"I Get a Sidekick Out of You"
Written and directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino

Mrs. Kim closes the antique store for Zach and Lane’s wedding, then goes to the kitchen, where a bunch of relatives are cooking. Lane comes downstairs, offering to help, and Mrs. Kim sends her back upstairs to read some Scripture. Lane complains that it’s hot upstairs and all the cooking smells are drifting up to her room. Lorelai arrives with the dress, which worries Lane. As Mrs. Kim goes to answer the phone, Lane asks Lorelai why she didn’t just set the dress on fire. Mrs. Kim returns in a daze and barely gives a reaction to the dress, which is completely different from the one she gave Lorelai, and which Lane is very pleased by. Mrs. Kim says she’ll see Luke and Lorelai at the wedding, but Lorelai tells her that Luke is still out of town (see “The Real Paul Anka”). Lane can’t believe her mother didn’t yell about the dress; Lorelai tells her to hide it until the wedding, and even then, walk fast. As Lorelai leaves the house, Mrs. Kim comes out after her, upset that Lorelai won’t have a date for the wedding. Since Lorelai is unmarried and “a certain age,” and dresses the way she does, Mrs. Kim thinks people will think bad things about her. She tells Lorelai to find herself a date, but Lorelai says she only has a day and it took her a lot longer than that to find Luke. Mrs. Kim forbids her from coming to the wedding without a date, “and Kirk doesn’t count.” “Lorelai Gilmore, disappointing mothers since 1968,” Lorelai says to herself.

Rory works at the Yale Daily News, planning to leave by 3 (which was 15 minutes ago). Paris turns in a pro-tenure piece, as well as an anti-tenure piece, wanting Rory to print a point and counterpoint, even though they were written by the same person. Rory gives her three minutes to pick one. Rosemary and Juliet, two of the Life and Death Brigade hangers-on, arrive and tell Rory they’re going to Costa Rica to meet the guys at the end of their trip. Rory tells them she’s headed to a wedding and they catch on that she’s not that excited to see Logan anyway. Rory heads off to Stars Hollow, even though Paris hasn’t chosen a piece yet (“either way I look at it, I’m right”). Lorelai makes gift bags at the inn while Michel bugs her about the wedding and tells her not to drink too much tonight so she looks nice the next day. (This is only because they’re going to the wedding together and he wants his date to look good so he doesn’t look bad.) Sookie frantically calls Lorelai to the kitchen, where she reveals that the “dirty cookies” she was making for Lane’s bachelorette party have expanded and now won’t fit in the gift bags. Christopher calls to tell Lorelai that he bought Rory a Sidekick, and though he’s already given it to her, he thought Lorelai should know. Lorelai replies that they’re way past the point where he needs to ask permission to buy their daughter presents. Christopher proudly tells her that Gigi is much more well-behaved now, thanks to his embracing the word “no.”

Rory goes to the antique shop, where Mrs. Kim and Lane are rushing to rearrange everything - Mrs. Kim’s mother is coming to the wedding, and she’s a Buddhist who doesn’t know that her daughter is a Christian. Lane and Mrs. Kim have to hide all of their Christian artifacts and replace them with Buddhas. (Ironically, they’re hiding the Christian artifacts under floorboards.) Grandma Kim arrives, obviously displeased with her daughter’s living conditions, and quickly starts praying. Mrs. Kim joins her and Lane explains to Rory that they’re performing the ritual of 108 bows. Rory and Lane can’t stick around to watch since they have to go to the bachelorette party. The party starts with everyone shopping for supplies at the market (mainly beer), then planning to watch American Gigolo at the Black, White, and Read. Kyong arrives late and proves that she’s taken Lane’s lead - she takes off her conservative clothes to reveal jeans and an Avril Lavigne T-shirt. As the group heads to the movie, Rory texts with Christopher, telling Lorelai that he got himself a Sidekick as well and texts her every five minutes. He tells her about shopping for celery and how he likes pea soup but not peas. Lorelai attempts to shut him up by texting, “Your daughter’s about to see Richard Gere’s penis. Enjoy your celery!” The party is temporary halted when a girl starts throwing up despite having bought beer just three minutes earlier.

Later, the bachelorette partiers mope in the town square, having missed the beginning of the movie because Sookie got the time wrong. They decide to kill time before the next showing but can’t decide what to do. The group runs into Zach and his bachelor partiers, who had to leave the bar they were at early because the owner is celebrating his anniversary. Lorelai is bummed because they were going to go there after the movie. Brian suggests that they all go to his aunt’s house and hang out in her rec room, but Zach thinks that sounds lame. Lane says they can’t keep running into each other all night, so the guys head off to find something to do. The women try to do the same but wind up at Brian’s aunt’s house, where the guys are already playing foosball. The next morning, Rory texts with Christopher as Lorelai gets ready for the wedding. Michel calls to tell Lorelai that he’s gotten tickets to see Celine Dion, so he won’t be going to the wedding with her. He promises to make it up to her and bring her a mouse pad. Lorelai complains to Rory that despite knowing Lane since she was a kid, she’s not allowed to come to the wedding without a date. Rory offers to ask Christopher to come, and when Lorelai gives the okay, Christopher texts that he’s TPTDI (totally psyched to do it). “Sorry, kid. What can I say? He was really hot in high school,” Lorelai says. The two meet up at the Kims’, which is decorated for a Buddhist wedding. The traditional ceremony begins but Grandma Kim is displeased by something and starts fighting with her daughter.

Mrs. Kim leads her mother to a cab, where they bow until Grandma Kim is gone. Then Mrs. Kim shouts, “Go!” and everyone takes off running. Rory explains to her parents that this wedding was for Grandma Kim, and now they’re running to the church for the real wedding. (They have to run because there are only 58 seats but 62 Koreans.) Lorelai and Christopher run into Sookie and Jackson, engaging in a brief chat about the weather and the reason they’re running. At the church, they learn that Miss Patty has been saving them seats all night since she anticipated the rush. Rory helps Lane get dressed and they take a picture together. Mrs. Kim enters and notices that the dress looks different, then sits Lane down to talk to her about the wedding night. She warns her daughter that she’ll have to make the sacrifice to have sex with Zach, but if she’s lucky, she’ll only have to do it once, like Mrs. Kim did. As the second ceremony begins, Lorelai tells Christopher about Rory and Lane’s first day of kindergarten, when she was grateful to Lane for offering to share her crayons with Rory. Lorelai notes that Lane is the first of Rory’s friends to get married, and Christopher notes that Rory could be the next one. After the ceremony, everyone heads out to the street, where Jackson decides to call the babysitter since he and Sookie think she’s too good to be true. Lorelai and Christopher decide to go find some alcohol. As Zach tells his friends how comfortable his Korean robe is, Brian and Kyong make eyes at each other.

Lorelai and Christopher are disappointed not to be able to find any alcohol, and they’re even more disappointed when Rory confirms that there’s no bar at the reception. Lorelai wants to at least get some food, but Rory tells her the food isn’t for her - it’s for the Korean guests, who rush through the line with take-out containers, then hand money over to Lane and Mrs. Kim before leaving. Mrs. Kim offers to take the money home with her, then thanks Lane for doing two ceremonies. She announces that she’s tired and heading home to bed, and she’ll wear earplugs so she won’t hear anything that might be going on in the street all night. Lane thanks her for everything and reminds her that she’s not losing a daughter, she’s gaining a son…“who likes to wear a dress.” As Mrs. Kim leaves, Lane signals Kirk, who puts a “Yummy Bartenders” sign on the side of a truck and alerts his caterers that it’s time to set up. Lorelai rips off part of Lane’s skirt, making it shorter, and the real reception gets started. It’s a big party in the town square, accompanied by rock music and plenty of booze. Kirk asks Rory if the bartender is yummy enough, since his company is supposed to be comprised only of yummy bartenders. Lorelai calls Sookie and Jackson’s house, asking for them, and reports to them that the babysitter doesn’t sound like she’s drunk or has anyone there with her. Lorelai makes Christopher apologize to Rory for texting her so much, then announces that he’s giving her the Sidekick, which Rory thinks is worse.

Zach and Lane stop by to greet their guests, and Rory takes a picture of everyone, which Lorelai proceeds to try to delete. Lorelai spots a photo of Rory with April, and Rory comes clean about running into Luke and April when she went to see Jess in Philadelphia. This is all news to Lorelai, who wonders if Logan knows that Rory went to see Jess. (He doesn’t, but then again, he’s in Costa Rica.) Lorelai lies that she’s fine about Rory meeting April and goes to get another drink. Zach welcomes everyone to the reception and the “newly reunited Hep Alien” perform “I’m a Believer” together. Kirk accuses one of the bartenders of trying to hit on Lulu by putting extra fruit in her drink. Kirk announces that he’s fired all the yummy bartenders, so the guests will now have to serve themselves. As he and Lulu continue yelling about the bartenders, Brian and Kyong make out. Christopher tells Rory he’s glad he came to the wedding, then asks her where Logan is. She tells him about the trip to Costa Rica and he tells her he likes Logan and approves of their relationship. Brian gives a toast, joking that “Lane has something very, very wrong with her” for wanting to marry Zach. Lorelai brings a bunch of shots to the table and quickly begins her descent into drunkenness. Rory gives a toast, and then Lorelai decides that it’s her turn. She goes up on stage and starts babbling about marriage, announcing that her wedding isn’t going to take place on June 3rd. Christopher and Rory have to drag her off the stage to get her coffee. They take her home, where Rory gets a phone call telling her that Logan was injured in Costa Rica and she needs to go see him in a hospital in New York. She heads off and Christopher takes Lorelai to her bed. Later, Lorelai wakes up when Luke calls and finds Christopher sitting in a chair in her room.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Rory: “Well, we could go to the Chimney Sweep.”
Sookie: “No, it burned down last week.”
Rory: “Ironic.”

“Which one says, ‘Hi, I’m not a whore, enjoy your day’?” - Lorelai re: purses

Jackson: “We have this new babysitter. She’s 17, sweet as can be, perfect student, references up the wazoo. She seems absolutely perfect in every way.”
Lorelai: “Well, she’s probably a crackhead.”
Jackson: “Thank you!”

Lorelai: (re: the babysitter) “She didn’t sound drunk at all.”
Jackson: “But she sounded like there was a guy there, right?”
Lorelai: “No.”
Jackson: “What about a pimp? Did you hear a pimp?”
Lorelai: “Yes, I heard a pimp, but he sounded like he had a heart of gold!”

“I’m not one for speeches, and I don’t have any incriminating picture of Lane to share, but I do have this letter. This letter was written in 1995 by one Lane Kim. It was slipped into my hand during a spelling test in Miss Mallen’s class. I was so shocked by its contents that I missed the word ‘automobile.’ O-T-T-O-mobile. That’s right, Lane. I remember. I will now share with you the contents of this letter. ‘Dear Rory. How was your lunch? Mine was bad. Did you have ham again? If you did, I am sorry, but mine was worse. I thought you should know that today at recess, I decided that I am going to marry Alex Bacchus. He has a very nice head and his ears don’t stick out like Roddy Winston’s do. I will love him forever, no matter what. See you at Brownies. Love, Lane.’ I’m sorry, Lane, I just thought that Zach should know that in your heart he will always be second place to Alex Bacchus and his well-proportioned ears.” - Rory’s toast

“Some of you know me as Lorelai Gilmore and some of you know me as Cher, but either way, I wanted to say a few words about our girl. I have known Lane forever, and I am just so incredibly happy that she has gotten married. I mean, I am just so happy that this adorable 22-year-old girl has gotten married. Because it’s amazing, you know? It’s really hard to get married. Believe me. I should know. I mean, seriously, because Lane is married, and next thing it’ll be my daughter and then my granddaughter, but not me. I’m not getting married. No, it ain’t for me. It’s not in the cards. But…hey, do you know what date I’m not getting married? June 3rd. Do not save the date. Do you hear me? Do whatever you want on June 3rd, because there’s nothing at all happening on that day. If there’s anything you need to book or anything, it’s totally safe to book it on June 3rd, so…congratulations, Lane! And Zach! Who else here had eight shots of tequila? Anybody? Hands? No. Oh my gosh, who misses the yummy bartenders? I know, me, too! They were so great. I was going to ask them to not work on June 3rd on my not-wedding. I just thought that would be so fun.” - Lorelai’s “toast”


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