"Lie to Me"
Written and directed by Joss Whedon

A boy waits for his mother in an empty park after the sun sets. Drusilla approaches and asks if he wants her to walk him home. She sings a song that her mother used to sing for her: “Run and catch / run and catch / the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.” “What will your mummy sing when they find your body?” she asks. Angel arrives and tells the boy to run home, which he does. Dru is pleased to see Angel, who tells her to take Spike and leave town. She says that he can’t hurt her anymore, but he tells her that things will go badly if she and Spike don’t leave. “My dear boy’s gone all away, hasn’t he?” she asks. “To her.” Buffy spots Angel and Drusilla from a roof, though she can’t hear their conversation and doesn’t realize that they’re talking about her. “She has no idea what’s in store,” Dru tells Angel. He replies that “it’s gotta end.” She tries to kiss him and says, “This is just the beginning.” Buffy watches as Drusilla leaves, then heads off herself.

At school the next morning, Jenny teases Giles about a secret date they’re planning on going on the next night. Giles notes that Buffy seems a little down, but she doesn’t tell him what happened the night before. He suggests that she take the night off and possibly spend it with Angel, but she’s not too thrilled with that idea. In class, Willow passes Buffy a note asking if she knew who the woman talking to Angel was. As Cordelia defends Marie Antoinette, Buffy writes down a description of Drusilla. “Vampire?” Willow writes back. After class, Buffy says that she’s not sure, but that Angel and Dru looked friendly. Xander is happy to hear that Angel might be interested in someone else and suggests that they go to the Bronze that night for some fun. A guy named Ford arrives and Buffy is surprised to see him. He tells her that his father was transferred and he’s finishing up his senior year in Sunnydale. The two know each other from L.A., and Buffy admits that she used to have a crush on Ford. She invites him to come to the Bronze with them that night. After they leave, Xander expresses his distaste that Ford isn’t unattractive.

At the Bronze that night, Willow, Xander, and Ford play pool as Buffy arrives. Buffy tells him to stop telling her friends embarrassing stories about her. At the bar, she runs into Angel, who says that he was hoping she would come. Ford sees them talking and Xander tells him that Angel is Buffy’s “special friend.” Buffy asks Angel what he did the night before and he lies that he stayed in. He follows her back to the pool table and she introduces him to Ford, then decides that she wants to leave, taking Ford with her. Willow invites Angel to play pool with her and Xander, but he’s already gone. “See, you made him do that thing where he’s gone,” she admonishes Xander. Outside, Buffy hears noises around the corner and sends Ford back into the Bronze to get her purse. He heads back, but stops after she rounds the corner. He watches as she fights and stakes a vampire, then asks her what’s going on. She tries to lie, but he lets her know that he knows she was killing a vampire and that she’s the Slayer.

Later, Buffy talks to Willow on the phone and tells her that Ford knows about her secret identity. She says that it makes things easier, because she doesn’t have to lie to him. Ford enters a place called the Sunset Club, where everyone is dressed gothically. He meets up with a guy named Diego and a girl named Chantarelle (Julia Lee), who he tells to be ready. They’re preparing something for “true believers” - they’ll “die young, and stay pretty.” Angel climbs up to the balcony outside Willow’s bedroom and she’s shocked to see him outside her door. She invites him in and tells him that she’s not supposed to have boys in her room; he says he’ll behave himself. He asks her to help him look for information on Ford on the Internet, and she asks if she can tell him something without getting bitten in response. He sense that she’s going to say he’s jealous, then admits that he never was before he met Buffy. On the Internet, Willow discovers that Ford isn’t registered at Sunnydale High, but any further investigation is interrupted when her mother calls upstairs to see if she’s still awake. Willow tells Angel to come back after sunset the next night. He asks her not to tell Buffy what’s going on, and she reluctantly agrees.

In school the next day, Willow is jumpy around Buffy and Ford. Giles tells Buffy that he and Jenny are going out that night and that she can beep him if she needs “study help.” Buffy tells him that Ford knows she’s the Slayer and Giles asks if she’s letting down her guard to impress guys. She assures him that she’s not and that things will be fine while he’s gone. That night, Buffy gives Ford a tour of Sunnydale and they wind up back at the school, where they see two vampires. They attack Buffy, who gets one away from the other. Ford tells the other vamp that he’ll let her live if she tells him what he wants to know. Buffy kills the other vampire, then goes over to Ford, who tells her that he killed his vamp as well.

Willow, Xander, and Angel head towards the Sunset Club, which they’ve discovered is connected to Ford. They realize that they’re a little out of place and notice a theme of “vampires! Yay!” Chantarelle greets them and says that they welcome those who are interested in the Lonely Ones (AKA vampires). She sings the praises of vampires and Angel calls her a fool. He tells Willow and Xander that some people convince themselves that vampires aren’t dangerous, but they don’t really know anything about them. As he insults their conceptions of vampires’ clothes, someone walks by wearing the same thing Angel is wearing. On their way out, they wonder why Ford is hanging out there and Diego overhears them. Buffy summons Giles and Jenny to the library, saving Giles from a date at a monster truck rally. As Giles looks through a book, Buffy spots a picture of Drusilla inside and asks who she is. He explains that she used to be Spike’s paramour but was killed by a mob in Prague. Buffy tells him that she isn’t dead, and was in fact with Angel recently. Suddenly, the vampire that Ford supposedly killed runs out of Giles’ office with a book. As she escapes, Buffy tells Giles and Jenny that Ford said he killed her.

Drusilla talks to a dead bird at the warehouse, asking it to sing to her. Spike asks her if she saw anyone when she went on a “hunt” the other night, and she confirms that she saw Angel. Ford arrives, telling them that their warehouse is cool and that he knows who Spike is. The vampire who stole the book enters and gives it to Spike, who says that it will be useful. Ford says that he has an offer to make Spike and expects Spike to give him thirty seconds before he kills him. Spike gives in, and Ford tells him he wants to make a trade - he’ll bring Buffy to the warehouse if Spike makes him a vampire. Angel goes to Buffy’s house and tells her that Ford isn’t who she thinks he is. She is upset to hear that Willow and Xander were in on his investigation, then asks who Drusilla is. He tells her that he didn’t say anything about Dru because he thought it was better to lie. He asks her if she loves him, and she replies that she does, but she doesn’t know if she trusts him. “Maybe you shouldn’t do either,” he says. He explains that he drove Drusilla insane by killing her family and torturing her, then turned her into a vampire. He tells her about the Sunset Club and warns that she can’t trust Ford.

At school the next day, Ford asks Buffy to go somewhere with him that night and she accepts. Later, she forgives Willow and Xander from hiding the truth from her and says that she’s going to find out what Ford is up to. At the Sunset Club, Ford makes sure that Chantarelle and Diego have made all of the necessary preparations for “the change.” Diego asks if Ford’s friends are coming, mentioning that they stopped by the night before. Ford is upset to hear the news, but assures them that things will be fine. Buffy arrives and tells Ford that she couldn’t wait until that night. He tells her that he’s going to be turned into a vampire, and she warns that it might not be as easy as he thinks. She realizes that he was going to offer her as a trade. Diego locks everyone into the basement and Ford tells Buffy that the door can now only be opened from the outside: “No one gets outta here alive.”

Buffy tells Ford to let everyone else go, but Chantarelle and Diego tell her that they all want to be turned into vampires. Buffy replies that Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.” She tries to convince them that they’re actually going to die, but they don’t seem to care. Spike and his buddies head out from the warehouse and he announces that Buffy is their first priority. Away from the others, Buffy gets Ford to admit that the others aren’t going to be sired, but he says it doesn’t matter, since he’ll become immortal. She tells him that he won’t - his body will be taken over by a demon. She tries to convince him that the others don’t deserve to die, and he says that he doesn’t, either, but he is anyway. He tells her that he has tumors in his brain and only a few months to live, so he decided to seek out immortality. Ford says that the others have a choice, but he doesn’t; Buffy disagrees, saying that he may not have good choices, but he still has them. She tells him that he’s going to be responsible for mass murder and can’t excuse what he’s doing. She says that if he lets the vamps in, she’ll kill him herself.

Spike and friends arrive and Buffy begs Ford one more time to change his mind. She tells the others that “this is ugly death come to play” and Ford hits her, knocking her out. The vamps enter and Spike tells his minions to kill everyone except Buffy. Buffy wakes up and fights Ford, knocking him out. She grabs Drusilla and calls out to Spike, who’s trying to kill Chantarelle. Spike yells for the vamps to stop and Buffy tells him, “Let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.” He obliges and the victims leave. Buffy tells Spike to go downstairs, which he does, then pushes Dru towards him. Buffy makes her escape, locking Spike, Drusilla, the other vamps, and Ford in the room together. In the alley, Willow, Xander, and Angel are just arriving. Buffy tells them that they’ll go back in the morning for “the body.” Ford regains consciousness, learns what happened, and tells Spike that he held up his end of the bargain and expects to be repaid. The next day, Buffy returns to the Sunset Club to see that the vamps have busted their way out and that Ford is dead.

Buffy and Giles visit Ford’s grave and Buffy says that things would be easier if she could hate Ford. She says that he wanted to be the villain, but he was just scared. She laments that nothing is ever easy - she’s always trying to figure out who the bad guys are and who the good guys are. “I believe that’s called growing up,” Giles says. “I’d like to stop, then, okay?” she replies. Buffy asks if life ever gets easy as Ford emerges from his grave. She quickly stakes him and he turns to dust. Giles asks her what she wants him to say and she says that she wants him to lie to her. He does, but she’s still not satisfied.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Anyone who dresses like a vampire should be handled with caution.

GRADE: B- Shut up, Ford.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH: Chantarelle (aka Lily and Anne)

MEMORABLE QUOTES - Cordelia: “And I know the peasants were all depressed….”
Xander: “I think you mean ‘oppressed.’”
Cordelia: “Whatever. They were cranky. So they’re, like, ‘Let’s lose some heads.’ Uhhh! That’s fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!”

“I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song ‘I Touch Myself.’ (pause) Of course, I had no idea what it was about.” - Buffy to Ford

Ford: “You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.”
Xander: “Care to make a small wager on that?”

Ford: (re: Angel) “He’s not in school, right? He looks older than her.”
Xander: “You’re not wrong.”

Buffy: “What’d you do last night?”
Angel: “Nothin’.”
Buffy: “Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?”

Ford: (to Angel) “Whoa! Cold hands!”
Xander: “You’re not wrong.”

Willow: “Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don’t wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?”
Angel: “Are you gonna tell me that I’m jealous?”
Willow: “Well, you do sometimes get that way.”
Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin’ guilty…. I really honed my brooding skills.”

Buffy: “Are you drinking coffee again? ‘Cause we’ve talked about this.”
Willow: (laughs loudly) “It makes me jumpy. I have to go. Away.” (she skedaddles)
Ford: “Nice girl!”
Buffy: “There aren’t two of those in the world.”

Willow: “Okay, but do they really stick out?”
Xander: “What?”
Willow: “Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, ‘Wow! That baby is sore!’?”
Xander: “You have too many thoughts.”

Willow: “The Lonely Ones?”
Angel: “Vampires.”
Xander: “Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones.”

Xander: “Angel was in your bedroom?”
Willow: “Ours is a forbidden love.”

“I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You’re going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and…could you have a dorkier outfit?” - Buffy to Diego

Ford: “What happened?”
Spike: “We’re stuck in a basement.”
Ford: “Buffy?”
Spike: “She’s not stuck in the basement.”

Buffy: “Does it get easy?”
Giles: “What do you want me to say?”
Buffy: “Lie to me.”
Giles: “Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.”
Buffy: “Liar.”

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