"Secrets and Loans"
Written by Linda Loiselle Guzik; directed by Nicole Holofcener

Lorelai is doing homework at Luke’s and asks him for another coffee refill, though she’s already had six. Luke assumes that Rory is meeting her; Lorelai says she is, but she only has ten minutes before she has to leave for her business class. Rory arrives with her PSAT scores and Lorelai reminds her that they don’t count as much as the SATs -they’re like Baby Gap. Rory discovers that she got 740 on verbal and a 760 on math, which confuses her, since verbal is her thing. “No, verbal’s my thing,” Lorelai corrects her. Rory wonders if she didn’t study enough or if she was overconfident. Lorelai tries to point out that a 1500 is an excellent score, which she deserved and earned and which should be celebrated. Lorelai suggests getting dressed up and going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. As Luke reminds Lorelai that she’s going to be late, Lorelai tells Luke about Rory’s great PSAT scores. She invites him to tag along to the movie (in costume, of course) and he pretends to go along with her, then tells her he’ll see her in the morning. The next morning, Lorelai accidentally makes a hole in the front porch of her house. Kirk checks everything out and reveals that the house has termites. He refuses to stand near the house, in case the whole thing comes down. He tells Lorelai and Rory that they need to rebuild the house’s joists and repair the foundation, which could cost about $15,000. Lorelai doesn’t have this kind of money, so Kirk suggests that she just fix the part of the house she likes. After Kirk leaves, Lorelai tells Rory that at least their day can’t get worse.

At lunch at Chilton, Madeline and Louise note that Paris looks happy. She asks about the other girls’ PSAT scores - Madeline only got a 1060 and Louise won’t share her numbers. Paris goes on about how surprised she was by her scores until Rory asks her what she got. Paris reveals that she got a 750 on math and a 730 on verbal. She asks what Rory got, but all Rory will say is that she’s happy. Paris tries to figure out what that means. Rory says that she won’t tell her what she got. Paris pretends that she doesn’t care. That night, Lorelai wakes Rory up and tells her that she can hear the termites chewing. She wants to go stay at Sookie’s, even though it’s 11 at night. Rory tells her to put in some imaginary earplugs to block out the imaginary sound of the termites. She thinks that Lorelai will be fine once she’s asleep. Later, Rory changes her mind and she and Lorelai head to Sookie’s. Rory wants to make sure that Sookie was awake when Lorelai called; Lorelai says that she answered her phone after 20 or 30 rings. Sookie welcomes them, calling them her “little termite whisperers,” and Lorelai says that the termites were starting to get organized. Sookie is excited that they’ll get to have a slumber party, but Lorelai points out that it’s already midnight, so they can’t do all of the activities Sookie wants to. In the kitchen, Lorelai thanks Sookie for letting them stay with her and laments how much it will cost to tent and fix the house. She says that she called the bank and they’re still laughing. Now she’s thinking of opening a Coyote Ugly lemonade stand.

Sookie and Rory encourage Lorelai to call the bank again and remind them of what an upstanding citizen she is. Suddenly, the girls hear a noise from the closet, which Sookie tries to pretend that she didn’t hear. Lorelai discovers that Jackson is in the closet; Sookie made him hide in there because she didn’t want Rory to feel uncomfortable. Jackson doesn’t want to come out, since he’s in “humiliating” pajamas. The girls tell him that they’re spending the night, so he’ll be in the closet for a long time. He finally gives them the disclaimer that his cousin owns a company that turns pictures into things, like mugs and calendars, so he’s wearing picture pajamas. Sookie reveals that the photos are of Jackson in his high school wrestling uniform. Lorelai orders him to come out, but Jackson is worried because she’s a little too eager to see the pajamas. He finally opens the door and Lorelai limits her comments to, “Huh.” She tells Rory that if their house falls down and they wind up living in a hollowed-out tree, that moment will make it all worth it. The next day, Rory goes to Lane’s, where Mrs. Kim freaks out because she’s worried that Rory will bring termites into her home. She heads home and tells Lorelai that Mrs. Kim chased her with a hose, like a scene from Silkwood. Lorelai decides that they need to just stay home and never talk to anyone else. Madeline calls and pretends that she’s working on an article for the Franklin about the PSATs and needs to know Rory’s scores. Rory realizes that Paris is with her and again refuses to reveal her scores. Lorelai thinks that if she put Paris and Emily in a room together, the world would implode.

Lorelai is having trouble getting a loan from anyone, so Rory tries to get her to admit that they only have one option left - asking Richard and Emily for some money. Lorelai doesn’t think it would be worth the obligation. Rory tries to talk her into asking them, but Lorelai says that she’ll find another way to get money. At Friday night dinner, Lorelai and Rory are surprised to hear that Richard is at work, since he quit his job (“The Bracebridge Dinner”). Emily learns that Lorelai has a headache and thinks that that means she’s getting sick. Rory reveals that she’s stressed out because of the termite situation, which Lorelai tries to downplay. Rory explains that Lorelai can’t get a loan, so Emily starts to write her a check. Lorelai won’t tell her how much money she needs and says that she’ll handle it on her own. Emily asks if Lorelai would rather have her house collapse than let her mother help her out. Lorelai just thinks that they’re making too big of a deal out of the situation. Lorelai and Rory return home and Rory asks Lorelai to talk to her, since she’s still upset about telling Emily that they need money. Lorelai reminds her that she said asking Richard and Emily for money wasn’t an option, but Rory didn’t listen. Rory points out that they have a problem, which Lorelai says she knows, since she’s been working hard to solve it. Rory tries to make an excuse and Lorelai tells her she can’t - she can apologize and promise that it won’t happen again, but Lorelai won’t listen to any excuses. Rory tries again and Lorelai sends her to bed.

Rory meets up with Dean at Stars Hollow High and they banter about basketballs. She tells him that she’s in a bad mood because of her fight with Lorelai. Dean tries to cautiously point out that Rory and Lorelai both have a tendency to be stubborn. He assures her that they’ll make up. As they start to leave, Rory is surprised to see Lane with a group of cheerleaders. At the inn, Lorelai is denied another loan. Michel suggests that instead of highlighting her virtues, she offer lap dances. Emily calls and tells Lorelai that she spoke with the president of a bank who has agreed to meet with Lorelai. Lorelai declines the offer. Rory and Dean split up after getting coffee and Rory runs into a cheerleader outfit-clad Lane. They fight about Lane’s sudden decision to join the squad and why she didn’t tell Rory about it. Lane says that she didn’t because she knew that Rory would act the way she is right now. Rory tells her that she was always the sort of person who made fun of cheerleaders. Lane says that Rory isn’t around much anymore and has Dean to hang out with, so she thought she would try something new. She doesn’t want to have to justify herself to Rory, so Rory tells her not to. At the Gilmores’ house, Luke checks things out under the porch and tells Lorelai that the damage is pretty bad, but he can help her out by getting some guys to come in and help him fix everything. Lorelai is shocked that Luke can get some guys to do the work and she can pay them in installments. She wonders if she’s suddenly Tony Soprano. Luke says she’s scarier than him. He tells her to write the check to him, but she realizes that he would be fronting the money and that would be considered a loan. She thanks him but says she can’t accept the offer.

Rory returns home and Luke notes that things are tense between her and Lorelai. Stuck with no other options, Lorelai heads to the bank for the meeting Emily set up for her. Emily is already there, waiting to see if Lorelai would actually show up. After learning that Emily wants to go into the meeting with her, Lorelai leaves. Outside, she tells Emily that she’s not going into a meeting with her mother. Emily thinks she’s being proud and Lorelai asks why she can’t keep herself from getting involved in something that has nothing to do with her. Lorelai finally says that Emily can go to the meeting with her if she promises not to say anything. Emily agrees and they go back inside. She makes small talk with the president for a little while before they get down to the termite problem. The president tries to talk to Emily about a problem she and Richard had with their house, but Lorelai asks him just to talk to her about the situation and treat her like anyone else who would ask for a loan. Unfortunately, the president denies her loan. Lorelai says that she can’t leave without knowing what to do and asks the president to help her figure out what she could do. He suggests that she get someone to co-sign a loan with her. Lorelai asks Emily if she knew it would come to that. Emily doesn’t respond but agrees when Lorelai asks her to co-sign. After the meeting, Lorelai asks what the deal will be this time, since the last time she made a deal with Emily about money, they wound up with the Friday night dinner ritual. Emily says that Lorelai doesn’t owe her anything - she just wanted to do something nice for her daughter.

That night, there’s a pep rally at Stars Hollow High, preceded by a long speech from Taylor about the football team’s new uniforms. One of the players asks if they can just let everyone see the uniforms at the game, since it’s freezing outside. Taylor finally reveals the Fighting Minutemen’s new uniforms. Lorelai meets up with Rory, who’s watching with the crowd, and tells her that she got a loan. Rory apologizes for telling Emily about their situation and Lorelai replies that at some point she’ll make a mistake, too. However, she’s earned the right to make a mistake and to try to fix it without her parents’ help. She points out that Rory has never been without everything she needs, and that’s because of her mother. She wants Rory to respect that Lorelai will be able to handle things, especially since Lorelai has never proven otherwise. The cheerleaders start their routine and Lorelai notices that Lane is with the squad. After the pep rally, Rory meets up with Lane and guesses that she chose the music for the routine. She says that she doesn’t want Lane to feel like she can’t tell her things. Lane replies that she doesn’t want to keep things from Rory. She admits that she had fun cheerleading but promises not to change. They head off to get coffee. At the next Friday night dinner, Lorelai tells Emily that the work on the house has started and apologizes for doubting her motives. She explains that she’s not used to people doing nice things for her without attaching strings. Emily accepts her apology and jokes that from now on, she’s going to hold all of her DAR meetings at the Independence Inn.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “Leave the pot, Ethel.”
Luke: “I’m just an enabler.”

“I just thought we really connected the other day in the supply closet.” - Louise, re: a boy

Lorelai: “Why don’t you have one of those hats with the lights on them?”
Luke: “I flip burgers for a living.”

Lorelai: “I got your note.”
Rory: “Yeah, well, pinning it to the Mallomars is always a safe bet.”

Lorelai: “And the best part is, I’ve been out there, like, ten times to bring them coffee and I haven’t seen a butt crack yet.”
Emily: “How nice. They should paint that slogan on their truck.”

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