General Hospital blog - October, 2012

October 1st, 2012

Olivia thinks Kate's really Connie, then changes her mind, then gets suspicious again over Connie's treatment of her something blue. Johnny tries to ditch Carly to go to the wedding, but she decides to tag along. He tries one more time to get Connie to call off her plan, promising to do whatever she wants as long as she leaves Carly out of it. They get into a fight and Lulu finds them tussling. Elizabeth gets Jason to sign the divorce papers by telling him that Sam and McBain are dating. She's actually right, since McBain has just learned that Natalie's seeing someone else, broken open some booze, and started making out with Sam. After Jason signs, Elizabeth's conscience gets the better of her and she confesses her lies about Sam, McBain, and what she said at the bachelorette party. Oh, and there's more – and it's about the baby. Trey continues his tour of honesty by telling Kristina everything he's been keeping from her. She's rightfully ticked and reasonably skeptical of his claims that he didn't know Joe's plans ahead of time. Just as Sonny's worrying that Joe will try to pull something, someone grabs Kristina. Maxie isn't happy about Ellie and Spinelli's date, nor the fact that Ellie calls Spinelli by his first name.

What grade is Elizabeth in? Seventh? Eighth?

Darn it, Maxie! You ruined the opportunity for a long-awaited Maxie/Johnny scene. But I can't be too mad, since you delivered what was undoubtedly the line of the day: "Excuse me, I have to go make sure everyone gets crabs."

I have to give Erik Valdez credit – he continues to make me feel bad for Trey.

Is Jason a groomsman? Is Olivia Connie's only attendant? This is a weird wedding party.


October 2nd, 2012

Olivia tries to convince Steven and Dante that Kate is really Connie, but Steven just thinks she's having an episode. She overhears him telling Dante that she may need to be committed and decides to clam up...at least until the justice of the peace asks if anyone objects. Milo also objects, but Max shuts him up. Finally, Connie objects, announcing that she can't marry Sonny because she's already married to Johnny. Elizabeth confesses to Jason that she gave him false DNA results and the baby is Sam's. Her excuses: She felt bad for Tea, she still hates Sam for letting Jake get kidnapped, she doesn't think it's fair that she lost her own child, she doesn't want Jason and Sam to get back together, and she's all messed up from Jake's death. Jason immediately calls McBain to give him the news. At the same time, Elizabeth goes to tell Sam what she told Jason. Joe takes Kristina to one of Sonny's warehouses, introduces himself, and explains that he's going to kill her so Trey will get her inheritance. Fortunately, Trey's figured out what's going on and is on the hunt for his wife. Sam and McBain almost have sex but decide it's too soon. Maxie finds it hard to hate Ellie.

I considered that Connie and Johnny (awww) might have gotten married, but it didn't make sense, since they just signed paperwork. Eh, it still doesn't make sense. How does Connie plan to explain this?

If I were Rebecca Herbst, I would wonder if the writers hate me. In the past few years, they've turned her into a cheater, tried to fire her, killed her kid, and now made her a shrew who's willing to use a baby as a pawn to get her ex back. And seriously, since when is Jason her "one who got away"? THEY WERE NEVER TOGETHER. They flirted a little, they slept together, they had a kid together, they flirted some more, and that was it. Lucky is Elizabeth's "one who got away." I also hate that her excuse for her lies is that she's been messed up ever since Jake died. That's funny, because a couple weeks ago, she was just fine. And she's still mad about Sam not stopping Jake's kidnapping? Yeah, you know when that happened? Five years ago. Punishing Sam for something she's expressed remorse for and that happened five years ago is ridiculous. Plus, hasn't Sam been punished enough, having believed for four months that her child is dead? Wouldn't Elizabeth get that, having, you know, been in that position? Basically, the writers suck for suddenly making Elizabeth such a horrible person, and they'd better fix it. Because I hate her, but even I don't think she's this bad.

Didn't Sonny put extra protection on everyone? That was the whole point behind Kristina and Trey having to sneak out to go to Vegas – Sonny sent Milo over there to watch her. And shouldn't there be more security at the wedding, considering what happened the last time Sonny and Kate tried to get married? As far as we saw, Max and Milo are the only guards there.

Also, just...no. Kristina would only get her inheritance if Sonny died, so Joe will have to kill Sonny as well. And I'm sure there's nothing legally binding that states that if Sonny dies and Kristina dies, Trey gets her inheritance. Sonny just...won't give him anything. This is an awful lot of work on Joe's part for something he's probably not going to get.

Sam, you of all people should know better than to have sex in Alexis' living room.


October 3rd, 2012

Connie reveals herself to everyone, lying that she never reverted back to Kate, and that she and Johnny have been sleeping together since their first time in April. Various reactions include Sonny attacking Johnny, Starr attacking Connie and vowing revenge, and Carly hitting Johnny (though she thinks he's lying). Sonny wants to have Connie committed, but only Johnny can do so. Sonny sends everyone away and begs for Kate to resurface. Joe's about to kill Kristina when Trey finds them. Joe seems to think he can kill Kristina, get her money, and head off into the sunset with Trey, but Trey won't let that happen. They do one of those fighting-over-the-run-and-it-goes-off-but-who-was-shot? things, with Joe getting the ouchy end of the bullet (TM Xander Harris). Trey promises to lie about the situation to protect his father, but instead, Joe runs off. McBain knows Tea will want more proof than a DNA test, so he plans to ask her permission to exhume the baby. Jason decides to tell Sam about the baby sooner rather than later. Elizabeth makes the same admissions to Sam that she did to Jason, with the exception of the truth about the baby. Sam somehow manages to forgive her, because she's apparently a better person than I am. Elizabeth tells her that she's about to get back everything she lost. Monica orders Tracy to keep Joe out of her life or she'll tell Edward about their relationship. Tracy agrees, then finds Joe bleeding on her doorstep.

Sonny should ask if Kate can be committed by a child...

Thank you, Lindsey Morgan, for Kristina's realistic reaction to being kidnapped and almost killed. Nice work.

"Do you have a minute?" Yes, Jason, I'm sure this conversation will only take a minute.

Someone should count up how many times McBain has made the trip to or from Llanview. I think it might be in the double digits now.

Maybe Monica can hook up with Duke?


October 4th, 2012

Jason's big revelation to Sam is interrupted by Kristina and Trey, who tell Dante the truth about what happened. Meanwhile, Joe tells Tracy that Sonny shot him, convincing her to take out the bullet and hide him in the mansion. Too bad for Joe that Jason knows about Joe and Tracy's relationship and sends Dante in their direction. McBain also doesn't get to tell Tea anything because she's realized that Heather and the baby are missing. McBain figures out that Heather is the nanny and alerts Jason. Sonny still thinks he can have Connie committed, but Johnny's sticking with the plan and keeps protecting her. Carly gives him one last chance to tell the truth, not realizing that the truth is actually worse than what she thinks is going on. Once he goes off with Connie, Carly confronts Todd for letting her stay with someone who was cheating on her. Starr shares the events of the wedding with Todd, who asks her to let him handle revenge on Cole and Hope's killer.

Jason's helping the police? Does he have a fever?

You know, Johnny, I want to feel sorry for you, but you've dug yourself so deep in all of this that it's really just futile.

So Carly's instincts have been telling her for SIX MONTHS that Johnny was lying, but she stayed with him anyway? I can't decide who's worse at following her gut, Carly or Tea.

No, wait. Neither of them. It's Tracy.


October 5th, 2012

Alexis has no solutions for having Connie committed, though obviously Trey is the answer. Johnny threatens to do it himself because he STILL DOESN'T GET IT. Connie's the only one in the situation who's happy, even if she probably won't get her dream wedding night. Tracy hides Joe until Dante tells her the truth about his shooting. She rats him out without him knowing, but he's already made his mistake. Carly yells at Todd for a while, but she's actually mad at herself (as she should be) for not following her instincts. He's totally ready to pick up the pieces. Michael's not too happy with his brother-in-law, but after Kristina tells him that Trey saved her, he joins Team Defend Trey. Steven's starting to think that Olivia's prescient.

Even the camera guy thinks everyone's dumb. He's all, "There's your answer right there! Trey! GAH!"

Johnny, seriously, how many times do I have to tell you: You can't threaten someone who has dirt on you.

Aaaaaaand Dante still sucks as a cop.

Things you never thought you'd hear on this show: "I brought sex toys."

Isn't anyone going to tell Steven what Heather did? No? Anyone?

Scorecard:
Broke up: Carly Jacks and Johnny Zacchara
Injured: Joe Scully, Jr.
Kidnapped: Kristina Corinthos, "Victor Lord, Jr."
Married: Kate Howard/Connie Falconeri and Johnny Zacchara
Not married: Sonny Corinthos and Kate Howard

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Maxie: "This is not my fault, this is not my fault, this is not my fault"; Ellie's reaction to the wedding madness; Max being unable to hide his glee at Carly hitting Johnny; "I brought sex toys"; Johnny's Internet search for "institutionalizing your psychotic spouse"
Funniest moment (unintentional): For some reason, the face Jason made after McBain told him the baby was missing made me laugh out loud
Saddest moment: Sonny begging Kate to reemerge
Sweetest/cutest moment: Olivia and Steven were about it
Least believable moment: Alexis, who's been a lawyer longer than most of the people on this show have been alive, hasn't figured out that Trey could have Connie committed
Most annoying character: Elizabeth, still
Smartest character: Connie, which is really scary
Dumbest characters: Carly, who admitted her instincts told her Johnny was up to something but didn't do anything about it; Tracy, for continuing to help Joe despite never believing a word he says
Things we learned this week: 1. Spinelli's allergic to shellfish.
2. You can get married on paper without any witnesses.


October 6th, 2012

Next week: Take a step forward if your baby or your handsome Scottish husband is dead. Not so fast, Sam and Anna.


October 8th, 2012

Sam corners Spinelli to demand to know what Jason's been keeping from her. He tries lying to her, then ultimately has to run away to keep from telling her anything. Meanwhile, Jason fills Steven in but doesn't get any closer to finding Heather. Steven encourages him to tell Sam about the baby even though Jason thinks he should wait until everything's worked out. Steven wins out, and Jason finally tells Sam that her son is alive. Meanwhile, Heather brings said son to her own son's apartment. McBain tells Anna about the baby, making her even more determined to find Heather. Duke gives us a few rounds of exposition, then heads to Port Charles to reveal himself to Anna. Maxie's jealous of Ellie and Spinelli's developing relationship, though Ellie thinks it means Maxie and Spinelli can be friends, since they're both in relationships. Todd tries to woo Carly by being her BFF. It doesn't work. Then his day gets worse when McBain visits and says he knows what Todd's been up to.

Aww, Sam. You could totally take Spinelli. You can take Heather, too. Get it, girl.

By the way, how many times are we going to have to hear the whole story? Can we put all the characters in a room, explain it once, and be done with it? Or maybe someone can take out a page in Todd's paper and explain everything?

I never realized it before, since I wasn't watching The Big Bang Theory when they were together, but Spinelli and Maxie are like Leonard and Penny.

I had to laugh at Todd telling Carly to call in sick at the hotel so she could spend the day with him...at the hotel.


October 9th, 2012

Sam gets the whole story as Todd reveals the defense he's going with: claiming total ignorance. Heather doesn't actually have the baby with her, having decided that Sam shouldn't get her child back if she can't have a reunion with Steven. Steven plays along, but she's on to him once he asks her to take him to the baby. When Olivia arrives, Steven's unconscious and Heather's gone. Anna thinks Duke is an imposter, so he convinces her it's really him by reciting 20-year-old dialogue. Luke returns, having tracked down Robert and Ethan, and tells Lulu what's going on with Anna. Of course, she's the next person he goes to see, and of course, he finds her with Duke. Olivia tries to make herself have a helpful vision about Heather, but all she gets is a premonition about Dante and Lulu having a baby.

You know...Todd might actually get away with pretending to know nothing about the swap. (At least until Johnny speaks up.) I mean, the only other person who can rat him out is an actual crazy person.

For the record, they did this Duke/Jonathan/imposter thing on One Life to Live with Todd and Victor.

Such a nice try at going along with the crazy, Steven.

All Olivia needs is a black sidekick (Shawn?) and she'll be able to reenact plotlines from Psych.


October 10th, 2012

Olivia revives Steven and relays to Dante the news that Heather's in town. Steven then spreads the word that the baby's Sam's but that Heather wants to raise her as her own. Also, the baby's on medication for the iron disorder, so things could get messy. Sam and McBain both think Todd can lead them to Heather, which is correct, since Heather is now demanding that he help her leave the country. He's about to go see her when Tea shows up at his door. Ellie tells Spinelli (okay, still funny) that she thinks Maxie misses him, but Spinelli's just grateful that she's letting him move on, since now he can be with Ellie. Meanwhile, Maxie admits her jealousy to Lulu, who urges her to tell Spinelli how she really feels. She notes that he'll need some sort of proof, trying to hint that Maxie needs to either take off her wedding ring or file for divorce. Maxie's clueless and decides to go see Matt. Luke and Duke (heh) immediately start competing, though Duke has an advantage since he and Anna are still married.

Wait, how did Steven know the baby's on medication? Did I miss something?

Also, he shouldn't have been telling people the baby was Sam's before he knew she knew. At this rate, Tea's going to be the last to know.

Todd just keeps a briefcase full of cash lying around, huh? Maybe it's in case there's another pathogen scare.

I don't want to say this Duke plot is a bad idea, but I would just like to point out that he hasn't been on in 20 years, he hasn't been mentioned since the '90s, and there are very few characters on the show who even know who he is (I'm guessing the Quartermaines and Felicia). So...just throwing that out there.


October 11th, 2012

Olivia mistakes Epiphany for Heather, convincing herself that Heather's in the hospital. She's right, as Heather has brought the baby there to get medication. Olivia encounters her for real and tries to get to the baby, but Heather pushes her down the stairs. Jason and Sam hear the commotion and follow Heather up to the roof. Todd starts to confess to Tea, then debates killing Heather and running off somewhere with Tea and the baby so she never has to know the truth. Finally he pretends to get a lead on Heather's whereabouts and takes Tea to the motel. Anna and McBain are already there, and McBain makes it clear that it's time to tell Tea everything. Luke and McBain are both skeptical of Duke's story, and McBain encourages Anna to be a police offer and investigate.

Drink every time Sam says "my baby."

Todd should have to tell Tea the truth. That should be part of his penance.

Also, Florencia Lozano needs to dial it back, like, eight notches.

Luke and Duke, Kate from Lost wants to know if she should get a ruler.

Thanks for standing around and doing nothing, Dante. You're a big help. (Yes, okay, you provided cute baby pictures, but that still isn't much.)


October 12th, 2012

Sam and Jason try various methods to convince Heather to stop being crazy, such as promising to help her work things out with Steven (Sam) and calling himself the baby's father (Jason). Heather's about to give in when Anna grabs a bullhorn and tells her she has no other options but to surrender to the police. Instead, Heather decides to kill herself and the baby by jumping off the roof. (Totally not disturbing at all.) McBain spends half an hour trying to get Todd to tell Tea the baby isn't hers, then half an hour not telling her because the timing isn't right. No one bothers to explain to her why Jason and Sam are on the roof with Heather. Duke has no one to talk to about his secrets other than the doctor from the Swiss clinic, who's in town for some reason. Oh, and he's been harboring Joe. Luke and Tracy talk Joe, Anna, Duke, and how no one in Port Charles ever dies.

Talk about a hostage situation with zero urgency. Heather was outnumbered and gave no indication that she was going to hurt the baby. It should have taken two minutes to solve that problem. And Steven should have ignored Olivia and Dante and gone up to the roof anyway. He could have figured out how to talk her down (uh, literally).

Also, this is why I always say that this show hates children.

McBain, stop talking about telling Tea and TELL TEA. This is being maddeningly, unrealistically drawn out.

Also maddening: What was this, Exposition Day? We know Duke and Anna were married. We know she's going to need to choose between Duke and Luke. (And may I suggest that she pull a Kelly Taylor and choose herself?) We know what happened between Tracy and Joe. WE KNOW ALL OF THIS.

Irony is Luke acknowledging that no one in Port Charles really dies while simultaneously denying that Robin could be alive.

Look, I'm a big Epiphany fan and an even bigger Olivia fan, but did I need their reactions to the baby plot? No, I did not. Epiphany has talked to Sam maybe five times, and Olivia has talked to her barely once, so why do we care what they think? How about a different Greek chorus for this?

Scorecard:
Back in town: Tea Delgado, Duke Lavery, Luke Spencer
Injured: Olivia Falconeri

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Lulu saying "Ellie Spinelli" sounds like an '80s band; Todd standing on his head; Epiphany's reaction to Olivia calling her a psycho
Funniest moment (unintentional): Tea giving Kate a run for her money in the scenery-chewing department
Saddest moment: Nothing, really
Sweetest/cutest moments: The baby's "stud muffin" pacifier; Jason calling the baby his son
Least believable moment: Anna and McBain drawing guns and bursting into a motel room they thought a child might be in
Most annoying character: Duke – seriously, can you talk about anything OTHER than Anna and Luke?
Smartest character: Sam, for promising to reunite Heather and Steven
Dumbest character: Anna, for not realizing that Heather might not want to negotiate with someone she hates
Things we learned this week: 1. Maxie likes whichever Hemsworth was in The Avengers.
2. Todd keeps a briefcase full of money in his room.
3. If you ask a cop to leave a hostage situation, he will.


October 13th, 2012

Next week: May the odds be ever in your favor, Todd.


October 15th, 2012

Heather goes off the roof but Jason manages to grab the baby and save him (just go with it). The Morgan family is finally together, but that means it's finally, finally, FINALLY time for Tea to learn that "Victor" isn't hers. Todd has to do the honors, and it's not pretty. Anna tries to interrogate Heather (who's alive but injured) about her partnership with Todd, but Heather would rather talk about Robin. She continues insisting that Robin's alive, and Sabrina overhears and shares the news with Patrick. Anna shifts back to Todd, encouraging Heather to admit that they worked together. Steven regrets okaying Heather's release and kind of, sort of hopes she doesn't make it out of surgery.

I thought Sam telling Tea to stay away was the one misstep in today's scenes. Well, that and Florencia demolishing all the scenery.

They hit the jackpot with the baby casting. Both kids (I'm guessing they're using twins, since that's usually what happens) are so sweet and quiet, and they seem comfortable no matter who's holding them. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that they're incredibly cute.

Sam is much nicer than I am for letting Elizabeth anywhere near her child. Just saying.

The thing about a deal, Anna, is that you have to offer something that Heather will want. So far you've just told her what to say.

Hey, whichever underpaid intern or whoever was tasked with writing doctors' names on the whiteboard: Do your homework. You misspelled Quartermaine.


October 16th, 2012

Tea spends some time in denial but ultimately accepts Todd and McBain's word and says goodbye to "Victor." Todd tries to comfort her but is detoured by an arrest. Sam makes the transition official by changing Victor's name to Daniel. Duke finally gives some informative exposition: He transferred money from Sonny to Kristina without anyone knowing, then sent Joe to kill her so Trey would inherit the money and Duke could take over Sonny's business. Alexis hasn't disappointed me after all – she's thought of Trey as a possibility to get Kate committed. Sonny considers it as a possibility despite not thinking Trey will be reachable after what happened to Kristina. Which is funny, since Trey is currently 20 feet away, asking Kristina where they stand. Patrick asks Anna about what Sabrina heard, so she tells him about her trip to Switzerland and her assurance that Robin isn't alive. Carly returns the bracelet Johnny gave her and yells at him some more, telling him Todd was right about him. He and Connie both tell her to stay away from Todd but won't tell her why. Carly kisses him for what she expects will be the last time, but Johnny's still stuck and can't change anything. Luke thinks Duke is using Anna for some kind of scam. Britt needs to shut up.

Show, please don't break my heart by never having the original Edward meet Daniel Edward. I will totally cry.

I hope they make designer prison jumpsuits, Todd.

Duke's plan makes no sense. Even if Sonny lost all his money, Jason would still be in charge. And even if Kristina died and Trey got her money, SONNY'S STILL ALIVE. There's no inheritance if he's not dead!

Excuse me, what was Luke drinking at dinner? I sure hope that was GRAPE JUICE, PROP PEOPLE.


October 17th, 2012

Todd sticks to his I-knew-nothing story, but Tea has figured out exactly what he did. And she's not happy about it. Next Starr takes over trying to get the truth out of him. Jason wants to let Sam decide what happens next with them, but when it looks like she's planning to head back to the lakehouse, he tells her he'd hoped she and Danny would come live with him. Trey had no problem signing his annulment papers off-screen, but now he's reluctant to sign Kate's commitment papers. Sonny gives her a heads-up that he has something in store for her. P.S. She and Johnny are really, really twisted. Joe asks Duke for a chance to redeem himself, and though Duke isn't thrilled to keep him around, he at least lets him live (for now). He's more interested in wooing Anna and celebrating their anniversary anyway. Luke urges Anna to get some sort of forensic proof that Duke is Duke. Alexis has trouble with the word "grandmother."

Tea has a better memory than I do if she remembers Todd going into the shed.

Monica? Hush. They've had the kid for 12 hours. Calm down.

"Love toll"? Connie, you magnificent freak.

Am I supposed to find Duke intimidating? Because I just...don't.


October 18th, 2012

Jason and Sam spend an hour talking about whether they're getting back together, and they're only wasting time because he has at most two episodes left. And then she decides to go home with him, so they can have, like, one happy day together before ripping my heart out again. Joe shows up at Trey's apartment and Trey threatens to call the police on him. Joe thinks he's better off getting help from his "friend," who he's really scared of. Michael comes over looking for Starr and starts to call Dante, which Joe lets him do, for some reason, even though he's already pulled his gun on Michael. Todd admits to Starr that he knew about the baby switch, then swears her to secrecy. Michael tells a clueless Carly all about the baby, except the part where Todd was involved, which Jason tells her. Luke thinks Jonathan Paget was the real Duke and this one's an imposter, but either way, he wants a DNA test. Lulu thinks Dante's the reason they haven't conceived, so he lets Epiphany embarrass him in the name of getting a sperm count (never mind that they've barely been trying to get pregnant for a month). Anna and Duke bore the kilt off of me.

I would be so much happier about this Sam/Jason reunion if I didn't know his last airdate is Monday.

I don't get what happened in those Michael/Joe/Trey scenes. Why didn't Joe do a better job of hiding? Why is he letting Michael call Dante? (Also, you can tell Michael isn't cut out for the mob because his first instinct was to call the police, not Sonny.) Oh, and Michael saw that the story about the baby was all over the papers, but he didn't see anything about Todd being arrested?

So, so don't need to hear about Dante's "swim team." And the two of them need to calm the heck down. They're not having a problem conceiving. They DID conceive. It just didn't take.

Here's hoping Anna only asked Duke to stay so she can get DNA off of his champagne class.


October 19th, 2012

The dragon and phoenix are officially back together, complete with wedding rings and family time. Then Bernie ruins it all by summoning Jason to the docks so he can come clean about a secret he's been keeping since December: The ambush he thought was for Jason was actually for him, and Duke paid him a visit in the hospital to order him to transfer money to Kristina. Starr walks in on the Joe/Michael/Trey face-off, so Joe decides to take her hostage, but Trey manages to talk him out of it. Joe then takes off for the docks with orders to kill Bernie, which he attempts to do. Jason arrives, shoots Joe, and tries to help Bernie. Bernie doesn't have a chance to tell him about the money before Duke shows up and shoots Jason. Carly asks Todd to tell her the truth, swearing on Starr's life. McBain decides to sit in on the conversation, so Todd lies (which I guess means Starr's going to die). Diane agrees to represent him (which makes zero sense) and gets him out of lockup. Duke won't submit to a DNA test, so Luke decides to just grab some hair for himself. Lulu can't have a baby because the writers suck.

I don't remember much about the ambush where Bernie was shot, but it looks like he and Shawn went to a meeting Jason was supposed to go to because Jason was in Chicago with Michael, as Abby had just died. So is it going to turn out that Duke made all this happen by killing Abby? Because that would be ridiculous. Also, they still haven't explained why Duke had to fake Robin's death.

Joe, you're a moron. That is all.

Did anyone tell Diane what Todd did? Because I can't imagine she would want to defend the person who took Jason's kid. Remember Jason? THE GUY SHE WORKED FOR? Sigh.

Don't worry, Lulu. Sam, Skye, and Courtney couldn't have babies either.

Scorecard:
Annulled: Kristina Corinthos and Trey Mitchell
Arrested: Todd Manning
Birthday: Robin Scorpio
Injured: Bernie Abrahms, Jason Morgan, Joe Scully, Heather Webber

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Molly cackling over Alexis being a grandmother
Funniest moments (unintentional): Sam putting the baby in the crib, the baby rolling over, and Kelly Monaco being legitimately impressed; no one told Carly anything
Saddest moment: Tea saying goodbye to "Victor"
Sweetest/cutest moment: Everything baby
Least believable moments: I'm no physics expert, but I'm not sure how Jason could have grabbed Daniel out of Heather's arms while she was falling, unless she let go; Diane agreed to defend Todd, who a) fired her and b) is accused of kidnapping her best friend's grandson
Most annoying character: Monica, who doesn't understand what "we haven't decided yet" means and seems to think people should be able to make life-changing decisions within 12 hours
Smartest character: Luke, for maintaining a healthy dose of skepticism about Duke
Dumbest character: Joe, for letting Michael dial his phone, not making him hang up sooner, and thinking he could beat Jason
Things we learned this week: 1. Bernie's really good at keeping secrets.
2. Duke likes a loooooooong game.
3. Trey and Starr live on Clover Avenue.
4. Jason still uses an answering machine.


October 20th, 2012

'Bye, Jason.


October 22nd, 2012

Duke kicks an injured Jason into the harbor, then turns his gun on Joe, who manages to escape. Sonny stops by Starr and Trey's and learns of Joe's visit before Bernie calls him to the pier. Bernie's only able to tell him that Jason was shot and is in the harbor before he dies. Sonny searches for Jason but can't find him; neither can the police's divers, who think it's a lost cause. Sonny ultimately abandons the search and goes to tell Sam what happened. Tracy's just finished admitting to Monica that she tended to Joe's gunshot wound when he returns with another one. This time he's not looking for medical attention, just help getting to see Trey one last time. Tracy doesn't want to assist him, so Joe tells her she owes him because he saved her life with the antidote. She calls Trey over and Joe expresses his love, then tells his son that Sonny shot him. Lulu's bitter about the whole not-being-able-to-carry-a-child thing. Luke realizes that he won't be able to find any of Duke's DNA on record (since he "died" before DNA profiling came into play), so he gets his fingerprints instead. Despite being convinced already that Duke is Duke, Anna agrees to the fingerprinting so they can all be sure. Duke's successful night continues when the test comes back a match. Sam and McBain decide to be friends, which I'm sure will last. Michael's eager to go with Sonny to help Jason, but Starr guilts him into staying with her.

Farewell, Steve Burton. I can't believe you walked away during one of your best runs ever, but man, the rest of the cast is going to get some great scenes out of this. P.S. Oh, crap, we're going to have to hear from Elizabeth on this.

Port Charles EMTs suck. There was only one guy with Bernie, and he wasn't even doing anything. If Bernie has family, they should sue.

I believe Joe has been watching Angel.

I'm glad I'm justified in not liking Duke.

Actually, Lulu, you can have a baby. It's called surrogacy. I bet Maxie would do it. (How awesome would pregnant Maxie be?)


October 23rd, 2012

Sonny tells Sam that Jason was shot and wound up in the harbor. She goes down to the pier to help with the search, but all she finds is the phoenix. Meanwhile, Michael and Starr take care of Danny, and Michael shares how Jason helped raise him, at the same time giving Starr some information on A.J. Joe dies, taking with him the truth about the shootout and his connection to Jerry. Trey continues to believe his story about Sonny shooting him even when Dante points out that Trey himself can give Sonny an alibi. Spinelli takes Ellie to the Floating Rib, where Shawn and Mac are being slaughtered in a game of strip pool against Alexis and Felicia. Felicia doesn't like that Spinelli's with someone new, but Mac thinks it's great. Maxie takes Lulu there to cheer her up, announces that she got Matt to agree to a divorce, and manages to work the news into a conversation with Spinelli. Lulu says she's giving up on having kids, but she seems to be considering adoption.

Sam being a diver = continuity!

No one told Spinelli about the way the baby story turned out? They suck as friends. He even helped them! He deserves better.

I like how they used the Jason plot to slip in some information about A.J. It made perfect sense.

Why do Mac and Shawn keep playing strip pool with someone they know is a hustler? I think they just like taking their clothes off and having women whistle at them.


October 24th, 2012

Sam is in cringe-inducing amounts of denial about Jason being dead. Carly's devastated by the news, of course, and turns to Todd for comfort. She finds him about to get a lap dance from Connie, who really wants Crimson back. Todd kicks Connie out, tries to make Carly feel better, and reveals that he still has Danny's real paternity results. Michael has to tell Monica that yet another one of her children appears to be dead. He assures her that he's still a part of her family. After he leaves, she makes a call to an unknown person. Starr attempts to comfort Trey, who still thinks Sonny killed Joe. Sonny and Alexis approach him again about committing Connie, but Trey won't be helping the man he thinks is his father's killer. Later Connie encounters Michael, hits on him, and insults both Abby and Starr. Poor Spinelli has to make Elizabeth feel better about Jason.

They still haven't confirmed that Sean Kanan's coming back as A.J. (as far as I know, his character is still listed as TBA), but I'm convinced:

  1. He's been mentioned three times in as many episodes.
  2. Monica got really defensive when Michael said Jason was like a father to him.
  3. The pictures in the Quartermaines' house used to feature Billy Warlock; now they're back to featuring Sean Kanan.

So here's my theory: Monica helped A.J. fake his death and leave town so Jason couldn't kill him, and so he couldn't be prosecuted for kidnapping Michael and trying to kill Jason and Alan. Now he'll think he can come back and resume his life in Port Charles. (Where everyone hates him. Let's not forget that.)

It's okay, Trey. I like Connie better than Kate anyway. You're kind of doing me a favor.

However, if Connie hits on Michael again, I may throw up.


October 25th, 2012

Spinelli agrees to help Sam look for Jason, so they pay a visit to the scene of the shootings, where Anna and Dante have decided there was a second shooter. An eavesdropping Duke makes a less-than-stealthy getaway, accidentally leaving a piece of his scarf behind. Anna and Dante grab it, though they don't think it has anything to do with the shootings, and Duke finds out about it and ditches his scarf, so that was dumb. Spinelli ultimately turns his focus to Todd, demanding the truth about the baby. Todd confesses his crimes to Diane, then takes advantage of attorney-client privilege to let her know that Jason is Danny's father. He then gives her the DNA results and tells her to deliver them to Sam. During a heated confrontation with Starr, Connie blurts out that she didn't kill Cole and Hope, then backpedals. Starr warns her that Trey is going to have her committed. She's wrong, though – despite a nice attempt by Alexis, Trey won't budge (though Starr might be able to guilt him into changing his mind). Lulu hires Duke as a bartender so she and Luke can keep an eye on him.

I hope Sam puts baby's first field trip in the baby book. "Look, honey, here's you, me, and Uncle Spinelli at a crime scene!"

Diane defending Todd makes even less sense now that we know she knows he's guilty. And I didn't think it could make any less sense.

Duke: "It was called Duke's." Luke: "How original." Me: "Says the man who had a club called Luke's."

We are four for four on A.J. mentions. Just saying.


October 26th, 2012

Monica blames Tracy for Jason's death, since she didn't help the police put Joe behind bars. Tracy says Monica's a bad mother and defends Joe, revealing that he saved her during the pathogen scare. Monica points out that if he had the antitoxin, he was probably working with Jerry. Tracy realizes that he might have also worked with Jerry on the hostage crisis, so he could have been indirectly responsible for Alan's death. She manages to become sympathetic, even telling Monica she's sorry her sons are dead. Well, one is, since A.J.'s...not so much. Diane chickens out of giving Sam the DNA results, which is fine since Sam doesn't want to talk to her because she's defending Todd. Todd almost confesses to Spinelli, but Diane stops him, telling him that Carly will turn on him when she learns the truth. His plan B involves somehow getting Heather to reveal the results. Sam finds an ally in McBain, who also thinks Jason might be alive. He wants to find out who bailed Joe out of jail, even if there's no connection to the shootout. Patrick yells at Sabrina for collecting money to buy flowers for Monica, since, of course, he hated Jason. Elizabeth gets involved and they have a huge fight which ends with him apologizing and her coolly accepting but calling him Dr. Drake. Britt uses the conflict to offer herself as a listening ear. Maxie wants to spend Halloween with Spinelli, but she'll have to spend it with Ellie, too. Lulu likes this idea since it'll make Maxie realize that Ellie's a good person and that she and Spinelli really like each other. Duke is icky and Anna is nave.

I'm interested to see how Sean Kanan does as a villain. A.J. didn't really become despicable until he was played by Billy Warlock.

Todd might be able to make this work. Heather's the one who altered the test results in the first place. He just has to alert someone to their existence.

Even if McBain finds the connection Monica already made between Joe and Jerry, it's not going to do much good. What they really need to do is connect Jerry to the Swiss clinic.

Patrick, making me side with Elizabeth on something is the worst thing you've ever done.

Scorecard:
Back from the dead: A.J. Quartermaine
Dead: Bernie Abrahms, Joe Scully
Presumed dead: Jason Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Ellie admiring Shawn; the Maxie/Ellie/Lulu scenes
Funniest moment (unintentional): People keep hitting Connie
Saddest moment: Yeah, like I can pick just one
Sweetest/cutest moment: Michael hugging Monica and promising he's still part of her family
Least believable moment: Sam found the phoenix in the harbor
Most annoying character: Britt, always and forever
Smartest characters: Joe (first time ever, I think...well, and last time), for using his last moments alive to turn Trey against Sonny; Monica, for connecting the dots between Joe and Jerry
Dumbest character: Duke, who's still in the running for worst villain ever (and who's also really boring)
Things we learned this week: 1. Connie wants to join the Slept with Father and Son Club.
2. Todd speaks Spinelli.
3. Monica's children are not, in fact, all dead.


October 27th, 2012

Next week: Plenty of tricks, at least one treat.


October 29th, 2012

A.J. and Monica's exposition and fake flashbacks reveal that he did in fact die but was revived by get this Monica's love. Also, Steven knew he wasn't really dead. Monica sent him away to keep him out of prison, and she doesn't want anyone to know he's alive, which means he'll have to hide from a visiting Michael. Olivia hallucinates Heather and almost attacks the vision with an axe. It's really Todd, who's surprised to hear that she's turned into something of a Magic 8 Ball. He gives Steven a box of Heather's things, including the paternity-test results, and pretends to be shocked that Jason is really Danny's father. He brags to an unconscious Heather that he's ruining her plans, but shes not so unconscious anymore. Connie tries to get Trey on her side and convince him that Kate was the one who abandoned him. It doesn't work, and he finally tells Sonny he'll have her committed. Sam declines Carly's help because she's been defending Todd. Carly tries to be nice, handing over her phone, which contains the last voicemail Jason left her. Michael wants to mob up again, but Sonny is as adamant as ever that it won't happen. Starr confronts Johnny for marrying Connie, quitting her job.

STEVEN knew A.J. was alive? That's definitely a twist.

I don't get it – A.J. stayed away when Emily and Alan died, but he comes back when it looks like Jason's dead? Why?

Well played, Todd. Very well played.

Dang it, Trey! Way to ruin everyone's fun!


October 30th, 2012

Heather threatens to spill about Todd's involvement in the baby swap if he doesn't hire her a lawyer. Then she pulls out a new plan: pretending she thinks she's Susan. Too bad Steven sees through it. Monica defends A.J. to Michael, who admits that if A.J. were alive, he probably wouldn't be able to forgive him. A.J. thinks he can be forgiven for all of his crimes, even when Monica points out that she would be on the hook for helping him. He's determined to stay in town and win Michael over. Steven gives Sam the paternity-test results, significantly brightening her day. She imagines sharing the news with Jason and is heartbroken when she realizes it was all in her mind. Trey tells Sonny he's only helping Kate because of Starr. Lulu questions Johnny and Connie's marriage, but he keeps his mouth shut. Connie then asks Johnny to "get rid of" Trey. Starr and Kristina bond over their wacky fathers.

Fifty Hues of Blue? Aren't they, like, a year late with that joke?

A.J.'s crimes are quite similar to Heather's, so maybe he should just pretend to be someone else.

Also, he just wants his kid back.

Someone please give Julie Marie Berman another Emmy, just for her facial expressions today.


October 31st, 2012

Luke shows up at Todd's wearing the Friday the 13th hockey mask and announces that he knows Todd was Heather's accomplice. Todd tries to bluff that Luke can't prove it. Monica has stashed A.J. in his old bedroom, where Tracy hears them talking and thinks Monica has lost it. A.J.'s still determined to be out and about, so he puts on a childhood Grim Reaper costume and goes to the Haunted Star party. Michael gives Starr an A.J. history lesson. Maxie celebrates her birthday with Patrick and Emma, then decides to move out. Carly wants to hang out with Todd. Patrick meets Duke and thinks he's perfectly lovely. Tracy teases Luke when Anna passes him over for Duke, then encourages him to put on a costume and spy on them at the party. Lulu and Dante discuss adoption.

A.J.'s costume is legit creepy. But Dante's cat-burglar get-up might be my favorite.

What is Maxie living on? She hasn't worked in months. How is she going to pay rent? Maybe she should take my previous suggestion and move in with Sam.

Patrick, stop calling Sabrina to babysit. It's called hiring a teenager. Like Molly, who has nothing else to do right now.

So Josslyn WANTED to dress as corn? Weird kid.

Hi, Shawn! I can't believe they brought you in for literally one scene! Hope you get to do something tomorrow!


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