"Some Assembly Required"
Written by Ty King; directed by Bruce Seth Green

Buffy sits on top of a grave and plays with a yoyo while waiting for a vampire to rise. Angel arrives and she blasts him for not making some noise to let her know he was there. He notes that she’s there alone, saying that he thought “Xander or someone” would be with her. She asks if he’s jealous, and Angel tries to pretend he isn’t. She tells him that she was trying to make him jealous with her sexy dance (see “When She Was Bad”), but he keeps denying that it worked. Angel asks why always up the fact that he’s a vampire when they fight, and Buffy replies that she didn’t come there to fight. Well, not with him, but she’ll fight the vampire that just rose. She misplaces her stake and improvises with a broken shovel handle. As soon as the vamp is dusted, she goes back to her fight with Angel, following him when he starts to abandon the conversation. She fall into an open grave and Angel says that another vamp must have risen. Buffy sees tracks indicating that the inhabitant of the grave (a woman, judging from the shoe that was left behind) was dragged out.

The next day, Buffy and Xander enter the school library to find Giles talking to a chair - he’s practicing asking Jenny out. “I guess we never realized how much you liked that chair,” Buffy quips. She gives him some advice and she and Xander figure out that he’s interested in Jenny. Giles asks how Buffy’s patrol went the night before, and she mentions that Angel helped her out, which Xander isn’t too thrilled to hear. She informs them about the empty grave and says that the girl buried there was named Meredith Todd. They decide to have Willow take a spin on the computer to find information on her. Currently, Willow is signing up for the science fair and having her picture taken by a guy named Eric. Eric’s friend Chris discusses science fair stuff with Willow - every year, he comes in first and she comes in second. He advises her to come up with something the teacher won’t understand, so that he’ll give her a high grade to make it look like he gets it. Cordelia signs up, complaining that participation is mandatory. Her project is, “The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable?” - she wanted something she could do in a weekend. Eric takes her picture as Buffy arrives to take Willow to the library. “She’d be just perfect for us,” Eric tells Chris after Cordelia leaves. “Don’t be an idiot. She’s alive,” Chris replies.

Willow gets to her computer search as Cordelia enters the library, wanting help with her project. “It’s a fruit,” Willow tells her bluntly. Cordelia says that she would have asked Chris for help, “but then that would’ve brought back too many memories of Daryl.” Willow finds out that Meredith died in a car accident as Cordelia says that she’s moved past her pain. Buffy and Willow discuss Meredith, ignoring Cordelia until she exclaims, “Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?” Giles pats her on the back and says emotionlessly, “There, there.” Willow reveals that Meredith and two other girls were killed instantly, which means that someone dug up her corpse out of her grave. Giles wonders if a demon or voodoo priest was responsible. The Scoobies decide to dig up the other girls’ graves that night to see if their bodies were taken as well. Cordelia pretends to be disappointed that she has cheerleading practice and can’t tag along.

That night, Giles and Xander do the digging while Buffy and Willow chat about Angel. Buffy thinks that Angel is being irrational about the sexy dance. “Love makes you do the wacky,” Willow tells her. Buffy asks her who the Daryl Cordelia was talking about was and Willow explains that Daryl was Chris’ older brother. He was a football player who was popular with girls, including Cordelia, and died in a rock climbing accident. Giles and Xander find a casket, which Buffy opens. At school, Cordelia is followed to her car after cheerleading practice. She freaks and hides in a dumpster, encountering Angel as she starts to get out. He tells her he’s looking for Buffy, who he thought was supposed to be at home. She uses Buffy’s absence to her advantage and tells him that she doesn’t have any plans for the night. One her way out of the dumpster, she looks down and sees a human arm.

The Scoobies return to the library, talking about the three empty coffins, and find Angel and Cordelia waiting for them. Buffy tells Angel that they were looking for dead bodies, and he tells her that they found some body parts. Buffy wonders why someone would cut up three bodies and then not do anything with the parts. Angel thinks that they did keep some parts, and Buffy thinks that they disposed of the rest on campus because they attend Sunnydale High. Giles and Angel wonder who has enough knowledge of physiology to do such a good job with the bodies, Willow says there are some guys in the science club who fit the bill, as well as herself. They decide to look in those guys’ lockers, but Cordelia, as usual, doesn’t want to help. She asks Angel to take her home, even though she’s the one with the car. He goes with her, despite Buffy’s disapproval. (Note: Cordelia invites Angel into her car; this will come back in “Passion.”)

Chris and Daryl’s mother watches a video of one of Daryl’s football games as Chris tells her he’s going out. She doesn’t give a response. At school, the Scoobies look at the science guys’ lockers, though Giles is not in favor of breaking school policy. In Chris’ locker, they find a bunch of books about anatomy, as well as a newspaper article about the three dead girls. In Eric’s locker, Buffy finds a collage of different pictures glued together to make a woman. In Chris’ basement, he works on a body as Eric sings “My Girl” and develops pictures of Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia. At school the next day, the Scoobies discuss Chris and Eric’s motives. Xander says that they want what they can’t have. Willow mentions that, if Chris and Eric are successful, her science fair project will pale in comparison. The Scoobies encourage Giles, who’s about to try to ask Jenny out, then leave, despite his pleas. He engages in awkward conversation with Jenny but is unable to ask her out before she has to go to class. She tells him that, if he has something important to say, they can talk about it at the football game that night. He pretends to be excited about football and she suggests that they go out to eat before the game.

In a science classroom, Xander messes around with a skull while Willow tries to figure out how Chris and Eric are going to bring a body to life. Buffy tells them that neither guy is in school and the Scoobies wonder if their experiment was successful. Giles arrives and tells them that three heads were found in the dumpster, so the girl Chris and Eric are building isn’t complete. In Chris’ basement, Eric worries that they’re running out of time and will lose the body before they can find the perfect head. Chris freaks, saying that he doesn’t think he can kill anyone, and begs Eric not to make him. Suddenly, his not-quite-dead-anymore brother Daryl reminds him that he promised Daryl wouldn’t be alone. Turns out that Chris brought Daryl back after his death, and has been trying to create a girlfriend for him. (Aww, what a sweet little brother he is.) Chris continues to beg him and Eric not to make him kill anyone, but Daryl says that Chris is the only person who can help him. (Which proves my theory that Eric is a useless character. Though he does have a pleasant singing voice.) Daryl looks at the pictures Eric has taken and chooses Cordelia as the head for his not-so-dead girlfriend.

Back at school, the Scoobies worry that Eric and Chris are going to kill another girl to get her head. The Scoobies split up to go to Chris and Eric’s houses, agreeing to meet Giles at the football game later. Buffy goes to Chris’ and meets his mom, who is obsessed with reliving Daryl’s great moments in football. Buffy sneaks into the basement, finding Cordelia’s face completing the collage and realizing that she’s in danger. (As usual.) Daryl tries to sneak up on her, but she leaves before he can do anything to her. Cordelia prepares for the football game in a locker room and encounters Chris and Eric, who throw a bag over her head. Buffy runs in in time to save her and Eric makes his escape. Cordelia heads off to fulfill her duties as cheerleader and Buffy looks around for Chris, trying to reason and sympathize with him. Chris appears and tells her that he was trying to help someone. Buffy soon realizes that he’s talking about Daryl. In the meantime, Daryl is furious that Chris and Eric didn’t do their job, and Eric decides that the two of them will do it themselves.

Buffy and Chris rush to his basement and, finding it empty, realize where Eric and Daryl are. Giles and Jenny arrive at the game, Jenny ruminating on the wonders of football while Giles complains that America has it wrong. She asks if it’s normal for him to insult what women like on his first dates, and he notes that she used the word “date.” Willow and Xander arrive and take seats in front of Giles and Jenny, much to their dismay. Daryl spots Cordelia and waits until she goes to get a drink before grabbing her. Buffy and Chris arrive too late again. In the school’s abandoned science lab (yeah, I don’t know), Cordelia, who’s tied to a gurney, begs her captors to remove her blindfold. When they do, she freaks out at the sight of Daryl. He tells her that he’s changed (yeah, no kidding) and wants her to be with him. Cordelia freaks out again upon seeing the body parts that are soon to be hers.

Buffy finds Cordelia’s pompoms and asks Chris where Daryl would have taken her. He tells her, and she instructs him to get Willow and Xander and fill them in. In the lab, Eric pours gasoline into a sink as Daryl tells Cordelia that they’ll be together. Eric sterilizes a knife and prepares to start Cordelia’s headectomy. Buffy breaks her way in and tells Daryl that Chris sent her to stop him. Daryl grabs a clever and prepares to go after Cordelia, but Buffy stops him and they start fighting. Eric tries to escape as gasoline spills onto the floor, but Daryl knocks him out. He and Buffy fight again, accidentally turning over a Bunsen burner and, of course, igniting the gasoline on the floor. Xander arrives and Buffy tells him to get Cordelia out. He’s unable to untie Cordelia, so he just wheels the gurney out of the room as Willow, Giles, and Jenny arrive. Daryl sees that the body parts are surrounded by fire and goes after them as Chris yells his brother’s name. Wanting to be with his un-reanimated girlfriend, Daryl lets himself die (again) in the fire.

As the fire department and police do their stuff, Angel arrives to make sure that Buffy’s all right. Giles apologizes to Jenny for their unconventional date. She says that they’ll just have to figure out something even more exciting for their second date. Xander laments to Willow that everyone is paired off except them. Cordelia thanks him for saving her, but, oblivious to her gratitude, he brushes her off. In the cemetery later on, Buffy and Angel discuss Chris, and Buffy repeats Willow’s words: “Love makes you do the wacky.” Angel admits that he is a little jealous of Xander, mostly because Xander gets to be in her life all the time, whereas he has to wait until nighttime to see her. She assures him that she’s overrated in the daylight and offers to walk him home.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Dead bodies equal science fun.

GRADE: B- How many times will Cordelia have to be rescued?

MEMORABLE QUOTES - “Are you crazy? You don’t just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or…yodel.” - Buffy to Angel

Buffy: “Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.”
Xander: “Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on.”
Buffy: “I fear you. You also might wanna avoid words like ‘amenable’ and ‘indecorous,’ y’know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um….”
Giles: “England?”
Buffy: “Yeah. You just say, ‘Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.’”
Giles: “Oh, thank you, Cyrano.”

Xander: “Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you’re a school librarian, so you don’t have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.”
Buffy: “And she’s the only woman we’ve actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells ‘duh.’”
Xander: “Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?”
Giles: “You know, I’m suddenly deciding this is none of your business.”
Xander: “Y’know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen.”

Xander: “So, we dig up some graves tonight?”
Willow: “Oh, boy! A field trip!”

“BYO shovel?” - Xander re: the grave-digging field trip

Xander: “Y’know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.”
Giles: “Here, here.”
Buffy: “Sorry, but I’m an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.”

Willow: “By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body?”
Xander: “Call me an optimist, but I’m hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.”

Cordelia: “It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. …There were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?”
Xander: (coughing) “Karma!”

Buffy: “Why would anybody wanna make a girl?”
Xander: “You mean when there’s so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.”
Buffy: “Love has nothing to do with this.”
Xander: “Maybe not, but I’ll tell you this: people don’t fall in love with what’s right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can’t have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.”

Buffy: “But it’s not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live.”
Willow: “If it is, my science project’s definitely coming in second this year.”
Xander: “And speaking of love….”
Willow: “We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue.”
Xander: “Do I deconstruct your segues?”

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