"There’s the Rub"
Written by Sheila R. Lawrence; directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino

Luke tries to keep the diner running while his apartment upstairs is being renovated (see “Lost and Found”). He asks one of the workers, Tom (Biff Yeager), what’s going on, since the ceiling is falling in and the raining drywall is making peoples’ meals interesting. Tom tries to get Luke to sign a change order, since they broke through a wall and found some pipes that need to be moved. Of course, they have to figure out what the pipes do before they can decide where to move them. Luke tells him that they need to be done in a week. Tom isn’t amused. Lorelai and Rory arrive and try to sit down; Luke makes them move because three people got hit in the head there earlier. Lorelai’s cell phone rings and Luke makes her go outside to answer it. Jess hands Rory an umbrella and Luke tells him that he and Tom should put an act together. On the phone, Emily tells Lorelai that she got a gift certificate for a weekend at Birch Grove Spa and wants to give it to Lorelai. Lorelai encourages her to go, since it’s supposed to be nice. She talks about how great it is and accidentally convinces Emily to go with her. Back inside, Lorelai tells Rory that she’s going to a spa with her mother. Rory tells her to lean forward. She does so and misses getting hit by falling ceiling.

At home, Lorelai works out her spa schedule, trying to make sure that she and Emily never have to run into each other. Rory calls her “12 and disgusting.” Lorelai corrects that she’s “trapped and desperate.” She moves on to Rory’s plans for the evening, which she thinks will include a big party with bikers. Rory actually plans to do laundry, order Indian food, watch TV, and go to bed early. Lorelai says that it’s the law that Rory has to cause trouble while she’s out of town. Emily arrives in a limo and Lorelai reminds Rory to do something bad. At Chilton, Paris asks Madeline and Louise to study with her, even though it’s Friday night and they have dates. She then asks Rory if she has plans and complains that an A- she just received shows how hard it is for her to concentrate. (Her father realized how expensive it would be to get a divorce, so he moved back home and is fighting and redecorating with Paris’ mother.) Rory tells her that she can’t study with her tonight, but if she’s still panicking after their quiz on Tuesday, she’ll study with her then. Lorelai and Emily arrive at the spa and Emily immediately loves everything. Lorelai is shocked to learn from an employee, Bobby, that they don’t serve anything with caffeine at the spa. She then realizes that her appointments have been rearranged. Emily reveals that she thought they were screwed up before, so she called and had everything rescheduled so that the two of them would be together. Emily makes Lorelai calm down by drinking cucumber water.

Back in Stars Hollow, Dean suggests to Rory that he come over tonight, since Lorelai is out of town. She tells him that she wanted to stay in and hang out by herself. She promises that they’ll spend the entire next day together. He assures her that he’s not mad, though he’s confused and a saint to put up with her decision. At the spa, Emily shows up at Lorelai’s room, telling her that she got them adjoining rooms. She tries to get Lorelai to put on her robe to help her relax. Lorelai finally does, probably to shut her up. During their facials, Emily comes to visit Lorelai and keeps talking about how much she loves the robes. In the hallway, Emily goes on about the mud baths and twigs. The two enter a room marked Quiet Room, but Lorelai quickly has to take Emily back out because she’s still talking. During their massages, Lorelai realizes that Emily signed them up for a couple’s massage. She tells her that after couples get these massages, they have sex, probably still wearing the robes. Emily accuses Lorelai of trying to spoil the experience, but Lorelai just wants some peace and quiet. Emily plays passive-aggressive to get Lorelai to continue with the massages. At home, Rory orders Indian food and gets a call from Lorelai, who pretends to be someone who’s supposed to deliver a keg. Lorelai complains about Emily and Rory asks if she’s at least trying to get along with her. Lorelai tries to stall by asking who’s at the door, then requesting that Rory get her address book and count how many friends Lorelai has.

Rory finds Paris at the door; she’s bitter that Rory wants to spend the evening alone, since Paris always spends her evenings alone. Rory gives in, telling her that she’ll study with her for an hour. At the spa, Emily and Lorelai share lipstick as they get ready for dinner. Lorelai realizes that there’s nothing appetizing on the menu and convinces Emily to go out for steaks. Rory and Paris study, and at the end of the hour, Rory tries to get Paris to leave. Jess arrives with food, telling Rory that Luke wanted him to bring it over, since he knew that Lorelai was out of town. Jess admits that he volunteered to bring the food but says it’s because he was sick of being around all the construction. He waits for a tip, though he would accept a fry instead, and Rory tells him to eat as much as he wants. He takes this as an invitation to stay, but Rory doesn’t want him to. Jess meets Paris and Rory decides to ask Paris to stay for dinner. Paris accepts the offer, excited by the prospect of macaroni and cheese, which she’s not allowed to eat. After Paris leaves to use the phone, Jess asks Rory if she asked Paris to stay to chaperone. Rory says that she’s just being polite and points out that they have plenty of food. Lorelai and Emily arrive at the restaurant but are told that they have to wait an hour for a table. They wonder if they can bribe the hostess, but decide to eat at the bar instead.

Emily enjoys the peanuts at the bar and says that she never expected to be eating peanuts in a singles bar. Lorelai tells her that it’s actually a 60-40 bar, where 60-year-old men hit on 40-year-old women. Emily wonders if they also have pretzels. Lorelai notices a “silver fox” checking Emily out; Emily thinks she’s being ridiculous. During dinner, Rory, Paris, and Jess discuss Kerouac. Jess teaches Paris some fast food rules. Dean calls and tells Rory that he’s on his way over just to say hi, even though he knows she wanted to be alone. Rory tries to get him to stay away, then admits that Paris is there. He takes this to mean that he’s not ruining her night alone, since she’s not alone anymore. Rory attempts to kick Jess out, but he figures out that Dean is on his way over and Rory doesn’t want him to find Jess there. She tells him that she just wants to avoid a fight. Jess starts to leave and pretends that he’s hurt to tease her. He says that he and Dean should just sit down and talk everything out; he promises to speak slowly. Rory finally gets him out the door, but Dean is already there. Rory tells him that Jess just came by to bring her food. Jess mocks Dean and finally leaves. Inside, Dean realizes that with the amount of food gone, Jess had to have been there for a while. Rory promises that she didn’t know Jess was coming over and that she didn’t think he would stay. He accuses her of lying to him. Paris speaks up that Jess was there because of her - she thought he was cute and asked Rory to invite him over. Rory goes along with her lie and Dean apologizes and leaves.

Rory asks Paris why she helped her out; Paris says that she felt like she owed Rory, since Rory helped her out. Rory invites Paris to spend the night, since they’re becoming friends. Paris agrees, adding, “If you’re doing all this so you can freeze my bra, I’ll kill you.” Emily and Lorelai enjoy their steaks and Emily tells Lorelai about spending two weeks in Thailand with Richard, eating hot chilies and skinny-dipping. Lorelai would rather only think about her parents as having separate bedrooms. Lorelai tells Emily that the silver fox from earlier is coming over. The man introduces himself as Chad and uses the line that Emily and Lorelai look more like sisters than mother and daughter. Chad asks Emily to dance and she takes a while to accept. At the end of the song, Chad tries to get Emily to dance again, but she suddenly tells Lorelai that they need to leave. She says that she practically cheated on Richard and has never danced with another man when Richard wasn’t around. She says that Lorelai kept pushing her the whole evening, even though she knew Emily wasn’t comfortable. “You let me get 60-40’d!” she exclaims. Lorelai says that she’s crazy, since they were having a good time, but Emily thinks she was just enjoying watching her mother make a fool of herself. Lorelai replies that Emily has no right to complain about their relationship if she won’t make an effort to connect. Emily says that, whether Lorelai likes it or not, there’s an appropriate way for a mother to behave in front of her daughter.

Back at the spa, Lorelai packs her things and Emily thanks her for agreeing to leave early. She wonders why she thought that they would enjoy a weekend alone together when they can’t get through a meal without fighting. She ask why she and Lorelai can’t have what Lorelai has with Rory. Lorelai says that she grew up in a different environment and was young when she had Rory. She and Rory are best friends first and mother and daughter second, whereas Emily and Lorelai are “mother and daughter always.” Emily explains that she was taught to be a role model to her daughter, not a friend. She thinks that they don’t have a relationship because she did what she thought she had to in order to protect Lorelai. Lorelai suggests that they try bonding through something smaller than a weekend together. She grabs her robe and tells Emily to go get hers so that they can steal them at exactly the same time. Emily isn’t sure about that, since it’s a big risk, but Lorelai encourages her to do it. Lorelai puts her robe in her bag and Emily asks if she ever did this with Rory. Lorelai says that Rory is too moral to steal. She reminds Emily of the other chances she’s taken and Emily goes through with it. Back in Stars Hollow, Rory and Lorelai sit at the only available table at Luke’s and discuss the spa experience. (Emily tried to return the robe.) Kirk stands nearby and tries to get the girls to leave. Lorelai says that Dean must have gone crazy over the Jess thing. Rory goes to the counter to get the check and thanks Luke for the food from the night before. He has no idea what she’s talking about. Rory tells Jess that she knows and is amused to see him squirm. Outside, Lorelai runs into Dean and tells him that Rory didn’t want Jess over the night before. She confirms with him that Rory wouldn’t lie.

WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW: Tom

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “It’s as close as you’ll ever come to being a dog.”
Emily: “I beg your pardon?”
Lorelai: “You know, a whole life of nothing but eating, sleeping, lying on your back and getting rubbed.”
Emily: “I’d love the comparison to stop there.”

Lorelai: “Rory, you have to do something bad when Mommy’s out of town. It's the law. You've seen Risky Business, right? Now, I’m not asking for a prostitution ring, but how about a floating craps game or something?”
Rory: “I’ll see what I can do.”
Lorelai: “I would greatly appreciate it.”

Emily: “Well, we intend to leave here completely different people.”
Lorelai: “Yes, I’m going to be Ted Nugent.”

Bobby: “We don’t serve anything with caffeine here.”
Lorelai: “And you think that’s safe?”

Emily: “That’s a pretty color. What is that?”
Lorelai: “It’s called Vicious Trollop.”
Emily: “Oh, stop it! Now, why would you name a lipstick something like that?”
Lorelai: “‘Cause Dirty Whore was taken?”
Emily: “You frighten me.”

Emily: “I shouldn’t leave my daughter alone.”
Lorelai: “That’s okay. The sitter’ll be here any minute.”

Luke: “What, you find a nail in your food? I swear to God, Tom, you are dead! You hear me? Dead!”
Rory: “There’s nothing wrong with the food, Luke.”
Luke: “Oh. Sorry, Tom.”


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