"Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang"
Written by Phil Klemmer and John Enbom; directed by John Kretchmer

Veronica walks through Neptune High, thinking about how her guidance counselor encouraged her to pad her college applications. Therefore, she’s joining the Future Business Leaders of America. The teacher, Mr. Pope, has invited Dick Sr. (see “Driver Ed”) to speak to the group about his various business successes; the group includes Logan, Duncan, Dick, and Cassidy. (Duncan is basically the reason Veronica is there.) The students learn about Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs) and Veronica looks at a brochure depicting a Casablancas hotel, the Sandpiper, and the record of the company’s earnings. She notes to herself that, as usual, the rich get richer and the others hope for scholarships. After school, Cassidy approaches Veronica and tells her that he suspects that Kendall is cheating on Dick Sr. He notes that their prenup forbids this and he’s willing to pay her a lot of money to find out the truth. Veronica gets him to double his price to $1,000 for a picture of Kendall doing something she shouldn’t be doing. Veronica is looking over Kendall’s schedule when she encounters Sacks, who has been asked by Lamb to take her to the station. In an interrogation room at the station, Veronica and Lamb sit in silence, each waiting for the other to speak. Lamb finally fills her in on the dead man in the Hawaiian shirt (see “Driver Ed”), whose name was David “Curly” Moran. He adds that a diamond earring was found outside the biker bar the Road Hog, the last place Moran was seen alive.

At the Mars’ apartment, Keith and Alicia discuss Keith’s plans to run for sheriff again and his moderate success as an author. He mentions that he has a book-signing in Chicago that weekend and invites her to come along. She seems hesitant but agrees to go. Veronica comes home and keeps quiet about Moran being found with her name on his hand. She investigates Kendall and Moran on a PI site and learns that Moran, an ex-con, used to be a movie stuntman. His last job was at Symbolic Motor Car Company. Keith comes to Veronica’s room and she quickly closes her laptop. She asks him if he’s taking Alicia to Chicago to propose to her; Keith claims that he isn’t. Veronica covers up her secret searches by telling him that she loves unicorns. The next day, Veronica follows Kendall to a gym, where she meets with a man carrying a black bag. She follows them to a hotel and takes pictures as they go into a room together. At lunch, Veronica makes fun of Wallace’s pudding cup and urges him to hide it when Jackie (again, see “Driver Ed”) approaches. Jackie apologizes for being rude to Veronica at the Hut (formally called Java the Hut) and Veronica returns the favor by offering to let Jackie watch Pride and Prejudice with her and Duncan instead of having to read the book for one of her classes. At the Hut, Veronica meets with Cassidy again; he notes that Kendall and the man she met with switched bags. Veronica gives him an iPod shuffle and asks him to load Kendall’s music onto it.

Posing as Moran’s niece, Veronica heads to the Symbolic Motor Car Company and gets some of his things. Among his belongings is a photo of Aaron, signed, “All these years still on The Long Haul. Always your pal, Aaron Echolls.” At the next FBLA meeting, Logan pointedly moves so that Duncan and Veronica can sit together. Mr. Pope introduces his stock market game, in which everyone controls a virtual portfolio and invests fake money. A student will win money if he or she can beat Mr. Pope’s own average. He uses his model for his 401(k) and has made enough money (some of it from Dick Sr.’s company) to be able to retire in nine months and buy a boat. Logan makes a joke that is obviously aimed at Duncan and Veronica, and Duncan snaps, turning violent. They two fight in the hallway, then wind up in the nurse’s office, where the nurse tells them that the girl they’re fighting over won’t be impressed. Logan thinks she’s wrong. Duncan tells him that he didn’t steal Veronica - Logan lost her. Logan is more concerned with the fact that Duncan wasn’t around over the summer when Logan was accused of murder. Duncan points out that he was dealing with the revelation that Logan’s father murdered his sister. “I hate him, too, you know,” Logan confides. After Duncan leaves, Logan cries a little. Veronica, Duncan, Wallace, and Jackie watch Pride and Prejudice in Duncan’s suite at the Neptune Grand and discuss Colin Firth and other British men. Veronica is not impressed by Jackie’s stories. Wallace is, though, and thinks that Veronica thinks Jackie is too good for him. Veronica replies that he’s out of Jackie’s league.

Veronica heads back to Kendall’s gym and asks to borrow her iPod to see if her headphones are working. She secretly switches the iPod for the one she’d given to Cassidy. Veronica then follows Kendall to the beach, where she meets with the man again, and calls Cassidy, telling him to steal the iPod back. Veronica realizes that Kendall and the man are at the Sandpiper Hotel, but it’s much more rundown than the one in the Casablancas company brochure. She follows the man from the hotel to the bank to the county courthouse, where he goes into the county assessor’s office. She tries to get in to see him and learns that he is the county assessor. Veronica heads to Neptune High and asks Mr. Pope about real estate fraud. She figures out that if a company bribes an assessor and sells to an unsuspecting buyer, so much inflation and borrowing will occur that the company will wind up with a house of cards. She tells Mr. Pope to sell his Casablancas stock because Dick Sr. is artificially driving up the company’s value. Mr. Pope doesn’t want to dump the stock on someone else, so Veronica tells him that he won’t be able to retire in nine months after all. Keith and Alicia hang out in their hotel in Chicago, discussing Keith’s desire to be sheriff again. A man, who we will later learn is Nathan Woods, aka Carl Morgan (Cress Williams), spots Alicia and calls her Cher. Alicia pretends that she doesn’t know him and hurries off with Keith. Nathan approaches a hotel clerk and uses his badge to find out which room Alicia and Keith are staying in.

It’s karaoke night at the Hut, and an untalented student is followed by the lead singer of the Dandy Warhols. Veronica meets with Cassidy and collects the surveillance photos taken with the camera she hid in Kendall’s switched iPod. Veronica starts to tell Cassidy that his father and stepmother are committing fraud, but she’s interrupted by some customers, who happen to be Jackie and a guy who isn’t Wallace. Jackie doesn’t seem to care that she’s with a guy who’s not Wallace in front of Wallace’s best friend. When Veronica heads back to Cassidy, he’s already left - he’s seen a photo of Kendall and Logan together. At school, Veronica asks Dick where Cassidy is; Dick hasn’t seen him or Logan at school. Veronica runs into Jackie and Wallace and tries to call Jackie out, but with no success. She calls Logan, who happens to be in bed with Kendall and doesn’t answer. Elsewhere in Neptune, Nathan finds Alicia’s address in a phone book. Veronica heads to Logan’s house and heads inside, finding Logan in a towel while Kendall is in the shower. She warns that Dick Sr. won’t be happy when he finds out what’s going on. Logan doesn’t seem to care. Veronica accuses him of enjoying constantly attracting danger. In the hall, Veronica spots a poster for The Long Haul, one of Aaron’s movies. She discovers that Moran was the stunt coordinator for the film and created a stunt in which a truck went over a bridge. Cassidy heads to his father’s office and shows him pictures of Logan and Kendall. Dick Sr. realizes that the jig is up - Veronica has called the SEC. He orders people to start shredding documents and escapes in a helicopter. Veronica goes to Duncan’s suite and tearfully tells him that the bus crash was meant for her.


THE TITLE IS A PLAY ON... The book and movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

THE SCHOOL BUS CASE: The last place Moran was seen alive was at the Road Hog. A diamond earring was found there.

Aaron may have hired Moran to send the bus over the cliff.

Veronica believes that the bus crash was meant to kill her.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Veronica: “So who are we exploiting now?”
Duncan: “The workers.”
Veronica: (á la Mr. Burns) “Excellent.”

Sacks: “Sheriff wants to ask you some questions.”
Veronica: “My answer was final. I will not go to prom with him.”

Lamb: “You’re 18 now, kiddo, you’re an adult.”
Veronica: “Well, that makes one of us.”

“Ah yes, I remember that summer. He was a roadie for Whitesnake; I was singing back-up for Boyz II Men. They said it would never work….” - Veronica, re: Moran

“I’d love to have underlings and deputies other than my daughter. She’s really no good at wrestling the hopped-up meth-heads into the back of the car.” - Keith

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