"Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"
Lorelai and Rory arrive at Emily and Richard’s house for Friday night dinner and discover that a new maid has been hired. Since her name is Liesl, Lorelai has to make a Sound of Music joke. The girls spot Richard and Emily arguing on the stairs about fundraising events. Lorelai wishes that she had popcorn. Emily is unhappy that Richard keeps turning down events, even though Emily is on the boards of them. He tells her that he knows her social engagements are important to her; she doesn’t think they’re just social engagements. Richard argues that any event at which Emily serves tea is a social engagement. This makes her mad, and she suggests getting a tape recorder so she can document how pompous he’s being. Rory wonders if they should leave, but Lorelai is enjoying the dinner theater. Emily and Richard come back downstairs and Emily asks Richard to repeat his comments about tea. They finally spot Rory and Lorelai, who applauds and asks for an encore. At Luke’s, Lorelai reads one of Rory’s assignments and assures her that it’s perfect. Rory isn’t sure, but Lorelai convinces her. Luke, who is shorthanded, rushes the girls into placing their orders. Jess (see “Nick and Nora/Sid and Nancy”) comes downstairs and Luke criticizes the Metallica shirt he’s wearing, sending him back upstairs to change. Lorelai and Rory agree that the shirt is bad but the band is good.
Emily and some friends drink tea on the back patio of the Gilmores’ house, discussing Emily’s propensity for having a constant turnover of maids. Emily gets to hear some of the gossip she’s been missing; she has to think of an excuse for why she and Richard have been missing so many get-togethers. Rory arrives and Emily’s friends praise her good looks. After she goes to see Richard, Emily’s friends ask if Emily has considered Rory’s debut yet. They mention that the DAR Debutante Ball is approaching and suggest that Emily present Rory. They think that Rory would be the prettiest one there and that Emily would be very popular for debuting her. Rory returns and wonders why all of the women are staring at her. At home, Rory announces to Lorelai that she’s coming out. Lorelai tells her that going out onto the patio with Emily’s DAR friends is “like accepting the position as the drummer in Spinal Tap.” She starts to call Emily to get Rory out of the debut, since she thinks Rory was convinced unfairly, but Rory tells her how happy Emily looked when she agreed. Lorelai says that a coming out party means that Rory will be parading around in front of boys who want to marry her. Rory says that she made a promise to Emily, but Lorelai doesn’t have to participate if she doesn’t want to. Lorelai relents, though she notes that this is one of the things she ran away from.
Rory mentions that girls’ fathers are supposed to give them away, so Lorelai calls Christopher, who’s now in Boston. She fills him in and tells him that she knows he wouldn’t want to come, but he agrees to give Rory away. She asks him not to promise to be there if he won’t be; he assures her that he’ll show. Lorelai gives Rory the news and Rory decides that if Christopher said he’d definitely be there, there’s a 50/50 chance he will be. Lorelai says it’s more like 60/40. Later, Rory, Dean, and Lane watch Neil Young get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while Lorelai talks to Emily about details for the ball. Rory tries to convince Dean that he’ll look as good in a tux as Neil Young. Lane mentions that he’ll have to wear gloves, tails, and cummerbunds as well. Dean starts to shy away but Rory reminds him that she promised to watch Battle Bots with him for a month. Christopher arrives (in a car, rather than the motorcycle he showed up on in “That Da%$ Donna Reed”) and gives Rory the Compact Oxford English Dictionary he wasn’t able to buy her in “Christopher Returns”). Lorelai mocks the car, a Volvo sedan, which she thinks is perfect for driving to Bingo. She’s surprised to hear that he also has a job. He proceeds to impress her with the car’s sound system. Rory asks them to turn the music down and Lorelai suggests that Christopher just give her some money next time.
Lorelai and Emily return to Richard and Emily’s house with a bunch of shopping bags full of stuff Emily thinks that Rory will need for the ball. Emily has bought 12 pairs of pantyhose, which Lorelai thinks will last Rory for years. Richard appears and Emily tries to give him the cufflinks she bought for him, but he’s not interested. He also won’t pick up his tux, since he’s too busy. He tells her to get it, or else he just won’t go. Lorelai asks Emily what’s going on between her and Richard, but she denies that anything is wrong. Rory and Dean practice dancing at Miss Patty’s studio; Rory has to reiterate her Battle Bots promise to get Dean to stick with it. Lorelai and Christopher arrive with coffee and are shocked to hear that at one point, Miss Patty made Rory sit in the corner and watch. “Nobody puts Baby in the corner,” Lorelai says. She and Christopher do a demonstration which makes Rory decide that she’s adopted. Lorelai decides that it’s time for her and Christopher to leave before Miss Patty tries to make him her next husband. Outside, Lorelai and Christopher discuss his changing taste in drinks and he tells her that he works at a firm that works with tech companies. She’s bored by this concept, but he says that he likes the stability and feels like he accomplishes things. It only took him ten years to figure out that he didn’t want his parents’ life, something Lorelai figured out at 16. She says that she was actually six months old, she just couldn’t say anything yet.
Back at home, Rory primps and Christopher teaches Dean how to tie a bowtie. Lorelai eats Chinese food and walks around the house with a book on her head. Rory gets up to get an egg roll and Lorelai tells her that ladies don’t get anything for themselves, even ideas. Christopher tells Dean that he became an expert at tying ties because he went to a bunch of cotillions and balls. Dean heads out, reluctantly accepting his gloves. Rory goes to bed, leaving Lorelai and Christopher alone to wonder why Emily hasn’t called to bug them tonight. Christopher advises her to move to California, which is what he does when his parents fight. Lorelai heads to bed, but Christopher stays downstairs to do some work. Lorelai has to remind herself that he’s serious now. Rory and Lorelai arrive at the ballroom for the ball and Lorelai advises Rory to slide down the long banister rather than walk down the staircase. Rory heads up to the prep room and meets a girl named Libby, who has important lipstick decisions to make. She says that the two minutes they spend on the stairs tonight will determine their social statuses for the rest of their lives. Rory wonders what happens if they fall, but Libby doesn’t appreciate the joke. In the ballroom, Lorelai starts drinking and professes her love to the bartender. Emily catches up with her and Lorelai tells her that she was expecting her to call. Emily doesn’t think it’s strange that she didn’t, then starts complaining about the way the room looks.
In the prep room, Libby offers Rory a drink from her flask, telling her about a girl at her last coming out who couldn’t handle her alcohol. Rory is impressed that this is Libby’s fifth coming out this year. She says that four out of five debutantes marry their escorts, so she has a good chance of meeting the right guy at some point. She asks if Rory’s escort is her Mr. Right, but Rory hasn’t thought that far ahead into the future. In the ballroom, Christopher arrives and rescues Lorelai from a boring conversation. She thinks he looks hotter than Neil Young. Emily joins them and asks if they’ve seen Richard; she worries that he’ll miss the ball, but he arrives just in time. They start fighting, so Lorelai and Christopher decide to go for more drinks. Lorelai plays bartender and Christopher points out that they’re at another ball together, in pretty much the same place as the last time. Christopher heads to the staging area and Lorelai tells him to “curtsy pretty.” Dean finds Rory and tells her that he thinks that she looks like a cute cotton ball. She calls him Jeeves. Libby passes by and tells Rory that she and Dean will get married. Rory and Christopher join up and he tells her it’s her last chance if she wants to make an escape. They each agree not to let the other fall down the stairs. As the ball starts, Emily and Richard fight about being there and Lorelai drags them away from the crowd. Emily says that they have a social responsibility to be there and he asks if she knows what he’s going through at work. They fight more and Richard mentions that he was taken off of an account and he’s being phased out of his job. Emily says that he has other options, but this is what Richard wants to do.
Rory warns that she’s about to make her appearance; this shuts everyone up. Rory walks down the stairs and joins Dean without making a fool of herself. “That should’ve been you up there,” Emily tells Lorelai. “Nothing’s turning out the way it was supposed to.” After the ball, Rory, Lorelai, Dean, and Christopher head back to Stars Hollow, where Rory tells Christopher that he’s considered a “hot dad.” Libby told her that it’s too bad they’re related biologically, because if he was Rory’s stepfather, she could steal him away from Lorelai. “That Libby’s got a good life ahead of her,” Christopher comments. Lorelai is proud that he made it through the ball with a straight face, even though he almost lost it during the fan dance. Dean heads home and Christopher decides that he should go back to Boston, so Lorelai sends Rory ahead to Luke’s. Lorelai thanks Christopher for coming through for Rory. She points out that Boston isn’t that far away, so he could visit more often, if he wants to. She tries to convince him to stay overnight, but Christopher admits that he has someone to get back to - he’s living with a woman named Sherry. She’s the reason he moved to Boston and put his life together. Lorelai tells him that he should hold on to her. At Luke’s, Lorelai criticizes Rory for not eating like a lady, so she puts up her pinky. Rory says that she enjoyed having Christopher there and that he seems happy with Sherry and his new life. Lorelai jokes that they’ve signed Rory up for six more balls; she’ll be going until she wins a prize. Lorelai notices that Jess is dressed like his uncle, which Luke doesn’t find amusing. Lorelai decides that she’s glad she has someone in her life to complain to when she needs to. The next day, Lorelai heads to her parents’ house and tells Emily that if she ever wants to talk, she’s there.
MEMORABLE QUOTES: “Well, you have a dress. You need a dowry, I guess. There you go. And, uh, you’ll need shoes, hose, gloves, some mice, a dog, a pumpkin.” - Lorelai to Rory
“Yeah, in what scenario would I have bought Rory elbow-length kidskin gloves, Mom? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant, what scenario on my planet would I have bought Rory elbow-length kidskin gloves?” - Lorelai to Emily
Dean: “So, how do you know how to do this?”
“Maybe you should talk to them. I’m sorry, was that me that said that? I must’ve had an aneurysm.” - Christopher to Lorelai, re: Richard and Emily
Luke: “So, back from the ball, huh?”
Written by Sheila R. Lawrence; directed by Chris Long
Christopher: “17 cotillions, a dozen debutante balls, and a brief but scarring experiment with the Children of the American Revolution.”
Lorelai: “Where you wore nothing but the bowtie.”
Christopher: “A good idea on conception, but the sudden snowstorm instantly dampened the effect.”
Lorelai: “Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card, in case the prince is really dumb.”