"Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels"
Written by Amy Sherman-Palladino; directed by Chris Long

Lorelai and Rory wake up at home and complain about how cold the house is. They spot someone sleeping on the couch and realize that Lane followed Rory home from Yale. Lorelai explains that it’s cold because she accidentally broke a window; she left a message for Luke to come fix it. Rory asks why Lorelai doesn’t call a professional, but she says that Luke gets mad when she pays for things he’ll do for free. She wonders if Rory is thinking about Jess (see “A Family Matter”), but Rory just wants to know if he froze to death in his car. Lorelai considers sticking her head in the oven to warm up. Luke gets stuck in a traffic jam downtown caused by Jess’ broken down car. Nearby, Kirk organizes the decorating for the Firelight Festival, wanting to say “roger” on his walkie-talkie. “Shouldn’t you have a marching band behind you?” Luke asks Jess. He explains that he has to push his car to Gypsy’s so she can fix it. Luke tells him he’ll give him the money to hire a tow truck, but Jess refuses. Later, Gypsy checks out the car and tells Jess she’ll have it fixed by that night. He spots a girl he thinks is Rory but Gypsy tells him that she cut her hair. At home, Lorelai tries to fix the broken window with plastic wrap and Barbie Band-aids; Rory refuses to help since she won’t hire a professional. Rory heads off and Lorelai tries to get Lane to tell her if she wants to talk to Mrs. Kim for her.

Emily calls and complains that the rare manuscripts acquisition fundraiser she’s organized for that night is going to be a disaster because her table is half empty. Lorelai reminds her that she already promised to attend, but Emily worries that she’ll be shunned if she doesn’t fill her table. She tells Lorelai to bring someone with her. At the diner, Kirk talks about dancers at the Firelight Festival, but Miss Patty isn’t listening. At the counter, Liz (see “A Family Matter”) talks with her friend Carrie, who, the story goes, once made out with Luke. Liz wants to sell some of her earrings in Stars Hollow, but Luke doesn’t want her to sell them in the diner. He pulls her aside and warns that no one is going to want to buy her jewelry, so he’s worried that she’ll wind up depressed. His argument goes out the window when Miss Patty and Kirk both admire Liz’s earrings. Rory goes to Weston’s Bakery and encounters Jess, who leaves. Kirk goes back to decorating and tries to communicate with another worker, Joe, who’s lost his walkie-talkie. Lorelai sees Luke’s truck driving off and runs over to talk to him about the window, quickly realizing that Liz is behind the wheel. They introduce themselves and Liz mistakes Lorelai for Nicole, since she acts like his wife and seems like his type. They talk about how Luke always fixes Liz’s messes, especially those concerning Jess, and how great he is. Liz mentions that she’s thinking of moving back to Stars Hollow, though she’s not sure what Luke will think.

Rory and Lorelai hang out at Babette’s house, discussing their plan to go to the charity event before they head back for the Firelight Festival. They discuss Jess and Rory’s theory that she should be the one to walk out in a huff, since Stars Hollow is her town, not his. She tries to convince herself that he’ll be gone soon. Downtown, Kirk chases some kids who have made off with the bonfire. Liz takes some food from Luke’s supply so she can make dinner for him and T.J., her boyfriend. Luke is upset that she left him alone in the apartment and goes upstairs. T.J. (Michael DeLuise) is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but Liz is happy to have him and Luke together. Jess arrives, making Liz even happier, and she introduces him to T.J. Jess reluctantly stays and the group talks about the town and how Luke and “Crazy Carrie” possibly went out. As Jess leaves, Luke follows him into the hallway, where they finally agree on something - they don’t like T.J. Luke wants to do something about him but Jess just wants to get his car fixed so he can leave town. He notes that Liz is going to date whoever she wants and do whatever she wants; she doesn’t care what they think. Luke says that he wants to help her, but Jess replies that that’s his problem - he feels like he has to fix everything. He thinks it makes him a good guy, but Jess thinks it just makes him annoying. “You make it so that when people fail you, you get to feel like the martyr and they get to feel like not only did they screw up, but they also disappointed you,” Jess says. “You interfere and you make everything worse. No one is asking for your help. No one wants your help. Focus on your own life and leave everyone else alone.”

Kirk chases the kids who stole his walkie-talkie as Rory heads to the bookstore, where she runs into Jess, who leaves again. Lorelai comes home to find a tipsy Luke fixing the window, having climbed in through Lorelai’s bedroom window. He’s cut himself, so Lorelai tries to take care of him, but she doesn’t like the sight of blood. Luke babbles about how he’s the guy who fixes things and he’s just now realizing that it’s actually a problem. Lorelai bandages his hand and he comments, “Got a handful of Barbie.” She asks him what happened and finally pieces together that something happened with Jess. She tells him that Liz told her how grateful she is to have Luke for a brother; he should be listening to her instead of Jess. Jess heads back to Gypsy’s, where he tries to hurry her along and she makes it clear that he’s hindering her. Lorelai shows up and blasts Jess for what he said to Luke, who’s done nothing but try to help him. Jess thinks she’s really just mad about Rory and she accuses him of only coming back to Stars Hollow because he’s still in love with her. He denies that he is and Lorelai tells him that’s good, since Rory is over him. The girls head to the charity dinner, where Emily is upset that Lorelai brought Rory, since it means she couldn’t find a date. Emily has gotten Digger and Richard’s secretaries to fill the other two seats at the table, even though the women are dull. Emily tells Digger to sit next to Lorelai, ordering them to pretend that they’re a couple. Digger takes Lorelai’s hand, excusing his actions by pointing out, “Hey, your mom said.”

At the diner, T.J. encourages Luke to go out to the Firelight Festival; Luke notes that he lives in Stars Hollow, so he’s seen a ton of Firelight Festivals. T.J. bugs him to come out and say goodbye to him and Liz when he’s done working. At the charity dinner, Lorelai and Rory are confused by the speaker’s joke about Nag Hammadi; Digger says that no one in the room actually knows what he’s talking about. Digger wonders how far he and Lorelai can push their fake not-fake relationship; he’s hoping for a make-out session in the coat-check room. She asks Emily, who tells them to stay together for the whole evening. She tells Digger she’s secured the room for them, then tells Rory, “I’m going to make out in the coatroom.” Digger runs into his father, Floyd, though Lorelai thinks the two men act like they barely know each other. She thinks that their relationship soured when they became business rivals, but Digger admits that it’s always been like that. Richard learns quickly that Floyd was there and asks Digger what he said. He thinks that Floyd wouldn’t have come by the table without a motive; he thinks it’s deliberate that he didn’t ask any questions about Digger and Richard’s business. He warns Digger that something big is coming. Digger leaves and Emily tells Lorelai, “Nobody was believing you two as a couple anyway.”

At the Firelight Festival, Kirk confuses himself as Luke deals with a tipsy Carrie and her friends, who have come from their high school reunion. Luke tells Liz that Jess should be fine; she apologizes for not letting Luke know that she was in touch with him. She says that he’s like their father and thanks Luke for taking care of Jess. She gives him a pair of earrings to give to either Lorelai or Nicole. Rory and Lorelai arrive at the Firelight Festival, complaining about how they were stuck with the dull secretaries all night. At the bonfire, Luke tells T.J. that it’s okay with him if he and Liz want to move to Stars Hollow. He admits that T.J. is nicer than the guys Liz usually dates, but T.J. has harsher words for him. Lorelai approaches and Luke gives her the earrings, telling her that Liz wanted her to have them. Jess heads back to Gypsy’s to get his car and spots Rory getting food. “I get to leave first!” she says, starting to run off. He tries to stop her and she tells him that she’s been thinking about what she would say to him if she ever saw him again. Rory isn’t sure what’s going to happen, so she turns the reins over to Jess: “You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?” “I love you,” Jess replies, then drives off.

WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW: T.J.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Jess: (re: his car) “You waiting for it to tell you where it hurts?”
Gypsy: “I’ve seen dumber things talk.”

Emily: “It’s a complete disaster!”
Lorelai: “My existence?”
Emily: “Not everything is about you, Lorelai.”

Richard: “The Burles are going to visit their daughter in New Hampshire.”
Emily: “Well, then they can just go straight to Hell, then, can’t they?”

Luke: “You left some guy named T.J. alone in my apartment? Ah, Liz!”
Liz: “I’ve been gone 20 seconds.”
Luke: “That’s all it takes.”
Liz: “To do what? Steal the singing ‘be happy’ bass?”
Luke: “Hey, that is my singing ‘be happy’ bass and it had better still be up there, including the batteries.”

“Well, if I had to pick anyone in the world for my sister to be with, that guy would definitely be his cab driver.” - Luke, re: T.J.

Rory: “So who else is joining us?”
Emily: “No one. We brought one of Richard’s coats to hang over the chair.”
Richard: “We’re saying it’s Marjorie’s husband.”
Emily: “He’s making the rounds and at about 8 he’ll get sick and have to leave.”
Richard: “Does everybody understand the story?”
Lorelai: “I think so. But then we’ll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant. Then Jason can pretend to be the doctor, then Rory can dig a tunnel, and--.”
Emily: “I might have known you’d turn this into something ridiculous, Lorelai.”
Rory: “Yeah, I wanna be the doctor.”

Lorelai: “I’m going to make out in the coatroom. Don’t eat my chicken.”
Rory: “That’s going on your tombstone.”


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