"Inca Mummy Girl"
Written by Matt Kiene & Joe Reinkemeyer; directed by Ellen Pressman

Buffy, Willow, and Xander are on a field trip to a museum and discussing the fact that Joyce has offered to host an exchange student. Buffy is upset that she’ll have to live with a stranger for three weeks, but Willow is excited about the dance at the end of the week, and Xander is excited about the “beautiful melding of two cultures.” Inside the museum, Cordelia and the Cordettes are mooning over Cordelia’s exchange student, a Swede named Sven. She’s surprised that Buffy hasn’t seen a picture of her student. Xander is shocked to learn that Buffy’s student is a guy and changes his mind about the cultural melding being beautiful. The Scoobies spot a student named Rodney messing with some masks and Willow heads over to talk to him. She’s been tutoring him in chemistry and has a repartee with him. The students on the field trip look at a mummified princess who was sacrificed and buried alive. She is protected by a seal that warns away those who might wake her up. As everyone else leaves the room, Rodney tries to take the plate from the mummy. He accidentally breaks it, and the mummy doesn’t seem to like this, because she grabs him by the neck.

Back at Sunnydale High the next day, Buffy is training and asking Giles if she can go somewhere. He denies her request, reminding her that she’s the Chosen One. “Just this once I’d like to be the Overlooked One,” she pouts. He tells her that she’ll have a hard time concealing her Slayer identity from her exchange student, and she argues that going to the dance will help her prove that she’s normal. He finally gives in, mostly to avoid being beaten up during training. Xander tells Buffy that he thinks he can drive them to the dance in his mother’s car, and she says she thought he was taking Willow to the dance. He says that he’s not taking her as a date and, as Willow listens in, Buffy asks if he’s ever considered getting romantic with Willow. He says that he loves Willow and that she’s his best friend, but because of that, she’s not the kind of girl that he thinks romantic thoughts about. Willow tries to hide her disappointment as she makes her presence known, then announces that Rodney apparently never got home the previous night. The Scoobies joke that he may have awakened the mummy and been attacked, then realize that they might actually be right.

The Scoobies head to the museum and find that the seal has been broken. Suddenly, a man runs in with a knife. He comes close to attacking Xander, then leaves after looking into the mummy’s coffin. Willow asks if the Incas were advanced, and Giles says that they were. However, they probably weren’t so advanced that the mummy would have braces. Back at the library, the Scoobies wonder why the man with the knife panicked when he saw the mummified Rodney. Giles says the answer to their questions can probably be found in the seal. Buffy remembers that she was supposed to pick up her exchange student, Ampata, from the bus station. She notes that, because he’s from South America, he might be able to help them translate the seal. At the station, Ampata receives a kiss from the mummy and shrivels up. When the Scoobies arrive, they are met by the mummy, now young and female, who tells them that her name is Ampata. Xander is immediately smitten.

Buffy gives Ampata a brief tour of her house and tries to make her feel at home. Xander seems to think that she doesn’t speak English and that speaking slowly and overenunciating will help her understand him. Willow notes that Ampata is a girl, to which Ampata replies, “Yes. For many years now.” Ampata tells the Scoobies that she went to a few different cities in the country but didn’t seem much. Buffy and Willow are a little annoyed to see Xander’s interest in Ampata. Up in Buffy’s bedroom, Ampata says that her life back home was “cramped, and…very dead.” She doesn’t have any friends, and is excited to learn about Buffy’s life. Neither of them sees that the man from the museum is outside the house, watching them through Buffy’s window.

The next morning, Cordelia chats with a guy named Devon (Jason Hall) while his bandmate Oz (Seth Green) deals with their band equipment. Devon and Oz are playing at the dance that night, and Cordelia wants Devon to know that she doesn’t want to be a groupie, but she’ll be waiting for him at the edge of the stage. Cordelia tries to keep Sven from encroaching on the conversation, employing Xander’s methods of speaking to those who don’t seem to understand English. She complains that Sven is boring, then leads him off. Oz tells Devon that Cordelia is a “wonderland tour,” though not his type. Devon wants to know what a girl has to do to impress Oz, who responds, “Well, it involves a feather boa and a theme to A Summer Place. I can’t discuss it here.” Devon tells him that he’s too needy, but Oz says that Devon’s only criteria for a girl is that she can walk and talk. “She doesn’t have to talk,” Devon replies. Willow tells Xander that her costume for the dance is excellent, but he hasn’t quite settled on his yet. “Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot?” she asks, soon noting that “that came out wrong.”

Buffy and Ampata arrive at school and Buffy immediately takes Ampata to meet Giles. He asks if she can help them translate the seal, which makes Ampata nervous. The Scoobies lie that they’re in an archeology club to cover for the reason they have the seal. Ampata tells them that the seal is valuable and should be hidden. She thinks that one of the pictures (one of the man with the knife) represents a bodyguard, and that a legend says that he protects the mummy. Buffy passes Ampata off to Xander so that she can deal with seal stuff, and Willow is disheartened to see how close Xander and Ampata are becoming. The two wind up outside on the bleachers, where Xander teaches Ampata about Twinkies. Buffy reminds Willow that Ampata is only in town for a few weeks, but she thinks that it might be time for her to just move on, since it doesn’t look like Xander is ever going to be interested in her romantically. Giles finds information on the mummy, stating that she can feed on a person’s life-force and basically turn him or her into a mummy instead. On the bleachers, Xander is attacked by the guy with the knife, AKA the bodyguard, who demands to know where the seal is. He recognizes Ampata just before she and Xander run off.

In the library, Xander fills the Scoobies in and Ampata suggests that they destroy the seal. Xander confesses that they’re not in an archeology club - they’re in a crime club. Ampata repeats that they should destroy the seal and runs out. Xander goes after her and assures her that she’s safe, but she says that she doesn’t want any danger, just a normal life. Willow comes outside and tells Xander that he should take Ampata to the dance; she’ll meet them there, but she won’t go with them. “You know what, Will?” he says. “You’re my best friend.” “I know,” she replies. Back in the library, Buffy wonders why the bodyguard would want the seal. Giles thinks that he might need to put all of the pieces together. Buffy reluctantly agrees to skip the dance and go back to the museum to look for the other pieces. In the hallway, Xander nervously tells Ampata that he likes her and wants to take her to the dance. She confesses that she likes him, too, then heads to the bathroom. The bodyguard approaches her and she begs for her life, though, as he reminds her, she’s technically already dead. She tells him that she’s in love, but he says that she’s the Chosen One and has to die. Before he can do anything to her, she kisses him and mummifies him. Back in the hallway, she tells Xander that she’ll go to the dance with him.

In Buffy’s room, Ampata’s trunk arrives from the bus station and Buffy offers to unpack it for her. Ampata tells her that she reminds her of the Incan princess, who was told that she was the only one who could protect her people. As Buffy looks through Ampata’s things, finding boys’ stuff, Ampata tells Buffy that the Incan princess was the only one chosen from her generation. (Is this ringing a bell?) Before Buffy can see a mummified corpse in Ampata’s trunk, the doorbell rings and she runs downstairs to let Xander in. He’s dressed as Clint Eastwood from a spaghetti western and says that he’s “from the country of Leone. It’s in Italy, pretending to be Montana.” He tells her that Willow isn’t coming with him and Ampata, who renders Xander speechless when she comes downstairs. Joyce admires the couple as they head off to the dance, and after they leave, she notes that Ampata seems to be fitting in well in America.

Oz and Devon’s band (Dingoes Ate My Baby) play at the dance at the Bronze, which is pretty well-populated. Cordelia mocks Willow, who’s adorably dressed as an Eskimo, and tells a friend that she’s trying to get rid of Sven. Her friend says that she thinks Sven is cute and that the language barrier might not be a problem. “Get punchy,” Cordelia orders Sven. “You! Fruit drinky!” Willow is upset when she sees Xander and Ampata together and wishes that she’d worn something sexier. Giles goes to Buffy’s house and tells her that the bodyguard was found mummified in one of the school’s restrooms. Buffy deduces that Ampata translated the seal incorrectly, then remembers that she’s been nervous about it the whole time. They go through Ampata’s things again, and this time Buffy finds the mummy in the trunk.

At the Bronze, Xander and Ampata dance as Oz spots Willow and asks Devon who she is. He mistakes her for Ampata, but Oz is smitten with the Eskimo. Buffy and Giles speed towards the Bronze, but Giles’ car is pretty much a piece of junk. Just before Xander and Ampata kiss, she sees that her hand is mummifying. She splits, spotting Jonathan (Danny Strong) on her way out. Buffy and Giles realize that reassembling the seal will trap Ampata as a mummy; Giles tells Buffy that he’ll drop her at the Bronze and then go to the museum. Sven, who speaks fluent English, asks Cordelia’s friend if Cordelia is actually from America. Ampata tries to seduce Jonathan, but her attempt to kiss him is interrupted by Xander. Jonathan leaves and Ampata tells Xander that she doesn’t deserve him. She’s both happy and sad and doesn’t want to tell him what’s going on. They finally start to kiss, and he is shocked when she starts to suck the life out of him.

Ampata stops in the middle of the sucking, leaving Xander weakened but all right. Giles begins to put the seal together and Ampata senses that something has happened to it. Buffy finds Willow and fills her in; Willow is first happy that Ampata is the mummy, then worried that she’ll do something to Xander. As they run off to find him, Oz tries to talk to her, then asks himself, “Who is that girl?” Buffy and Willow find Xander, then take off for the museum. Ampata sneaks up behind Giles as he finishes putting the seal together; she grabs him and smashes the seal. Buffy arrives in time to fight Ampata, who manages to grab Willow and threaten to kiss her. Xander tells Ampata to kiss him instead, but Ampata says that if she kills Willow, they can be together. Xander refuses to let her, and she changes her mind, going after him. However, she’s too late, and she turns into a mummy before she can kiss him. The next day at school, Xander laments that he keeps picking the wrong kind of woman. Buffy can relate to Ampata, since they were both chosen to be people they didn’t think they would be, and says that Ampata couldn’t think straight. “You gave up your life,” Xander reminds her, referencing “Prophecy Girl.” “I had you to bring me back,” Buffy replies.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Don’t kiss anyone, ever.

GRADE: B- A mummy? Really? I…don’t know what to say.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH: Devon, Oz, Jonathan

MEMORABLE QUOTES - Buffy: “Have you ever done an exchange program?”
Xander: “My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count?”

Xander: “Uh, that’s Rodney Munson. He’s God’s gift to the bell curve. What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts.”
Willow: “You just don’t like him ‘cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.”
Xander: “Yeah. I’m irrational that way.”

Buffy: “I wasn’t gonna use violence. I don’t always use violence. Do I?”
Xander: “The important thing is you believe that.”

Giles: “You have responsibilities that other girls do not.”
Buffy: “Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bitty blah, I’m so stuffy, gimme a scone.”
Giles: “It’s as if you know me.”

Xander: “So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? ‘Cause I don’t know anything much besides ‘Doritos’ and ‘Chihuahua.’”
Buffy: “Ampata?”
Ampata: “Here! Hello. I am Ampata.”
Xander: “Ay caramba! I can also say that!”

Ampata: “You are strange.”
Xander: “Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.”
Ampata: “I like it!”
Xander: “I like you like it! Please, don’t learn from my English.”

“We’re in the crime club. Which is kinda like the chess club, only with crime, and, um…no chess.” - Xander

Buffy: “Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan.”
Giles: “All right. We’ll meet there tonight after it closes.”
Buffy: “No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. (he gives her a look) Canceled plans.”

“One of these days you’re gonna have to get a grown-up car.” - Buffy to Giles


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