"Dwight’s Speech"
Written by Paul Lieberstein; directed by Charles McDougall

Michael and Dwight are tossing a football around in the reception area and talking about something they want to ask corporate about. Jim asks them to stop when they accidentally knock some stuff off his desk, but Michael wants a chance to take a break from being in his office all day. He throws the ball to Kevin, knocking some stuff out of his hands, then to Oscar, but Jim intercepts the ball. Instead of passing it back to Michael, he passes it to Phyllis, who tosses it to Creed, who gives it to Ryan. Dwight tackles Ryan, then knocks down Creed and Stanley as well. Later, Dwight considers buying a TiVo as Jim interviews that Dwight has been named Salesman of the Year. He’ll get some money and be honored at a convention. Jim notes that it’s “literally the highest possible honor that a northeastern Pennsylvania-based mid-sized paper company regional salesman can attain.”

In the kitchen, Pam teases Jim about being jealous of Dwight. Phyllis asks to see photos of Pam’s wedding dress but Pam wants to wait until later. Pam interviews that there’s a lot to do before the wedding and she has to do some of it in the office, but she doesn’t want to offend…Angela. Michael asks Dwight if he’s ready for his big speech, which Dwight tries to downplay. He makes sure Michael is coming, and Michael repeats that it’s a big speech - the biggest of his life. He interviews that he’s given a speech at the same convention; he misses the feeling of knowing he’s done well because someone gave him proof. Dwight paces around Michael’s office, wondering if he can just thank a lot of people instead of giving a speech. Michael tells him the people there will be salespeople and will want to be entertained. Dwight interviews that when he was in the sixth grade, he was a finalist in a spelling bee and misspelled “failure.” Now he has stage fright.

Michael assures Dwight that he just needs the right skills to give a good speech. Michael can, of course, teach him everything he needs. As Pam talks to her mom about wedding invitations, Jim calls a travel agent, interviewing that he wants to take a trip and not be in Scranton for a while. Too bad he doesn’t have a destination in mind. Angela adjusts the thermostat and Oscar interviews that he comes in early every morning so he can set the thermostat at 66 degrees. Obviously Angela doesn’t want it that cold, but Oscar doesn’t care. In the conference room, Michael does a practice speech for Dwight. Dwight asks if he can have a copy of one of Michael’s old speeches, but Michael is sure people would remember them. He tells Dwight that it doesn’t matter what he says as long as it’s something people care about. To demonstrate, he goes to the main area and announces that everyone is getting a $1,000 bonus. Dwight takes his turn by telling everyone that there was a major car accident, and also, there won’t be bonuses.

Michael calls everyone into the conference room and tells them that they’re all going to make a toast to practice public speaking. He adds that it’ll be good practice for Pam’s wedding reception. Jim takes the opportunity to announce that he wants to go on a trip but doesn’t know where to go. Kevin suggests Hedonism, which is “like Club Med, but everything is naked.” Toby toasts to Amsterdam, where he went after his divorce; he can’t remember exactly how long he spent there. Creed suggests Hong Kong, then interviews a hello to his friends in China. Dwight tries to practice what he has of his speech so far, but he’s not nervous in front of everyone because they’re his subordinates. Michael interviews that Dwight won’t do well, and people will have set their expectations high because of him. Later, Jim asks Dwight where he would travel to if he could. Dwight is determined to go to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor. He’s sure Jim won’t be making any trips.

Jim tells Dwight that he majored in public speaking, and his first tip is to be true to himself. He’s all about authority, so he needs to wave his arms and pound his fists a lot to make his point. Jim interviews that he didn’t actually major in public speaking, but he downloaded some famous speeches, including one by Mussolini. He gives it to Dwight, telling him it’s just a few talking points to keep in mind. Angela wishes Dwight luck as he and Michael head off to the convention. Pam gives the camera a look that indicates that she’s on to them. Pam, Kelly, and Ryan work on Pam’s save-the-date cards and Ryan asks if she’s inviting Jim. She is, since he’s one of her closest friends. As Michael and Dwight arrive at the convention, Angela tells Oscar and Kevin that she’s not feeling well and is going home. Kevin notes that she’s never taken a sick day, but Angela replies that he’s taken enough sick days for both of them. At the convention, Dwight’s name is announced but he freezes up and can’t go up onstage. Michael takes his place and starts talking about excellence, then tells a joke.

At the office, Kevin turns the thermostat up, gleefully interviewing that he always sets it at 69 degrees. Pam, Ryan, and Kelly keep working on the cards, but Kelly leaves when Ryan says he can’t see himself ever getting married. Dwight finally puts the guests at the convention out of their misery by taking the stage and giving his Mussolini speech. Michael leaves, passing a disguised Angela. At the office, Oscar offers Jim use of a time share in Florida and Ryan asks if Jim is really going to leave town. Ryan interviews that Jim has been working in the same place and eating the same lunch every day for five years. He’ll probably just go to Philadelphia. In Michael’s office, Jim spins a globe and considers a trip to Africa. As Dwight keeps speaking and Creed adjusts the thermostat, Jim tells Pam he’s going to Australia. He’ll be leaving two days before Pam’s wedding. After the convention, Dwight finds Michael at the bar and Michael tells him a story, happy to be captivating the guy who captivated 1,000 guys.

PRANKS JIM AND PAM PLAY ON DWIGHT: Jim gives Dwight a speech Mussolini gave, telling him they’re talking points for his own speech.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because somebody gives you proof of it. ‘Sir, you’re awesome. Here’s a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by, and you need more proof? Here’s a certificate.’ They stopped making plaques that year.” - Michael

Michael: “But seriously, what’s the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?”
Dwight: “A saleswoman has a vagina.”
Michael: “It’s a joke, Dwight. It’s not a sex-ed class.”

Dwight: “There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.”
Pam: “Do we know anyone who was injured in the accident?”
Dwight: “Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.”
Stanley: “Why would this affect our bonuses?”
Dwight: “They're unrelated.”
Kelly: “Is Brad okay?”
Dwight: “He will never act again.”

“Pam, I’m public speaking. Stop public interrupting me.” - Michael


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