General Hospital blog - August, 2016

August 1st, 2016

Jax makes a surprise visit to town and quickly hits it off with Finn, at least until he finds out Finn helped Carly with her donor search. Carly claims she's done with the investigation, but Jax knows her well enough to be skeptical. Jordan and Valerie debate whether Franco's the hospital killer, then try to figure out where he is. Amy is no help. Jordan asks Andre for his input, and he admits that there's some weird stuff going on with the former serial killer. They find a sketch pad in the art room containing numbered sketches of the first three victims, and a blank page for the fourth. Elizabeth remains anxious about being alone with Franco until he shows her a painting he did of her. They flirt by talking about art, and I really don't need any of this. Fortunately, Jordan and Valerie interrupt by showing up to question Franco. Off-screen, the ex-hostages' plane crashes and explodes. Jason stayed back to...something something, and since he hasn't rejoined the group, he might be dead. Sam keeps insisting on going into the jungle to search for him, even as everyone else urges her to wait until the sun comes up. Even passing out again doesn't deter her from her plan. Nina brings Curtis on board the transplant investigation, but they end up talking about Franco instead. Also, Nina needs a hobby so she'll stop thinking about him. Lulu tells Dante about the skeleton.

Awww, Jax. There's something comforting about him always looking exactly the same whenever he shows up.

Lulu gets 10 cool points for finally telling Ava to shut up.

I guess they didn't have the budget to show the plane blowing up. Oh, well.

Did Dante tackle Sam? Dude! There's a 95 percent chance she's pregnant!

"I'm not related to any of these people so I don't have to consider their feelings." Nina, your Madeline is showing.

The people writing Curtis' slang are clearly white and need to be stopped.


August 2nd, 2016

Jax doesn't believe that Carly's telling the truth about dropping the investigation. Meanwhile, Sonny's suspicious about why Jax is really in town. He probably should be, since Jax calls someone to report that he thinks the investigation is over. Valentin makes it to Port Charles using the name Theo Hart. He and Nina get cozy pretty quickly, and let's just say he does a good job of helping her take her mind off of Franco. Spencer calls Nikolas' phone from drama camp, not realizing that Valentin is listening to his messages. Franco refuses to let Jordan and Valerie search his studio, but it's a moot point since they have enough evidence to take him to the station for 24 hours. Jason's fine, of course, and everyone gets rescued by the end of the episode, so this was a waste of a plot development. Laura tries to ease Lulu's fears about Luke, but she has a hard time staying positive in the face of the possible deaths of both her son and her ex-husband. Kristina gets Morgan up to date on her life, which is only significant because he says that he, like Aaron, wouldn't appreciate hearing that his girlfriend has feelings for someone else.

I love that Carly gets so offended when people think she's lying. And I love it even more when people just laugh at her for being offended.

Nina, noooooooo!

Spencer going to drama camp is just perfect.

I was dreading the possibility of the deserted-island plot going on for weeks, so thank God it's over.


August 3rd, 2016

Maxie's upset to learn that Claudette's still in town after a series of way-too-convenient events. The two practically have a catfight, but Claudette comes out the winner because she doesn't look crazy. Nathan wants to convince Maxie that he's committed to her by getting married ASAP. It takes them the whole episode, but Claudette and Griffin finally encounter each other. Elizabeth isn't 100 percent sure Franco isn't killing people again, but she manages to get him released from lockup by realizing that the timeline of the latest murder doesn't hold up with him as the killer. Franco's disheartened to realize that no one's on his side, possibly even his own father, and since Elizabeth hasn't expressed enough concern, he's backing off. Morgan surprises Kiki with the idea of living together in an apartment he's already picked out. (Side note: Lucy's suddenly a real estate agent.) Kiki thinks his impulsiveness and frustration over her hesitance mean he’s off his medication. Dillon can't get over the possibility of Morgan and Kiki moving in together.

I think Molly Burnett took all of Maxie's rationality with her when she left.

Claudette, re: Griffin coming to her exam room: "Finally." Me: "I know, right?"

How long before people start suspecting Amy of murder?

I need someone to burn Kiki's outfit. Franco, can you help me out here?

I assume Sonny would help pay for Morgan and Kiki's apartment, since I doubt they can afford such a nice place while working as a barista and a waitress.


August 4th, 2016

Jordan's annoyed that Jason fled the country, but with Dante and Lulu's testimony that he didn't kill Nikolas, he's at least off the hook for that. They tell her and Sonny about Valentin, leading Sonny to worry that Valentin will go after a different Cassadine next. Speaking of Valentin, he wants to be friends with benefits with Nina, but he's distracted when he learns that his former hostages are all still alive and back in town. He runs off to kidnap Spencer, claiming he'll take him to Nikolas. Sonny shows up before they can leave. Curtis sees that Valentin left his phone behind, and when Nina plays once of Spencer's voicemails, they realize Valentin could be involved in Nikolas' "death." At the police station, the two of them put their story together with Dante, Lulu, and Jason's to determine that Theo is Valentin. Maxie's suspicious of the timing of Nathan's desire to elope, especially since he proposed right after everything about Claudette came out. She offers a compromise, and he agrees to get married next month. Griffin is as skeptical of Claudette's motives as Nathan is, and practically rolls his eyes when she tells him how much she used to love him. She decides to stay in town longer. Lulu tells Sonny that she thinks Luke died on Cassadine Island, and he reminds her that Luke has escaped pretty much everything, so she probably shouldn't worry. Morgan promises Kiki that he's taking his medication, but she's still hesitant to keep moving so quickly. She thinks he still sees them as the people they used to be, even though they've spent time apart and have changed. Darby may have given Dillon and Morgan an STD.

I like that Curtis was involved in the Nikolas plot weeks ago, was dropped from it, and is now back in it. It was a reasonable way to get Nina informed and to pass on information.

Sarcastic Jason is weird.

What kind of kids' camp puts on Richard III?

Ha ha, no one likes Claudette.

Morgan: "[Impulsiveness is] part of my personality; it's not going to change." Well, it should, sweetie. It's called being a grown-up.

What's the point of the STD storyline?


August 5th, 2016

Carly tells Jax again that she's ended the donor search, but he knows for sure she's lying when he sees a text from Nina about continuing it. He threatens to take Carly to court and get custody of Josslyn if she doesn't back off. Ava shows up to see Avery and cackles over the irony of Carly taking Ava's daughter, then being threatened by the loss of her own child. Carly listens in as Ava tells Avery how they'll always be together, and it makes her realize that she doesn't want to jeopardize her relationship with Josslyn. She calls Nina to tell her to stop the search for real, just moments after Nina calls a woman Curtis thinks could be the donor. Jason and Jordan separately head to Spencer's camp, where Sonny's figured out who "Theo" really is and kept him from leaving with Spencer. Valentin pulls a gun on Sonny, guessing that Sonny won't pull his own weapon because there are children around. Jason arrives in time to disarm Valentin, and Jordan shows up soon after to arrest him and take him back to Port Charles. Julian asks Ava to arrange a jail break for him, or at least provide him with some money if he escapes on his own. Now that she's gotten yet another second chance from Nikolas saving her life, Ava isn't willing to put her freedom on the line. Sam is Julian's next visitor, and she's firmly on Team Alexis. She tells Julian he's nothing to her anymore. He tries to play the Danny card, but since Jason is also a match, even Julian's bone marrow can't protect him. Also, Sam considers his mention of her son a threat, so she won't hesitate to go up against her father in any way necessary. On her way out, she passes out for a third time. Jax visits Alexis, who finally stops pretending she's okay and expresses her fears about being disbarred, since she's always defined herself by her job.

Jax "may be in a little bit of trouble"? Yeah, I think he was involved in the kidney thing.

Why does Curtis think the donor is from the same socioeconomic status as Josslyn? Isn't it more likely that he or she is poorer? Josslyn's parents are freaking rich. Rich people don't sell organs.

Valentin continues to be a horrible villain. I'm still holding out hope that Jerry will pop up to make up for it.

Somewhere Mac is snickering because Jordan's the one who has to deal with Sonny and Jason now.

Speaking of which: I loved the Sonny/Jason surprise tag team. I also loved how proud they were of themselves.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Valentin Cassadine
Back in town: Jax Jacks
New in town: Valentin Cassadine

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Spencer: "I haven't revealed that I was born with teeth yet!"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ava asking Julian why he's so negative. Oh, I don't know – he's only facing a prison sentence
Saddest moment: Laura worrying that she's lost both Nikolas and Luke
Sweetest/cutest moment: Alexis being so excited to see Jax
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instances of continuity: CO77X in Franco's studio; Lucy once lived at the Quartermaines'
Worst instance of continuity: Scott would never drink Corinthos coffee
Hero of the week: I was going to say Sonny, but really, Curtis deserves the credit for helping put the Theo/Valentin stuff together
Most annoying character: Ava
Smartest character: Sonny, for immediately realizing that Valentin could pose a threat to Spencer, and for playing on Spencer's ego to keep him from leaving the play
Dumbest character: Valentin

The week in a nutshell:


August 8th, 2016

Jax asks Bobbie to talk some sense into Carly, unaware that she's really going to stick to her word and not restart the search. It doesn't matter, though, since a woman named Nelle Hayes shows up at Bobbie's birthday party and announces that she thinks she's Josslyn's donor. Jake tells Jason that Franco's been hanging around him and Elizabeth, which is probably the last thing Jason wants to hear. He and Elizabeth argue, and she tells him he has no right to interfere in her personal life (fair) when he doesn't know all the details about his own, like the fact that his wife is in the hospital (totally unfair). On top of her dehydration, exhaustion, and nausea, Sam has to deal with Franco hanging around. She meets Finn and tries not to worry that she contracted some sort of horrible disease in Greece. Fortunately, she didn't – she's not sick, she's pregnant. Kiki is less than thrilled to see Ava, laying into her for trying to keep her and Morgan apart. Ava thinks her point has been proven when she learns that Morgan gave Kiki an STD. Franco talks to himself a bunch and mopes about losing Elizabeth and Annabelle II/Daisy. Then he gets suspended.

Carly to Bobbie: "There was a time when I wasn't very kind to you." Understatement of the millennium!

It's only Monday but I'm already putting Elizabeth down as the most annoying character this week.

I'm not sure I've ever been so excited for a pregnancy on this show. Yes, I know I need to get a life.

We're officially in a bizarro world where Sam and Elizabeth can have an entire conversation without fighting.

Today's Maura West Scenery-Chewing Threat Level: orange.

I totally agree with Ava, but she's so irritating about it that I wish I didn't.

Hey, Franco, just so you know, talking to yourself in public isn't the best way to convince people you're sane.

That Jax/Jason run-in could have been so much more fun.

Do the writers hate Ryan Carnes? I mean, Lucas and Brad are on their honeymoon? They got married two months ago!


August 9th, 2016

Jax and Sonny are both skeptical of Nelle's story that her parents told her she was sick and had her undergo surgery in an unknown location. Carly wants to follow up and find out for sure if she's telling the truth, even if she doesn't know where to go after that. Meanwhile, Nelle thinks Michael's the only sane person involved in the storyline. Sam doesn't have time to tell Jason she's pregnant before she realizes he's sick. Finn thinks he could have malaria, and though it's not contagious, Sam could have been exposed, too. Elizabeth and Hayden fight over which of them was most indirectly responsible for Nikolas' death. Elizabeth reaches new heights of hypocrisy, blaming Hayden for driving away her husband after lying to him. Hayden reminds her that Nikolas' web of lies only got so...webby because he was keeping quiet about Jason's identity partly for Elizabeth's sake. Lulu tells Tracy and Dillon about the skeleton, then gets one of Luke's hats so she can test his DNA against the bracelet and earring. Tracy thinks she's wasting her time because Luke is definitely okay. I really don't care about anything Sabrina and Joe have to say to each other. Dillon should maybe not take antibiotics in the family room if he doesn't want Tracy to see him and wonder why he's on them.

This show can be mean, but I can't see them making Sam lose another child, so she's probably fine.

Elizabeth to Hayden: "You're horrible because you tricked the man you supposedly loved." Me: "Are you...are you hearing yourself right now?"

Lulu, don't test the accessories, test the skeleton!

So I assume Sabrina and Joe will be getting back together, and Michael will move on to Nelle?


August 10th, 2016

Nelle's offended at the suggestion that she get tested to see if she was Josslyn's donor. Michael tries to calm her down, but it's meeting Josslyn herself that makes Nelle realize what Carly and Jax are trying to do. Meanwhile, Jax and Sonny still think Nelle should keep her distance so they can protect Josslyn. Kiki tells Morgan that Ava knows about their possible STD and keeps pressuring her to break up with him. Morgan confronts Ava, vowing to marry Kiki and drive Ava crazy. Ava's annoyed to find Scott and Lucy in the middle of a sex marathon in her trashed apartment. Scott may actually feel some sympathy for her when she tells him she's mourning Nikolas. Finn comforts Hayden over Nikolas' death, and she in turn comforts him over his wife's death.

"I know there's no proof to back up my story, and even I don't know if I was Josslyn's donor, but how dare you ask me to find out for sure!" Shut it, Nelle.

Sonny keeps agreeing with Jax and it's freaking me out.

So does Josslyn not like Sabrina? Why is she trying to fix up Michael and Nelle?

What year do the writers think this is? No one says "social disease," let alone a 20-something-year-old.

How, exactly, did Scott "cross" Ava? By making a mess?

Sorry, Sam and Jason, you have to wait to find out if you have malaria while we develop Finn's back story and next romance.


August 11th, 2016

Elizabeth realizes that Sam's pregnant and encourages her to tell Jason instead of waiting to find out if she has malaria. But since Finn wants to talk to her in person, her test results probably aren't good. Julian dreams of Alexis coming to his jail cell and suggesting that they run off together because she still loves him. The real Alexis is barely able to stomach seeing him long enough to ask him to testify at her disbarment hearing that she kept quiet for him because she feared for her life. In return, Julian wants her to say she pressured him into making the confession she recorded. Alexis is smart enough to refuse and walk way. Kevin doesn't remember the sweet things he said to Laura in Greece, and she decides not to remind him. He denies it when Lucy pegs him as having a crush on Laura, though it's pretty obvious, including to Laura. Ava gives Julian's henchman, Holt, her blessing to break him out of jail. Holt comes through and gets a set of keys to Julian, but he's stopped in the middle of his escape attempt. Kristina and Aaron have a mature conversation about what happened between them, and though he’s still hurt and isn't sure they can be friends, they can at least work together. When Kristina talks to Alexis about Parker, she recognizes something Parker said in her goodbye letter and wonders how Alexis knew it was in there. Laura admits to Ava that she hates that Nikolas died without going back to being the person he used to be. Ava reminds her that he died saving her, so he wasn't all bad. Andre and Jordan start working things out, making so much progress that she gives him a key to her apartment.

Elizabeth being friendly to Sam is even weirder than Sonny and Jax agreeing on stuff.

On the other hand: What's that, Elizabeth? You disapprove of Sam keeping a secret from Jason? HOW INTERESTING.

When did Sam go back to her maiden name? Why does it bother me so much? Whatever, their anniversary's next month; they can just get remarried and she can go back to Morgan.

The fact that Julian didn't ask Alexis if Sam is okay says a lot about him.

Ew, Laura, please don't become friends with Ava.

Yay, Jordan and Andre are cute again! Let's hope that sticks.


August 12th, 2016

Sam's preliminary tests are negative for malaria, and Jason's well enough to go home, but for some reason, Sam's still keeping quiet about the baby. Jason knows she's hiding something and isn't thrilled about it. Elizabeth tries to talk to Franco, but he's still mad that she seemingly turned her back on him. Obrecht informs him that Elizabeth cleared him of the killings, which I guess Elizabeth never bothered to mention. Kristina yells at Alexis for meddling in her love life, and though she's right in principle, she's a brat about it. However, Alexis might be projecting her own relationship problems onto her daughter. Lulu asks Valentin about Daphne, but Valentin claims he knows nothing about her. He also says that he's never met Luke, and wouldn't kill him if he did, since he and Luke have hating Cassadines in common. Nina stops Julian from breaking out of jail, but he's not too broken up about it – he thinks Alexis will get him off the hook. Later, Nina visits Valentin and asks if he had ulterior motives for sleeping with her. He says no, adding that he thinks they'll be seeing each other again. Obrecht accuses Finn of being the killer, so he accuses her back, and his reasoning makes much more sense than hers.

Okay, Elizabeth, calm down about the whole Sam/baby thing. She's been keeping her "big secret" for, at most, 18 hours. And it's not like she killed someone.

That said, has Sam actually given a reason she doesn't want to tell Jason about the baby yet?

Yeah, Franco, Elizabeth's expectations for a boyfriend are so high. She wants one who's not a serial killer. She might as well ask for a unicorn, too, right?

I get Kristina's anger, but...dang. Don't kick Alexis while she's down.

Hey, Valentin can't leave town until he meets his sister!

Finn, if you don't want to talk to Obrecht, don't initiate conversations with her. Just avoid her.

Scorecard:
Birthday: Bobbie Spencer
New in town: Nelle Hayes
Pregnant: Sam Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Jason: "Hey, man! That hurt." Finn: "I'm sorry." Jason: "He's not sorry"; Carly: "You think you're going to sweet-talk me by trashing Josslyn's father?" Sonny: "It's kind of what I'm going for." Carly: "It's working. Keep it going"
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Formalhyde." "Did you mean formaldehyde?"
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Lucy brought Kevin a stuffed duck
Least believable moment: Nelle's hissy fit
Best instance of continuity: Lucy and ducks
Worst instance of continuity: I'm not sure the writers have actually decided how old Josslyn was supposed to be at the time of her transplant
Hero of the week: Nina, I guess
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Finn, because even if he's wrong about Obrecht being the killer, he at least came up with reasonable motives
Dumbest character: Julian, because sometimes delusional is a type of dumb

The week in a nutshell:


August 15th, 2016

Sam tells Jason she's pregnant, and he's thrilled until he learns that, if she has malaria, the baby could be in a lot of trouble. Jason thinks they should focus on what's happening right now rather than worry about the future. He also wants to make up for past mistakes and the possible non-honoring of marriage vows by getting hitched again. Nelle undergoes tests that show that there's a possibility she was Josslyn's donor. She needs a biopsy to confirm it, but Carly, Jax, and Sonny all agree that it's too invasive and they won't ask her to go that bar (though Nelle's willing to do it). Besides, Sonny's had Spinelli do some research, and he's determined that Nelle could have been taken to a known skeezy clinic that's since shut down, so he thinks that's all the confirmation they need. Because apparently someone’s holding a gun to their heads, the parents then decide to introduce the donor and recipient. Ava realizes that she can use Dillon to drive a wedge between Morgan and Kiki. Michael doesn't seem to be a huge fan of Joe, but it's Sabrina who Joe thinks is keeping him at a distance. Nina's so pleased with Curtis' investigatory skills that she wants to give him a new assignment: find her a baby. Morgan and Dillon need to just stay away from each other.

If Jason really wants to make things up to Sam, he can apologize for ditching her during her last pregnancy because he was blinded by Franco hatred. THAT'S where he didn't honor their vows. Of course, I'm not going to object if they want to get remarried. Let's all go to Noodle Buddha and get some magic fortune cookies!

Sam, please don't ever say Elizabeth was right again.

Why do they HAVE to tell Josslyn anything? No one's forcing them to say anything. And why is Jax suddenly happy? That makes me suspicious.

Joe must be super-perceptive, because I haven't seen any coldness from Sabrina. Also, they've only talked three times since he got to town. Chill, Doc.

Nina: "I want you to find me a baby." Me: "STAY THE F&%$ AWAY FROM SAM."

I know I say this a lot, but: Dillon and Morgan, should I get a ruler?


August 16th, 2016

Sam and Jason are reengaged, and she doesn't have malaria. Everything's coming up Milhouse! Josslyn's happy to meet her donor but upset with her parents for keeping secrets. Nelle convinces her to get past it by pointing out that she's lucky to have so many people who care about her. Sonny's suspicious of Jax's reasons for keeping Nelle and Josslyn apart, which is probably smart. Jax calls someone to report that Nelle doesn't know the circumstances of the donation and is leaving town, so she and Carly won't have much interaction anymore. But at the last minute, Carly asks Nelle to stick around for a while. Dillon is too smart to listen to anything Ava has to say or give her any kind of assistance in breaking up Morgan and Kiki. He comes to Kiki's aid when she has a flat tire (what's with these two and tires anyway?) and lets her know that her mother is up to no good. Morgan worries that he's not as stable as he thinks he is, or that he'll go downhill again and have to return to the clinic. Andre tries to ease his fears, but Ava has other ideas – take some of his medication to try to push him into mania so he and Kiki fall apart. At first Curtis refuses to help Nina buy/take/otherwise obtain a baby in any way that's not legal, but when she makes noises about going through back channels, he decides he can't leave her to something like that on her own. Tracy wants Paul to be more involved in Dillon's life, especially now that Dillon's, like, having sex and stuff. They end up fighting about Paul's history of not-so-great parenting, which leads to him yelling in public about how much he's done for Susan.

Call Robert Yi, get some magic fortune cookies, and let's do this thing.

Jason, stop saying "we" screwed up when Sam was pregnant with Danny. She didn't do anything wrong.

So after all that, no one had malaria?

Michael, re: Sonny and Jax: "Things have always been a little bit tense between you two." Yeah. Just a little tense.

He's just going to get more pills, Ava. You should have replaced them with something else. (Disclaimer: I'm not actually advocating this, of course. I mean, look how that turned out on UnREAL.)

Oh, good, Paul's posturing about Susan again.


August 17th, 2016

The skeleton isn't Luke's, Lulu doesn't have malaria, and she can get started with IVF tomorrow, so everything's coming up Milhouse for the Spencers and Falconeris, too. Olivia thinks they'll have a girl. Laura and Tracy get to talking about Luke, specifically whether Tracy still loves him. Laura talks about how she's changed since she was with Luke, and how she's become her own person rather than just Luke's wife. Tracy urges her to go track Luke down, but Laura wants to leave that part of her life behind. Tracy leaves Luke a message begging him to let his family know that he's okay. Olivia interrupts Alexis' disbarment hearing to argue that Lomax is unfairly trying to punish her. Alexis has her license suspended for a year anyway, and has no idea how to move on with her life. Molly catches Kristina drunk-dialing Parker and tosses her phone in some bushes. The sisters end up having a huge fight about how Molly's perfect but boring, and Kristina always makes bad decisions. They make up and head home without retrieving Kristina's phone, which is now receiving a call from Parker. Franco ambushes Elizabeth in her car (something he doesn't seem to find creepy) so he can thank her for clearing him with the police. He wants another chance, but she admits that she doesn't think she'll ever be able to get past the person he used to be. She encourages him to deal with his emotions through his art.

What is this, Former Rivals Agreeing and Getting Along with Each Other Month? Who's next – Ava and Nina? Kiki and Darby? Hayden and Elizabeth.

Maybe Laura should give her "growing up means finding new ways to define yourself" speech to Alexis, too.

Tracy, I don't think we can get you Luke, but can I interest you in Robert next week?

Franco: "You're an angel, Elizabeth." Me: (making the same face Curtis did when Nina asked him to get her a baby).


August 18th, 2016

The Spencers hold a funeral for Nikolas off-screen, then reconvene at Wyndemere, where Lulu and Hayden almost come to blows. Laura's actually nice to Hayden, since she declines to tell Lulu some of the things Nikolas did that would make his sister see him differently. Their truce ends quickly when Laura overhears Hayden on the phone with Naomi, wondering if she can still capitalize on her prenup. Laura's anger at Hayden for seemingly being a golddigger and cutting into Spencer's inheritance turns into anger at herself for leaving Nikolas behind with the Cassadines when he was a baby. Kevin comforts her, and when she thanks him for being her friend, he finally addresses the elephant in the room: They're past friendship at this point, and some kissing should prove it. Valerie finds a cufflink in Finn's lab, then gets knocked out by an unseen assailant. When she wakes up, the cufflink is gone. Though Curtis is skeptical, Valerie thinks there's a connection to the hospital murders. Nina tells Sonny and Alexis that she stopped Julian from escaping the PCPD. She adds that Julian thinks Alexis still loves him. Over Alexis' protests, Sonny asks Brick to gather his guys and ensure that Julian faces justice. Finn talks to his dead wife, Reiko, denying that his feelings for Hayden are anything other than friendly. When he hears that Nikolas' funeral was held and Hayden's probably having a bad day, he cheers her up with a cactus and a lunch date. Griffin's less than thrilled to hear that Claudette has gotten a job at GH. He tells her he wants to come clean to Nathan about who he is, because somehow that will help Nathan feel better. Claudette objects, claiming that Nathan will kill Griffin because he's not over her. Claudette just wants one thing from Griffin: the confirmation that he still loves her as much as she still loves him. Lulu tries to ease Maxie's fears about Claudette ruining her plans with Nathan.

I was a huge Kevin/Lucy fan for years and thought I would never want to see him with anyone else, but I am ALL IN for Kevin and Laura together.

I really thought Nina was going to tell Alexis that she slept with Valentin. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that she didn't.

Aw, Finn's awkward attempts at socializing are so cute.

Can someone please use single-syllable words and bar charts to explain Claudette's motives to me? Does she want Nathan? Griffin? Both of them?

Kirsten Storms' styling suddenly makes her look like Laura Wright.


August 19th, 2016

Nathan and Maxie catch Griffin and Claudette making out, and it doesn't take long for Nathan to figure out how they know each other. He and Maxie lay into Griffin for keeping his identity secret and making Nathan feel guilty, like it's Griffin's fault that someone shot him. Nathan then physically attacks Griffin, leading Maxie to accuse him of still being in love with Claudette. Alexis is desperate for some good news, so it's the perfect time for Sam to reveal her pregnancy and reengagement. Alexis is happy about both, but Diane accidentally kills the mood by telling Sam about Alexis' suspension. Diane refuses to let Alexis wallow, so let's hope this leads to something fun and wacky with them. Kevin thinks he crossed a line with Laura, but she points out that she kissed him back. Then he thinks she wants to go back to Luke. Laura admits that she wants more than friendship with Kevin, so he expresses his own feelings, unknowingly saying the same things he said to her in Greece. The two of them happily agree to go on a date, and it's just so cute. Valerie thinks the cufflink was made from an old coin, so she looks at a bunch and points out the one she saw. Jordan finds it familiar but isn't sure why. Elizabeth mopes over the news that the ex she spent months lying to is happy with someone else and moving on with his life. Franco tries to cheer her up, so that's probably back on. Elizabeth is surprised that Jake is so happy about Jason and Sam's reengagement, but he likes Sam now because she makes his father happy – just like Franco makes his mother happy. Getting a bump on the head doesn't keep Valerie from getting it on with Curtis.

Suddenly Griffin's the bad guy? He's not the one who broke the law, NATHAN.

Is Alexis' next plot going to be alcoholism?

There's a theory floating around that Andre's the killer, which makes me want to punch something.

Only half a dozen people know about Sam's pregnancy, and one of them is Franco. Ugh. Also, there goes Elizabeth violating patient confidentiality again.

Jake's excitement over Sam and Jason's reengagement is so cute.

Scorecard:
(Re)engaged: Jason and Sam Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Nina: "I want you to find me a baby." Curtis' face: "Crazy woman says what?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sonny: "My people – and when I say 'my people,' I'm talking about Spinelli"
Saddest moments: Sam worrying about losing another baby; Laura beating herself up for leaving Nikolas as a child
Sweetest/cutest moments: Molly comforting Kristina; everything Kevin and Laura; Jake likes Sam now because she makes Jason happy
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Tracy and Nikolas worked together during the relish storyline
Worst instance of continuity: Curtis and Valerie haven't had sex before this week? I was sure they had
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Ava
Smartest character: Nathan, for figuring out who Griffin was, but...
Dumbest character: Nathan, for everything else

The week in a nutshell:


August 22nd, 2016

Nelle gets to know the Corinthos family a little more when Carly invites her over for dinner. The new nanny is quickly the former nanny when Carly fires her for seemingly stealing some earrings. This means no one's available to watch Avery the next day, but guess which new woman in town has childcare experience and is up to the task? Kiki confronts Ava for trying to recruit Dillon to break up her and Morgan. Ava thinks her worries about the relationship are reasonable when Morgan gets in a fight with a guy harassing Kiki (though Kiki was doing a pretty good job of fighting him off on her own). Things are about to get really violent when Morgan's able to control himself and back off. Sonny's pleased that his treatment seems to be working. Things probably won't stay great for much longer, though, as Ava's still scheming, using access to Avery at the Corinthos' house to get into Morgan's room. Hayden protests when Laura and Elizabeth consider sending Spencer to boarding school in France. Apparently Hayden was also spent to boarding school and really hated it and blah, blah, blah, we all know it doesn't matter. Jordan has already forgotten that she gave Andre a key, because she mistakes him for an intruder in her apartment and almost shoots him. Talk turns to the investigation of the hospital killer, and Jordan suggests that Andre help her profile the murderer. Also, we're totally supposed to think it's him. Lucy completely approves of Laura and Kevin's developing relationship. Kevin sort of approves of her reunion with Scott, as long as she's happy. Naomi returns with the news that Nikolas named Laura his trustee, so Hayden would have to go through years of court time to get any of her husband's money. She urges Hayden to move back home since apparently Port Charles is the last place she should be. Elizabeth receives a package at Wyndemere sent from Cassadine Island.

I guess we're supposed to think that Nelle put the earrings in the nanny's bag, but...why?

I can't wait for Nelle to ask more questions about the Corinthos family structure and for someone to try to explain it all to her.

Going off of something Ava said about Kiki being a parent someday: Kiki, please use birth control.

Remember how I used to yell at Kiki to stand up to Fluke when he harassed her? 2016 Kiki got the message.

That guy who fought with Morgan has no idea how lucky he is that Sonny didn't get there before the cops.

I'm surprised Elizabeth didn't mention that her parents sent her away, too.

Okay, Andre conspiracy theorists: If he's the killer, why did he talk to Jordan about the cufflink? Why not pretend he didn't see the picture and avoid the topic of the investigation?


August 23rd, 2016

We get it, Nelle is (seemingly) a great person and Carly loves her. Ava pops by Wyndemere and talks Elizabeth into opening the package, which contains Nikolas' jacket and boot. Ava tries to call dibs on the boot, piquing Elizabeth's suspicions and leading her to find the diamonds inside. She wants to take them to the Feds and try to get Hayden in trouble, but Ava thinks she should keep them for Spencer. Elizabeth has a big decision to make, so of course she goes to...Franco? Laura and Kevin chat and play video games and make out and are generally adorable. Morgan's doing super-awesome and Sonny's super-proud, so Ava's scheme to swap out Morgan's meds is going to end up super-horrible. Nina goes to her old apartment to get some of her things and officially move out. She ends up telling Franco about her night with Valentin, I guess as proof that she's moved on? I don't know.

I'm sad we have to miss the chance to see Max and Milo babysitting Avery.

Doesn't Raiders of the Lost Ark seem like something Luke and Lucky would have made Laura watch?

Listen up, men of Port Charles: Kevin has set the bar very high for the rest of you. Have fun trying to live up to his example.

Who decided we needed more Franco/Nina scenes?


August 24th, 2016

Elizabeth asks Franco for advice about the diamonds, worrying about making a decision based on her emotions. He reaffirms that her first instinct to take them to the Feds was the right one. He wonders why she came to him if she can't trust him, and she tells him she knew he would be there for her. Franco asks why she has so much trouble trusting him, so she confides that she was raped years ago. Suddenly Franco doesn't want to be involved with her at all, I guess because she's too vulnerable for him. Elizabeth, however, wants something now, and knows that he would never deliberately hurt her. Molly Parent Traps Alexis and Kristina into having dinner and trying to work out their relationship. Kristina won't budge until a tabloid-TV reporter named Roger blabs that Alexis lost her law license. Mother and daughter make up, but the peace is very brief, because when Kristina gets her phone back and sees that Parker called, she's back to her old feelings. Mother and daughter fight loudly enough for Roger to overhear them and take a video of Alexis grabbing Kristina's arm and telling her to grow up. Molly is once again the voice of reason, telling Alexis that she can't control Kristina's actions just like she couldn't control Julian's. Obrecht snoops around Finn's lab and discovers that he's been using illegal medication for something. He claims that he's working with the FDA to cure a disease, but Obrecht thinks he and Sonny are synthesizing a new drug to sell. She steals Finn's notes, leading him to threaten her life. Naomi keeps urging Hayden to leave town and restart her life (again). Hayden insists that she has friends in town, but when she tries to get Finn to confirm this, he tells her to listen to her mother and stop relying on men. Hayden may be done with him, but at least she's motivated to make her own way wherever she decides to live. Dante and Lulu's happiness over possibly having another child is dashed when Kelly tells them the embryo wasn't viable. Lulu wonders if the embryo Helena stole is still an option, but Dante points out that it was probably destroyed at Crichton-Clark.

Hey, reporter who's totally going to out Kristina, you're going to end up dead in the harbor.

Nice job with the "I'm working with the FDA" bluff, Finn. Too bad it didn't work.

I need Hayden to call Naomi on her obsession with Elizabeth.

Are Dante and Lulu sleeping in the living room?

Maybe Lulu can talk to Nina about finding babies through the black market?


August 25th, 2016

Laura finds a manuscript Kevin's been working on about a woman revisiting her past by following a dead woman's clues. She thinks the foundation of their potential relationship is a fraud, so they're done. Jordan finds out that Alexis and Kristina's fight is the subject of a tabloid article being published soon. She chastises Alexis for making herself look like an untrustworthy person, then accuses her of setting up the fight to get herself labeled an ineffective witness in Julian's case. The article is published, complete with a photo of Alexis grabbing Kristina's arm, and Sonny expresses his irritation. Jordan tells Andre that she wants to bring Julian down partly because of all the time she spent in the DEA trying to bust him. Kristina drives all the way to see Parker only to find out that Parker didn't mean to call her back. She's also going back to her wife, which makes Kristina feel like she was lied to the night they slept together. She finally decides that Parker's not a good person to be in a relationship with. Nelle asks Carly to stop making such a big deal out of the transplant, even with her closest friends. Then she loses her job, so I guess now she doesn't have a reason to eventually go back to Atlanta. The Morgans are getting remarried on September 2nd, and Carly offers up the Corinthos compound for the ceremony. The best man and matron of honor are chosen, and Jason takes on the task of finding an officiant.

Alexis is drinking wine at 8 in the morning so...yeah. Get AA on speed-dial, Molly.

Let's hope this is the final nail in the coffin of Kristina and Parker's not-really-a-relationship.

Jason, you might want to save a spot for a second best man – a certain Jackal is going to be in town next week. Also, you better be working on getting Robert Yi to perform the ceremony.

We get it, pregnant women get morning sickness.


August 26th, 2016

Franco needs money for his date with Elizabeth, so he asks Heather for a loan. Suddenly she's less willing to help him out, since the money she's supposed to be getting from Naomi hasn't been coming in. Franco asks for dirt, so Heather says she's keeping a secret about Naomi – specifically "her past with Jeff Webber and her little brat." Sonny tells Alexis to get it together, then pressures Julian to plead guilty, offering him protection in jail if he does. Meanwhile, Ava tells Paul that she thinks she can get Julian to plead guilty. Julian refuses, but it's a moot point since Paul won't take a plea deal anyway. Ava's stuck since Paul still has the flash drive with her confession to hold over her head. Robert's in town and asks Paul for an update on Julian's case that he can pass along to Anna. Paul tells him that the trial is pretty much guaranteed to go their way, so Robert and Anna can be happy that Julian's finally going down. Sonny wants an update, too, so Paul lets him know that even Ava is working against Julian. Elizabeth still can't decide what to do with the diamonds, so she asks Kevin for advice. He tells her to trust her instincts (always a dangerous idea), which, fortunately, are telling her to do the right thing. At the same time, Ava's telling Hayden where her diamonds have ended up. Robert delivers a message from an alive-as-of-ten-hours-ago Luke to Laura warning that Spencer might still be danger from Valentin. This makes up her mind that Spencer would be better off at boarding school in France. Just before they leave, Kevin asks for another chance, but Laura's not ready yet. Alexis thinks that she and Kristina can help each other navigate the new changes in their lives. Hayden decides to go home with Naomi. Tracy arranges a family lunch with Paul and Dillon, but it just leads to more fighting.

By my count, there were no fewer than 16 different combinations of people talking today. 16!

Who let Heather have a pencil? That seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Kevin, don't tell Elizabeth to trust her instincts! Her instincts usually involve ruining people's lives!

Why wouldn't Paul accept a plea deal from Julian? He'd still go to jail.

Drink any time Paul starts braying about Susan. (Maybe not you, Alexis.)

Scorecard:
Back in town: Robert Scorpio

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Kevin to Laura (in bed): "My cryptography consultations usually don't end up like this"; Alexis: "Do you feel like talking?" Kristina: "Not really." Alexis: "Do you feel like sitting together in unbearable silence?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Lulu being upset that the last embryo wasn't viable
Sweetest/cutest moment: Kevin covering Laura's eyes while they were playing video games
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Elizabeth was raped as a teenager
Worst instance of continuity: Suddenly Heather doesn't have $1.5 million?
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Parker
Smartest character: I don't feel like taking the time to think of someone, which means no one stood out enough
Dumbest character: Same
Previously unanswered question now answered: It's officially been confirmed that Heather's money is coming from Naomi.

The week in a nutshell:


August 29th, 2016

Realizing that Ava knows something about antiques, Jordan asks her to take a look at the cufflink. Ava finds it familiar, but it takes her a little while to remember who she's seen it on: Paul. A patient dies while Andre's with him, leading Monica to have the police detain him for questioning. Fortunately, the patient wasn't murdered, but the killer's still around. Elizabeth runs into Paul, who later worries that she'll get suspicious about seeing him. Hayden realizes that since the Feds haven't arrested her, Elizabeth hasn't turned over the diamonds (yet). She rushes to the hospital to shut her up, which just leads to their hundredth fight about all the Nikolas stuff. Elizabeth boasts that she's finally going to get rid of Hayden, who will soon be a jailbird like her father. Hayden slaps Elizabeth before Finn can separate the two women, but since Finn pushed her away earlier, Hayden doesn't exactly want him around now. As Elizabeth heads off to the police station to meet with Jordan, the power goes out all over the hospital. Someone then sneaks up behind Elizabeth and pushes her down the stairs. Heather's reluctant to spill Naomi's secret to Franco, since she could lose her source of income, but she eventually tells all: She caught Naomi and Jeff having an affair that led to a pregnancy. Franco's a little slow today, so Heather has to spell out for him that Jeff, not Raymond, is Hayden's father. He immediately wants to tell Elizabeth, ignoring Heather's pleas to keep quiet. Robert relays Luke's warning about Valentin to Lulu, which means he'll inevitably get out of prison. Lulu takes advantage of Robert's visit to ask him to find out if the WSB recovered her embryo from Crichton-Clark.

Okay, I thought Paul acted weird about the cufflink last week, when Jordan wanted to make pictures of it public, but I didn't seriously entertain the idea of him being the killer. Still, I'm thrilled it's not Andre.

Consulting with Ava is the smartest thing Jordan's done in weeks.

If only I cared about what happens to Elizabeth...

Nikolas is now president of the Slept With Siblings Club. He's slept with all three of Jeff Webber's daughters.

"I may have left something behind that belongs to me." Like Lulu left her phone at Crichton-Clark and wants to know if someone found it.


August 30th, 2016

Ava breaks into Paul's hotel room to find the cufflinks but instead finds Derisifol. Monica, Finn, and Andre take charge of enacting emergency procedures and making sure all the patients are okay. Andre discovers that the electricity was purposely knocked out, but no one can figure out why. For some reason, no one guesses "so the serial killer can sneak around undetected," which is probably right, since Paul's lying in wait for Monica. Elizabeth regains consciousness just as Hayden finds her, then passes out again as Franco comes across them. He thinks Hayden's responsible for Elizabeth's condition, and seeing Paul question her doesn't ease Finn's suspicions. Felicia tries to get Maxie to talk to Nathan while Nina urges him to prove his love for his fiancé. Nathan finally wins Maxie over by getting rid of his wedding ring and promising that he only wants to be with her. Claudette thinks Griffin should leave the priesthood for good and be with her. He tells her he thinks of the shooting when he thinks of her, and he's not going to put himself in a bad situation again. She admits to having an as-yet-unmentioned motive for coming to town to see Nathan, because of course she does.

I actually feel sorry for Hayden. I mean, she hasn't even gotten the chance to appreciate the fact that Elizabeth could be horribly injured.

Aw, Finn is so good in an emergency.

Thanks, Felicia, for being a voice of reason in the mess that is Maxie Jones' life. See you again in, say, six months?

Cool, Griffin basically gave Claudette the same "you make bad choices" speech that Molly gave Kristina.


August 31st, 2016

Paul goes after Monica, but his phone goes off and alerts her to his presence. He ditches his syringe in a trashcan, where Griffin later finds it and realizes the killer probably cut the lights to claim another victim. Ava lets Paul know that she found his Derisifol and that his cufflinks can be seen on their sex tape, so she could get him in a lot of trouble. Instead of blackmailing him to get back her confession to killing Connie, she uses the evidence to force him to throw Julian's case. Hayden tells Finn that she wanted to stop Elizabeth from turning her in over the diamonds, but she wasn't desperate enough to try to kill her. Finn: "Oh, you were just going to silence her by blackmailing her with the knowledge that she knew your husband tried to kill you before you were married? That's totally reasonable." Finn backs Hayden up with Jordan, having decided that Hayden didn't push Elizabeth. Franco and Elizabeth have made the opposite decision. Alexis gets encouragement from Tracy, of all people, who wants her to stay strong and put Julian away. Alexis is also hallucinating her husband telling her that she won't be successful, so maybe she should cut back on the drinking.

Paul being the killer still doesn't really make sense, but if that's how they're going to get Julian out of prison, it works. Nice job, Ava. (I can't believe I said that.)

Rule #1 of being stealthy: Turn off your phone, PAUL.

Can everybody please stop talking about how everyone loves Elizabeth?

"Any news on Elizabeth Webber?" Griffin...YOU'RE HER DOCTOR.

Next time I need a motivational speech, I'm going to Tracy.


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