"Kill Me Now"
Written by Joanne Waters; directed by Adam Nimoy

It’s Friday night dinner time at the Gilmores’, and they’re discussing the fact that Emily has once again hired a new cook. Emily and Richard try to remember how many they’ve had recently and which ones they liked. The newest cook brings in dessert and Lorelai realizes that Emily thought she had a different name. The family discusses Richard’s mother, whose name is also Lorelai. (They talk about her in the past tense, but she’ll make her first appearance in “The Third Lorelai.”) Lorelai mentions that Rory has to pick a team sport to play at Chilton, but she’s not sure what to pick, since she isn’t athletic. Emily points out that Richard plays golf, one of the possibilities, and suggests that he take her to his country club to play. Lorelai doesn’t like this idea and drags Emily away from the table to beg her not to make Richard and Rory play golf together. Emily thinks that Lorelai is afraid that Rory will have a good time at the country club without Lorelai. Lorelai replies that Rory won’t complain even if she doesn’t enjoy herself. Emily doesn’t think that Lorelai believes Rory can have fun without her. She accuses Lorelai of being controlling, noting the irony that she always says that Emily is controlling. After dinner, Rory lets Lorelai know that she’s optimistic about the golf outing and thinks she might even enjoy it. She suggests that Lorelai tag along, but she would rather “stick something sharp in [her] ear,” among other things.

At the inn, Lorelai works with twin brides and their mother, Mrs. Shales. The twins are unhappy about some of the preparations being made, but Mrs. Shales won’t put up with their whining. Michel complains to Lorelai about the wedding and won’t listen to her worries about Richard and Rory. He’s even more annoyed when the twins’ grooms turn out to be twins themselves. “It’s like a really snooty Doublemint commercial,” Lorelai comments. At the Gilmores’, Richard waits impatiently for Rory, worrying that they’ll be late for their tee time. Emily orders Richard to be nice to Rory and make sure she has a good day. Rory arrives and Emily gives her a loud hat to wear. She and Richard head to the country club and discuss the finer points of golf. Rory doesn’t play very well and Richard settles in for a long afternoon of teaching. At the inn, Sookie complains that Jackson brought her blueberries instead of strawberries, so she can’t make strawberry shortcake for the twins’ wedding. Jackson tells her that the strawberries were no good and suggests that she make blueberry shortcake instead. Lorelai complains about her situation, then has to help Michel break up a fight between the twins that has their mother wanting to run away. Michel reveals to Sookie and Lorelai that he’s put a Post-It on the back of one of the grooms to try to tell them apart. Sookie wonders if one groom mistaking the other’s bride for his own wife and having sex with her counts as an affair. Mrs. Shales asks Lorelai if she hates Rory, noting that labor was the high point of her relationship with her daughters.

Later in the day, Rory and Richard have come to enjoy playing golf together and are admiring the grounds of the country club. They discuss Richard’s job as the executive vice president of an insurance company, which leads to a conversation about travel and the revelation that Rory wants to go to Fez. Rory tells Richard that she and Lorelai plan to backpack through Europe after she graduates from high school. The two run into a woman named Gloria and Richard makes nice, then admits to Rory that he hates her. Later, Richard heads to a steam room, where he gets to brag about Rory. In the women’s steam room, Rory eavesdrop on gossip and learns that Richard isn’t the only person who hates Gloria. Lorelai and her staff continue decorating for the wedding, struggling through an unhelpful encounter with Kirk Gleason (Sean Gunn), who’s brought swans. Michel refuses to deal with the birds, since he was attacked by swans when he was a kid. Lorelai shares this gem with Drella and Michel chooses to help Kirk with the swans rather than spend more time with Drella. “Can’t stand the talk, love to watch the walk,” Drella comments as Michel leaves. Rory and Richard meet up for lunch at the club and she fills him in on the gossip she’s overheard. They’re joined by a couple of Richard’s friends, and Richard takes the opportunity to brag about Rory some more.

That evening, Rory waits for Lorelai at Luke’s and talks to Luke about her experience at the club. Lorelai insults Rory’s hat and is shocked to hear that Rory didn’t hate her day with Richard. At the inn, Miss Patty leads the twins in dance lessons and makes the grooms uneasy. Richard calls to talk to Rory, who’s helping out. Drella refuses to play the brides’ requested songs until Mrs. Shales offers her extra money. At home, Lorelai brings up Richard’s call; Rory tells her that he wanted to discuss a book. Babette runs over to get help in retrieving her cat from under her porch; before they can help her, Morey gets the cat out. Lorelai tells Rory that her day with Richard should count as a Friday night dinner, but Rory doesn’t mind going to the Gilmores’. Stuck without something else to harp on, Lorelai asks if Rory is wearing her sweater and they argue about the sizes of their breasts. Later, Lorelai and Sookie discuss the argument and Lorelai notes that she’s mad because Rory enjoyed being with Richard, just as Emily predicted. She realizes that she was immature for trying to undermine Rory’s relationship with her grandparents. Sookie says that Lorelai is jealous because Emily and Richard get along better with Rory. The conversation is interrupted when Sookie rushes across the street to get some strawberries. Jackson catches her and blasts her for getting her produce from someone else.

At the double wedding reception, Mrs. Shales happily thanks Lorelai, ecstatic because the two couples are moving to Arizona and won’t be near her anymore. Lorelai tries to do something nice for Rory and apologizes for getting out of control. She promises that she’s happy that Rory is bonding with Emily and Richard; she just thinks it’s weird. Lorelai spies a woman chastising her daughter for not being careful in a fancy dress; she notes that she used to be just like that girl. Rory thanks her for never being like the mother. On Friday, Rory and Lorelai head to Friday night dinner with leftover blueberry shortcake from the wedding. Emily isn’t happy about receiving a “used” dessert. She is happy, however, that Rory had a good time at the country club and discusses getting her a membership. Richard arrives and takes Rory and Emily to look at the book he just got, leaving Lorelai by herself.

WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW: Kirk

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “I told her she should go out for the debating team.”
Rory: “It’s not a sport.”
Lorelai: “It is the way the Gilmores play.”

“You can use your mother’s old golf clubs. They’re upstairs gathering dust along with the rest of her potential.” - Emily to Rory

“Oh, is there a you’re crazy team? ‘Cause I think they’d make you captain.” - Lorelai to Rory

Lorelai: “You don’t care at all, do you?”
Michel: “To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon.”

Lorelai: “Tell me something happy.”
Sookie: “I can’t make the strawberry shortcake.”
Lorelai: “Wow. You suck at this game.”

Lorelai: “Really?”
Rory: “Really.”
Lorelai: “Really?”
Rory: “Really.”
Lorelai: “Really.”
Rory: “Okay, new word now.”


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