September 8th, 2015

Jason finds Sonny and T.J. and gets right to work trying to keep Sonny alive. Sonny seems to confuse him with someone else, saying that he knew Jason would show up because he always does. Everyone else gathers for the wedding, killing time by talking about their mental health (Carly and Morgan) and hanging out with Avery (Michael and Sabrina). When Maxie finally tells Carly that the groom hasn't arrived, Carly thinks he's arranged a big surprise – namely, that he's at the airport, picking up Spinelli. Her denial that anything could be wrong goes out the window when Jason shows up covered in blood. Sloane admits to Anna that he went against their plans and won't turn on Nikolas. She tells him that she changed her mind and wanted to try out a relationship after all, but now that she knows what a rat he is, that won't be happening. Sloane threatens to take her down with him if she lets him go to Pentonville for election fraud. Lulu tells Dante that she wants another baby, but judging from Valerie's sudden illness, she might be getting a step-child instead. Nikolas tells Hayden that they were fighting because he found out about her fake marriage to Jason and was going to hold it over her head. Hayden remains unsure of how much he knows, even when he swears again that Helena didn't tell him Jason's identity. It doesn't stop her from totally wanting to hook up with him, though.

Hey, so that teaser "something triggers Jake's memory" was a bust, huh?

I'm surprised that Sam waited three whole seconds to follow Jason after he told her to stay put.

So are we done retconning how close Carly and Spinelli are? They're not BFFs. He wouldn't fly back for her wedding. Mike would have been a better guess, but no one's mentioned him in forever.

Anna saying that rebounding with Sloane makes no sense is how everyone feels about them, I believe.

Ugh, just have sex already, Hayden and Nikolas. P.S. Use protection.

September 9th, 2015

Carly and the wedding guests learn of Sonny's shooting, and the party quickly ends. While Carly, Michael, and Morgan head to the hospital, T.J. tells Dante and Jordan that Julian appears to be responsible. It's convenient that he's already at the PCPD, having visited Ava. Everyone's pretty impressed with Jason for running in to save Sonny without a weapon. As usual, he's modest. Sloane orders Anna to get Jordan to grant him immunity, or he'll reveal that she killed Carlos. She suspects that he held on to her gun because he was going to use it against her all along. They fight about Duke and his loyalties and his hatred of Julian and other stuff, and how Anna thinks he was still better than Sloane. Maxie and Lulu warn Sabrina that dating Michael could lead to more situations like this. As angry as Michael is with Sonny, they don't think he'll ever fully separate from his father. In fact, they think Michael's a lot like Sonny. Jordan sees the shooting as an object lesson for exactly why T.J. shouldn't be hanging around a mobster.

The question we have to ask ourself is: Is Julian dumb enough to hang around the docks knowing something was going to happen to Sonny there? Shouldn't he have been, I don't know, anywhere else in the city? I say that Julian's kind of dumb, but not that dumb. I still think he's a red herring.

So to sum up, Sloane cares about Anna, but not more than he cares about himself. Yeah, he would have been a real catch, Anna. Jordan's going to regret trying to play matchmaker for them.

Did Sabrina drink any champagne? It's important for plot rumors...

What the--? Now we're retconning Michael's motives for killing Claudia?

September 10th, 2015

Patrick lets the Corinthos contingent know that the bullet is lodged near Sonny's spine, which could lead to paralysis, because of course. Ric drops by the hospital but immediately gets yelled at by Carly, Michael, and Morgan, who blame him for Sonny's condition since he released the hijacker from jail. Ric argues that since he's Sonny's brother, he should be in charge of making medical decisions. Michael shoots him down (poor choice of words?) by reclaiming his title as Sonny's son. Ric points out that Michael turned his back on Sonny, which just makes Michael feel bad about it. Lulu tells Olivia about Sonny's shooting, and Olivia tells her that she saw Julian on the docks around the time it happened. This is good news to Dante, who was hoping to find something he could use to pin the shooting on an innocence-claiming Julian. Jason continues his good deeds by getting Morgan to stop yelling in the ER. After Jason and Sam talk to the police, they end up at pier 54 for this week's discussion of Jason with Jason. Sam confides that she wonders what her life would be like if Jason hadn't "died." T.J. gushes over Sonny's treatment of him, telling Jordan that he'll remain loyal. Jordan is understandably worried that he'll end up getting shot, too. Paul gets his divorce papers but hesitates to sign them, wondering about the next phase of his life. A pep talk from Tracy helps a little, but it's learning of Sonny's shooting and the idea that life can change quickly that make Paul sign. Lulu and Sabrina further discuss Michael and Sonny, with Sabrina thinking that Michael feels guilty for continuing to love Sonny after what he did to A.J.

Hey, Patrick IS capable of treating a mobster without making inappropriate comments about his line of work! This might be a first.

"He's my brother!" "He's my father!" Well, that didn't take long. I knew this storyline would lead to Michael returning to the fold, but I didn't think it would be this soon. If you're wondering, it started at 2:33 p.m., when he started being a mini-Sonny and asked about increasing security at the house.

Words Carly probably never expected to say: "Poor Nina Clay."

My favorite thing this week might be how Jason found a way to tell Morgan to shut up without actually telling him to shut up.

"I love (looooooooong pause) Patrick." Well, I'm convinced.

September 11th, 2015

Would you be surprised to know that Sonny's in bad shape? While waiting for him to improve, Michael officially returns to the Corinthos fold. Morgan vows to avenge his father by killing Julian. Dante plans to hold Julian as long as possible despite not having evidence that he was involved in the shooting. Julian strikes a nerve with him by mentioning Sonny's history of being unfaithful. Sloane demands money from Nikolas for going back on what he said to Anna about the election. Nikolas doesn't think he should have to pony up because Sloane was an idiot. Hayden thinks Sloane is some sort of tragic hero because he had to choose between love and money. Patrick and Elizabeth are both worried about their significant others being involved in a mob-related situation. Sam assures Patrick that she's happy having an undangerous life. Elizabeth is apparently inspired to tell Jason the truth. Anna talks Jordan into holding off on investigating the election fraud, so she won't accidentally stumble across the evidence Sloane has that she killed Carlos. Jason wonders why Sonny said that he knew Jason would come.

And just like that, our long national Michael/Sonny nightmare is over. How long till Michael changes his name back to Corinthos?

We're just going to call this episode "Chad Duell and Laura Wright's Emmy Reels."

Morgan, go sit down. At the kids' table.

New favorite thing: Julian making fun of Morgan.

Hayden, you sit down, too. We don't need you right now. (Though I do appreciate you calling Sloane an idiot.)

T.J., I know you feel bad, but I swear, if you say this is your fault one more time...

I probably wasn't supposed to laugh at Julian joking that he hopes Dante didn't inherit Sonny's infidelity, and yet...

Hands up if you really think Elizabeth's going to tell Jason the truth now. Awww, you adorable naïve bunnies.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Lulu to Michael: "Yeah, no, you're invisible when you're holding her"; Julian to Morgan: "You going to sulk me to death?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Julian's "thanks a lot, Lulu" face after she announced that Olivia saw him on the docks
Saddest moment: Take your pick
Sweetest/cutest moment: Avery, who gets cuter every time she's on-screen
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Paul was forced into a cartel years ago
Worst instance of continuity: Jason grew stubble in, like, 20 minutes
Hero of the week: Jason
Most annoying character: Patrick
Smartest character: N/A
Dumbest character: Probably Sloane, though I haven't completely figured out why yet

The week in a nutshell:

• Jason took care of Sonny until paramedics arrived, though Sonny's condition remained critical. The Corinthos sons handled the situation in various ways: Dante interrogated Julian, Michael reestablished himself as a Corinthos and took charge of security measures, and Morgan yelled a bunch and plotted against Julian.
• Sloane and Anna faced off as he threatened to expose her for killing Carlos if she didn't get him immunity for election fraud. Ultimately she backed down. Sloane then demanded hush money from Nikolas, with unexpected support from Hayden.
• Patrick objected to Sam's involvement in the aftermath of Sonny's shooting.
• We're supposed to think that Elizabeth is going to come clean to Jason, but I don't buy it.
• Lulu and Maxie let Sabrina know to expect more violent emergencies in her relationship with Michael.
• Jordan and T.J. remained at odds over his living arrangements and choice of associates.
• Hayden continued to be uncertain of which of the things Nikolas says are honest.
• Valerie is probably pregnant.
• Paul signed his divorce papers.

September 14th, 2015

Carly reads Sonny's vows and has a bunch of flashbacks. Dante's torn between his love for Sonny and his anger that he puts himself in danger all the time. Michael tries to keep a barely-in-control Morgan from completely losing it. Sonny's monitors indicate distress, and there really should be some medical personnel closer by, don't you think? Elizabeth seems to be genuinely about to tell Jason the truth, but they're interrupted by Jake, who's worried that they won't stay a family. Nina and Franco spent their first day of freedom putting together all the pieces of Ric and Madeline's gaslighting scheme. They present Ric with annulment papers and force him to sign so he won't go to jail. Sam worries about retaliation from Sonny's enemies, and whether or not Julian was responsible for the shooting. Patrick's angry about violence and Jason's coldness and all the usual stuff. Maxie and Nathan desperately need a plot so they can stop only talking about other people.

Once again, GH's ER sucks. Where are all the doctors?

Well, Elizabeth, since there's no way you're going to tell Jason the truth, good luck figuring out how to spin your lead-up. My guess is she's going to admit to not telling Jason and Sam that Danny was alive.

If you, like me, are consistently annoyed by Patrick's attitude toward Sam and her old life, just do what I'm going to start doing: Remind yourself that this is just a placeholder relationship, and it's all going to come out in the wash.

Look, I like Maxie and all, but I really don't care how Sonny's shooting affects her.

September 15th, 2015

The bullet shifts, making surgery more of a necessity for Sonny. If Patrick operates now, Sonny might not be strong enough to survive, but if he waits, the bullet could shift again and damage Sonny's heart. The Corinthos contingent debates the pros and cons, with Carly ultimately deciding that Patrick should operate right away. As I expected, Elizabeth confesses to Jason that she didn't tell him and Sam that Danny was alive. He thinks she's awesome because she did eventually come clean. She's such a good person that she couldn't bear the guilt! He's done bad things, too! Everyone makes mistakes! Yeah, Elizabeth is now a walking definition of the word "hypocrite." Ric ends up babysitting Danny, and if that weren't weird enough, Sam takes pity on him and fills him in on what she knows about Sonny's condition. Of course, the conversation turns to Jason, with Ric noting that "Jake" displayed very Jason-like behavior at the warehouse. Maxie notes the same thing to Nathan. Maxie also worries about what all the danger in town could mean for her boyfriend. Michael and Dante discuss their conflicting feelings for their father.

Did anyone bother to tell Bobbie what happened so she could go sit in the ER with her daughter?

I need someone to give Morgan a sedative, like, now.

How do the writers write for Elizabeth without wanting to jump out a window?

I can't explain why, but I love Ric/Sam scenes. Add to that the fact that we got to see the penthouse again and I was very happy today.

September 16th, 2015

Sonny makes it through surgery, so maybe now people can start to calm down. And by "people," I mean Morgan. Scott informs Ava that Max talked Diane out of defending her and Julian, but he's willing to pick up her case. Also, for $5 million, he'll hand over the recording and Ava will go free. Ava balks at the steep price, but Scott points out that she's already gone to pretty great lengths to get back to her daughters, so why stop now? Lucas isn't sure if Julian was behind Sonny's shooting, since Julian has lied before about leaving the mob. He's also worried about retaliation. Julian swears innocence, and a gunpowder-residue test backs him up. Dante blames himself for Sonny's decline, since he was kind of yelling at his father when his heart stopped. He pulls an Elizabeth, feeling so guilty about his affair that he wants to tell Lulu. Of course, that doesn't happen. (One crisis at a time, Dante.) Nathan asks Valerie to keep her distance from Dante, letting her know that he knows about the affair. Valerie admits that she still has feelings for Dante but won't act on them.

I know it's the mania talking, but SHUT UP, MORGAN.

You have to admire Scott for shooting for the moon. Even if Ava had negotiated him down from $5 million, he'd still come out a winner.

Though by calling Julian a "preening peacock," Scott was projecting, yes?

Seriously, though, where's Bobbie?

September 17th, 2015

Alexis returns to town with Kristina in tow, creating a Davis girls faceoff over whether Julian was behind Sonny's shooting (Sam and Alexis are con, Molly and Kristina are pro). Kristina's just in time for a say-nice-things-about-Sonny marathon. Scott's recording scheme works, as the charges against Ava are dropped (though they'll be reinstated if the recording ever turns up). But when Scott gets back to his hotel room, it's been tossed. Michael rehires Milo to guard Sonny, which seems like a good idea until he provides Morgan with a gun, allowing him to go after Julian. Speaking of Julian, he wants to flee town, and he tries to convince Alexis to come along because someone from Sonny's camp could target her. Dante goes back and forth on telling Lulu about his affair. Nathan almost tells him that Valerie has feelings for him, like that's any of his business. Lulu and Valerie are around for basically no reason.

DAVIS GIRLS! DAVIS! GIRLS! Today was a good day. I hope Kristina stays.

"You mean your father may have shot mine?" Holy cow, I didn't even think of that. That's why Kristina got into Yale and I didn't.

Since there's no way Lomax is going to let Ric continue to be the DA after today's mess, I have a suggestion to take his place: Paul. Mostly because I think Paul is actually a bad guy, and I think it would be fun for him to wreck stuff from the inside.

I'm sorry, but did Milo get Morgan a gun? NOT COOL, GIAMBETTI.

Today was one of the rare times I've wanted Nathan to be quiet. The Dante/Valerie stuff is none of his business, and Dante really doesn't need another complication right now.

September 18th, 2015

Sonny remembers Morgan telling him that he would avenge his shooting by killing Julian. Alexis takes Julian to a lakehouse so he can hide out, sure that no one will be able to find him there. She's wrong, since T.J. overhears them talking and reluctantly tells Morgan where to find them. The recording is gone, but Scott still wants his payment from Ava. She tells him he'll get his money when she gets the recording, as if she has any leverage to bargain with. Later, she gets a visit from Paul. Patrick caps off a nice birthday with Sam, Emma, Anna, and Danny by telling Sam he wants to marry her. Lomax's bureaucracy almost ends Dillon's film shoot before it begins, but in the grand tradition of everyone in Port Charles being connected, Paul has ties to Lomax. Namely, they hooked up in law school. Daddy saves the day, to Tracy's annoyance.

T.J., nooooooo! Don't be an accessory to murder!

Somehow I find myself...liking Scott? No, that can't be right.

Paul and Ava? I AM EXCITED!

Also, yay, Ava's blond again!

Anna, Danny already has two doting grandmothers, but thanks for playing.

Enjoy those trouble dolls when your girlfriend leaves you for her husband, Patrick.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Franco and Nina messing with Ric
Funniest moments (unintentional): Kristina to Sam: "You mean your father may have shot mine?"; Michael: "Morgan won't do anything stupid"
Saddest moment: Again, take your pick
Sweetest/cutest moments: Dante and Kristina's scenes with Sonny
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: N/A
Worst instance of continuity: Dante said he tried to find Sonny, but he's said before that he never wanted to look for his father
Hero of the week: Paul, I guess
Most annoying character: Morgan
Smartest character: Scott
Dumbest characters: Morgan, Milo, T.J.

The week in a nutshell:

• Sonny's condition progressed from stable to critical and back to stable after Carly approved life-saving surgery. Julian was the one in real danger, as he started to fear retaliation after he was released from lockup. Milo popped up long enough to get Morgan a gun, allowing him to go after Julian. T.J. further aided the revenge mission by telling Morgan where he could find Julian (and Alexis).
• Elizabeth reached stunning new levels of hypocrisy.
• Ric had a bad week, first when Franco and Nina forced him to annul his marriage, and then when he couldn't find the recording of Ava confessing to killing Connie. That's because Scott took it, planning to sell it to Ava for $5 million. When he went to retrieve it, it was gone.
• Kristina returned to town, joining Molly on Team Julian Shot Sonny.
• Dante didn't tell Lulu that he slept with Valerie, and Nathan didn't tell Dante that Valerie has feelings for him.
• Paul saved Dillon's movie from Lomax's attempts to shut it down.
• Patrick made the predictable but ultimately pointless decision to suggest marriage to Sam.
• Ric and Maxie both noticed "Jake"'s similarities to Jason.

September 21st, 2015

Morgan holds a gun on Julian for an hour while Alexis calmly tries to reason with him and Julian proves that he doesn't know how to deal with someone who's unstable. Eventually, Alexis announces that Morgan will have to kill both of them; otherwise, she'll send him to prison. Meanwhile, Michael bugs T.J. until he coughs up Julian's location, thinking that Morgan wouldn't hurt him. Paul informs Ava that a) he has the recording, b) he's going to use it to force her to team up with him to take over Port Charles, and c) he's the one who's been moving against Sonny (and was behind the shooting). A drugged Sonny thinks "Jake" is Jason. Maxie thinks Tracy wants Paul back and encourages her to go for it. Tracy and Dillon are more hesitant, since Paul's been gone for so long and they can't be sure he's really changed. Sam goes Magic Eight Ball on Patrick, telling him to ask her again later, since it's the day before her and Jason's anniversary. Jason offers to help clean up the Morgan situation, because that's what he does.

Alexis should have kept going with what it would mean if Morgan killed her: Kristina would never forgive him.

Julian, you talking right now isn't working out, so just shhhhh, okay?

So exactly when in the last five minutes did T.J. change his mind and decide Julian was the shooter?

Woo-hoo, Paul's the new villain! I love it!

Ava: "How do I know that you can be civilized?" Me: "Okay, murderer."

My favorite character today was morphine.

Some trivia that Tracy didn't mention but that makes her and Paul's history more interesting: 1) The cartel forced him to marry her in an attempt to get control of her ELQ stock. 2) Faison was involved with the cartel. Not so benign now, are they, Maxie?

Patrick, you know that if Sam doesn't teach Emma how to pick locks, Anna will. One way or another, she'll learn.

September 22nd, 2015

Jason plays along with Sonny's confusion, pretending he's...well, Jason, and assuring Sonny that he'll handle the Morgan fiasco. Then he tells Carly he really will help handle the Morgan fiasco. Elizabeth objects, not getting that, Jason or "Jake," Carly will be his priority. It's a moot point anyway, since Michael talks Morgan down, basically telling him that Sonny gets first crack at Julian. Once Morgan's neutralized, Michael tells Julian that he himself will make sure Julian pays for the shooting. Ava's still not sold on teaming up with Paul, which is reasonable, since she could end up having the shooting pinned on her, and Julian could suspect her of setting him up. Paul thinks she's better off with him, especially since he's sure he's going to be the new DA. Maxie talks to Dillon about the pros and cons of letting one's estranged father back into one's life. Dillon retains a healthy amount of uncertainty about the whole thing. As if Ric's week hasn't been bad enough, Lomax fires him. T.J.'s like, "I'm sorry, but wouldn't it be great if someone took care of Julian for good? Just, you know, hypothetically? If someone found him at a lakehouse and shot him? Would that cheer you up? Hypothetically?"

Carly: "This isn't Jason." Sonny: "It is Jason." Me: Cackling hysterically.

Looks like Elizabeth's getting a taste of what Sam went through for years with Jason and Carly. Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

Things Carly was called today: "admired" and a better mother than Ava. Ouch.

Dillon, being suspicious of Paul is the smartest thing you've ever done. You get a gold star.

September 23rd, 2015

Carly and Michael urge Morgan to get psychiatric help, but he still thinks taking Julian out is more important. Then they all realize that, with Ava out of jail, Avery's at risk. While Carly makes a preemptive strike, sending Ric to get Ava legally barred from seeing her daughter, Ava tells Scott that she won't give him his $5 million, but she'll give him $1 million if he gets her Avery by the end of the day. Sam and Jason spend their anniversary with their current significant others, both thinking about their wedding (though he only barely remembers it in a dream). Both also focus on moving forward, with Jason and Elizabeth deciding to get married on November 6th, the first anniversary of the day she invited him to move in with her. Julian is nowhere near as worried about his safety as Alexis is, instead wanting to find out who's making him look guilty. Ava and Paul both play dumb, though Dillon may have accidentally made Paul feel guilty. Later, Alexis asks Paul to help her help Julian.

The Jason Reveal Groundhog saw its shadow, so now we have six more weeks of this plotline. (P.S. It looks like Elizabeth invited him to move in on November 3rd and he agreed on the 10th, neither of which is the 6th, JASON, but whatever.)

Jason: "It's been a year? A whole year?" The fans: "A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR. STOP REMINDING US."

In the Wow, Did That Really Happen? category: I'm pretty sure that Avery said "Mama" after Ava said it. Amazing timing, there.

Dude, Julian, at least hire a bodyguard.

Dillon to Paul: "What are you going to do about Ava Jerome?" Me: "Nail her, probably."

Hey, where did Kristina go?

September 24th, 2015

Ava presents Carly and Morgan with a court order stating that she has parental rights to Avery. At first Carly refuses to hand Avery over, but Morgan changes her mind, encouraging her not to give Ava any ammunition in court. But before Ava can leave with the baby, Carly reads the fine print and sees that Ava has to give Sonny 24 hours' notice before she can take Avery. Ava's back to square one, at least for another day, and now Paul wants to see her. Patrick brings up the Jason/Jake confusion with Sonny while Michael discusses it with Jason himself. Michael finds it strange to be the fixer in the family since Jason isn't around to do it. Patrick can't stop himself from addressing Sonny's business and the danger he puts himself and his family in, with bonus commentary on how Jason's death has affected Sam. Sam offers to help Julian find out who Sonny's new enemy really is, but he thinks he has everything under control. They then talk about her anniversary and her desire to move on from Jason. Sam reminisces about Noodle Buddha, and Jason offers to pick up food for the Corinthos contingent. You'll never guess where they run into each other! Alexis asks Paul to drop the hijacking charges against Julian, since Charlie, the only person naming him as the culprit, is now dead. Paul pretends that he wants to be a good, fair DA and make sure Julian's really innocent. Alexis appreciates the novelty of a non-corrupt DA.

Mark this as the day Morgan Corinthos used logic.

Here's what Carly, Morgan, and Michael should do next: Call Kiki and tell her that Ava's trying to get Avery. Ask her to keep an eye on her mother and let them know if Ava plans to make a run for it. (Because I don't trust her not to try to take the baby and jet.) Then Carly should marry Sonny, just to give herself more legal leverage, in case she needs it.

I like that Milo's calling Carly "Mrs. C." even though she's not Mrs. C. again yet. Max used to call her that.

THE SONG! THE SONG IS BACK! THE JASON/SAM SONG IS BACK! AHHHHHH!

Julian, do you really think you understand Sonny better than the woman who a) is married to his best friend and b) HAD HIS BABY? (Not that anyone ever brings that up.)

September 25th, 2015

Sam and Jason talk letting go and moving on and all that stuff, though he wonders if she really wants to let go, as she claims she does. Sam confesses that deep down, she believes Jason's still alive. Paul has arranged for a Five Families meeting, and he wants Ava to represent "their" side. Since the Five Families want to know who shot Sonny, Ava will need to name Julian. Ric thinks he should represent the Corinthoses at the meeting, but Michael and Morgan quickly shut him down, tasking him with helping them keep Avery from Ava instead. Michael attends the meeting, officially taking back his former name, Michael Corinthos III. Carly tells Sonny about Ava's move for custody, then suggests that they get married right away in an attempt to get an edge. Elizabeth may be more invested in Patrick and Sam's relationship than in her own. Alexis and Julian are really naïve about his safety.

I almost can't remember a time when I hated Sam, because today, all I could do was say, "You're right! You're right about Jason! You're going to be so happy so soon!"

Carly should have gone to the meeting. I'm pretty sure Sonny sent her to one once before, I believe when he'd faked his death. She definitely held her own.

Wow, it's been a long time since we've seen the restaurant. I figured we'd never see it again, actually.

"I won't be a party to my brother's death." Hey, Ava, remember when you were going to kill him? 'Cause I remember.

I encourage Elizabeth and Patrick to continue strengthening their friendship, because in about six weeks, she's going to need all the friends she can get.

Scorecard:
Fired: Ric Lansing

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Sam's sarcasm with Julian after he implied that she can't navigate the world of the mob
Funniest moment (unintentional): Avery crunching on crackers through serious scenes
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Give it up for Avery once again
Least believable moment: Let's let the ten-month-old into the ICU
Best instance of continuity: Jason's habit of telling Carly to count to 10
Worst instance of continuity: Julian was bleeding from the head on Tuesday, but on Wednesday, there were no marks on him
Hero of the week: Michael
Most annoying character: Julian
Smartest characters: Dillon, Morgan (I know!), Carly
Dumbest character: Julian

The week in a nutshell:

• Paul outed himself to Ava as Sonny's newest enemy, then used the recording to blackmail her into helping him take over the town. Paul was also hired as the new acting DA because nothing can go right in Ric's life right now. Before starting her new assignment, Ava went after Avery, getting parental rights with help from Scott. The Corinthoses held her off temporarily, trying to juggle that situation with a Five Families meeting arranged by Paul. Michael attended in Sonny's place, and Avery showed up to announce herself as the head of the Jerome organization (and possibly to point the finger at Julian for Sonny's shooting.)
• Sam had Jason on the brain, as their anniversary approached, so she told Patrick she couldn't accept his marriage proposal just yet. Sonny also had Jason on his mind, mistaking "Jake" for him while under the influence of morphine. Sam and Jason ran into each other at Noodle Buddha and discussed her difficulties in moving on from a dead man. Sam admitted that not all of her believes he's really dead.
• Thanks to Michael, Morgan stayed out of prison and Julian lived to annoy another day.
• Jason and Elizabeth set a wedding date – November 6th – which means this part of the storyline might finally have an end date.
• Maxie encouraged Dillon to get to know Paul better.

September 28th, 2015

Sonny and Carly are about to get married when they're delayed by a medical emergency. Ava manages to both get the heat off of Julian and keep Paul behind the curtain by announcing that Carlos shot Sonny. Michael's skeptical, but ultimately agrees to a ceasefire between the Corinthoses and the Jeromes. Sam catches up with Robert (Yi, not Scorpio), whose grandmother joins them and insists that "Jake" is Jason. She also insists that he and Sam renew their vows. Anna yells at Julian about having Duke killed, then yells at Alexis for believing him when he claims he didn't have Duke killed. Of course, Alexis knows that Julian DID have Duke killed, but she's not going to tell Anna that (not that she can, actually, because of attorney/client privilege). Julian questions why a "super-spy" like Anna hasn't been able to track Carlos down. Anna then goes to the PCPD, seemingly ready to confess to killing Carlos. That's when Michael shows up, telling Dante he needs to find Carlos. Dante meets Paul, who pretends he's eager to get to work finding whoever shot Sonny.

You know what? I'm glad Sonny and Carly didn't finish their wedding. Now they can do it without Elizabeth there. And maybe with Jason there instead.

Naming Carlos as the shooter is a move about ten times smarter than I would expect from Ava, so good for her.

When Ava said, "Oh, are you going by Corinthos again? I thought you were a Quartermaine," Michael should have said, "Oh, are you going by Ava again? I thought you were Denise."

So the elderly woman who met Jason once has figured out who "Jake" is, but his WIFE, MOTHER, AND BEST FRIENDS can't? Sure, sure. I hope one day Sam and Jason take Danny there and Mrs. Yi's like, "I told you so."

I like Robert. Can he stay? I'm going to need him to bring out some magic fortune cookies, though.

Seriously, how dumb is Julian? He doesn't even check to see who's at the door before he opens it!

September 29th, 2015

Paul agrees to put out an APB on Carlos to feed Michael's belief that he shot Sonny. A drunk, angry Sloane calls to tell Paul that he knows Carlos is innocent because Anna killed him. In exchange for immunity, he hands over the key to the safety-deposit box where he stashed Anna's gun. Since Paul can't have anyone finding out that Carlos isn't alive, he silences Sloane with a couple of bullets. An embolism means more surgery (and no wedding) for Sonny. Sam decides that Jason must really be dead; if he were alive, he would have come home by now. She decides to demonstrate her closure by leaving the dragon and phoenix at the restaurant. And then there might have been more, but I couldn't hear it over all my crying. Hayden asks questions about things Nikolas only told her happened, so it's kind of a waste of time. He admits that he can't completely trust her because she could easily be lying about knowing Jason's real identity. She points out that if she knew, she would have told someone by now. Ava assures Julian that he's off the hook for Sonny's shooting, then shares her news that she's heading up the family now.

'Bye, Sloane! I was indifferent toward you, at best, and saw this coming for weeks, so I'm not the least bit surprised or sad to see you go.

Please let Jason have picked up the dragon and phoenix off-screen.

Are we supposed to think Nikolas is sweet with Hayden? HE TRIED TO HAVE HER MURDERED.

"I can't know anything about what you're doing," Julian says 60 seconds after asking Ava who she's working with.

September 30th, 2015

While Michael and Carly fret about Ric not being able to stop Ava from taking Avery, Morgan goes the proactive route, asking Ava to let her stay with the Corinthoses. Ava refuses to accept only visitation, even when Morgan begs, so he basically pimps himself out – he'll get back together with Ava if she won't fight for custody. Ava still won't accept, so I guess she's a better person than we thought. Paul tells Anna that Sloane said she killed Carlos, but doesn't reveal that Sloane led him to evidence backing up the claim. Anna lets Paul jump to the conclusion that Sloane lied to get back at her for dumping him. Carly isn't happy that her sons dealt with mob stuff in Sonny's place. Dillon didn't find any actors to play Declan, so he'll be taking on the role himself. Nathan objects to the idea of Maxie doing sex scenes with him, so she shuts him up by acting them out with him. Dante and Valerie bore me, and then she tells him that she thinks Dillon's hung up on someone else (she's right). Lulu overhears her admitting that she can't stop thinking about Dante. Lulu and Dillon bore me, too.

Wow, Morgan was really willing to take one for the team, eh?

I love Anna and all, but she probably shouldn't have been dumb enough to trust Sloane.

Yeah, don't pull that possessive crap, Nathan. Maxie can have fake sex with whoever she wants!

Please tell me there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Valerie's wearing figure-concealing clothes and not drinking coffee.

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