"We Got Us a Pippi Virgin"
Written by Daniel Palladino; directed by Steven Clancy

Lorelai and Sookie discuss inn business in the kitchen of the inn, trying to decide what to do to boost business. Jackson, wearing a suit, brings in some vegetables and complains that everyone wants a piece of him. Sookie explains that his town selectman duties are getting to him (see “Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too”) and he keeps having to attend functions and meetings. “I tried to work in a nice suicide, but my schedule wouldn’t allow it,” Jackson says. Sookie takes care of a tomato stain on his shirt as he talks to someone about a playground mishap. The stain won’t come out, but Lorelai thinks that people will be sympathetic if the think it’s blood and assume that there was an assassination attempt. She spots Dean out in the hallway and tries to be friendly, but he avoids her. After Jackson is off the phone, Lorelai asks him to sign something without telling him what it is. He realizes that she’s trying to get him to okay parking spaces that Taylor would never let her have. “Et tu, former friend?” he asks. She tells him it’s part of his job and he asks to be impeached. After he leaves, Sookie tells Lorelai that she’ll just forge his signature. At Yale, Rory and Richard eat lunch together and discuss Richard’s business and both of their reading habits. Richard is proud of himself for recently finishing The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. He notes that he had the time because he isn’t going to as many functions as usual. He asks if Emily has mentioned her car lately, since it’s due for its usual servicing.

Lorelai goes to the diner for coffee and insists on paying for it. Luke tells her she at least shouldn’t tip him because he’s the proprietor. She’s never heard of this rule and asks for a rebate. Outside, Lorelai runs into Dean, who’s on his way to work at the market. They talk a little about Rory and Lorelai encourages him to talk to her the next time he’s at the inn. Lorelai goes to her mother’s house and is shocked to see that Emily has just purchased a panic room. (Emily doesn’t get the reference to the Jodie Foster movie of the same name.) Lorelai notes that it’s very small - “it’s more like an anxiety room.” She tries to get Emily to test out the room, but Emily doesn’t like that she’s not taking it seriously. Rory arrives and also makes the Jodie Foster reference. The girls go to get drinks but Emily discovers that her small drink cart doesn’t have all of the alcohol she’d like, including gin. A maid goes to look for some as Emily complains that Richard is distant and left for a business trip and almost didn’t even tell her about it. The maid comes up empty, so Emily and the girls head to the pool house. Lorelai discovers that her Petunia Pig plate and spoon have wound up there and announces that she’s taking them back. Rory looks for gin and Lorelai is happy to know that she doesn’t know what it looks like. Emily is shocked to find a sequined vest in Richard’s closet. She can’t think of a place where he would wear it and wonders why he didn’t tell her about it. She and the girls cover their tracks and leave.

At the diner, Lorelai and Rory discuss Emily’s obsession with the vest. Luke tries to make Rory eat grapefruit, noting that it’s too late for Lorelai but not for her. Lorelai is surprised that Rory knew she wasn’t supposed to be tipping Luke all these years. Rory tells Lorelai that she’s planning to go see Dean, who is now staying with Kyle. Lorelai suggests inviting him to meet them there, but Rory thinks it would be too awkward. Lorelai wants things to go back to the way they used to be and says that the three of them and Luke should do something the next night. She brings it up with Luke, who is in favor of doing something with her and Rory but not so thrilled when he learns that Dean will be there, too. After Rory leaves, Luke expresses his surprise that Rory and Dean are back together. At Hep Alien’s apartment, Zach and Brian work on a new song Brian has written; he has, unfortunately, given it the working title “Brian’s Song.” Lane and Zach wind up alone in the room and are awkward around each other, thanks to her revelation in “Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too.” Rory goes to Kyle’s; he’s back from the Navy, having lost his hand, but he’s very good-natured about it and is happy to be a chick magnet. Lane calls Rory and tells her she wants to be more than friends with her, just wanting to get a reaction out of her. She notes that Zach hasn’t reacted to her revelation of liking him. After she gets off the phone, Rory brings up the double date with Luke and Lorelai to Dean, who agrees to it, even though he thinks it’ll be awkward.

Back at home, Lorelai and Rory finalize their plans over the phone. Emily calls Lorelai to give her the code to the panic room (11111). Lorelai and Rory discuss Emily and Richard and Rory tells her that she thinks Richard misses Emily. She thinks that his concern about Emily’s car means that he cares about her safety. Lorelai tells her that it’s up to Emily and Richard to fix their own problems. Lorelai goes to the pool house, stopping in to see Richard while picking up something from Emily. He tells her that he’s joined a barbershop quartet, which explains the vest in his closet. She encourages him to tell Emily about this. At Hep Alien’s apartment, the band does their morning bathroom routine in the kitchen, since their bathroom sink is stopped up. Lane suddenly tells Zach that she’s changed her mind and doesn’t have feelings for him after all. That evening, Luke and Lorelai meet up with Rory and Dean for their double date. Luke is unhappy that Dean dressed up a little. The couples plan to eat, then go to the Black, White, and Read to see Cool Hand Luke. Luke doesn’t understand why the other three want to go to Jojo’s, since they could just go to the diner. The logic is that Luke’s food is good and has to be eaten quickly, but food from Jojo’s is always bad, so it can sit around for a little while. Luke winds up just giving in.

The foursome goes to the Black, White, and Red, where Kirk is asleep instead of working. The guys awkwardly try to figure out seating arrangements. Kirk announces that one of the reels of Cool Hand Luke caught on fire, so they can either watch the film without the first 25 minutes or he can act it out for them. They ask for another movie and Kirk brings up The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking. The girls are thrilled and Lorelai is shocked that Luke has never seen the movie. The film begins and Luke wonders what’s up with Pippi’s hair. He’s also not happy with Dean and Rory’s physical proximity. Later, Luke decides that he needs to read the book to completely understand the story. He asks Dean to share the popcorn and he and Rory go to get refills. First they have to interrupt Kirk and Lulu’s make-out session. Lorelai asks Luke to drop his attitude, but he wants to know why Dean has to be all over Rory. He promises to try to calm down but when Dean and Rory return, he goes back to his old disapproving ways. Zach goes to the diner, where Lane is working, and tells her that she probably knows him better than anyone else, so she knows that it takes him a while to process things. He hopes that she wasn’t expecting an Officer and a Gentleman-type moment when he came in. She wasn’t. She asks if he wants something to eat but he gets frustrated that she’s rushing him again.

After the movie, the foursome goes to the Gilmores’; Luke is still trying to figure out the logic in the movie. Dean asks for a beer, which Luke doesn’t think is a good idea, since he’s not 21. Rory tries to start a conversation between the two guys but it doesn’t work. Lorelai finally decides that it’s time to break out the Bop It and she and Rory show Luke how to play. Luke and Dean start to play, getting very competitive. Luke is not a graceful winner. Dean leaves and Rory blasts Luke for his bad attitude, telling him that they shouldn’t have all gone out together if he didn’t want to. He promises that he made an effort but Dean has a chip on his shoulder. Lorelai admits that Bop It is what they bring out when social gatherings need to be saved, and it’s Luke’s fault that they needed it. Rory heads back to school and Luke tells Lorelai that he feels awful for what happened. He tells her that he doesn’t like being around Dean because he doesn’t think he’s right for Rory. He tries to compare Rory to Pippi and says that Dean is holding her back. Luke realizes that he’s upsetting Lorelai as well and decides to be quiet. At the elder Gilmores’ house, Richard tells Emily that he joined a barbershop quartet and she tells him that she bought a panic room. Rory encounters Dean on his way home and he asks her to thank Lorelai for trying to give them a good night together. They kiss goodnight and go their separate ways.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “What does a businessman want when they travel? Booze, and hookers. Anything else?”
Sookie: “I think that covers it.”
Lorelai: “We got booze. How do we get hookers?”
Sookie: “How about a banner up front that reads ‘Hos up at the Dragonfly’?”
Lorelai: “Or we tell them Bill Maher’s here.”

“So you say your granddaughter fell off the ducky? Oh, she fell off the piggy and she whacked her arm on the ducky. Uh-huh. I see. Well, the first thing I would do is question the horsy, ‘cause he’s right next to the piggy and is our most reliable witness.” - Jackson

Richard: “Dickie and I share some duties. We lunch occasionally, socialize a bit. But he would cut my throat in a heartbeat, as I would his.”
Rory: “It’s like Riker’s Island, except everyone drives a Jag.”

Emily: (re: her panic room) “It’ll stop a nine-millimeter shell.”
Lorelai: “Handy for when Suge Knight comes for tea.”

Rory: “The less you tell Grandma, the better.”
Lorelai: “By George, I think she’s got it.”

Rory: “Whoa, I love the emptiness.”
Lorelai: “Ah, means we can talk during the movie.”
Luke: “Would people being here have stopped you?”
Lorelai: “We would have hesitated ever so slightly.”

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