"Pilot"
Written by Greg Daniels, Ricky Gervais, and Stephen Merchant; directed by Ken Kwapis

Michael Scott (Steve Carell) and his employee Jim Halpert (John Krasinksi) are in Michael’s office so that Michael can show Jim how he thinks sales calls should go. The call goes well until the end, when Michael reveals that he’s been mistaking a woman for a man. Later, Michael explains to the documentary crew filming people in the office that he’s been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years. He’s been the regional manager for four years and runs the whole floor. He introduces the crew to the receptionist, Pam Beasley (Jenna Fischer), who gives him a fax from corporate. He doesn’t want it and throws it in the “special filing cabinet for things from corporate,” aka the trash can. He tells the camera that his employees love him, and to remind everyone, he has a World’s Best Boss mug (which he bought himself).

Jim tells the camera that his job is to talk to clients about copier paper. He admits that his job is pretty boring. Michael and Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) trade “wassssap”s, obviously annoying Jim. Corporate employee Jan Levinson-Gould (Melora Hardin) arrives for a meeting with Michael, which Pam attends. Michael tells Jan that he didn’t get an agenda for the meeting - it happens to be the fax that Michael threw away. Pam announces this and Michael tries to pretend it was a joke gone wrong. Jan tells him that the board has decided that they can’t have both a Stamford branch and a Scranton branch, so Michael’s Scranton branch might be in danger of closing. This means Michael and Josh, the Stamford head (see “Gay Witch Hunt”), each need to tell corporate why they should stay open. Elsewhere in the office, Dwight tries to trick Jim with the other-side-shoulder-tap, not realizing what’s in store for him.

The meeting with Jan is interrupted when Michael gets a call from his friend Todd Packer (David Koechner), an un-PC loudmouth. After the call, Michael promises Jan that he won’t talk to anyone about the potential downsizing. Elsewhere, Phyllis (Phyllis Smith) asks Stanley (Leslie David Baker) what downsizing means. Later, Oscar (Oscar Nunez) encourages Phyllis and Stanley to update their résumés just in case. Angela (Angela Kinsey) worries about her job and Kevin (Brian Baumgartner) is no help. At the reception desk, Pam asks Jim if he’s going to Angela’s cat party that weekend. Michael decides not to tell his employees about the possibility of them losing their jobs. Later, Michael meets Ryan Howard (B.J. Novak), a new temp, and makes a fool of himself in front of both Ryan and Pam. Pam tells the camera that she wouldn’t be too upset if she were fired, since not many little girls aspire to be receptionists. She’d rather be an illustrator anyway.

While Jim talks to a client on the phone, Dwight tries to get Jim’s papers away from his desk. Jim counters by standing up all of his pencils on their erasers to show the boarder between his desk and Dwight’s. Dwight protests this, noting that he could fall and get hurt. He then uses his phone receiver to smash all of the pencils. Jim notes that this is one of the reasons he wouldn’t mind downsizing. Dwight is shocked by this news, but not too surprised, since he’s been a proponent of it since he started at Dunder Mifflin. At the reception desk, Michael makes a joke about asking Jan for a raise, leading Pam to mumble that she’d like one as well. Michael tells her to take it up with HR and not ruin the day. He later calls a meeting with all of the employees, telling the camera about his heroes (Bob Hope, Abraham Lincoln, Bono, and God).

At the meeting, Michael starts to address the rumors but is interrupted by Dwight, who thinks he’s the assistant to the regional manager when he’s really the assistant to the regional manager. He would like Michael to tell him the news first, but when Michael says he already knows, Dwight gives him permission to tell the others. As Michael tells everyone about the possible downsizing, Ryan tells someone on the phone about the rumor. In the meeting, the employees want some assurance that they won’t lose their jobs. Michael tries to promise that their branch won’t be terminated, but Pam announces that Jan told them it’s a possibility. Jim interviews that if he leaves Dunder Mifflin, he’d have no way to employ the useless information stored in his head, including Pam’s favorite yogurt flavor. Later, Pam is told this news by the camera crew and laughs that Jim is on to her.

Michael gives Ryan a tour of the office, introducing him to Dwight, who takes the opportunity to brag about his car. He’s less than thrilled to learn that Jim has placed his stapler inside a Jell-o mold. “This is the third time, and it wasn’t funny the first two times either,” Dwight complains. He interviews that he’s a volunteer sheriff’s deputy on the weekend, and his job there is a lot less relaxed. Dwight starts to dig into the Jell-o to get his stapler, but Michael tells him to eat his way through it. Dwight asks him to reprimand Jim; Jim, eating a Jell-o cup, asks Dwight how he knows Jim did anything. Michael just makes him apologize, so Jim tells Dwight, “I have always been your biggest flan.” Later, Jim asks Pam if she wants to go out for a drink with him and some other employees. They’re interrupted by Roy Anderson (David Denman), Pam’s fiancé. She interviews that they’ve been engaged for three years. Roy would rather go home with Pam than let her go out for a drink, so Jim invites him along as well. He doesn’t seem interested. Jim doesn’t think he’ll be invited to the wedding.

In his office, Michael tells Ryan that he’s a friend first and a boss second (and probably an entertainer third). To prove his point, he calls Pam into the office and tells her that he’s letting her go. Pam asks why and Michael lies that she’s been stealing Post-It notes. Even though he can barely keep a straight face, Pam believes him and starts crying. When Michael finally tells her he was joking, Pam calls him a jerk and runs off. Michael interviews that the people are the most important part of a business. Later, Jim and Pam head out of the office together, though Jim has decided not to go for a drink after all. He obviously has a crush on her, but Roy’s presence doesn’t help things. Instead, Jim cheers himself up by showing the camera that he’s put Michael’s World’s Best Boss mug in a Jell-o mold.

WELCOME TO DUNDER MIFFLIN: Michael, Jim, Pam, Dwight, Jan, Todd, Phyllis, Stanley, Oscar, Angela, Kevin, Ryan, Roy

PRANKS JIM AND PAM PLAY ON DWIGHT: Jim puts Dwight’s stapler in a Jell-o mold.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.” - Michael, re: Pam

“I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face because, uh, well, not because I’m scared of her. (pause) ‘Cause I’m not.” - Michael, re: Jan

Angela: (worrying about who will be fired) “I bet it’s going to be me. Probably going to me.”
Kevin: Yeah, it’ll be you.”

“Am I going to tell them? No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.” - Michael

“One word, two syllables: demarcation.” - Dwight to Jim

“Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I’ve been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview.” - Dwight

“It’s, um, it’s really beyond words. It’s really incalculcable.” - Michael

“What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nah-uh. It’s the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17 percent or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said, ‘Mr. Scott, would you be dee godfather of my child?’ Wow, wow, wow. It didn’t work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.” - Michael


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