"Women of Questionable Morals"
Written by Daniel Palladino; directed by Matthew Diamond

Lorelai wakes Luke up in the middle of the night because she thinks it’s going to snow. She drags him outside while he complains about how cold it is. Lorelai has a great history with snow and has always loved it, so she’s thrilled that it’s coming. Luke thinks she’s wrong because snow wasn’t in the forecast, but she’s right. At the diner, a group of men discuss how to refer to the prostitute in Stars Hollow’s upcoming Revolutionary War reenactment. Luke criticizes them, since the reenactment is always the same - a bunch of people stand in the snow waiting for a battle that never happened. Taylor says that new evidence has been uncovered that an English battalion stopped in Stars Hollow while waiting for their commanding general. American soldiers learned of this and blocked the high road so the general would have to take the low road. They then got a woman to “keep him company,” which allowed Lafayette to ambush the British soldiers. “A hooker stopped a battle,” Luke summarizes. The men don’t want to call her a hooker, though, and are trying to think of something a little classier. They also need to find a woman (one who’s thin, but not to thin) to play said woman. Luke promises to keep his eye out for “moderately-weighted whores.” Lorelai is at the counter but decides to wait until she gets to the inn to have coffee so she can enjoy it in the new snow-covered building. She wonders why the reenactors are staring at her (and why the reverend is blushing).

At the elder Gilmores’ house, Emily is surprised to see a dog sitting on the patio. She calls Richard at the pool house and tells him to come over. He comes to the patio and she tells him to take the dog (which has no tags) to the pool house. At the inn, Lorelai tries to get Michel as excited about the snow as she is; of course, it’s impossible. She’s disappointed that they don’t have any mats to put on the floor so people don’t slip. Michel notes that there won’t be that many people there anyway, since people are canceling their reservations because of the snow. Lorelai argues that it’s perfect Connecticut winter weather, so people should be here to enjoy it. Michel chastises her for not employing a cancellation policy that would require guests to pay. In the kitchen, Sookie is also not that thrilled about the snow. Lorelai is upset to discover that they’re almost completely out of coffee. They also can’t send out for more because a snowplow dumped a pile of snow outside and they’re now trapped. Lorelai tells Michel to get someone digging. Sookie has to take her coffee so they can serve it to their few guests. At Yale, Paris complains that she can’t get through to C-Span. Rory is shocked to find Christopher at her door. He says that he was just in the neighborhood and wants to go to breakfast. Rory blows him off, despite his best efforts.

Lorelai tries to get guests to reconsider their cancellations but doesn’t have much luck. She also slips on the wet, matless floor. Michel is upset about having to shovel snow. He informs Lorelai that a couple of guests she sent out cross-country skiing that morning are still “erwol” (aka AWOL). Lorelai starts cleaning up the dining room, trying to sneak a bunch of leftover coffee into one cup for herself. Sookie calls her on how gross that is. Desperate, Lorelai decides to go out on foot to get coffee (but not before she slips on the floor again). Emily goes to the pool house to see the dog, which appears to be a female long-haired Jack Russell terrier (information obtained via Internet and Richard’s own observations). Emily is happy to discover the Louis Vuitton website. After a class, Christopher corners Rory with coffee and tells her that he wants to do something to patch up their relationship. He reveals that his father has been sick and he’s been thinking about their relationship, which he doesn’t want his and Rory’s relationship to turn into. He realizes that he’s being unfair by ambushing Rory like this, so he leaves. The reenactors hold auditions at Miss Patty’s for the role of the Revolution prostitute. (Kirk is campaigning for Lulu.) Taylor makes some cuts (including his own niece) and Miss Patty tells Kirk not to be a pageant mom. Taylor spots Lorelai walking by and invites her to try out for the “woman of easy virtue.” She gets distracted when she steps in a puddle.

Lorelai finally makes it to the diner for her (very hot) coffee. She fills Luke in on her horrible day, telling him that the highlight was when Taylor invited her to try out to be a whore. Kirk steps in to announce that Lulu won the role. At the elder Gilmores’, Emily calls the neighborhood busybody to spread the word about the dog in an attempt to find the its owners. She grows concerned that Richard isn’t eating well over at the pool house. At home, Lorelai makes Lulu’s costume while filling Rory in on the story over the phone. Rory notes that Lorelai hasn’t said anything about the first snow of the winter. Lorelai admits that she and snow aren’t getting along very well, possibly because she was too clingy and it decided to push her away. Rory declines to tell her that Christopher paid her a visit. Lorelai tries to remain optimistic about getting back together with snow but her mood isn’t helped by a leak in the ceiling. The next morning, she’s unable to unearth her Jeep from a mound of snow. Later, she and Luke dig out the car while Lorelai complains and says that she wants the snow to suffer. Luke notes that she parked under a tree, which might not have been a great idea, though she notes that she’s been doing that forever. She declares that she and snow are through, then adds that she’s changing the inn’s cancellation policy. She is now on Luke’s side that snow is an annoying inconvenience. It starts to snow again and Lorelai yells at it not to try to make up with her now.

At Friday night dinner, the girls are surprised to see Emily in the pool house, tending to the dog. (Richard has now realized that it’s actually a boy.) Emily says that they should pretend she’s not there but Richard tells her that she has a presence that can’t be ignored. She asks if the girls have heard Christopher’s bad news - his father Straub has died. Rory is especially surprised because she just saw her father, though she still doesn’t share this. While Richard and Emily tend to the dog, Rory tells Lorelai that Christopher did mention that Straub was sick, but she didn’t realize how serious it was. Later, Rory goes to see Christopher, bringing with her cookies and milk. Upon leaving, she calls Lorelai and tells her where she is. She also admits that Christopher came to see her at school and she blew him off. She says that Christopher needs them right now and Lorelai should come see him. Lorelai is already on her way and has brought tequila, “grown-up milk and cookies.” At the diner the next morning, Lorelai is hungover and not happy about the amount of noise Rory is making. She decides that pancakes would be helpful. Kirk arrives, panicking over something and looking for Taylor. Rory is glad that Lorelai spent the night at Christopher’s; Lorelai says that he was glad that Rory came by. Luke arrives and Lorelai decides not to tell him about her night with Christopher. She also foregoes the pancakes, since he would be suspicious to see her ordering her hangover food. She feels bad for not telling Luke what happened, but she and Rory decide that he doesn’t need to know.

Everyone heads to the reenactment, which will be narrated by three kids. “Children should shoot us for what we make them do,” Lorelai comments. Taylor plays the general, riding up on a horse and spouting dialogue that Lorelai declares “worse than From Justin to Kelly.” The “woman of easy virtue” emerges from a distance and Lorelai and Rory note that her dress doesn’t fit, even though Lorelai custom-made it for Lulu. This is because Lulu is sick and Kirk has had to take over her role. Taylor is furious with Kirk, but Kirk reminds him that instead of arguing, they’re supposed to be making love. Taylor reluctantly plays along and they finish their part of the reenactment. The girls wonder how far they’ll take it. At the pool house, Richard tells Emily that the dog (actually a girl after all) has been returned home. After a moment, they go their separate ways. Lorelai heads home, complaining to a snowplow driver, and is touched to see that Luke has put an ice rink outside her house. He tells her that he felt bad about her breakup with snow and wanted to get them back together. He wonders if she was sick that morning, since she didn’t look well, but she tells him she’s fine.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Emily: “Take it to the pool house.”
Richard: “What? Why?”
Emily: “Well, that’s why we have it.”
Richard: “We have a pool house for stray dogs? Love the innuendo, Emily.”

Lorelai: “You know who just nipped at my nose? Jack Frost.”
Michel: “Huh. You know who just nipped at my ear? Jack I Don’t Care.”

Lorelai: “I hate charging people for canceling. It’s too corporate. We’re doing things differently here.”
Michel: “Oh, yes. Bankruptcy will be fun and different. Be sure to file for it while it’s snowing, won’t you? We’ll go down to bankruptcy court in a horse-drawn sleigh.”

Lorelai: “I sent them skiing and I killed them.”
Luke: “You killed your guests?”
Lorelai: “Eh, well, you know what happens.”

Lorelai: “The only bright side of my day is being asked to be a prostitute.”
Luke: “That’s something to cling to.”

Kirk: “My girlfriend’s the whore! My girlfriend’s the whore! Woo hoo! Yeah!”
Lorelai: “Great, now I’m not even the town whore.”
Luke: “Well, if you like, I’ll leave a little something on the dresser for you tonight.”

Luke: “Oh, you two are easy.”
Lorelai: “Spread that around, will you?”
Luke: “Will do.”

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