"That’s What You Get, Folks, For Makin’ Whoopee"
Written by Rebecca Rand-Kirshner; directed by Bethany Rooney

Just minutes after learning that Lorelai and Christopher slept together (see “The Long Morrow”), Luke heads to Christopher’s apartment and thrills a ton of viewers by punching him in the face. At home, Lorelai makes waffles for Rory, having been unable to sleep. Lorelai wonders why Rory isn’t still excited about the rocket; Rory tells her that Logan is planning on having her visit him in London over Christmas, not this summer. She realizes that he needs time to adjust to his new job and to being a grownup for once, so now she’s going to be a grownup, too, and not sulk. Lorelai points out that real grownups don’t actually call themselves grownups. Rory complains that if Logan weren’t in London, they would be on their Asia trip right now. She’s upset that all the planning she did is going to be for nothing. Lorelai tries to distract her by letting her know that Lane called; she’s back from her honeymoon and sounds tired, which Lorelai thinks is a good sign. T.J. goes to the diner to help Luke clean up and suggests that they go get coffee at the diner across the street. It turns out that Kirk has opened his own place (and is dressed just like Luke) in order to take advantage of the diner’s current incapacitation. He’s reproduced the entire menu (and even the no-cell-phones sign) but doesn’t see a problem. In fact, he thinks Luke is lucky that he’s not getting sued, since Kirk could have brain damage. He then hands Luke a job application, since Kirk’s is getting more and more business.

At the inn, Sookie teaches Lorelai how to make sushi, leading Lorelai to suggest some more creative flavors they could combine. She reveals that she told Luke she slept with Christopher. She hadn’t wanted to before, but when he showed up wanting to elope, she thought it was the only way to make him believe that they’re really over. She knows that he doesn’t want to marry her and that he now knows she slept with someone else just days before they were supposed to get married, so obviously they couldn’t elope. Sookie notes that it must have been hard and tries to comfort her. Rory greets Zach at his and Lane’s apartment, and he tells her that their trip to Mexico was awful - their hotel was really some guy’s apartment, it was 23 miles from the ocean, and he was sick from some parasite, which Lane seems to have caught. (Apparently no one ever told Zach not to drink the water in Mexico.) Inside, Rory greets Brian and Lane, the latter of whom backs up Zach’s story that the trip was awful. She wants to elaborate, but not with Brian nearby, so the two go for a walk. Back at the diner, T.J. tries to help Luke fix the giant hole in the wall, but his idea of helping is suggesting that they put up a giant stained-glass window of a peaceful giraffe. He notices that something is off with Luke, but Luke doesn’t want to talk about it, so instead T.J. babbles about Liz being in the mood for sex a lot more often now that she’s pregnant. He suggests that Luke and Lorelai have a baby, too, so the two families can hang out together. Luke declines to tell him that they broke up.

Rory and Lane head to the gazebo in the town square, where Lane tells Rory that she now knows the truth about sex - it’s awful. Which is why she and Zach only did it once. Granted, that one time was on the beach, in an attempt to recreate the famous scene from From Here to Eternity, so the conditions weren’t great, but Lane would rather not take the chance and try again. She wonders why Rory isn’t in Asia and, after learning that Logan is in London, says Rory is lucky he’s not close enough for them to have sex. Luke and Lorelai spot each other on the street, and as they pass, Lorelai quietly says that she’s sorry. He tells her he’s fine, but she says he doesn’t have to be, considering what they’re going through. He suggests that if she wants to feel better, she could punch Christopher, too. Lorelai is surprised and denies that Christopher is her boyfriend, but Luke points out that he doesn’t care since they’re not together anymore. She asks him to take his anger out on her in the future, but he tells her again that he’s over it: “I mean, you’re the one who proposed in the first place.” Back at the diner, T.J. and Luke finish up their work as they talk about drinking beer outside. T.J. has four tickets to see the Hockettes (like the Rockettes, but on ice), and he wants Luke and Lorelai to go with him and Liz. Luke tries to come up with an excuse, then ultimately tells T.J. that he and Lorelai broke up. T.J. gives him a bear hug and invites him over for dinner.

Rory arrives home and discovers that Lorelai has decorated the living room in an Asian theme so she can experience a smaller version of what she would have seen on her trip to Asia. The itinerary includes making sushi, doing origami, practicing tai chi, watching Lorelai’s kabuki play, and eating fortune cookies and dessert sushi. They’ll also watch a bunch of movies set in Asia or containing Asian themes. Later, Lorelai craves fried ice cream, but they’re out of ice cream and she’s not sure how to fry it anyway. Christopher calls and leaves a message for Lorelai, which Rory hears. She realizes that her parents slept together and blasts Lorelai for sleeping with someone the same night she broke up with Luke. Lorelai tells her that what happened with her and Christopher doesn’t mean anything, but Rory thinks she’s trying to pretend nothing happened. Lorelai says she made a mistake, but Rory thinks she’s screwed everything up after things between her, Lorelai, and Christopher were finally going well. She’s also mad that Lorelai didn’t tell her what happened, then tried to distract her with their evening in Asia. She tells Lorelai that if she’s upset, she should watch a sad movie and cry, not sleep with Christopher. T.J. takes Luke home with him and Liz tries to get him to talk about the breakup, which he doesn’t want to do.

Rory goes over to see Lane, wanting to vent, but Lane has her own news - she’s pregnant. She doesn’t think she’s ready for a baby, but Rory echoes Lorelai’s words, telling her that no one’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes. While trying to cook, Liz tells Luke that she’s not surprised about his breakup since he and Lorelai were on two different planes. She notes that Luke took a long time to tell Lorelai about April, which just wasn’t normal. Luke, however, thinks they just weren’t right for each other. Liz realizes that the oven is broken, so she can’t cook for Luke, who offers to go to the store and get some food. While there, he runs into Lorelai again; she’s also there instead of Taylor’s market because she didn’t want to run into Luke there. Luke admits that he was really mad about the situation and knows he was a jerk. Lorelai says she was the jerk, and he says he’s not mad anymore, or at least he won’t be eventually. He says the breakup is neither of their faults; they just weren’t right together. He doesn’t want to pretend that they’re “something else” anymore, and Lorelai belongs with someone like Christopher instead of with Luke. He tells her to go back to being Lorelai and he’ll go back to being the guy who pours her coffee at the diner. Saddened, Lorelai goes home, where Rory comforts her, finally understanding how Lorelai feels about what happened.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “Well, I couldn’t sleep. And initially I was at a loss. How would I pass the time until my one and only offspring, the fruit of my loins…”
Rory: “Too early.”
Lorelai: “…loin fruit that she is, straggled out of bed to grace me with her presence? But then I asked myself, ‘W.W.T.B.F.C.D.’? And it came to me in a flash. ‘I’m gonna make waffles.’”
Rory: “What would the Barefoot Contessa do?’”
Lorelai: “Exactly.”
Rory: “Barefoot’s one word.”
Lorelai: “Shut up, loin fruit.”

T.J.: “Hey, I got a coffee for you, too.”
Luke: “Thanks.”
T.J.: “But then, as it became clear that you were most likely gonna be late, I didn’t want it to get cold, so I drank it myself.”
Luke: “I wasn’t late.”
T.J.: “Who said you were late?”
Luke: “You did, one second ago.”
T.J.: “Oh, no, I said you were mostly likely gonna be late, but it turns out you weren’t. Who knew?”

Kirk: “If you are suggesting that you were the very first person to think of naming a restaurant after yourself, I think that Denny, Arby, and Tony Roma might have something to say about that, not to mention Mr. Chuck E. Cheese.”
Luke: “Chuck E. Cheese is not a person.”
Kirk: “Luke, do you think a giant mouse opened a restaurant franchise by himself?”

Lorelai: “I am telling you, the invention of dessert sushi is gonna make us our first million.”
Rory: “And our second.”
Lorelai: “I’d like our third to be go-go dancing.”

Liz: “It was like that movie with, um, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.”
T.J.: “Exactly!”
Liz: “Yeah.”
T.J.: “Oh, yes! Exactly, exactly!”
Liz: “You’re living in the same house, man, but you are a couple years apart in the space-time continuum.”
T.J.: “What house? It was a bus. Oh! I thought you were talking about Speed. Speed applies, too.”


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