"Who’s Zoomin’ Who?"
Written by Gabrielle Stanton and Harry Werksman; directed by Wendy Stantzler

George is naked in the bathroom at Meredith’s house, studying a book about rashes. Meredith voices over that “secrets can’t hide science” and medicine will expose lies. Izzie tries to get into the bathroom, but George has locked the door, making Izzie think he’s doing something embarrassing. Meredith voices over that no matter what we’re trying to hide, we’re never ready for the moment when the truth comes out. Meredith gets a phone call from a woman named Ms. Henry who works at Ellis’ nursing home, but Meredith doesn’t want to talk to her right now and tells Derek it’s a wrong number. George emerges from the bathroom to find Izzie grinning at him; he tells her he wasn’t doing anything and has a girlfriend now anyway (see “Save Me”). Meredith approaches and Izzie fills her in, embarrassing George further. Derek’s phone rings but he doesn’t answer it, only telling Meredith that it’s not the hospital. At Seattle Grace, Cristina calls the clinic where she made an appointment for her abortion (see “Save Me”) and refuses to come in for a counseling session. Burke approaches and tells her he paged her the night before; she just rushes off. As Webber reads a chart and rubs his temple, George runs into Olivia and tells her that he’s a little itchy. Izzie sees them together and admits that she was wrong about what happened that morning. However, she still wants to know what George was doing.

In the locker room, George encounters Alex and asks for some help in diagnosing his rash. Alex quickly IDs it as syphilis. Later, Burke, George, and Alex examine a patient who needs a cystoscopy to look inside his bladder. The patient, Bill, is a friend of Burke’s from college, and his first child with his wife will be Burke’s godson. Derek watches from the gallery as Webber performs an operation (with an assist from Meredith) and complains that the lights are making it hard to see what he’s doing. Cristina and Izzie examine a patient named Mr. Franklin who is having some trouble with his abdomen and annoying daughter. Izzie runs into George as he’s picking up some of his own test results; she wonders why he’s taking care of a patient with syphilis. He pulls her into the nurse’s station and confesses, leading her to believe that Olivia is a little easy. “It’s the new millennium, George,” she says. “The only people who aren’t like that are the Amish and, apparently, you.” George wonders what he’s going to do about Olivia, not seeming to realize that his best bet is to not sleep with her anymore. Izzie encourages him to tell Olivia about the syphilis, but he doesn’t appreciate her advice. Webber has more trouble in his surgery and finally steps out, telling Bailey to finish up. George and Alex do a CT scan on Bill as Alex bugs George to tell him how he got syphilis. They spot something abnormal on the CT and go to get Burke.

Cristina and Izzie tell Mr. Franklin that he has fluid in his abdomen that’s causing swelling that’s putting pressure on his lungs. It’s a symptom of liver disease, which doesn’t surprise Mr. Franklin’s daughter, Alice, since he drinks a lot. Burke looks at Bill’s scans and spots the same growth Alex and George did. Alex says that it looks like an ovary, which makes Burke chastise him for being flip. However, more test results show that Alex is right. Izzie and Cristina talk to Bailey about Mr. Franklin, who allows them to do a paracentesis to drain the fluid from his abdomen. As Alex and George discuss Bill (“it kind of gives new meaning to the term ‘metrosexual,” Alex comments), Olivia approaches and George sends Alex on ahead. He and Olivia wind up making out, and then he accidentally offends her before telling her that he has syphilis. She runs off and he comments that that could have gone better. Derek drops by Webber’s office and notes that he had some problems in surgery. Webber admits that a few weeks earlier, he was operating when the vision in his right eye went a little blurry. Derek offers to set up some tests, but Webber wants to make sure he keeps things quiet. Outside, George asks Alex if he thinks Olivia is telling other people about him. Alex is sure and says that syphilis is the best thing to ever happen to George because now people will think he’s a player.

The interns gather for lunch and George learns that Izzie has told Meredith and Cristina about his syphilis, earning him the nickname Syph Boy. Alex says that everyone has a secret and George should be glad his is out in the open. Cristina asks what Alex’s is, and he says he’ll show his if she shows hers. Izzie claims not to have secrets, but Meredith says everyone has one. Burke goes to see Bill and tells him that tests show he has DNA from two different embryos that merged in the womb and made him a hermaphrodite. Fortunately, they can remove the ovary. Bill isn’t sure what to tell his wife, Holly, but Burke assures him that he’s still a man, especially considering the fact that he got his wife pregnant. Alex gives George a shot of penicillin, noting that he’s already seen more of George’s anatomy than he ever wanted to. George pulls down his pants just as Meredith enters to provide some moral support (and also compliment George’s butt). Alex wants to show off his own butt, but Meredith pushes him aside to give George the shot herself. Alex heads out and Izzie enters, followed by Cristina, and the three women have some laughs at George’s expense. Later, Ms. Henry calls Meredith back and reminds her that the monthly family dinner is taking place that night. Meredith says she’s busy but will try to show up. Webber is on his way to his MRI when his assistant, Patricia, informs him that they have a “situation.”

Webber ends up announcing to a room full of interns and doctors that four residents, three interns, and six nurses on the surgical floor have contracted syphilis. He orders everyone who’s been having unprotected sex with someone else on staff to get tested, then has Patricia give a safe-sex demonstration, much to everyone’s amusement. Derek tells Webber that this is the perfect time to slip away for his MRI. Meredith and Cristina laugh a little about George, then each remember that they’ve been having unprotected sex with someone on staff. Later, Cristina gets in line for an STD test, where Burke finds her and accuses her of avoiding him. She says she’s just working. He assures her that she doesn’t need to get tested because she’s the only person he’s been sleeping with. She assures him that he doesn’t need to be in line either. Izzie approaches Cristina and tells her that Mr. Franklin is ready for them. She says she’s glad neither of them is having sex and has to worry about catching an STD. The two then head to Mr. Franklin’s room for the paracentesis, pretending they’ve done millions of them. Derek and Webber study Webber’s MRIs, which show a tumor pressing on his optic nerve. Fortunately, it’s operable, and Webber tells Derek he’ll undergo surgery, though he still doesn’t want word to spread so that people don’t try to go after his job. Derek summons Meredith to assist, asking if she can keep a secret. “Better than you think,” she replies.

Izzie and Cristina perform Mr. Franklin’s paracentesis, suddenly realizing that he’s not conscious and doesn’t have a pulse. They call a code and start CPR, but it’s too late. Bailey assures them that they did everything right and Mr. Franklin had no history of heart problems, so his death isn’t their fault. Cristina asks when the autopsy will be, but his family has decided against one, which means Cristina and Izzie won’t find out why he died. Derek finds Meredith and Bailey, who has also agreed to help with Webber’s surgery, and Derek admits that he’s nervous about the operation. Meredith asks if she needs to get tested for anything, noting that she and Derek never established any rules about not sleeping with other people. Derek points out that he doesn’t have any time to go out, sleep with another woman, and get syphilis. He adds that they also use condoms all the time, so there’s nothing to worry about. However, if Meredith wants to make rules, he’s game. His phone rings again but he still doesn’t answer it. Burke and another doctor perform Bill’s ovary-removal surgery, but it reveals that Bill is sterile, which makes his wife’s pregnancy a little suspect. (It takes George a few seconds to catch on.) After the surgery, Alex says that Bill is better of not knowing the truth, but George says that if his wife were cheating on him, he’d want to know. Burke overhears and tells them to keep their opinions to themselves. “You’re such a gossip,” George tells Alex.

Cristina and Izzie try to convince Mrs. Franklin and Alice to let them do an autopsy on Mr. Franklin so they can find out why he died so unexpectedly. Alice doesn’t care, since she didn’t like her father and knows that he died because he was an alcoholic. Izzie thinks that the autopsy will give her some closure, and Mrs. Franklin starts to come around. However, Alice wants to let it go and try to hold on to some dignity. In Intern Alley, Izzie and Cristina confide in Meredith that they want to perform an unauthorized autopsy on Mr. Franklin. Izzie thinks it’s because Cristina is worried about being the new 007 (see “A Hard Day’s Night”), but she does note that Mrs. Franklin wants the autopsy. Meredith promises to keep quiet, not wanting any part of what they’re up to. However, she does know that Bailey will be busy between 7 and 11 that night, so she won’t catch them if they want to perform the autopsy then. Izzie and Cristina are suspicious of what Meredith is up to, and Cristina tells Izzie, “If I’m missing out on a real patient because of this, they’re gonna call me 007 because I’ve killed you.” Derek heads to Webber’s OR and tries to get him to stop worrying that someone will find out what’s going on. Izzie and Cristina grab Mr. Franklin’s body from the morgue and use a textbook to make sure they do the autopsy correctly.

Webber’s surgery goes smoothly but Meredith worries that he’ll be blind when he wakes up. Bailey tells her to page Cristina and Izzie so they can cover her patients while Meredith monitors Webber. Meredith tries to lie that they’re busy with labs, but Bailey quickly sees through the story, noting that Meredith is a bad liar. Burke confronts Holly about cheating on Bill, telling her that he has a right to know that he’s not the father of the baby. Holly refuses to come clean, saying that she won’t ruin her life because Burke thinks what she’s doing is wrong. Burke notes that he’s Bill’s doctor and won’t lie to him. Meredith calls Ms. Henry and tells her that she won’t make family dinner night because of an important surgery. She thinks if Ellis were lucid, she would understand because she was a surgeon herself and has done this sort of thing before. Ms. Henry announces that today Ellis knew who Meredith was and asked when she was getting off of work. As Meredith hangs up, Derek approaches and Meredith finally decides to tell him that her mother has Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home. Derek comforts her with a kiss on the forehead, which happens to be the first thing Webber sees when he wakes up. Bailey catches Cristina and Izzie doing the autopsy and goes off at them about all of the problems this could case for them, her, and the hospital. Cristina and Izzie respond by announcing that they want to perform tests to see why Mr. Franklin’s heart is enlarged. “I hate both of you right now,” Bailey replies.

Meredith checks on Webber, who reminds her that Derek is her attending. Meredith is happy that he can see, but he tells her what her mother would say - she’s making a mistake. Meredith disagrees. Izzie, Cristina, and Bailey tell Mrs. Franklin and Alice about the autopsy, revealing that Mr. Franklin had a blood disease that caused a buildup of iron in his body and led to his heart failure. Also, the disease is genetic and Alice could have it. If tests reveal that she inherited it, she can be treated before it causes a problem. In other words, Izzie and Cristina’s unauthorized autopsy may have saved Alice’s life. Bailey gets her and Mrs. Franklin to sign papers consenting to the autopsy after the fact. As Meredith voices over about how revealing secrets can be freeing, George watches Burke talking to Bill, then meets up with Olivia, who tells him that she was already seeing someone when they met. When she realized how much she liked George, she broke up with the other guy, who happens to be Alex. George attacks Alex, shouting, “You gave me syphilis?!” Meredith meets up with Derek in the lobby and they head off to have dinner. Derek spots a woman nearby and suddenly apologizes to Meredith, who voices over that the problem with secrets is that they take away your control. The woman, who has been calling all day, is Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (Kate Walsh), and she’s Derek’s wife.


THE TITLE IS A SONG BY…: Aretha Franklin

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “Bill, you have a camera snaking up your mojo. It’s not the time to cross me.” - Burke

“Maybe I’ve been sleeping around. Maybe I got ladies. Shut up.” - George

George: “Okay, you’re the only person that I’ve been with in a long time. I mean, not unusually long or anything, you know? Just a normal amount of long time. But it wouldn’t matter to me if you’ve been with someone else. Maybe you have? I’m not accusing you of anything or, you know, judging you or handing out scarlet letters or anything, you know? It’s…you’re a woman, you know? A very attractive woman. Of course you’ve been with other men. Not that you’ve been with a lot of men. It’s not like you’re a prostitute….”
Olivia: “A prostitute?”
George: “No! Not a…not a prostitute. What? No, the opposite of a prostitute. A lady. You’re very ladylike. I mean, you’re very bendy, but….”

“Syph Boy. It’s got a nice ring to it. It’s kinda like Superboy, only diseased.” - Alex

Izzie: “What are we doing here?”
George: “Breaking George’s spirit.”
Meredith: “Curing George’s syph.”
George: “I don’t like needles.”
Meredith: “Good thing you became a doctor.”

“You know, I have spent hours, days, years, imagining myself half naked in a room with three women. The reality is so much better.” - George to Meredith, Izzie, and Cristina

Derek: “How goes our special super-secret silent sunset surgery? I’ve been practicing that.”
Bailey: “You have too much time on your hands.”

Izzie: “You should really be using the ten blade.”
Cristina: “Will you stop backseat cutting?”

“Oh, you are lying. I know you’re lying. You know how I know? ‘Cause you a bad liar!” - Bailey to Meredith

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