they talk about A.J. and Franco.

Show, stop trying to make us think Jason's lurking around. We all know if he were alive, he would have gone to the hospital first, not the Quartermaines'.

Thank you, Alexis, for reminding me that Jason is the dragon and Sam is the phoenix. I can never remember which is which.

"Grab Derek and saddle up!" Samantha, that is your father you're talking about.

I like that they keep talking about Danny trying to make a jailbreak. I mean, look at who his parents are.

September 13th, 2013

I still have no idea what Ava's trying to do, but she tells Sonny that she blames herself for Connie's murder because she was drinking with A.J. earlier that night and could have stopped him from getting violent. Sonny absolves her and asks her to tell the police how he was acting. She agrees, as long as he does something for her. Sam wants to move on and get over Jason, but she also doesn't want to completely let go of him. Silas pretends to be helpful. Alexis tells Julian about her and Sam's history with mobsters. He's stunned to hear that Alexis has both a business and personal relationship with Sonny. Apparently bone-marrow (or stem-cell, since people seem to be using the two interchangeably) transplants only take a couple of hours to start working, because Sam and Alexis are about to find out if Danny's getting better. Since Sonny isn't much of a help businesswise right now, Shawn recruits Max to help him capture Vince (the guy Olivia held at gunpoint back in May) so they can find out why the gambling guys have reassembled. Franco (now a resident of the Metro Court) thinks Ava and Julian messed with his credit cards as revenge for him kicking Ava out of the mansion. Then he whines until Carly agrees to spend his birthday with him. After she finally wises up and leaves, he gets a visit from whoever was lurking at the Quartermaines' and the pier yesterday. Duke wants to keep investigating Ava. Then he and Anna come face to face with Julian.

Wasn't Connie leaving a voicemail message for Sonny about Ava and Julian when A.J. came into her office? I wonder if that'll come back.

I could have sworn Sonny and Ava had already met. Mostly because it's ridiculous that she's been in town for months and their kids are married.

I thought Sam was going to throw the dragon into the harbor, in which case you would have heard me screaming for three hours.

Heather is rumored to be back on Monday and Tuesday, so that's my guess for the lurker. Also, that means Max's BLT is foreshadowing!

Franco, you didn't blow out both candles on the first try, so your wish isn't going to come true anyway.

Back together: T.J. Ashford and Molly Lansing-Davis
Birthday: Jason Morgan and Franco Quartermaine
Born: Unnamed Westbourne baby boy

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Franco: "I won't stay where I'm not wanted." Monica: "Good luck on the moon"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Franco: "My heart belongs to another." Carly's face: "F&%$ that"
Saddest moment: All the Jason boo-hooing
Sweetest/cutest moment: Dante calling Sonny "Dad" for what I think is the first time
Least believable moment: The whole Monica/GH thing
Best instance of continuity: Jason's birthday
Worst instances of continuity: Sonny seems to have forgotten that Faison, not mobsters, killed Jason; bone marrow and stem cells are not the same thing
Heroes of the week: the Corinthos boys
Most annoying character: Britt, who still can't bother to thank Sabrina for delivering her kid
Smartest character: Dante, who hit the right buttons to get Sonny not to kill himself
Dumbest character: Britt, because at least when Carly named Jason as Michael's father, she knew the baby would be white
Things we learned this week: Nikolas is familiar with Star Wars.

The week in a nutshell:

September 14th, 2013

Next week: a party, a funeral, and a new guy. Correction: a hot new guy.

September 16th, 2013

The lurker is Heather, who broke out of her institution just to wish Franco a happy birthday. Oh, and to get a BLT. She makes him to go to Kelly's, where Shawn and Max are about to torture Vince in exchange for his boss' name. Vince provides it, but before he can flee town, Julian and Ava find him and Julian kills him. Ava wants to throw Morgan and Kiki a party to celebrate their wedding, and she really wants Sonny there. She tries to connect with him by telling him she suffered from bipolar disorder after she and Silas broke up, but he points out that her losing her boyfriend isn't quite the same as his girlfriend being murdered. She might also be trying to keep him off of his meds. Felix disapproves of Carly's semi-friendship with Franco and forces her to go to his room and tell him nothing's going to happen between them. Instead, they almost meet a stabby end at Heather's hands. Silas is all, "Danny's going to be okay! Let's go out, Sam!" She's all, "I know I was just crying over my dead husband two minutes ago, but I just can't say no to you!" Duke wants to work for Julian. Fortunately, Anna's suspicious of him.

I always go back and forth on whether I like Heather, but I have to admit, she and Franco are entertaining together.

Ava, unless you and Silas broke up because you killed a kitten in front of him, I don't want to hear it anymore.

"The artist formerly known as psycho." Felix, you come sit right here next to me.

Really, Silas? On her dead husband's birthday?

September 17th, 2013

Ava's party for Kiki and Morgan is just a way to keep Sonny occupied while she and Julian steal one of his shipments. At first Kiki doesn't want to attend, but then she decides to use it to tick off Ava by inviting Silas, who's trying to get to know her. Carly and Felix spot Ava and Julian talking but don't seem to hear the conversation. Julian almost catches them, so Carly pretends they're having a lover's spat. Felix thinks Carly should pick him as her next boyfriend. Olivia's suspicious of Ava, because she's smart. Franco pretends he has a girl in his room, and Carly is totally not jealous. Alexis is kind of supportive of Sam's new choice in man, but really, the fact that he doesn't have a job where he does illegal things should win him a bunch of points. Morgan and Kiki have to move.

I have to admit, I like how Kiki keeps going up against Ava. It's nice to see Ava dealing with a person she has no control over.

An Alexis/Julian/Carly love triangle? Tell me more....

So what was the point of having Heather come back for two episodes? Just to give Franco someone to talk to?

Yes, Morgan, it would totally be reasonable for the Quartermaines to let you keep staying on their property rent-free even though you're not related to them. Go get a job or go back to school. And get a haircut. And get off my lawn.

September 18th, 2013

Sonny decides to skip Connie's funeral until Michael tells him how sad he was that no one came to Abby's funeral, and how everyone deserves a room full of people honoring her. Sonny almost tells him that Morgan knew about Kiki's paternity before they got married, which is really weird timing. Olivia isn't sure if she dislikes Ava because she's possibly hiding something or because she's getting chummy with Sonny. Now that the police know that Vince said he worked for Julian, Anna's also suspicious of Ava, and even thinks Julian might not really be dead. Ellie should probably stop talking about Li'l Connie to Maxie and Spinelli. Julian gleefully hires Duke as his chief of staff after asking him how he liked his previous boss. Carly asks Spinelli to investigate "Derek," who she thinks is dating Ava.

Hey, an Abby reference! I was starting to wonder if I was the only person who remembered her.

Killing off a character and then immediately naming another character after her is kind of confusing.

Somehow, Carly thinking Ava and Julian are dating is worse than seeing Michael and Kiki kiss back before we knew they weren't cousins.

Suggestion: Morgan and Kiki move into Dante and Lulu's loft. Dante and Lulu move into Maxie and Ellie's apartment. Maxie and Ellie move into separate places because it's ridiculous that they still live together.

Speaking of the loft, do Dante and Lulu really need a baby monitor?

September 19th, 2013

Ava finds out that Morgan has almost maxed out her credit card and threatens to tell Kiki about his lies. He gets her to back down by reminding her that she needs him to keep her connection to Kiki. Ava decides that he'll pay her back in another way. Sabrina spends the day tending to a sick Emma, who just wants her mom. Kiki invites Michael to the party, which won't be awkward at all, especially when he decides to invite his fling, Penny, to come along. Sabrina's hot ex-boyfriend Carlos comes to town looking for her. Britt and the baby (Ben) are released from the hospital, and she tells Nikolas she'll be going back to Felix and Sabrina's place. He calls her bluff and takes her back to Wyndemere. Silas asks Sam to go to the party with him, but now she's gun-shy about dating again. Now that Molly and T.J. are back together and oh-so-happy, Rafe's ready to scheme with Taylor to break them up. Instead of faking a pregnancy, which is what any truly devious person in Taylor's situation would do, she convinces him to pretend they're dating.

Whatever Ava's plotting, I already don't like it. Run away, Morgan! Just tell the truth and avoid what will undoubtedly be some sort of punishment!

Carlos Rivera? As in...Lily Rivera? That would be weird – Sabrina's cousin, Juan, was Lily's son.

Reason 9,732 Felix is my spirit animal: our identical reactions to Carlos.

Does Nikolas seriously still believe Brad is Ben's father?

September 20th, 2013

Sonny has reached the manic part of his cycle, and he spends the wedding party drinking, dancing, and flirting. Carly and Olivia know he's not taking his medication but can't get him to leave, since he keeps insisting on focusing on life rather than death. After Michael gives a toast talking about how great Morgan is, Sonny decides he can't keep letting Michael pine after Kiki without knowing the truth. He gives his own toast (if you can call it that), lamenting Connie's death, blaming A.J., and telling Michael that he doesn't deserve to suffer anymore because of him. Sonny reveals that he knew about Kiki's real paternity before she married Morgan, because Morgan told him. Ava...wants Silas back? Maybe? It's hard to tell, but she spends the party right by his side and tries to get him to reminisce. Sam and Patrick discuss getting back into dating after being widowed, and she ends up changing her mind about going to the party with Silas. Unfortunately, when she gets there, he's kissing Ava. Penny realizes that Kiki's the girl Michael really wants and quickly (and wisely) decides she doesn't want to have anything to do with the situation. Carlos really wants Sabrina back, but she doesn't want the kind of life he wanted her to have back in Puerto Rico. Shawn and Max wait for the shipment Julian wants to intercept, discussing their belief that Vince named a dead man as his boss. Before they can land the shipment, the boat it's on explodes, to the delight of Julian and his explosion-causing employee, Carlos.

Whee! Things just got so much more interesting! Thanks, Sonny.

Also, I'm not sure we've ever seen Sonny manic before, at least not to this extent, so I enjoyed seeing it. The show always reminds us that he has bipolar, but we usually just see his downs.

Is a Sam/Patrick pairing an option? Like, after Robin leaves again, and maybe Carlos and Sabrina get back together, and Silas and Ava get back together, and Patrick and Sam realize that they're adorable together? Please?

Amound of surprise I have over Carlos being in the mob: Zero. Zero amount. He's from Puerto Rico. Everyone on this show who's from Puerto Rico is in the mob. (Um, except Sabrina. Or so she's led us to believe...)

New in town: Carlos Rivera

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): "The artist formerly known as psycho"; "This sandwich was pre-owned"; Duke putting a spin on his time in Turkey
Funniest moment (unintentional): Silas' throwaway "don't call me dude" to Morgan cracked me up
Saddest moment: Waah, Connie, whatever
Sweetest/cutest moment: "Your eye has a cold"
Least believable moment: "We're having a big party...but we're not going to invite anyone until two hours before it starts"
Best instance of continuity: Heather was promised BLTs
Worst instance of continuity: Sam keeps forgetting that Jason died in October
Hero of the week: Nikolas, I guess. I mean, I couldn't care less about Britt, but that baby shouldn't have to be homeless. Or live with Taylor
Most annoying character: Taylor, who can't even scheme right
Smartest characters: Anna, who's finally realized that "dead" doesn't always mean dead; Penny, for catching on to exactly what she was in the middle of and peacing out
Dumbest character: Vince. "I only gave them your name! You don't have to kill me!" Yes, he does, you idiot. Though Julian's also dumb for giving Vince his real name
Things we learned this week: 1. Sometimes graft-versus-host disease is a good thing.
2. Port Charles has an hourly shuttle to Toronto.

The week in a nutshell:

September 21st, 2013

Next week: "An unlikely pair wake up together." If it's who I think it is, one of them gets to join a special club.

September 23rd, 2013

Michael tears into Morgan for lying to him and Kiki, but Morgan tries to get the heat off of himself by blaming Sonny for the mess. It doesn't work. There's lots of yelling, nearly some violence (Sonny on Morgan), and crying. By the end of the episode, Kiki wants a divorce, which Morgan taunts is what she's wanted all along; she was just waiting for an excuse to dump him for Michael. Sabrina tells Patrick about Carlos' visit and tries to convince both of them that he's not going to interfere with their relationship. Silas convinces Sam that he doesn't want to go back to Ava and is only interested in her. Ava overhears and tells Sam that dating Silas is a horrible idea because of his "dark secrets." Sam challenges her to elaborate, but Ava won't (or, more likely, can't). While investigating the destruction of the shipment, Anna comes across Shawn, who tells her the only name he can think of to connect to the explosion is Julian. Carly decides this is a good time to lecture Sonny. Carlos questions Julian's decision to hire Duke.

A big round of applause to Bryan Craig for today's episode. He had a lot of heavy lifting with a lot of people who have more acting experience than he does. He gave it 100 percent; you could tell because he was losing his voice by the end.

I'd love to see one of those extras from the party go home and start posting things on Facebook about the party. "You won't believe what just happened!"

How does it feel to be outsmarted by Sam, Ava? Not that Sam's dumb, of course. It's just that Ava thinks she's a genius, and Sam took her down in five seconds.

Hey, Julian: *you're.

September 24th, 2013

Michael and Kiki admit they love each other, but she's hesitant to start a relationship because of what it will do to Morgan. Michael no longer cares and convinces her that he'd rather be with her than repair things with his brother. Morgan and Ava get drunk and...let's just say that Morgan follows in his father's footsteps and joins the Slept With Mother and Daughter Club. Carly pulls out every weapon in her arsenal to try to get Sonny to take his medication. He tells her he doesn't want to be in control because it makes it "too easy" to live without Connie, and he wants to mourn. She plays the granddaughter card, the children card, and the Connie card, which is apparently a royal flush, so the house loses and Sonny takes his meds, and speaking of losing control, I've lost control of this poker metaphor. Sam and Silas have a picnic at the hospital and talk a little about their lives. Sam hasn't completely disregarded what Ava said about Silas having a dark past. Lulu and Dante have a newborn, and typical issues that parents of newborns have, and this is supposed to hold our interest. Maxie and Spinelli make zero progress, but at least he doesn't hate her.

Already with the "I love you"s, Michael and Kiki? I'm pretty sure they've spent a total of 20 minutes alone with each other since they met, but whatever.

Bryan Craig is 21. Maura West is 41. I'm just going to leave that there and walk away. (And also...maybe throw up a little.)

The worst thing that'll happen when Li'l Connie's true paternity comes out is no one will be able to use her to get Sonny to do stuff he doesn't want to do.

Lulu and Dante can't get the baby to sleep – that's considered an interesting storyline?

September 25th, 2013

Carly pays Ava a visit to yell at her for the party, which led to the previous night's fiascos. Instead, she finds out who Ava spent the night with. Morgan refuses to leave his perceived new girlfriend, so Carly calls security to have Ava thrown out of the hotel. She should be grateful that she didn't have to see what Michael and Kiki see – Ava and Morgan in bed together. Franco's assets have been frozen since his victims' families are bringing a civil suit against him. Diane tells him to sell the painting Heather gave him, thinking it's his. He decides to get back into painting, and then I go zzzzzzzz. Michael invites Kiki to move in with him, but fortunately, she knows it's way too soon for that. Dante and Lulu haven't picked out godparents for Li'l Connie yet, even though they have mere hours before her christening. Patrick is totally not jealous of Carlos, who gets Sabrina to patch up his wounds from the explosion. Julian meets Shawn and accidentally outs Alexis for telling him about Shawn's side job with Sonny. Then Alexis hears the name Julian Jerome for the first time.

Congratulations, Ava. You're now the only thing standing between Morgan and a complete breakdown.

Is this painting going to turn out to mean something? Basically, I want to know if I need to pay attention to this storyline.

I have news for you, Shawn: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU DO.

How long is Laura going to be in France? Because Luke's supposed to be back on Friday, and I'd really like for them to move this storyline along so we can get to the returning character(s?).

September 26th, 2013

Kiki is appropriately grossed out by what Morgan and Ava did, but she blames Ava more. She spells out all the ways her mother is horrible, then declares that she's done with both of them. Morgan continues with his "me and Ava against the world" attitude, so it's going to hurt that much more when he eventually finds out she orchestrated his relationship with Kiki. Franco helps Carly engage in art therapy, but it backfires and he gets splashed with paint. He tries to turn the situation romantic, but Carly tells him she can't be with him. Lulu and Dante ask Maxie and Spinelli to be Li'l Connie's godparents. Carlos meets Patrick and questions his feelings for Sabrina since he's still wearing his wedding ring. Patrick gets macho, as he has the tendency to do, and Sabrina rejects Carlos 15 more times.

I'm sorry, when did Morgan become the victim here? Yes, Kiki left you, but it's not like she didn't have a good reason, you ROTTEN LIAR.

Kiki only thinks Ava's the world's worst mother because she's never met Heather.

Interesting, Carly's still in her "I need to stop making mistakes" stage. It's a good look for her.

Just in case it was planned and not a coincidence, the matching of Spinelli's jacket to Li'l Connie's stroller was awesome.

I bet anything Patrick takes the ring off five minutes before we get Robin back on the show.

September 27th, 2013

Ellie questions Spinelli's decision to be Li'l Connie's godfather, but he decides to stick with it. He and Maxie both admit that it's an excuse for them to be in her life. Felix tells Brad he did have some feelings for him, but he could never be with someone so selfish. Brad decides to be unselfish telling the truth about Li'l Connie's paternity. Olivia still thinks the dog vision is important, but fortunately for Maxie, she gets distracted by another vision. Unfortunately for Tracy, it's one of Luke in a casket, asking for her. As Tracy decides to go look for him, a worsening Luke follows Obrecht to Cassadine Island and hallucinates Helena. The Hel-lucination wants him to die, and if he doesn't he'll have to be her servant? It makes no sense. Anyway, he doesn't die, and someone else is there, but it's not clear if it's a real person or another hallucination. Nikolas overhears Britt saying something about lying to him, so she pretends she just didn't tell him that her mother called. Apparently talking about Obrecht enough times makes her appear, like Beetlejuice, because now she's on Spoon Island.

I'm all for telling the truth (and ending this part of the storyline), but Brad, no! Bad Brad!

Who wears black to a christening?

I wish they hadn't spoiled Helena's appearance in yesterday's previews for this episode. That would have been a nice surprise.

How confused do you think Spencer is over having Ben in the house?

Back in town: Liesl Obrecht

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "Thank you for not smiting me"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Patrick's fake Puerto Rican accent is a little more Italian than Puerto Rican
Saddest moment: Helena saying Jerry wasn't there (well, it was sad for me, okay?)
Sweetest/cutest moment: Lulu and Tracy
Least believable moment: The whole christening thing. Why did they rush it? There were only four people there!
Best instance of continuity: Carly's déjà vu over finding one of her sons with a woman she hates
Worst instance of continuity: Felix is back to thinking that Brad is Ben's father
Hero of the week: Carly
Most annoying character: Morgan
Smartest character: Tracy? I don't know
Dumbest characters: Brad, for thinking Felix will find this invasion of privacy a good thing; Nikolas, for still believing that Brad is Ben's father

The week in a nutshell:

September 28th, 2013

Next week: She rocks in the Swiss clinic all day long...

September 30th, 2013

Brad makes his big announcement about Li'l Connie, and at first everyone thinks he's nuts. Then Dante puts on his Sherlock cap and starts to piece the whole puzzle together. Eventually Lulu remembers all of Maxie's strange behavior and the Falconeris realize that Li'l Connie isn't theirs. Luke's welcome party is Jerry, who sheds a little light on the storyline: He met Obrecht when he became a patient at the Swiss clinic, and she acquired a doctor to cure him. Apparently the doctor can only make enough of the cure for one person, though. P.S. The doctor is Robin. Obrecht is very unhappy with Britt for telling Patrick the truth about the baby. Britt threatens to call the police, so Obrecht knocks her out and takes Ben. Patrick and Sabrina both worry that he can’t commit to her.

Oh, NOW Dante wants to use his detective skills.

Brad, you idiot. "Felix, why aren't your pants off? Why don't you suddenly love me?"

First I was all excited because I knew it was Robin day, but the fact that today I turned on my TV and Jerry showed up 30 seconds later made me even more excited.

So now we have at least one answer: Obrecht took Robin so she could cure Jerry. But...why is Robin going to cure Jerry? Why not give him something that will kill him? Did he promise to let her go if she cures him?

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