General Hospital blog - September, 2014

September 2nd, 2014

Levi uses Lulu as a human shield while he demands that the police get him a helicopter. Dante tries to negotiate the hostages' release while Nathan looks for another way into the house to get to Maxie. Levi agrees to let Maxie go once he has his helicopter, but is adamant about keeping Lulu, because she's more valuable to whoever he's going to be meeting. Lulu gets sick of being a shield and elbows Levi someplace painful, allowing Dante to shoot him and end the stand-off. Before Nathan can get into the house, someone throws in a smoke bomb, knocking out everyone else, then summons the person who's probably Levi's "boss." There's zero love lost between Ava and Nina, and Nina refuses to cede any ground, lying that Britt cleared her and Silas to have a baby. She later tells Silas the same thing. Carlos accidentally leads Sabrina in the wrong direction, telling her that he's pretty sure Ava caused the crash that killed Gabriel. He also admits that she made him lie about killing A.J. Despite his pleas not to go up against Ava, Sabrina vows revenge. Carly decides she wants to be with Franco and again tells Sonny that they're through. Kiki overhears them talking about their recent fling. Sonny, Michael, and Morgan pretend to be worried about Lulu while they talk about everything from Ava to the baby to Carlos. Kiki is way too interested in her father's love life.

It's official: We can now confidently use the phrase "when Jason comes back."

And that's why you don't mess with Lulu. Also, great last scene in that plot, but I don't buy that Nathan wouldn't have already found another way into the house.

My guess is that eventually there will be a storyline where Ava's baby is kidnapped, and Nina and Sabrina (hey, that rhymes!) are both suspects.

Hey, they figured out how to make Nina interesting: put her in a scene with Ava.

September 3rd, 2014

Levi's boss is Victor, but it's not clear why he wants Lulu or the Aztec jewels. He makes Nathan reveal himself and threatens to kill him, then backs off when he realizes that Nathan might be his son. Obrecht goes on yet another rant against Anna, telling Britt that she killed Faison. She reveals that Victor confirmed that he was never taken back to prison, making Britt wonder why Victor's doing Obrecht favors when they supposedly don't have a history. It doesn't take her long to figure out that Victor is probably Nathan's father. Carly catches Kiki eavesdropping and begs her not to tell Franco that she slept with Franco. Kiki doesn't see how telling him would hurt him more than keeping him in the dark, so she makes a beeline for him. Sabrina lets Ava know that she knows Carlos didn't kill A.J., but doesn't say anything about her belief that Ava put Rafe up to the car crash. Silas tells Patrick about the card he found in Rafe's things. Nina and Franco are still boring.

I wanted them to follow up on the Victor/Nathan stuff, but still, this isn't the mystery man I wanted unveiled.

I hate it when Britt's smart.

Excuse me, Patrick – I thought we agreed that you would shave.

Just kidnap a baby already, Nina. I'm so sick of you.

September 4th, 2014

Carly just barely keeps Kiki from telling Franco about her extracurricular activities with Sonny. Sonny really wants Ava back, so he's happy to hear that Shawn has a plan to kidnap her. He's less happy to hear that Ava went to the hospital to talk to Franco. Patrick figures out that Victor could have caused the crash to keep him quiet about Robin's activities at the clinic. Sabrina's still stuck on Ava being the mastermind and convinces him not to say anything to Sam about the card. Ava's curious as to why Sabrina thinks she's connected to the crash that killed Gabriel, but doesn't think Carlos said anything to her. Alexis and Sam commiserate over relationship issues, and Alexis suggests that her daughter hook up with Patrick. Nina's determined to have a baby despite Britt's diagnosis, though Rosalie suspects that "have" really means "take." Julian keeps bugging Alexis about getting back together, but she stands her ground.

Do you think Kiki goes home every night thinking, "I'm the only sane person in this whole freaking town"? Because if she does, she's probably right.

I can't decide which is more exciting: Patrick figuring out that Victor might have caused the crash, or Patrick shaving.

I love you, Alexis, but do you really think you're in any position to give Sam relationship advice?

DJM: Patrick, Sabrina, Sam (making up for the recent drought)

September 5th, 2014

Emma's upset that Robin is messing yet another first day of school, so Patrick tries to call her. Later, Emma overhears Patrick and Elizabeth talking about the accident, and she confides to Spencer that someone came after her family. Kiki tells Morgan that Carly and Sonny slept together and tries to get him to promise not to tell Michael. Silas tells Sam about the card in Rafe's things, and she asks Patrick why he didn't mention it to her. Sam also confesses to Silas that she and Patrick went to the clinic to get info on Nina, so Silas might be starting to doubt Nina's honesty. Nina can't really do anything to Ava until the baby's born, so she decides to pass the time by getting revenge on Kiki. She wants to break up her and Michael, and she thinks Rosalie is the way to do so. Josslyn tells Spencer she's in love with Cameron, and it looks like he's finally realizing that they could team up to break up Cam and Emma. There's also some unimportant Carly/Franco/Nina stuff.

Is there any secret on this show that Michael actually knows? It seems like any time some piece of information comes out, someone makes someone else promise not to tell him.

Was Nina saying that Rosalie is no Miss Venezuela a throwaway, or is she Venezuelan? And if she is, is that significant, or do the writers just have a thing for that country? Because Alcazar was Venezuelan. I'M JUST SAYING.

Josslyn keeps climbing higher and higher on my list of favorite people. Keep up the good work, Carly Jr.

I'm not a huge Michelle Stafford fan, at least not in this role, but she gets major points for keeping a straight face while Roger Howarth was doing wacky physical comedy.

Back in town: Victor Cassadine (though I think he's already left again)
Injured: Levi "Peter Harrell" Dunkleman

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Ava: "First of all, no one in the history of the world has ever uttered the words 'poor Franco'"; Nina and Rosalie's "I'm totally sane!" "...Yes, you definitely are" exchange; Michael: "I can't believe you hid Spencer in your room for days." Josslyn: "He's very compact"; Nina to Rosalie: "Look at you, all high and mighty about hookers"; Spencer's total control over his servant
Funniest moment (unintentional): Kiki is totally terrified of Carly
Saddest moment: Emma continues to break my heart
Sweetest/cutest moment: Dante and Lulu's brief reunion
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Carly used the alias Caroline Roberts
Worst instance of continuity: Ava doesn't think Sabrina knows that Carlos didn't kill A.J., but Sabrina told her just hours earlier that she knows the truth
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest characters: Britt, for figuring out Nathan's paternity; Patrick, for tying Victor to the crash
Dumbest character: Levi, for oh, so many reasons

The week in a nutshell:

September 6th, 2014

Next week: Time for another field trip to Crichton Clark.

September 8th, 2014

Victor takes his hostages to Crichton Clark, where he focuses on finding out if Nathan is his son. Obrecht calls to ask him to help find Nathan, and Victor tells her he'll only do so if she tells him whether he's Nathan's father. Obrecht plays dumb, so Victor says he'll use his WSB connections to find out for himself. Obrecht figures out that he actually has Nathan and the others. Maxie and Nathan finally get a few minutes alone to talk about the aborted wedding, and the fact that Maxie wanted to call it off because of Nathan. Obrecht accuses Anna of killing Faison and putting Nathan in danger. Anna awesomely shuts her down and kicks her out so she can get some actual work done. Britt, however, wants answers to her mother's questions and asks Anna if she killed Faison. Dante starts to tell Lulu that he's investigating Luke for something, but before he can elaborate, she sees someone shocking. Spencer tells Emma that he knows who caused the crash, so she takes him to Patrick and Sam to spill. Spencer immediately retracts his story, but Sam gets him to admit that he thinks it was Luke. Britt tells Nikolas that she thinks Victor is Nathan's father, which would make Nathan and Nikolas cousins. Patrick seriously almost tells Sam about Jason.

Slow clap for Anna Devane, everyone. I'm going to need her in every Obrecht scene from now on, yelling at her to shut up and go away.

I have $5 on Lulu seeing Stavros.

I was going to complain about how Nikolas wouldn't have gotten a haircut while waiting for news on his missing sister, but I'm so dang happy he did it, I don't care.

Sam to Spencer: "When did you stop trusting me?" Me: "When did you ever have a scene together before now?"

September 9th, 2014

Lulu's shocked to see that Stavros is alive and well, and that he's still holding on to the title of creepiest villain. Back when he kidnapped her last year, he extracted one of her embryos and has now fertilized it and wants to implant it in Lulu so they can have a child together. Maxie and Nathan don't seem concerned about their safety, as they spend the episode talking about their feelings for each other. Maxie clearly likes Nathan but isn't sure she can trust her instincts anymore, after the mess with Levi, so she's not ready to make any big proclamations. Obrecht tells Anna, Nikolas, and Britt that Victor's running the WSB, which they apparently didn't know. She refuses to tell them where Victor might have taken his hostages, but Britt convinces her to back down. Levi's eager to keep moving with his plan, but Victor's more interested in Nathan's paternity right now. Spencer's information about Fluke sends Patrick and Sam on a new investigation. Sonny tries to seduce Carly while they're babysitting Rocco, like, keep your clothes on in your son's apartment, please.

Does cryogenic freezing reverse the aging process? Stavros looks ten years younger than the last time we saw him (and, strangely, like Jason Thompson). Also, good luck implanting that embryo without help from a doctor, you psycho.

I thought it was common knowledge that Victor was running the WSB. I guess not. Who did everyone think was in charge?

Poor Nathan is about to get, like, eight examples of how his family is insane. And through the magic of cryogenics, he gets to meet relatives he'd otherwise never get to meet!

I'm kind of waiting for Sonny to suggest that he and Carly raise the baby together. You know he's thinking about it.

DJM: a folder (I'm counting it)

September 10th, 2014

Maxie and Nathan manage to get her unhandcuffed, and she leaves Nathan behind to go find help. Lulu and Dante barely manage to hold Stavros off by telling him that Lulu will probably need hormones before she can carry a baby, so he shouldn't risk implanting the embryo without consulting a doctor. After an awkward encounter with Julian, Alexis asks Ned if they can rekindle things. He tells her he's willing to let her use him to get over her ex. Molly's furious to see Julian at the penthouse, and she begs him to stop saying he cares about her family and start showing it. He maybe, possibly starts to tell her that he framed Ric, but they're interrupted. Jordan tries to bond with Ava, who lets it slip that their boss has threatened Kiki. Jordan suggests that they team up to bring down Fluke – all she needs is Fluke's name. Ava says she'll have to think about it, then apparently has baby-related pain. T.J. asks Shawn who he's been sneaking around with, and though Jordan wanted to keep it quiet, Shawn tells him about their relationship.

Nathan! So impressive, with the paper clip and the dumbbell! You're the best!

I'm going to need someone to point out to Stavros that he wants to have a baby with his son's sister.

$5 says Ava's faking. What better way to hold on to an advantage when she doesn't actually have any information?

Let's talk about how much the new Danny looks like Jake. (Oh, and someone unearthed a super-old picture of the original Jason as a baby, and there's a resemblance there, too.)

September 11th, 2014

Nina makes Rosalie go spend time with Morgan and Michael so she can put their plan into action. Before Rosalie arrives, Kiki accidentally ticks off Morgan by encouraging him to spend time with Ava so he'll be ready in case he's the baby's father. Rosalie tries to get under Michael's skin by asking if he's nervous that Morgan and Kiki might want to reunite. Then she overhears them talking about how they need to keep it secret that Sonny and Carly slept together. Jordan rushes Ava to the hospital, where Sabrina makes her own fun by taunting that Ava could lose the baby. Sam thinks she and Patrick should tell Anna what Spencer told them about Luke, but Patrick wants to collect more evidence first. Unfortunately, the only person they can think of who spoke to Fluke at the engagement party was Ric, and they can't exactly talk to him. So they ditch work for the evening and hang out with Danny. Silas tells Nina that Sam and Patrick went to Crichton Clark to investigate her. Nina responds by calling Patrick Sam's new boyfriend. Felix blasts Jordan for furthering negative stereotypes about people of their race.

People need to stop talking about secrets in public, and in voices loud enough for other people to overhear. Classic soap mistake.

Patrick, Jason is going to come back and glare at you for five straight minutes for spending time with his kid.

I think Jordan, like Nina, has a list. Hers is just all the people she's going to taunt when the truth about her job comes out.

"Contrary to Yelp, the care here is just fine." Who's posting negative reviews of GH on Yelp?

DJM: Sam

September 12th, 2014

Maxie comes across a patient who thinks she's Felicia, then runs into Levi, who reveals that the patient is his father. Peter took a bullet to the head back during his escapades with Frisco and Felicia, and in recent years it's incapacitated him. Levi's now going to get his revenge. Nathan kicks all sorts of butt, first taunting Levi, then overpowering a guard and taking his gun, then bursting into Victor's office to demand Maxie. Anna lets Obrecht tag along to the clinic, then sends her in to do recon. Instead, Obrecht begs Victor to let her see Nathan, admitting that he's Victor's son. She also tells Nathan that he's officially a Cassadine. Victor tells Stavros to chill on the Lulu plot, which Stavros interprets as "start her on those hormones so she can have your baby, then plan her kidnapping." Back in Port Charles, Mac punches a jerky reporter for suggesting that Maxie might not make it home alive. Felicia blames herself for the whole mess because the Aztec jewels that started everything were hers. Just in case anyone's forgotten, there are 18 reminders that Jason's at the clinic.

I can't take any more of Lulu and Dante's histrionics. CALM DOWN. You're dealing with a crazy person; you need to be sane.

Nice attempt to make us think we were going to see Jason, show, but you showed your hand. We know you're not going to debut Billy Miller in the same episode where you showed a picture of Steve Burton.

Levi's WSB? He sucks at it. Eh, whatever, he sucks at everything.

So Felicia IS running for mayor?

DJM: Victor, Stavros, everyone else who works at the clinic

Kidnapped: Dante Falconeri, Lulu Falconeri (again), Maxie Jones (again), Nathan West

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Michael: "I tease because I love." Morgan: "Well, love a little less"; Silas would rather die than have to watch Hart to Hart
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ava's "are you trying to sound intimidating, you little twig?" face
Saddest moment: Patrick has to play cars with Danny because he can't play them with Gabriel
Sweetest/cutest moments: Sonny and Rocco; everything Danny
Least believable moment: Anna took Obrecht with her to the clinic
Best instances of continuity: Sam and Spencer are cousins; Alexis left Ned at the altar
Worst instance of continuity: The pictures on Sam's mantel keep changing
Hero of the week: Nathan
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Jordan, who still plays the game better than anyone
Dumbest character: Anna, for trusting Obrecht and for going to the clinic without backup
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Anna telling Obrecht to shut up and get out
Things we learned this week: 1. Nathan's a Cassadine
2. Peter Harrell is alive (but not well)
3. Stavros is back in action, but Helena isn't (yet)
4. Jason is ticked

The week in a nutshell:

September 13th, 2014

Next week: We haven't seen the last of Robin...or magical fortune cookies!

September 15th, 2014

Obrecht confirms to Nathan that Victor's his father, but Nathan's only focused on finding Maxie. Maxie's at the mercy of both Harrells, but, of course, Nathan saves her by shooting Peter Sr. Maxie then repays the favor and saves him by stabbing Peter Jr. Then there's kissing, though they should probably make sure they're really safe and rescue their friends before they do more of that. Anna meets up with backup sent by Robert, and they start trying to extract the hostages. Anna almost comes across Jason before she hears Dante yelling, and she frees him by shooting off his handcuff. Meanwhile, Stavros plans to implant a sedated Lulu right away, not realizing that she's faking her sedation and isn't going down without a fight. Sam and Patrick eat Chinese food, talk about her wedding to Jason, and reminisce about people they didn't date in high school. Then they open their magical fortune cookies. Patrick's: "You have a secret." Sam's: "Something you lost will be found again." Both: "Now is the time to try something new." While looking for his wife, Dante runs into William the clinic employee and tries to gain access to Jason's room. He ends up knocking William out and heading off after Lulu, but in the time William's unconscious, Jason manages to escape. Victor gets his paternity-test results, which say he's NOT Nathan's father, so he decides he can dispose of Obrecht. Anna stops him, but Obrecht isn’t appropriately grateful, pulling a gun on her nemesis. Sonny tells Olivia that he takes care of Carly because Jason would want him to (yeah, Sonny, I'm sure that's the only reason).

Don't the other patients at the clinic hear all those gunshots and wonder what's going on? Actually, ARE there other patients there?

I like that Sam and Patrick both mentioned that they're not as close to Maxie as they used to be. That's been bugging me. Also, if I didn't want Sam and Jason back together, I would want her with Patrick so badly.

Four words no one ever wants to hear: "You are a Cassadine."

"Avenge me!" probably shouldn't have made me crack up, and yet...

It's ironic that Sonny's using the metaphor of the house always winning, re: death, because Sonny always rigs casino games.

Why is Olivia so surprised that Sonny can take care of a baby? He has, like, eight kids.

DJM: Sam, Sonny

September 16th, 2014

Obrecht shoots Victor before Anna can finish arresting him, claiming she did it because Victor would never stay put if he were sent to prison. After Anna leaves to try to actually accomplish something, Obrecht tells Victor that she wants everyone to believe Nathan is his son. She plans to finish Victor off, but he turns the tables by triggering the building's self-destruct sequence, put in place so the biological weapons being kept there stay out of the wrong hands. There's a lot of fighting among Dante, Lulu, Stavros, and the random female doctor, until eventually Stavros regains the upper hand. Lulu jumps in front of Dante so Stavros can't shoot him, but Stavros is now considering surrogacy and doesn't need her anymore. Fortunately, Dante gets his gun back and finishes Stavros off (supposedly). Headless Jason (who can't talk because he was recently intubated but otherwise seems fine) dodges both good and bad guys, finally coming across Robin. Sam and Patrick do some kissing, but though she admits to having some feelings for him, she doesn't think a relationship is a good idea. They decide to focus on their investigation for the time being and stay friends. Nathan and Maxie waste time with a shooting lesson before remembering that there are other people in the clinic who might need some rescuing. They come across William, who tells them that an unnamed patient escaped but won't give them any details. Tracy and Michael kill some empty minutes.

Whose idea was it to bring back a character before casting someone to play him? They couldn't have pushed this stuff back a few weeks?

Since Jason can't talk, I guess they can't address the fact that last he knew, Robin was dead. He should be, you know, surprised to see her alive.

Also, Jason in sneakers makes me giggle.

God bless Sam for basically saying, "I wanted to kiss you, but not while you had that beard." Priorities!

Let's play Guess Which Scenes Were Added to Fill Out a Short Episode! I'll go first: Michael and Tracy's scenes. Yay, I win!

September 17th, 2014

The clinic's Port Charles visitors all reunite and manage to get out of the building before it blows up. Headless Jason's expertise with motorcycles apparently translates to other forms of electronics, as he's able to get himself and Robin out of an electronically locked room. Unfortunately (for them, but fortunately for us), they run into Helena, who's snagged Lulu's embryo. She also already has plans for Robin and Jason, but they're able to escape from her. Patrick tells Elizabeth that he wants to move on with Sam. Meanwhile, Sam tells Alexis that both Jason and Robin are keeping her from wanting to risk her friendship with Patrick by trying a relationship. (The Robin part doesn't really make sense, because it has more to do with Jason than with Patrick, but whatever.) Alexis thinks the door is open and she should give it a try. Spencer tells Nikolas and Britt that he thinks Luke caused the car accident.

Yes, I'm sure that after all this Jason talk, he and Robin are dead. I believe that as much as I believe that anyone else in that clinic is fully, completely dead. Especially anyone whose last name is Cassadine.

Hey, WSB agents who said the clinic was empty, get new jobs. Oh, wait. Your workplace blew up. You'll have to get new jobs anyway.

Writers: Here's the difference between a bad villain and a good villain. When Obrecht, Stavros, or Nina is on-screen, I boo. When Helena is on-screen, I cheer. Please remember this.

Since when does Sam feel uncomfortable about Robin and Jason's friendship? That's a retcon. CARLY was the one who could get Jason to drop everything and do something for her.

Was anyone else waiting for Alexis to bust out with, "Tell me more, tell me more, like did he have a car?" Sometimes she's more of a teenager than Molly is.

September 18th, 2014

It's Franco's birthday, and Carly wants to make things up to him/stop feeling guilty about cheating by throwing him a birthday party. She's even okay with him inviting Nina. Sabrina apologizes to Ava for her behavior at the hospital, then gives her medication that could cause her to miscarry. Rosalie tells Nina that Carly cheated on Franco with Sonny, so of course Nina wants to pass on the information to Franco. Kiki tells Silas about keeping a secret from Michael, and how it's easier for her to talk to Morgan. She also mentions that Morgan might be getting involved with Rosalie, which makes Silas take notice. Rosalie seems to have gotten under Michael's skin about Morgan and Kiki's friendship. Then she shows up to see him wearing a sexy dress, so it seems she wants to get under the rest of him. (Sorry, sorry.) Sonny and Shawn continue Operation Get Ava Back.

Oh, Franco. If you have a problem with Carly's friendships with men, just wait a few weeks.

That's going to be the most awkward birthday party ever. I can't wait.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO. I cannot get behind Sabrina trying to kill another woman's baby. The Sabrina we've seen over the past two years isn't vindictive, and she certainly wouldn't go this far to get revenge. This is completely out of character for her.

A $12 bowl of cereal? Please tell me that was a joke.

September 19th, 2014

Nina tells Franco what Rosalie overheard, but Franco decides to live in Denial Land, because there's no way Carly would cheat on him, and there's no way Kiki wouldn't tell him. And when he later sees Sonny with his hand on Carly's face, he'll probably tell himself that Sonny's just waving away a fly. Morgan thinks that Ava's holding something over Sonny's head, and he made her live with him to keep her close. She assures him that she and Sonny don't have feelings for each other, and asks if Morgan might consider taking her back. Morgan says no, but he wants to be a good father if the baby's his. Rosalie tells Michael that Morgan and Kiki are keeping a secret from him. Kiki tells him the secret is a surprise anniversary party, so now she's lied to his face. Sonny tells Carly that Operation Get Ava Back is a go (and Shawn and Max kill a couple minutes getting ready for it). He does some more flirting, but Carly's not in the mood, especially when they start talking about Jason. Sabrina lights a candle for Ava's baby, because even though she's plotting murder, she's still a good Catholic.

Still no love here for Nina, but I did laugh at the way she said, "Yeah, we're gonna do it."

No wonder Ava's guards suck so much! One of them is a rat!

Enjoy Hell, Sabrina. Say hi to Adam Winchester for me.

You know, I usually don't care about Carly's feelings one way or another, but I'm happy that she'll be happy when she finds out Jason's alive. It's almost that I feel like no matter what crap she goes through or puts others through, she deserves to have her best friend back.

Birthdays: Franco, Jason Morgan
Presumed dead: Stavros Cassadine, Victor Cassadine, Peter Harrells Jr. and Sr.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Maxie: "I love danger! I'm holding a gun!"; Maxie: "It's an expression." Nathan: "Who says that?" Maxie: "I do." Nathan: "Anyone else?"; Nina: "All the women in this town are liars" (gets out of wheelchair she doesn't need)
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Avenge me"
Saddest moment: "Sometimes...I want my best friend"
Sweetest/cutest moment: Maxie and Nathan's banter
Least believable moment: The villainization of Sabrina
Best instance of continuity: Noodle Buddha!
Worst instance of continuity: I'm 200% sure Maxie's used a gun before
Heroes of the week: Robert (pretty impressive considering he wasn't even on), Nathan, Anna, Dante
Most annoying character: Sabrina
Smartest character: Lulu
Dumbest character: the pharmacist who didn't check Ava's records before filling a prescription that could cause a miscarriage
Unanswered question of the week: Who's Nathan's father?
Things we learned this week: 1. Victor ISN'T Nathan's father.
2. Franco uses Facebook. (I'm sure he only has, like, two friends, though.)
Best/most memorable moments of the week: 1. Jason interrupting Robin's five-minute exposition session (which I doubt he was even listening to) to shoot off her handcuffs
2. Nathan: "Here's a gun. Do you need a tutorial?" Lulu: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha no"

The week in a nutshell:

September 20th, 2014

Next week: I scream incoherently about Liaison.

September 22nd, 2014

Robin and Jason nab a car and head to Port Charles, seemingly keeping Helena and her goons off their trail. Robin tries to keep an ailing Jason's spirits up by telling him how happy everyone will be to see him, and revealing that Danny is his son. Once in Port Charles, they split up to make it harder for Helena to find them; Robin goes to the hotel to see Anna, and Jason goes to Sonny's. Franco basically gives Carly one more chance to come clean, then asks Kiki if anything happened between Carly and Sonny. Kiki spills the beans, so now Franco's going to make his birthday party memorable. Ava tries her best to avoid being kidnapped, but ultimately, Shawn and Max kill her guards and prepare to take her. Cue convenient baby-related pain. Sam asks Sonny if he can think of any reason Luke might team up with the Jeromes against him. Sonny considers that a stretch but promises to keep his eyes open, cautioning Sam to do the same. Anna almost tells Duke that she and Robert killed Faison. In other news, Duke is still on this show. Bobbie and Lucy press Scott about making his decision, and he chooses...Bobbie? Huh. Didn't see that coming.

It sure took Robin and Jason a long time to drive a short distance.

It would've been funny if Robin, Jason, Ava, Shawn, and Max had all gotten to Sonny's house at the same time. Like, where do you start with that conversation?

Kiki, don't worry about Franco's reaction to Carly's cheating. Worry about Carly's reaction to finding out you told him.

Okay, this time I'm really sure Ava's faking.

All the references to Faison are making me nervous.

September 23rd, 2014

Jason is about to go into Sonny's house when one of Helena's goons takes him at gunpoint. The only evidence he leaves of his presence is a scalpel Robin gave him to use as a weapon. In the car on the way to Helena, Jason overpowers one of his captors and jumps out. In Anna's suite, Robin's greeted not by her mother but by Helena, who reveals that she has surveillance on Patrick's house and will kill her family if Robin contacts the police. Robin boasts that Jason will save her, but Helena rains on that parade by letting her know that Jason was also captured. Ava pretends to pass out, throwing Max and Shawn off guard enough to buy herself a little time. When they're ready to try kidnapping her again, Shawn sends Max to Sonny's house to give him a status report. Shawn is then interrupted by Jordan, and the two of them hold guns on each other while Jordan helps Ava escape. She takes off in Jordan's car, frantically calling Julian for help, and is so distracted that she doesn't see Jason in the road. Instead of a big revelation about Sonny or confrontation about Carly cheating, Franco surprises everyone by proposing to Carly, who accepts. He tells Kiki that since Carly said she’ll never sleep with Sonny again, he can totally trust her. Sam and Patrick fill Anna in on their accident investigation, and she tells them that Luke is also a suspect in another case, so they're not crazy for believing Spencer's story. Later, Anna mentions to Patrick that Crichton-Clark blew up, and he panics, telling her that Robin was there. Emma's still sad about her parents' impending divorce.

I love back-from-the-dead returns. It's probably the only time I can tolerate delays and "she's going to see, she's not!" moments.

Is Helena just wandering around town without anyone recognizing her?

This is not a good day for Sonny's men. Shawn's in a stand-off with his girlfriend, Max is jinxing stuff all over the place, the Cassadine goons were able to get onto Sonny's property without detection (maybe Sonny employs Secret Service agents?), Jason's getting kidnapped and hit by cars...

Ava, meet your niece's husband. Jason, meet the mother of your best friend's unborn child or grandchild.

So I guess Patrick's ignoring the evidence that Victor might have been behind the accident?

September 24th, 2014

Patrick tells Anna all about Robin;s activities at Crichton-Clark as they wonder if she and/or Helena made it out alive. After reminding Robin to keep quiet or risk her families' lives, Helena lets her Skype with her husband and mother. She plays innocent about everything at the clinic, claiming that she left for Paris weeks ago and is going to stay away from her family because she's made so many bad decisions recently. A call to the WSB tells Anna that Helena's body was found in the clinic, and with Jason still supposedly dead, Patrick and Anna have no reason to think anything out of the ordinary is going on. Ava calls Jordan, who sends her off to hide while Jordan takes the rap for hitting Jason. With nowhere else to go, Ava turns to Morgan. Kiki tells Morgan that she told Franco about Carly and Sonny, and he proposed to Carly anyway. Morgan wants to fill Michael in, but Kiki doesn't want to admit that she kept a secret from him. Michael tells Sonny about Carly and Franco's engagement, and Shawn tells Sonny that Ava got away, so Sonny's having a pretty bad day. (Not as bad as Jason's day, but still.) Franco pushes Carly to get married on Halloween.

Helena has committed the same sin every other villain on this show commits: She failed to kill all her witnesses. I can't believe she's not worried about Jason being out there somewhere, free to take her down.

I'm so disappointed that Robin and Anna don't have any kind of "I'm in trouble" secret code.

I think Patrick's computer screen is bigger than my TV.

Someday, Jordan will stop taking the blame for other people's crimes.

Since when does Ava care about other people, especially strangers?

September 25th, 2014

Jason is taken to the hospital, where Elizabeth treats him without realizing it. Julian bugs Sonny about what happened to Ava, and Shawn asks the same questions of Jordan. Meanwhile, Ava tells Morgan that Sonny's after her and manages to convince him to let her hide out with him for the night. The Crichton-Clark hostages return to town and reunite with their families. Maxie's upset about having killed Levi, but Mac would rather talk about her relationship with Nathan. (Britt's also on Team Nathan 'N' Maxie.) Everyone ends the night happy, with Nathan asking Maxie to dinner. Julian catches Alexis on her "date" with Ned and assures Alexis that she'll eventually come back to him. Olivia accidentally crashes the date as well and is disappointed to lose her movie buddy. Nikolas starts to tell Lulu about Spencer's accusations against Luke, but realizes it's probably not a good time. Sabrina's confused because Ava hasn't been brought to the hospital yet, then gets mad when she finds out that Jordan has Ava's pills. The experience with Stavros has made Lulu want to delay having a second baby.

I assume Jason has facial injuries, and the bandages are what's keeping Elizabeth from recognizing him? I'd like to know how long they plan to keep this up. I could buy Sabrina or Felix not recognizing him, but not Elizabeth,

Dang, Alexis has some nice willpower. I don't think even I would be able to resist him after the stuff he said today.

Today, I hated Sabrina and thought Britt was kind of cute. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW?

Not that I care, but did ayone figure out what happened to Frisco?

September 26th, 2014

Fluke sends a new Mickey named Kobi after Ava, and the guy tells Julian that since she didn't kill Michael, he'll finish the assignment himself. Julian tells Jordan, but he's not worried about Kobi being a threat. Ava wants to flee town, but Morgan convinces her to keep hiding out with him and Kiki. Sam and Patrick discuss Spencer's suspicions with Alexis, who tells them she saw Fluke and Julian talking in the stable. Tracy lies to Lulu about why Luke isn't in town, but Lulu sees through the story. Dante reveals to them that Luke's under investigation because he could be the head of the Jeromes. Tracy admits that she saw him talking to Julian. Shawn has figured out that Jordan, not Ava, hit the John Doe, and bugs Jordan about Ava's whereabouts.

Has Morgan thought to ask Ava why Sonny wants her dead? I'd think he would be curious about that.

Interesting that Sam and Patrick have jumped from "Luke threatened to hurt Emma" to "Luke admitted he caused the accident." I mean, they're right to be suspicious of Fluke, but they're suspicious for the wrong reasons.

Geez, Alexis, worry about your own relationship before you start playing matchmaker.

Yeah, Shawn, just keep asking Jordan where Ava is. I'm sure once you hit whatever the magic number is, she'll change her mind and tell you.

Back in town (and left again): Helena Cassadine, Robin Scorpio
Back in town (and staying): Jason Morgan
Engaged: Franco and Carly Jacks
Hospitalized: Jason Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Michael: "I don't speak Franco"; Alexis: "Weren't you a bigamist?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Olivia saying that Rocco's happy to see his parents, followed by Rocco crying
Saddest moment: Patrick and Anna thinking Robin's leaving them
Sweetest/cutest moment: Anna's going to comfort Emma with Matilda
Least believable moment: Anna got back to town hours before everyone else
Best instances of continuity: Max always calls Carly "Mrs. C"; Ned's past as a bigamist
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Jordan, if you want to think of her that way
Most annoying character: Sabrina
Smartest character: Jordan
Dumbest character: Helena
Things we learned this week: Helena has a little crush on Duke

The week in a nutshell:

September 27th, 2014

Next week: Franco has a plan? What?

September 29th, 2014

Jordan thinks Julian should tell someone about the hit on Michael, which is exactly the opposite of what Jordan wants to do. She turns to Shawn instead and sends him to Michael's apartment, where Kobi has arrived to carry out his boss' orders (and off Rosalie as well, since she's a witness). Kiki wants to tell Michael that Sonny's after Ava, because she thinks he can get his father to back off. As Ava gets more and more worried about her location being revealed, Kiki urges her to tell her and Morgan why Sonny's trying to kill her. Ultimately, Ava announces that Sonny killed A.J. Instead of an engagement ring, Franco gives Carly a necklace meant to ward off the evil eye. It actually contains a camera, which he tells Nina he's using to find out if he can really trust his fiancée. (Hint: He can't.) Alexis volunteers to find out if Julian's working for Luke by pretending she wants to get back together. Sam tells her not to, but Alexis doesn't listen. Unfortunately for her, Julian sees right through her ruse. Even though Tracy insists multiple times that Luke isn't a mob boss, Lulu and Dante convince her to try to get in touch with him so they can get some answers. Later, they get a visit from Sam and Patrick, so now everyone can work together, I guess. Sonny tells Carly that Ava got away from him and could be on her way out of town. Carly can't see a problem with that. Olivia and Ned get some filler scenes, and should just get together already.

People really need to stop telling Kiki and Morgan things they can't tell Michael.

I would like to state for the record that Kobi said his boss has a name Michael might know, and earlier in the episode, someone mentioned Frank Smith. I'M JUST SAYING.

Also for the record, people you want around during a crisis: Michael. People you don't want around during a crisis: Rosalie.

The necklace containing a camera wasn't a surprise. And that was even before I remembered that Franco's used hidden cameras before.

Sam: "We just wanted to check up on you." Lulu: (trying to figure out the last time she talked to Sam or Patrick)

September 30th, 2014

Kobi and Shawn face off, with Kobi holding Michael hostage. The stand-off ends when Rosalie accidentally distracts Kobi, Michael grabs for his gun, they fight over it, and Kobi is killed. Sonny quickly covers everything up, swearing Rosalie to secrecy. Kiki doesn't believe Ava's story about Sonny killing A.J. and targeting her because she was a witness, but Morgan recalls a conversation with his father in which Sonny admitted to doing something horrible. He urges Kiki not to say anything to Michael, since Carly's also part of the cover-up, and the revelation would destroy the family. Alexis asks Julian if he's working for Luke, which Julian can honestly deny. They start to get physical, but Julian doesn't want to hook up if she's just going to leave again. Alexis tells him she's going to stay this time. Lulu, Dante, Tracy, Sam, and Patrick spend the hour sharing information and getting everyone on the same page. Then Tracy learns that Luke's in Amsterdam, and Patrick calls for a field trip. Carly manages to keep her clothes on around Sonny this time. Nina thinks Franco needs to calm down about them.

Rosalie: "How are you not freaking out?" Me: "He's done this before." Speaking of which, Sonny clearly learned nothing from covering up Claudia's death, because he's doing the same things he did back then.

Carly, if you don't like the dangers of the mob, stop hanging out with mobsters. You, too, Alexis.

Remember when Kiki was a manipulative party girl instead of Ms. Ethics? Me neither.

When NINA thinks you've cracked, you've really cracked.

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