"Take Your Daughter to Work Day"
Written by Mindy Kaling; directed by Victor Nelli, Jr.

Pam has decorated her reception area for Take Your Daughter to Work Day, and she’s excited about it. She’s not great with kids but wants to get better because she’s about to get married. She’s put out some extra candy so the kids will come to her desk and talk to her. “Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel,” she notes. Michael arrives and makes his usual stupid jokes until Pam warns him that he can’t be nasty today because there will be kids in the office. He complains that he can’t censor himself. He reluctantly talks to the kids, telling them he’s like Superman and his employees are like the residents of Gotham City. Jim and Dwight both note that that’s Batman. Michael says then he’s Aquaman and Jim says he lived in the ocean. “I work with a bunch of nerds,” Michael notes. In the kitchen, Dwight greets Toby’s daughter Sasha with, “Hello, tiny one. You are the future.” Kevin shows his future stepdaughter Abby around his area, then interviews that he’d better go check his computer before she looks at it.

Stanley introduces Michael to his daughter Melissa and Michael notes that she’s turning into a “stone-cold fox.” Melissa replies that she’s in the eighth grade. Michael interviews that he’d rather be the fun uncle than the dad because no one rebels against the fun uncle. Later, as Michael tries to talk to Meredith, her son Jake throws things at him. Meredith interviews that this turned out great because Jake was recently suspended from school, and today she didn’t have to pay a sitter to watch him. Angela, Ryan, and Kelly set up things in the conference room and Toby gets Sasha to ask if she can help. Angela declines since they’d have to take time to explain things to her. Kelly gushes about how cute Sasha is and Angela says she’d rather have a couple of well-behaved sons. Kelly freaks Ryan out by saying she can’t wait to have kids. He interviews that they agreed to just have fun, but fun for Kelly is getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me.”

Sasha goes to Michael’s office and he’s not sure what to say to her. Pam asks Abby if she wants to help her shred some old documents, but Abby is more interested in the book she’s reading. Pam interviews that her goal for the day is to make just one kid like her. Jim bonds with Abby by discussing the book she’s reading, then asking her for some help with his sales. Sasha returns to Michael’s office and starts playing with a train; he makes some room on his desk so she can play there. They start bonding over a conductor’s whistle. Jim tells Abby she has a strong handshake and Dwight scoffs that she can’t be that strong. Jake arrives and starts hitting Dwight’s bobbleheads, then asks if he has any computer games. Dwight says they’re not appropriate for work, then chastises Jake for calling his mother by her first name. He tells Jake to call him Mr. Schrute but this just leads Jake to make fun of his name. Sasha visits Phyllis’ desk and asks her if she’s Mother Goose.

In the kitchen, Melissa and Ryan talk about coffee and she asks for his number so she can text him. Kelly watches through the window, obviously jealous. She then heads to Stanley’s desk and tells him what’s going on. Stanley confronts Ryan alone in the break room, warning him to stay away from Melissa. Ryan interviews that Stanley yelling at him was one of the most frightening experiences of his life. In the conference room, Dwight tries to entertain the kids by playing “Greensleeves” on his recorder, but they’re not impressed. He starts to read them a story about a tailor who cuts off the thumbs of kids who suck them, but Michael interrupts and says the kids don’t want to hear a story a Nazi war criminal read to him as a kid. This leads to Sasha asking what a Nazi is and Jake making fun of Dwight more. Michael takes over by asking who likes Dane Cook. Elsewhere, Angela tells Dwight that she never misbehaved in front of her father because he was such a strict disciplinarian, and she hopes to find a mate who’s the same way.

Michael gives the kids a tour and explains the paper business to them. The kids don’t think it’s fair that they get the paper from a manufacturer and sell it for more money to make a profit. Michael tries to distract them by taking them to meet Creed, but he just freaks them out. Michael takes the kids back to the conference room and tells them he used to be the star of a kids’ show called Fundle Bundle. The kids don’t believe him, so he sends Ryan to his mom’s house to get a tape, a guitar, and a tambourine. Ryan notes that he’s getting the pizzas for the group, so Melissa offers to tag along. Ryan quickly says no and takes off. Later, as everyone eats, Michael interviews that you have to let kids have fun because they’re adults, after all. He plays his video and points out a puppet named Edward R. Meow. The other employees recognize a kid as a current meteorologist on the local news. Dwight thinks it’s funny that as a kid, he said he wanted to be on TV, and now he is.

Young Michael, wearing a suit, tells the puppet that when he’s older, he wants to be married and have 100 kids so he’ll always have friends. The kids in the conference room ask if Michael ever got married and had kids; he didn’t. “Even I have a girlfriend,” Jake notes. Michael ducks out to be alone in his office, and later Pam tells Jim that he won’t come out or answer his phone. Roy is in the process of bonding with Jake, which makes one more kid who will bond with someone else over Pam. She tries to connect with Melissa by talking about her mom, but she’s actually Melissa’s stepmother. Dwight tries to fight back against Jake, endearing himself to Angela in the process. Toby brings Michael’s toys back to him, but Michael says that Sasha can keep them. Toby asks if he’s okay, but Michael thinks he’s just asking because he has to, since he works for human resources. They spend some time talking about Michael and the possibility of him having kids. Toby thinks he could. Michael would like to be Sasha’s godfather as well, but she already has one.

Jake visits Pam for some candy and she finally gets a kid to like her when she shows him how to use the paper shredder. In his office, Michael signs up for an online dating service using the name “Little Kid Lover” so people will automatically know what he’s looking for. Abby invites Jim over for dinner, but he says he already has plans - specifically, a date. In the conference room, Michael serenades everyone with “Teach Your Children,” singing and playing the tambourine while Dwight plays the guitar. Pam tries to talk to Jim about something, but he’s already on his way out the door. At the end of the day, Michael walks Sasha to Toby’s car. Dwight interviews that the Schrutes considered children very valuable because they were helpful in the fields, and also because when they didn’t have enough food, they could eat the weakest child. Just kidding!

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth. And out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freakin’ cool.” - Michael

Jim: “Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play it?”
Pam: “I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer.”

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