"They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They?"
Written by Amy Sherman-Palladino; directed by Kenny Ortega

Lorelai and Luke are at the diner, looking out the window and trying to figure out who Lorelai can partner with for the upcoming 24-hour dance marathon. Lorelai laments that she’s come very close to winning four years in a row but never has. Last year was the closest, when she danced with Henry “Ho-Ho” McAphee, III. Luke says that he knows this story, but she keeps telling it. Lorelai tried to encourage Ho-Ho, but his own nickname made him hungry and Kirk took advantage by waving a mini apple pie around. Lorelai says that she wants a good partner so she can win. Luke knows what she’s getting at and tells her to keep looking out the window. Taylor enters and Luke tries to kick him out, just on principle. Taylor would like Luke to set up a coffee stand for the marathon; Luke agrees to do so only if people will pay for the coffee. Taylor reminds him that the event is for charity and Luke reminds him that they’ve been raising money for the bridge for eight years. Apparently they don’t need money for that anymore; the town’s Tennessee Williams look-alike contest brought in the rest of what they needed. Now they need a tarp to cover the bridge. Luke can’t believe that Taylor wants him to serve free coffee so they can buy a tarp. Taylor tries to bargain him down to 50 cents a cup but Luke wants to charge for cream. Lorelai watches Taylor storm out and wonders who he’s dancing with.

At Friday night dinner, Emily notes that Lorelai is in a very good mood and wants to know what’s going on. Lorelai has a flashback to ninth grade, when she was excited about being asked to homecoming and Emily got so annoyed that she sent her to her room. Emily notes that Lorelai was giving all of her peas voices. Lorelai announces that she found a partner for the marathon. The girls explain everything to Emily, telling her that the winners get a huge trophy. Lorelai says that her partner is Stanley Appleman, who’s new in town and used to be in the touring company of Riverdance. Not long after that, Stanley calls Lorelai and tells her that he has to back out because his wife saw a picture of Lorelai and thinks that she’s going to try to steal her husband. She sadly shares the news with Rory and Emily, who tells her that she can make the asparagus talk if it will make her feel better. At Chilton, Paris tells Rory, Madeline, and Louise that they need to have a meeting that Saturday for the 75th anniversary issue of the Franklin. After Louise and Madeline are done kissing a couple of guys, they complain about having to work on the weekend. Madeline’s logic is that the 74th anniversary edition was the only one ever and they didn’t do anything special for it. Outside, Paris spots Jamie (see “Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days”) and wonders why he’s at Chilton, since she hasn’t talked to him for three months. He tells her that he didn’t call because he was busy at school and tries to keep her from running away. He’s realized that he can’t stop thinking about her, which surprises her.

Rory, Lane, and Dean hang out at Rory and Lorelai’s, where Lane calls Dave, then hangs up. Dean wonders why she can’t just talk to him, but Lane says she’s waiting for him to call and is just being pathetic. Rory admits that she used to call Dean and hang up after they first met. Dean doesn’t understand this typical girl thing. Lane notes that at least Dave isn’t out with a girl, though Dean points out that he could be at home with a girl. This freaks Lane out and leads her to call Dave again. Lorelai arrives and the teens fill her in. Dean says that he suggested actually saying something, but Lorelai dismisses his opinion, since he’s a boy. Lane notes that Dave was listening to “Quadrophenia,” which isn’t good date music. Dean wonders if he met a girl who’s a big Who fan. In the kitchen, Lorelai tells Rory that she’s picked out a partner. After being stared at for a few moments, Rory realizes it’s her and says goodbye. Lorelai begs her to say yes, trying to tempt her with the possibility of dressing up and winning over the crowd with their mother/daughter gimmick. Rory says that she wanted to take Dean to the marathon and just hang out with him. She’s already told him about how Andrew and his partner always fight and he storms out, how Taylor gets punch drunk around the 15th hour and tells stories about how he wanted to be a magician, and how Kirk does a victory lap to the Rocky theme when he wins. Lorelai talks her into coming and Rory promises to try to get out of the Franklin meeting. She tells Lorelai that she should sell cars.

Paris arrives late for school and admits that she overslept. The teacher is shocked but Paris promises that it won’t happen again. Rory asks Paris if she can be let out of the meeting so she can attend the dance marathon. Paris easily agrees, so Madeline and Louise quickly look for dates. Rory notes that Paris must have had a good time with Jamie. Paris fills her in on their date, though she’s not sure why Jamie would want to go out with her when he has his pick of Princeton girls. She asks Rory not to say anything about him to Madeline and Louise, because she thinks they’ll get on her case about sex. Rory agrees to keep quiet. The morning of the dance marathon, Lorelai and Rory get up early and head for the high school. The girls sign in with Babette and head off to get their physicals. Sookie joins them, having already been examined, and says that Jackson is getting them a spot on the dance floor. Lorelai likes that Sookie has her own “spot-scoper” now that she’s married. Sookie says that she has a problem (she knows it’s only 5:30, but she’s a multi-tasker) and confides to Lorelai that Jackson wants four kids in four years. Sookie thinks that she might have accidentally said that that was okay. She says that she does want kids, but probably not more than two. She’s worried to tell Jackson the truth since they haven’t really had a fight yet. Lorelai convinces her to talk to Jackson soon.

Rory encounters Lane, who’s preparing eggless egg salad with her mother. Every sandwich comes with a pamphlet called “Dancing with the Devil,” which warns against dancing and risking going to Hell. Lorelai and Rory go to the nurse for their physicals; the nurse notes that Lorelai doesn’t look like she was in a “face-altering car crash.” She’s Stanley’s wife and was told that Lorelai had suddenly become ugly. The dancers gather in the gym and Taylor announces the rules - couples have to be touching and moving at all times, except during designated ten-minute breaks. They also get a yellow emergency card, which gives them an additional ten-minute break. With three minutes left before the marathon starts, Lorelai and Rory go in search of coffee. They demand it from Luke, who tells them it’s not ready yet. He then provides them with a secret stash just for them. Back on the floor, Kirk and Lorelai face off. Rory reminds Lorelai that Kirk doesn’t have much going for him in life, so if they beat him, they take away his last piece of dignity. Lorelai wonders if he’ll cry. The marathon begins and, after just a minute or so, Babette decides that she’s done and she and Morey leave. Six hours later, Kirk tells Lorelai that he can’t wait to take his victory lap with the trophy while she’s on the ground. Lorelai dances Rory over to Dean so they can talk. In the background, Andrew learns that his partner dated Liam Neeson and didn’t tell him. He can’t stand Liam Neeson, so they’re through.

Lorelai taunts Kirk for flipping his partner, then asks Rory to let her flip her. Rory refuses. Jess and Shane arrive and Taylor yells that there are unauthorized people on the floor. Lorelai and Rory are surprised that Jess is there at all. Of course, now Rory can’t stop watching Jess. 14 hours into the marathon, everyone is dancing slowly and Rory is trying to sleep on Lorelai’s shoulder. They spot Kirk and try to liven things up until he’s moved on. Jackson and Sookie dance over and Jackson angrily asks Lorelai if she has an opinion on his hair. Taylor blows an air horn and Lorelai realizes that it’s runaround time. She apologizes to Rory as all of the dancers start to run around the gym. (The last five couples to cross a red line are eliminated.) While they run, Jackson asks Lorelai if she has an opinion on his running. Sookie says that he’s really mad at her but is taking it out on Lorelai. Jackson says that he didn’t realize he was marrying Lorelai when he married Sookie. He leaves the dance floor and Sookie tosses up their yellow cards, following him. Rory complains about having to run and Lorelai says that she’s blocked this out every year. She sees that Kirk is right behind them and threatens to come back there. Taylor calls a ten-minute break and many of the dancers collapse on the floor. Rory tries to kick Lorelai but isn’t close enough. She heads off to get sandwiches but Jess beats her there and bugs Lane, wanting to know if Dean and Rory aren’t partners because they’re having problems. Rory and Jess get into an argument in front of Dean about how they’ve been staring at each other. Shane joins in and Dean takes Rory back to the gym.

Lorelai finally meets up with Sookie and Jackson, who tells her that the choices he makes in his personal life are none of his business. Sookie regrets the way she chose to form what she said to him. Luke gets involved and says that not only is four kids in four years crazy, one kid in four years is crazy. Jackson announces that he has the right not to have everyone discussing his personal life - “I am not Winona Ryder.” He quits the contest, as long as it’s okay with everyone else. Sookie goes after him and Luke says that they’ll make great parents. The marathon starts up again. One hour from the end, Taylor, punch drunk as expected, tells Miss Patty about his adventures as a magician. He falls asleep and she tries to steal his megaphone, but he wakes up and stops her. On the dance floor, Lorelai’s heel breaks (not surprising, since her shoes are from the 1940s) and she uses her yellow card to take a break. Rory doesn’t think she’ll be able to stay away on the dance floor, so Lorelai calls Dean over to prop her up. Rory apologizes to Dean for getting him involved, but he says it’s not that bad. Lorelai tracks down Luke and asks him to fix her shoe. He heads to the diner to get some glue. Sookie returns and tells Lorelai that Jackson is open to anything she wants. Now she just needs Lorelai to tell her what she wants. Lorelai tells her to flip a coin because she’s staying out of it.

Luke returns with the glue and tells Lorelai that he didn’t really mean what he said before about kids. She tells him that not everyone likes kids, so he doesn’t have to. He says that if he ever meets the right person, he might change his mind. She admits that if she ever finds the right person, she might want another child. Dave arrives and chats with Lane at the sandwich table. He tells her that he wanted to talk to her about band stuff, but he also missed her. She says that she missed him, too. Mrs. Kim approaches and Dave butters her up, talking about bringing his parents over to get some after they get out of their private Bible study. In the gym, Rory and Dean are still dancing and Jess and Shane are still hanging out. Rory complains that Jess is still there. Shane announces that she’s bored, so she and Jess start making out. Rory complains about this as well and Jess defends Shane. Shane wants to leave, but Jess wants to prove his point that he has the right to sit there and watch Rory and Dean if he wants to. He tells Rory to ignore him and pay attention to her boyfriend. Fed up, Dean replies that she can’t because he’s not her boyfriend anymore. He tells Rory that he tried to ignore the fact that there was obviously something between her and Jess, but he can’t play dumb anymore. He says that everyone knows it and Rory and Jess should just be together, because now there’s nothing stopping them. He leaves and, sometime later, Rory and Jess wind up on the bridge. After confirming that Rory and Dean are really broken up, Jess heads back to the dance. In the gym, Kirk and his partner win. Lorelai returns and announces that she’s still in the game, then realizes that Rory isn’t there. Rory comes back and starts crying. Lorelai comforts her as Kirk takes his victory lap.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Luke: “Pale does not mean Mad Cow Disease.”
Lorelai: “Have you ever had Mad Cow Disease?”
Luke: “Twice last week and my coloring was wonderful.”

Luke: “Get out, Taylor.”
Taylor: “Why?”
Luke: “Just a code I live by.”

Taylor: “You would kick Tiny Tim’s crutch out from under him, wouldn’t you?”
Luke: “If he asks for a free cup of coffee, gimpy’s going down.”

“‘Why are we working Saturday, Paris? What’s so special about the 75th issue, Paris? Why does my head feel so light and yet not float away, Paris?’” - Paris, mocking Madeline and Louise

Rory: “Well, there’s this big event that’s happening in my town….”
Paris: “Pig race?”
Rory: “Dance marathon.”
Paris: “I was close.”

Luke: (handing over a secret coffee stash) “You did not get this from me.”
Lorelai: “Then who do we send our kisses of gratitude to?”
Luke: “The eternal question asked yet again.”

Rory: “I’m trying to kick you, but I can’t reach.”
Lorelai: “I would help you, but I can’t move.”

Lorelai: (re: Sookie and Jackson) “I’ve looked everywhere for them.”
Luke: “Have you tried the insane asylum where everybody in this room is supposed to be?”

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