"Reptile Boy"
Written and directed by David Greenwalt

Buffy, Willow, and Xander are watching Hindi television in Buffy’s room and trying to figure out what’s going on. They have nothing else to do, since they have no money and there’s not much to do in Sunnydale. Buffy is excited anyway, because there aren’t any demons to fight. Elsewhere in Sunnydale, a girl goes through the glass door of the Delta Zeta Kappa frat house and runs away. She’s being chased by frat guys in robes and winds up running into one who’s gotten ahead of her. The guy, Richard, tells the girl, Callie, that “the party’s just getting started” and takes her back to the frat house. At Sunnydale High the next day, Cordelia practices her fake laugh and discusses listening and laughing when one is talking to a guy. Buffy and Willow are talking about the dream Buffy had about Angel the night before. Willow thinks that they’re perfect for each other, but Buffy doesn’t think that they can have a relationship. Willow suggests that Buffy ask Angel out for coffee.

Cordelia tells a friend that college guys are much better than high school guys, and mentions that she’s dating a guy from Delta Zeta Kappa. She mocks Xander, telling him that he’ll get to college when his pizza delivery job sends him there. (She must be psychic.) Buffy heads to the library, where she is lectured for not being at the top of her game with regards to training sessions. She proves to him that she’s no slouch despite that. He tells her that she should be spending more time developing her skills, and she says that he doesn’t know what it’s like to be sixteen, a girl, and the Slayer, as well as have feelings for a vampire when it’s her job to kill them. Giles says that everyone has to do things he or she doesn’t want to do. He orders her to return that afternoon for homework, training, and patrolling, and warns her not to stall with her friends. Even her pouting and puppy dog eyes don’t change his mind.

After school, Buffy dawdles with Willow and Xander anyway and is outside when Richard and his friend Tom pull up to the school to talk to Cordelia. Richard invites Cordelia to a frat party the next night and asks her to introduce him to Buffy, who he thinks is her friend. She drags Buffy over, despite her lack of desire to meet the frat guys, and Richard acts smarmy and tries to hit on her. Tom tells Buffy to ignore Richard the two of them start to chat. As Xander keeps saying that Buffy will walk away from the conversation, Tom asks Buffy if she wants to go to the frat party with him the next night. She tells him that she’s “involved,” then gets pulled away by an impatient Giles. As she goes inside, Willow and Xander complain about the frat guys. Giles does some training with Buffy, and she quickly defeats him, so he lets her go. On patrol, she finds a bracelet in the cemetery. Angel approaches and tells her that he can smell the blood on it. She says that it might be nice to see him some time when they didn’t have to discuss blood, and he asks if she wants to go on a date. Things don’t progress smoothly, and he points out that there is a large difference in their ages. He says that he wants to protect her, because things could get out of control if they pursue a relationship. He tells her that they’re not living in a fairy tale and she leaves.

The next day, Cordelia tries to butter Buffy up and convince her to go to the frat party with her. She’s surprised when Buffy agrees to go. At the frat house, the brothers induct a new member, who pledges life and death to the frat and to Machida. Richard carves a symbol into the new pledge’s chest and the brothers celebrate with beers. Richard approaches Callie, who is chained to the wall, and she begs him to let her go. At Sunnydale High, Willow asks Buffy why she decided to go to the party after all, and Buffy tells her that Angel did. Willow thinks she’s going to the party with Angel, and she and Xander are shocked to hear that Buffy is actually going with Cordelia. Xander is happy at first that Buffy seems to be upset with Angel, but he’s not too thrilled when he hears about Tom. In the library, the three spot Giles practicing his skills and talking to himself, and he tries to pretend that he wasn’t doing anything. Buffy shows him the bracelet she found the night before, on which they can read the letters “ENT.” Giles tells Buffy that she should patrol that night, but she tells him that she has homework and that her mother isn’t feeling well. He lets her off the hook, but in the hallway, Willow blasts her for lying to Giles. She warns that things might get wild at the frat party, but Buffy thinks that she deserves some fun.

Later, however, Cordelia lectures Buffy that her job isn’t to have fun - it’s to help Cordelia improve her reputation. Cordelia gives her a list of dos and don’ts and Xander mocks Cordelia for being hookerish. Willow tells Xander that she can’t believe Buffy lied to Giles, and he says that he’s going to the party to keep an eye on Buffy, as well as prove that he’s just as good as the frat guys, and “maybe catch an orgy.” That night, Cordelia and Buffy arrive at the frat house in Cordelia’s car, which she’s not very adept at driving. Buffy is reluctant about her decision to come, but Cordelia is excited to be there. Inside the frat house, Cordelia sings the praises of college - “you’ve got all the rich people, and all the other people.” Richard approaches with drinks, then goes off with Cordelia. Xander sneaks into the party but doesn’t see Buffy. Tom rescues Buffy from a drunken frat guy and they start to dance. He notes that she’s not having a good time, and she tells him that she shouldn’t be there because she’s shirking responsibilities.

Richard and couple other frat guys see Xander and wonder who he is. They decide to treat him as a new pledge. Outside the house, Buffy notices that the door Callie broke has been boarded up. Tired of being mature, she drinks alcohol seemingly for the first time. In the library, Willow and Giles try to figure out what the “ENT” on the bracelet might be a part of and finally discover that it’s part of “Kent,” as in the prep school where students wear the same bracelets. In their latest newsletter, they find an article about the missing Callie. At the frat party, Xander is undergoing pledge hazing, which involves being dressed in drag and forced to wear makeup. Buffy, who’s a little tipsy, doesn’t see him. She goes upstairs and passes out in a bedroom. Richard arrives, but before he can do anything to her, Tom pulls him away. Tom tells him that she’s not there for them, and neither is Cordelia, who is on the floor.

Giles announces that he wants to call Buffy, but Willow tries to convince him not to. She does more research and discovers that two other girls disappeared almost exactly a year before Callie disappeared, and Giles wonders if there’s a killer who kidnapped Callie for some sort of anniversary. Willow tells Giles to call Angel, since he was there when Buffy found Callie’s bracelet. Xander is thrown out of the frat house as, in the basement, Richard carves symbols into Tom’s body. Cordelia asks Buffy what’s going on and they realize that they were drugged. Callie tells them that Tom is nicer than the other frat guys, but he’s the one they should look out for. Tom declares that Buffy should be “last,” and Cordelia would like to know who is first. Buffy sees Tom holding three stones and notes that the stones must stand for herself, Cordelia, and Callie. “Why’d I ever let you talk me into coming here?” Cordelia asks Buffy.

Angel tells Giles and Willow that Buffy found the bracelet by the south wall of the cemetery as Willow is distracted by Angel’s lack of shadow. She notes that the south wall is close to the frat house and Angel wonders if the frat has something to do with the girls’ disappearances. Willow admits that Buffy and Cordelia went to a frat party; Giles is shocked that Buffy would lie to him, but Angel is just curious as to whether she had a date. Willow blasts both of them for expecting to much from Buffy and not letting her have any fun. When she’s done, the three head off to the frat house. On his way out, Xander sees Cordelia’s car and realizes that she and Buffy are still there. The frat guys start a ritual to summon Machida as the girls realize that they’re going to be sacrificed to whatever Machida is. Tom tosses the three stones into a well, out of which comes a snake-like demon that, if you think hard enough, can obviously serve as a metaphor for something.

Buffy tries to get out of her chains as the frat guys continue their ritual. If Machida likes their sacrifices, they will receive wealth in return. Willow, Giles, and Angel arrive at the frat house and encounter Xander, who is wearing one of the frat guys’ robes. Buffy calls Machida “reptile boy” and tries to get him to leave Cordelia alone. Xander gets into the frat house, then attacks one of the guys who hazed him earlier. Tom hears what’s going on upstairs and sends some frat guys up to check it out. Buffy finally breaks her chains down from the ceiling and starts fighting Machida. Willow relays what’s happening in the basement to Giles, Xander, and Angel and they head down. Machida grabs Cordelia and is stabbed with a sword in return. Cordelia directs her gratitude towards Angel rather than Buffy, telling the Scoobies how much she hates them. Buffy apologizes to Giles for lying and drinking, but he thinks that almost being eaten by a snake helped her learn her lesson. He tells her that he’ll go easier on her in the future.

Later, at the Bronze, Jonathan brings Cordelia coffee and she tells the Scoobies that she now prefers high school guys to college guys. Xander reads in the paper that the frat guys are in a lot of trouble and that frat alumni are facing a lot of difficulties. Willow asks Buffy if she’s heard from Angel, and as Xander complains about how much they talk about him, he approaches. Angel asks Buffy if she wants to get coffee some time and she says she’ll let him know.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Frat boys are creepy. (As if you needed me to tell you that.)

GRADE: B Cordelia’s recruitment of Buffy and Willow blasting Giles and Angel are great, but the metaphor was way too blunt.

MEMORABLE QUOTES - Xander: (re: a woman on TV) “Why is she singing?”
Willow: “She’s sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole…fish thing.”
Xander: “Uh-huh. Why is she singing?”
Buffy: “Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.”
Willow: “Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.”

Willow: “We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water.”
Xander: “Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.”

Willow: “What did he do in the dream?”
Buffy: “Stuff.”
Willow: “Oh! Stuff!”

Xander: “Boy, what a long day.”
Willow: “And you skipped three classes.”
Xander: “Yeah, and, of course, they flew by.”

Richard: “What, she likes to play hard to get?”
Tom: “No, Richard. I think you’re playing easy to resist.”

Tom: “Are you a senior here?”
Buffy: “Junior.”
Tom: “Oh, me, too. Except that I’m a senior and I’m in college. So we have that in common, and…I major in history.”
Buffy: “Mm. History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week.”
Tom: “No, nothin’ happened last week, don’t worry, I was there.”

Angel: “This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.”
Buffy: “No. When you kiss me I wanna die.”

“Oh, Buffy, it’s like we’re sisters! With really different hair.” - Cordelia

“Since when do they have orgies, and why aren’t I on the mailing list?” - Xander

“Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she’s the Chosen One, but you’re killing her with the pressure! I mean, she’s sixteen going on forty! (to Angel) And you! I mean, you’re gonna live forever! You don’t have time for a cup of coffee?! Okay, I don’t feel better now, and we’ve gotta help Buffy.” - Willow

“You did it! You saved us! (hugs Angel) I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my whole…. (to the Scoobies) You guys. I just…hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you’re around! (to Tom) And you! You’re going to jail for fifteen thousand years!” - Cordelia

Buffy: “I told one lie, I had one drink.”
Giles: “Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words ‘let that be a lesson’ are a tad redundant at this juncture.”

Xander: “Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (sees Angel) Hey, man, how you doin’?”
Angel: “Buffy.”
Buffy: “Angel.”
Xander: “Xander!”


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