Written and directed by Joss Whedon

Somewhere dark, Anya (last seen in “The Wish”) meets with D’Hoffryn (Andy Umberger), her vengeance demon boss. He tells her to stop asking for her powers to be returned to her since her carelessness was the reason she lost them. She’s upset that she was powerful for so many centuries and is now stuck in a mortal body. D’Hoffryn doesn’t care and tells her that she’ll now have to complete a normal human life cycle, complete with her death at the end of it. She asks him to return her to the point when she lost her power (when Giles smashed her necklace in “The Wish”), but D’Hoffryn won’t do it. Anya vows to get her power center back herself, or at least find someone who can. At Sunnydale High, Buffy is doing sit-ups under a tree while Willow uses magic to float a pencil. Buffy talks about the Watcher’s Council’s battery of tests, including psych exams, one of which determines insanity by asking the subject if he or she ever wanted to be a florist. She compliments Willow’s skills and Willow tells her that the pencil-floating is about emotional control. She asks if Buffy wants to go get coffee, but Buffy wants to keep training for her tests, admitting that she wants to do better at them than Faith. She says that Faith won’t “be on the cover of Sanity Fair,” but she’s had a difficult time, and Buffy could easily have been in her position. She realizes that Willow is uncomfortable with the conversation when the pencil begins spinning wildly and embeds itself in a tree. “Emotional control?” Buffy asks. “I’m working on it,” Willow replies.

In his office, Snyder informs Willow and Percy West (Ethan Erickson) that they will form a tutor/tutee relationship to bring up Percy’s grades so that he can continue to play basketball. Willow tries to back out, stating that she has a lot to do, but Snyder won’t take no for an answer. He tells her that he knows she wants to give something back to the school, and when she asks how he knows, he intimidatingly replies, “I just know.” On their way to the library, Willow fills Buffy in and Buffy says that Snyder needs her to beat him up. Willow complains that Snyder “assumes everyone’s time is his.” Giles immediately appears and tells Willow to get on the computer and try to get into the Mayor’s files. Faith and Wesley enter after Faith’s physical tests and everyone is amused that Wesley couldn’t keep up with her. Faith wishes Buffy luck on her turn, but Buffy doesn’t seem appreciative. Faith checks on Willow at the computer and grows slightly worried when she learns that Willow is trying to get access to the Mayor’s files. Later, in her new apartment, Faith fills the Mayor in on Willow’s actions and expresses surprise that he’s gotten such a nice place for her to live. She jumps on the bed and he yells, “Shoes! Shoes!” She thanks him, calling him “Sugar Daddy,” and he chastises her, arguing, “I’m a family man. Now, let’s kill your little friend.” Faith isn’t sure she wants to kill Willow, so the Mayor tells her that he’ll send vampires after her. They look around the rest of the apartment and Faith is thrilled to learn that she has a PlayStation.

At school, Oz catches up to Willow and is unable to fight some sort of force that makes him hug her. She wonders why he wasn’t in school the day before and is surprised that he had a gig in Monterey that she didn’t know about. She says that she might have wanted to go if she’d known about it, but he says that he didn’t think she would have wanted to miss school. This leads her to believe that he thinks she’s boring, which he calls “a radical interpretation of the text.” He invites her to a gig at the Bronze that night, but she has too much homework and doesn’t think she’ll make it. Willow tracks down Percy and tries to set up a time to work on a paper he needs to write on one of the Roosevelts. Percy was led to believe that she was going to do the paper for him, so he’s unwilling to meet with her. He orders her to do the paper and put his name on it. Willow goes out to the quad, takes out a banana, and announces that she’s going to eat it even though it’s not lunchtime yet. Buffy and Xander arrive and ask if she taped Biography for them the previous week. When she confirms that she did, Buffy calls her “Old Reliable.” Willow objects to the unsexy nickname and Xander tries but fails to convince her that being reliable is good. Willow says that she doesn’t want to be a doormat or the person who’s always seen as reliable. She says that she might cut class or change her look in order to be unpredictable. Plus, she’s going to eat her banana, no matter what time it is. Buffy tries to stop her from leaving, but Willow tells her that it’s hard to storm off when someone comes with her.

Anya finds Willow and introduces herself, not winning any points by professing to be a friend of Cordelia’s. Anya says that she’s working on a project and heard that Willow might be able to help her. “Yeah, that’s me,” Willow replies. “Reliable Dog Geyser Person.” Anya tells her that she needs help to create a temporal fold and Willow quickly agrees, wanting to dabble in the black arts. She’s disappointed to learn that the spell isn’t dangerous and asks, “Can we pretend it is?” In a classroom, Anya mixes powder and sand for the spell, which utilizes a plate displaying a drawing of Anya’s necklace. Anya explains that the spell will create a temporal fold, and when she pours the sand on the plate, the necklace it will appear from where it was lost. They begin the spell and both see scenes from “The Wish.” They pour the sand, but it hits Willow’s hand instead of the plate. In the Wishverse, Vamp Willow disappears just before Oz can stake her. When the spell ends, Willow is stunned by what she’s seen and Anya is angry that the necklace hasn’t materialized. Willow nervously says that the spell was a little darker than she expected and Anya replies that she just wants to find her necklace. She wants to try again, but Willow refuses to help her, lecturing that magic isn’t something to fool around with. She leaves with the chicken feet she brought and Anya angrily smashes the plate. In the now-empty warehouse the Master used as his headquarters in “The Wish,” a leather-clad Vamp Willow wakes up. “This is weird,” she comments.

Vamp Willow walks through downtown Sunnydale, confused by a world that’s completely different from the one she’s used to. She heads to the Bronze, which is still a teenage hangout instead of a vampire lair. She runs into Percy, who mistakes her for the real Willow and tells her that she’s supposed to be writing his paper. “Until we graduate, I own your a%$,” he tells her. “Bored now,” she replies, shoving him across the room. She tells him that she’s having a horrible night and asks if he wants to help make it better. She lifts him off of the ground by his neck and he tries but fails to fight back. Xander arrives, takes in the scene, and thinks Percy is harassing Willow. He pulls Percy away and orders him to leave, which Percy quickly does. Vamp Willow is thrilled to see Xander, mistaking him for Vamp Xander, and exclaims, “You’re alive!” She starts feeling him up, which makes him uncomfortable, and does something that makes him say, “Hands! Hands in new places!” Vamp Willow quickly realizes that this isn’t the Vamp Xander she knew and complains that everything’s different. Buffy arrives and is shocked to see Vamp Willow dressed the way she is. She tries to find something nice to say about “Willow’s” new look, settling on “extreme.” Vamp Willow starts to leave, and when Buffy goes after her and grabs her arm, Vamp Willow vamps out and snaps at her. She leaves a stunned Buffy and Xander at the Bronze. Outside, Alfonse and another vamp, two of the Mayor’s minions, try to attack Vamp Willow and are surprised when she gets the upper hand. “You made me cranky,” she tells them. They realize that they’ve made a mistake, since they were led to believe that she was a human. She asks who they work for and breaks a couple of Alfonse’s fingers before they switch sides from the Mayor to her. Vamp Willow tells them to gather their friends and bring them to the Bronze: “This world’s no fun anymore. We’re gonna make it the way it was.”

Buffy and Xander numbly go to the library and fill Giles in. The three sit on the steps, blaming themselves and mourning Willow’s untimely death. The real Willow enters and, noticing the others’ sadness, asks, “Jeez, who died?” Realizing that they’re sad enough to actually be grieving, she exclaims, “Who died?” Xander tries to fend her off with a cross, confused when it doesn’t work. He and Buffy hug her tightly when they realize that she’s alive after all. Willow turns to Giles for an explanation and is shocked when he hugs her as well. Xander and Buffy tell her that they saw a vampire version of her at the Bronze, and she takes offense to the idea that they thought she was a vampire. Buffy asks Giles for an explanation, but he’s remarkably unhelpful. Anya goes to the Bronze and is disappointed when the bartender won’t serve her a beer, despite the fact that she’s a few centuries old. Onstage, Oz and Devon set up for a set and Devon wishes that they had a roadie to do the work for them. Angel arrives in search of Buffy and Oz says that she might be there later. Suddenly, some vampires enter and Oz and Angel realize that something bad is about to happen. Angel debates going out through a skylight, but thinks he might be more useful if he stays there. Oz makes the decision to leave for him when Vamp Willow enters. Angel skedaddles without being spotted and Devon excitedly says to Oz, “Dude, check out your girlfriend!” Vamp Willow makes friends with a girl named Sandy (Megan Gray), biting her to scare the others. (Sandy will be seen again in “Family,” when we will suspend our disbelief.) “Questions? Comments?” Vamp Willow asks. Oz gets her attention and tries to convince her that she doesn’t want to hurt people. “But I’m so good at it,” she replies. She recognizes him as a White Hat and asks why he’s talking to her like he knows her. Anya speaks up that he thinks she’s someone who belongs in that world. Anya asks Vamp Willow if she’s aware that this is a different world from her own. Vamp Willow reminisces about her world, in which “there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.” Anya notes that she wants to go back there and tells her that she does, too.

Back in the library, Willow is freaked out that there’s someone out there who looks exactly like her. Angel enters, upset that he has to give Buffy the bad news about Willow, and reluctantly tells his girlfriend that her best friend is dead. He notices Willow standing to the side, says, “Hey, Willow,” and does a double take. Angel informs the Scoobies that Vamp Willow has a group of minions with her at the Bronze and the Scoobies decide to head out to stop her from causing more trouble. Willow thinks of something that she left behind and goes back to the library to get it, telling the Scoobies that she’ll catch up with them. Inside, she heads around the counter but is suddenly grabbed from behind by Vamp Willow, who says, “Alone at last.” She studies Willow’s sweater and comments, “Well, look at me. I’m all fuzzy.” She tells Willow that Anya sent her there, claiming that Willow can get her back to her world. However, Vamp Willow likes the idea of working with Willow and starts to get a little friendly, which freaks Willow out. “Would that mean we have to snuggle?” Willow asks. She tries to stay away from Vamp Willow but gets thrown over the counter for her troubles. As Vamp Willow threatens to force Willow to do what she wants, Willow grabs a dart rifle and shoots Vamp Willow with it. The Scoobies return to the library and lock an unconscious Vamp Willow in the book cage, marveling over how similar she and Willow look. The Scoobies discuss their options, unsure of how to rescue the people at the Bronze, and Buffy finally says, “Uh, I have a really bad idea.” The Scoobies return to the Bronze and are relieved to see that the vampires haven’t harmed anyone else. Angel thinks that they must be afraid of Vamp Willow, and Willow, now dressed in Vamp Willow’s clothes, wonders why they wouldn’t be. She and Xander are both surprised at the amount of cleavage her top reveals. Giles tells Willow to try to get the minions to come outside so that the Scoobies can kill them. Buffy tells her that they’ll come in if they hear her signal - screaming.

Willow heads inside, finding it hard to hide her true personality and her fear. She tells Anya that she killed Willow (“and sucked her blood, as we vampires do”), then sends a minion outside, where Buffy and Angel quickly stake him. Anya tells “Vamp Willow” that Willow was their last hope for getting them back to their world. Willow tries to stand up to her and threatens to have her minions kill her. She sneaks a look and a small wave at Oz, which lets him know that she’s okay. “Vampires,” Anya murmurs. “Always thinking with your teeth.” “Vamp Willow” complains that Willow was always letting people walk all over her and would get annoyed with her friends for no reason. She sends another minion outside, and Alfonse suggests that they start killing the people in the club. In the book cage, Vamp Willow regains consciousness and, upon seeing that she’s now in Willow’s clothes, comments, “Oh, this is like a nightmare.” Cordelia enters, hoping to encounter Wesley, and Vamp Willow tries to pretend to be Willow to get Cordelia to let her out. Just before Cordelia unlocks the cage, she realizes something: “It occurs to me that we’ve never really had the opportunity to talk. You know, woman to woman…with you locked up.” She pretends to think of a topic of discussion, coming up with “the ethics of boyfriend-stealing.” An impatient Vamp Willow isn’t pleased with this turn of events. The real Willow tries to stall the vampires, complaining that she’s bored and arguing that killing everyone there wouldn’t be much of a challenge. Anya grows suspicious and Willow decides that they should start the killing with her. Anya protests that Willow isn’t a vampire at all. In the library, a bored Vamp Willow listens as Cordelia talks about Xander and how, even though she pretty much knew he was a loser, Vamp Willow didn’t have the right to steal him from her. She suddenly stops, noticing that Vamp Willow is staring at her neck. She asks if something’s there and Vamp Willow replies, “Not yet.” Vamp Willow finally apologizes and Cordelia lets her out of the cage, saying that Vamp Willow will have to find a way to repay her. “How about dinner?” Vamp Willow asks, vamping out.

Vamp Willow chases a screaming Cordelia down the hall and into a classroom. Cordelia tries to hold her off, telling her that she and Xander have her blessing. Wesley arrives, hears Cordelia’s screaming, and runs off to find her. Vamp Willow traps Cordelia in a bathroom and is advancing on her when Wesley pops up with a cross. Vamp Willow refuses to leave, so Wesley pulls out a bottle of holy water. Unimpressed and bored, Vamp Willow rolls her eyes and leaves. Cordelia startles Wesley and he tells her that he was just on edge because of the “combat.” She’s grateful that he saved her life and hugs him tightly. Wesley asks if that was Willow and Cordelia says it was. She quickly recovers from the shock and says, “So, are you doing anything tonight?” Back at the Bronze, Anya complains that she doesn’t care anymore if she never gets her powers back; she just wants to get rid of Willow. Willow protests that she’s not a human: “I’m a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!” Alfonse agrees with Anya that Willow’s human, and Willow asks, “Oh, yeah? Could a human do this?” She lets out a scream and Anya and Alfonse say that of course a human could do that. Alerted by Willow’s signal, the Scoobies storm the Bronze and begin to battle the vampires. Willow punches Anya, hurting her hand but satisfying herself, before Oz pulls her up onto the stage. Vamp Willow arrives, facing off with Willow, who asks, “No more snuggles?” Vamp Willow begins choking her as the other Scoobies continue their own battles. Finally, Buffy comes to Willow’s rescue and almost stakes Vamp Willow with a pool cue. Willow yells for her to stop and Buffy does; Willow compliments her reflexes. (That might be a reference to “Bad Girls.”) Vamp Willow complains that this world is no fun. “You noticed that, too?” Willow asks.

The Scoobies take Vamp Willow and Anya to the warehouse, where they prepare a spell to return Vamp Willow to her world. Buffy isn’t sure that letting Vamp Willow go is a good idea, but neither she nor Willow would feel comfortable killing her. Giles warns Anya not to try any tricks in the spell and she replies that when she gets her powers back, everyone will “grovel” before her. Willow and Vamp Willow both find that hard to believe. Willow wishes Vamp Willow good luck, telling her to “try not to kill people.” They hug, and Vamp Willow does whatever she did to Xander, which makes Willow say, “Hands! Hands!” as well. The spell is successful, and Vamp Willow is returned to the Wishverse at the exact moment where she disappeared. Oz grabs her and throws her against a wooden cage, dusting her. Back in Sunnydale, Willow and Buffy sit outside the school and Buffy asks Willow if she wants to go out that night. Willow is more in favor of doing homework, “flossing…and dying a virgin,” since she’s seen where evil behavior can lead. Percy appears and nervously tells Willow that he did two outlines for his Roosevelt paper, since he wasn’t sure which Roosevelt he was supposed to write about. He gives both to her, telling her that he’ll redo them or change anything she wants him to. He heads off, then returns to give her an apple. After a moment of shock, Buffy asks Willow again if she wants to go out that night. “9 o’clock sound good?” Willow replies.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Everyone really does have an evil twin.

R.I.P.: Vamp Willow (back in Wishverse)

GRADE: A+ The return of Vamp Willow and Willow’s subsequent reaction make this episode an unofficial classic.


MEMORABLE QUOTES - “For a thousand years I wielded the powers of the wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I’m stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I’m flunking math.” - Anya

Buffy: “He even has that test to see if you’re crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist.”
Willow: “Ooo, I used to want…. Wait. Florist means crazy, right? I never wanted to do that.”

“Aren’t you sort of naturally buff, Buff? (smiles and laughs) Buff buff.” - Willow

“Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you’ll definitely ace her on the psych tests. Just don’t mark the box that says, ‘I sometimes like to kill people.’” - Willow, re: Faith

Snyder: “Percy is flunking history. Nothing seems to be able to motivate him.”
Percy: “Hey, I’m challenged.
Snyder: “You’re lazy, self-involved, and spoiled. That’s quite the challenge.”

“You’re gonna love it, B. It’s just like fun, only boring.” - Faith

Mayor: “That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there.”
Faith: “Yeah, plus all the screwing.”

Willow: “No, it’s fine. I’m Old Reliable.”
Xander: “She just means, you know, the geyser. You’re like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.”
Willow: “That’s Old Faithful.”
Xander: “Isn’t that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot….”
Willow: “That’s Old Yeller.”
Buffy: “Xander, I beg you not to help me.”

Willow: “That, that-that wasn’t just some temporal fold, that was some weird Hell place. I-I don’t think you’re telling me everything.”
Anya: “I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.”
Willow: “Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in Hell?”

Giles: (re: Willow) “She was truly the finest of all of us.”
Xander: “Way better than me.”
Giles: “Much, much better.”

“It’s really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn’t happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?” - Willow to Buffy, Xander, and Giles

Buffy: “Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?”
Giles: “Well, uh…something…something, um, very strange is happening.”
Xander: “Can you believe the Watcher’s Council let this guy go?”

Anya: “What a day. Gimme a beer.”
Bartender: “I.D.” (Anya gives him an unbelieving look) “I.D.”
Anya: “I’m eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a friggin’ beer!”
Bartender: “I.D.”
Anya: (sighs) “Gimme a Coke.”

Devon: “Other bands have roadies.”
Oz: “Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords.”
Devon: “That’s just, like, fruity jazz bands.”

Alfonse: “Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave…and nobody gets hurt.”
Angel: “Why don’t I believe him?”
Oz: “Well, he lacks credibility.”

Buffy: “It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. As far as we know.”
Willow: “Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.”
Xander: “Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?”

Willow: “That’s me as a vampire? I’m so evil and…skanky. (quietly, to Buffy) And I think I’m kinda gay.”
Buffy: “Willow, just remember, a vampire’s personality has nothing to do with the person it was.”
Angel: “Well, actually…. (Buffy gives him a look) That’s a good point.”

“So, um, in your reality, I’m like this bad-a%$ vampire, huh? People afraid of me?” (Vamp Willow rolls her eyes) “Oh, yeah. I’m bad.” - Xander

Xander: “It’s all my fault.”
Giles: “What makes you say that?”
Xander: “I don’t know…. Statistical probability.” (from the original script)

Devon: “Hey, man, how’d you like to be our roadie?”
Angel: “Less than you’d think.” (from the original script)

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