"One Has Class and the Other One Dyes"
Written by Daniel Palladino; directed by Steven Robman

Lorelai and Rory eat at Luke’s and Lorelai announces that she thinks she’s in touch with the beyond because she’s been having premonitions. Luke brings them hamburgers (calling them dead cows) and Lorelai thinks this fits in with her premonitions. In one, she falls into a vat of whipped cream, and in another, a turtle eats her. She also had one about accidentally shooting herself like Daffy Duck; she makes Rory promise to move her face back to the front if that happens. Lane enters, excited about her first practice with her new band (see “Application Anxiety”). She thinks that they’re on the road to success already, though fame will inevitably tear them apart. She’s also enjoying practicing drums at Sophie’s (see “Help Wanted”) and says that her mother thinks she’s hanging out with the girls. She and Lorelai banter about whether she’s fibbing or lying. Lane leaves, taking Rory’s burger with her, so Rory steals Lorelai’s. The girls leave as Shane enters and immediately starts making out with Jess. At the music store, Lane, Dave (see “Application Anxiety”), Zach (Todd Lowe), and Brian (John Cabrera) practice a meek version of “London Calling.” Zach complains that Brian’s breathing (thanks to his deviated septum) is louder than the song. Lane is afraid to play any louder because she knows her mother will hear the non-Christian music and come looking for her to shield her from it.

The band decides that they need to find another place to practice but Lane tries to talk them out of it. Dave pulls her outside and Lane tells him that she’ll have to work to be able to get to their practices if they take place in another town. Back at home, Lane talks to Rory on the phone and asks for help with brainstorming solutions to her problem. Rory suggests telling Mrs. Kim the truth, which Lane finds laughable. Lorelai gets a call from Debbie, a Stars Hollow mom, whom Lorelai doesn’t remember ever meeting. Debbie asks her to come speak about her experiences as a businesswoman in a class at the school. Lorelai asks Rory’s opinion; she says to go for it. Debbie says that they’d like Luke to speak as well, so Lorelai offers to talk to him about it. At her house, Lane tries to talk herself into telling her mother about the band. Mrs. Kim gets her to fill out applications to church-approved colleges, though she seems to plan to do the essays herself. At the inn, Michel taunts Lorelai about her speaking engagement, since he doesn’t consider her a successful businesswoman. Luke calls to tell Lorelai that he’s backing out of speaking. Lorelai tries to confuse him into changing his mind. Luke says that he was coerced into agreeing because when he said no, Lorelai talked baby talk in front of his customers until he got sick of it and had to say yes. He mostly doesn’t want to go back to Stars Hollow High because he hated it when he was a student there. Lorelai tries to annoy him with her Louis Armstrong voice, which makes him ask, “Have you been diagnosed?”

Downtown, Rory and Lane discuss Lane’s unfortunate choices of schools - they are mostly Seventh Day Adventist colleges, but there was a Quaker school and an Amish school. Rory thinks that Mrs. Kim will lighten up but Lane doesn’t think she has time to figure everything out. She decides that she needs to take a stand and heads into a beauty supply store. Lane announces that she’s going to dye her hair and has Rory help her pick out a color. Lane says that nothing will change unless she makes a move; she wants to make a statement that everyone can see and that she won’t chicken out on. She vetoes pink and blue before settling on purple. Rory heads to the register and finds Shane working, which she’s not thrilled about. Lorelai heads to Luke to get him for their speaking engagement and isn’t happy that he’s not changing his clothes before they go. She drags him upstairs and makes him put on something else. Jess is there and doesn’t want to leave while Lorelai helps Luke play dress-up. Lorelai makes fun of Luke’s Jimmy Buffett shirt, then finds him one appropriate for the occasion. While he’s changing, Lorelai spots something in Jess’ closet but doesn’t say anything. Back in the hallway, Lorelai tells Luke that Jess had a girl in the closet, then drags him off for the speaking engagement. At Lane’s, she and Rory get ready for their dyeing experiment, though Rory wants to make sure that Lane is ready. Lane decides not to open the window to air out the bleach smell because she wants her mother to smell it immediately. She does a little more verbal rebelling before getting down to the matter at hand.

Rory bleaches Lane’s hair, but she’s not thrilled about the stinging. She tries to distract herself by talking about mail, then Vin Diesel, whom she’s surprised to have so many topics of discussion about. The pain gets too bad and Rory says that she’ll rinse the bleach out of Lane’s hair, but Lane refuses. She doesn’t want to have to start over, since she knows she’d chicken out. Rory says that she once heard that if your scalp is stinging from bleach, you should drink 7Up; it has something to do with the bubbles. Lane notes that there’s no soda in the house, though they have something called salad water that was imported from Korea. Rory gets fed up with the smell and has to open a window. She tells Lane to run around the block to occupy herself. Lorelai and Luke arrive at Stars Hollow High and meet up with Debbie; Lorelai tries to pretend that she remembers something rude she said to someone at a fundraiser. After she walks away, Lorelai admits to Luke, “I couldn’t pick that woman out of a lineup if my life depended on it.” She then happens to spot Lane running by outside. Luke learns that Lorelai has brought note cards for her talk; he’s surprised that she’s actually put thought into it. He says that he doesn’t need notes because his job doesn’t require a lot of in-depth processes. Lorelai spots a photo of Luke (nicknamed Butch) when he was the 1985 state high hurdles champion. “It’s yelling, ‘Mock me, mock me,’” Lorelai says. He doesn’t think they should be able to display it without his permission. Lorelai asks if his high school girlfriend’s name was Sissy.

Back at Lane’s, she and Rory examine her now-blond hair, which makes Lane feel like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. The stinging has stopped, thanks to the salad water. Rory starts the dyeing and asks Lane if she’s told her band that she’s doing it. She hasn’t, but the guys all have tattoos (even Brian). Rory thinks that Dave and Lane had a connection when they first met; Lane denies this at first, then admits that she’s already in love with him. She’s glad to have a first love like what Rory has with Dean. Rory isn’t quite as happy. At the school, Luke and Lorelai head into the classroom and Lorelai begins her speech. She quickly gets asked if she’s Rory’s mother, then if she really had her when she was 16. The students start asking about Lorelai’s life after she got pregnant and she tries to encourage them to stay in school if they ever get pregnant. The students want to know if she’s sorry she got pregnant; Lorelai says that the timing wasn’t perfect. She tries to get the talk back on track, but finally gives up and introduces “Butch Danes.” At Lane’s, the girls finish up the dyeing and Lane is excited with her new self. Rory takes a photo as Lane says, “This is the most radical thing a Kim has done since my cousin Nam got caught reading Maxim at summer camp.” Lane hears her mother arriving home and suddenly realizes that the shock will kill her, which, in turn, means Lane is dead. She announces that they have to “put it back” and sends Rory back to the store to get black dye. She makes her go out the window so Mrs. Kim won’t see her.

Rory heads back to the store, where Shane is on the phone, probably with Jess. She gets frustrated that Shane isn’t paying attention and waiting on her in a timely manner. Luke laughs at Lorelai as they leave the school, though Lorelai doesn’t think the situation is funny. The two are confronted by Debbie and some other mothers who think that Lorelai was telling their daughters that it’s okay to get pregnant as a teenager. Lorelai notes that they were the ones asking the questions, but Debbie says that she could have changed the subject. Lorelai is upset that she’s being judged and called a bad mother. She starts insulting the mothers’ hair and Luke decides that it’s time to leave. He heads home and looks around for any possible girls Jess might be hiding there. Jess admits that Shane was there earlier and hid in the closet voluntarily. Luke tells him that he needs to be more responsible, especially if he cares about a girl the way he cares about Shane. Jess says that he doesn’t even know Shane’s last name and that they’re just hanging out. Luke gets upset that he’s not respecting her and encourages him to find someone else. Jess turns things around on him, noting that Luke hangs around Lorelai like a dog, wanting her to notice him. Downtown, Rory tells Lane that, technically, she does have dyed hair, so their mission is accomplished. Jess and Shane walk past them and Shane tells Jess that Rory is a freak. The girls run into Lorelai, who notices that Lane’s hair is a little blacker. They tell her what happened and Lane says that she’ll always have a photo of herself with purple hair. Lorelai decides to help them figure out a plan for Lane’s band. After Lane leaves, Lorelai fills Rory in on her talk.

WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW: Zach, Brian

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “Now, this last one’s a little more gory. I’m out hunting--.”
Rory: “A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime.”
Lorelai: “And my shotgun backfires and my whole face spins around a bunch of times and winds up in the back of my head like Daffy Duck.”
Rory: “That’s the silliest one yet.”
Lorelai: “Now, if that’s how I go, you gotta promise to move my face back to the front of my head like Daffy did with his beak.”
Rory: “I should be writing this down.”
Lorelai: “You can remember to move my face to the front of my head.”
Rory: “It depends on what I have going on that week.”

Rory: “This is insane.”
Lane: “Rory, I just drank a gallon of liquid salad. Insanity is a daily staple at the Kim house.”

Rory: “And by the way, bloaty is not a word. There’s bloated, there’s bloating, but no bloaty.”
Shane: “Thanks, that’s fascinating.”
Rory: “Well, for you, how ice is made is probably fascinating.”


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