"That’ll Do, Pig"
Written by Sheila R. Lawrence; directed by Jamie Babbit

Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are in downtown Stars Hollow and Lorelai has just offered to let Lane and her band practice in their garage. Lorelai only wants one thing in return - Lane’s promise that she will never pose naked on the cover of Rolling Stone. Rory mentions that the annual winter carnival is approaching; Lane has to man a booth for the marching band. They’re trying to raise new letters so they can finally have letter carriers, because apparently the people in charge think that that’s why Stars Hollow High never wins games. Lorelai tries to convince her that she loves the band’s uniforms. Lane wants to know how much she shouldn’t want Dave to see them, on a scale of 1 to 10. Lorelai and Rory both tell her it’s 10. Madeline struggles in math class and doesn’t get any help from a distracted Paris. After class, Rory tries to discuss a supplemental student council meeting with her after class, but Paris decides to cancel the meeting. Madeline and Louise remind her that she added the supplemental meetings because the regular ones weren’t enough. Paris just wants to take the week off. She fills in Francie, who’s surprised. After she leaves, Paris tells Rory that she met Jamie’s parents and spent Christmas with his family. Everything was perfect, and Jamie told Paris that he loves her. She’s planning to visit him again over Easter and debate religion with his grandfather again. At the inn, Michel ticks off a group of guests in Hungarian, then has to look up whatever it was he said to them. Emily calls Lorelai to tell her that Richard’s 60th birthday party is back on, though Lorelai didn’t realize it was cancelled, or even on in the first place. After Lorelai hangs up, Michel tells her that they just have to pay the Hungarian guests a ransom in order to get the busboy back.

At home, Lorelai traps a spider in the kitchen and is screaming when Dean arrives. Dean gets rid of the spider as Rory comes home. She learns that Dean has come over to return some of her stuff. After he goes, Lorelai wonders if Rory is feeling weird; she’s not. Later, Rory and Jess walk around and make out downtown, discussing how lucky they are to have good teeth, since braces could cause problems with kissing. Rory brings up the subject of the winter carnival, but Jess refuses to go. He tells Rory that she can go and see Lane, and then they’ll meet up somewhere afterwards. They head to the diner and are about to head upstairs when Lorelai shows up with shopping bags. She’s been shopping for a birthday present for Richard and can’t decide which gift is best. Rory tries to help her pick one; Luke, however, isn’t helpful, of course. Rory tells Lorelai that she got Richard a Chuck Berry album, which Lorelai thinks is the perfect gift. Rory explains that she called him and asked him what he wanted. “That’s cheating,” Lorelai accuses. Having been given other suggestions, Rory offers to go get Lorelai’s gift for her. Downtown, Rory runs into Dean and they make awkward small talk. They head to Weston’s Bakery for coffee and Dean has to endure a conversation with Kirk in order to get pie. Dean tells Rory that he applied to Southern Connecticut State, having changed his mind about going to community college after hearing Rory talk about Harvard so much. They talk about how difficult it is not to see each other every day anymore and Dean wonders if they could be friends. Rory wants to, though neither is sure how Dean will fit into the picture. They decide to take things slowly and see what happens.

The Gilmores gather for Richard’s birthday and listen to the Chuck Berry album Rory gave him. Rory wound up buying The Complete History of the Peloponnesian War (for Lorelai) and wrapped the books in the tie Lorelai had already bought. Everyone is surprised when Trix (see “The Third Lorelai”) arrives unexpectedly. Emily is far from thrilled. Trix catches up with Lorelai and Rory, then starts criticizing Emily. Emily is upset that she didn’t have any warning before the visit, but Lorelai points out that it’s too late now. Trix explains that one of the reasons she’s in Hartford is that she was renting her house to Korn and now that they’ve moved out, she wants to find new tenants. She asks everyone to come to dinner at Lorelai’s inn the next night, but Rory gets out of it by mentioning her plans to go to the carnival. Trix heads off to freshen up, telling Emily she has time to get her gifts out of storage. At the inn, Sookie goes all out planning for the Gilmores’ dinner that night. Emily calls and tells Lorelai that Trix wants to see her house before dinner. Emily wants to clean the place up, but Lorelai doesn’t care what it looks like. Emily is already on Lorelai’s street and says she’ll let herself into the house and make it presentable for Trix. At Chilton, Rory winds up in the supposedly cancelled supplemental meeting, which Francie has organized to be held without Paris. Rory tries to have the meeting postponed, since Paris isn’t there, but the faculty advisor is willing to hear what Francie has to say. Francie wants to move on a location for the prom, but Rory points out that Paris vetoed the location because it was too expensive. Rory is forced to move for a vote, and everyone supports Francie’s location.

Lorelai arrives home to find Emily trying to redecorate the living room. She’s worried that Trix will disapprove of the furniture and blame Emily for letting the girls live the way they do. She says that Trix acts like everything wrong with the girls’ life, Emily’s life, and Richard’s life is Emily’s fault. Lorelai tries to get her to calm down, telling her to develop some sort of system or mindset for dealing with Trix, like Lorelai does with Emily. She’s taught herself to be amused rather than hurt by Emily’s comments. She wants Emily to think that this is a brilliant idea because it could set her free. Rory pulls Francie into a Chilton bathroom and blasts her for pulling the meeting stunt. Francie gives the excuse that Paris was off with some guy, so she couldn’t bring the subject up with her. Rory thinks that Francie should allow Paris the pleasure of having a boyfriend, but Francie says that she has things she needs to accomplish. Rory points out that Francie’s goal all year has been to bring down Paris. Rory has tried to smooth things over between the two of them, but she’s done now. She doesn’t want to be their go-between anymore, and if Francie wants to start a war, Rory will play. Francie warns that Rory doesn’t want to be her enemy, but Rory isn’t intimidated. At home, Lorelai and Rory decorate with a lot of flowers, having hidden all of their kitschy accessories. Richard, Emily, and Trix arrive and, after studying the place for a few moments, Trix announces that they’re leaving. Lorelai and Rory aren’t sure if she approves or not. Rory meets up with Jess, who still refuses to go to the carnival and promises to meet her in front of Miss Patty’s at 9. Dean and Clara (see “Love, Daisies, and Troubadours”) catch up to Rory, which, of course, doesn’t thrill Jess. He’s also immediately bugged by Clara. After Clara invites Rory to hang out with her and Dean at the carnival, Jess arrives that he’s coming along.

The other Gilmores arrive at the inn for dinner; Trix likes the place. She gives Michel instructions to give to Sookie about which time each course should be brought out. She adds that the servers shouldn’t clear the plates until everyone is done with each course. At the carnival, Clara bugs Jess some more, asking him if he’d rather have a different name. Dean goes to get snow cones and Clara bothers Jess about his hair. Rory goes to Lane’s booth, which is doing well; Lane wonders if Rory is really hanging out with both Dean and Jess. Rory promises to fill her in on everything the next day. Jess plays a bottle toss game as Clara keeps pointing out that he’s missing. Dean returns and takes Clara off to ice bowl. Rory does the bottle toss and Jess asks if she was planning to come to the carnival with Dean. He wonders when the two of them became friends again. She assures him that Dean knows they’re dating, but the two of them will see each other every once in a while because Stars Hollow is a small town. She thinks that Jess is mad, but he just wishes that she’d told him. Rory wins a “sad, pathetic bear,” which Jess says that he could have bought her for a quarter. She decides to give it to Clara, trying to convince Jess that she’s cute. At the inn, the Gilmores discuss Richard’s business. Trix meets Sookie and compliments the food. She then announces that she’s moving back to Hartford because she’s been ill lately. Richard is thrilled and offers to send her to some good doctors. He adds that he and Emily will take care of her whenever she needs them to. Trix calls for the next course, but Emily says that she’s not done. She then proceeds to very slowly finish her course. “That’ll do, pig,” Lorelai comments. Jess and Dean wind up at Stars Hollow High and Jess accuses Dean of moving in on Rory. Dean plays innocent and leaves with Clara. At home, Lorelai tells Rory that Emily took an hour and a half to eat four green beans. (She cut the last one into six pieces.) Rory says that Jess and Dean seem fine with their situations, but Lorelai notes that sometimes Rory seems like a little kid.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Paris: “It was perfect. They had a Christmas tree 12 feet tall. Everything was red and silver and there was eggnog. Have you ever had eggnog?”
Rory: “Yes, I have.”
Paris: “It’s disgusting.”
Rory: “Yes, it is.”
Paris: “But disgusting in a really great way. And they had tiny wreaths hanging from every doorknob, and mistletoe and candles everywhere. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I’ve never had a Christmas before. One year, I asked my mother if we could get a Hanukkah bush. She made me watch Shoah the rest of the week.”
Rory: “Wow.”
Paris: “The place smelled like cinnamon all the time, and there was a fire in the fireplace, and a ton of presents. I mean, hundreds of presents. I’m looking at this mound of gifts, and I’m thinking, ‘Eight days of Hanukkah…who was the skinflint who thought up that deal?’”
Rory: “Don’t the eight days symbolize something?”
Paris: “Yes, they symbolize eight days of ripping off the little kids who can’t have a Hanukkah bush.”

Emily: “Can I get you some champagne?”
Trix: “Well, if you wish me to be violently ill tomorrow, absolutely.”
Lorelai: (to Emily) “Do not answer that.”


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