"Welcome to the Doll House"
Written by Keith Eisner; directed by Jackson Douglas

The townies attend a town meeting at Miss Patty’s studio, which is supposedly interrupted by a performance by Kirk and Andrew in reenactor garb. They talk about how confusing the new street names are and suggest that the town go back to its historical street names. Taylor broaches the issue with the townies, saying that it might help increase tourist revenue. Lorelai thinks the idea is cool, especially since the inn is on Third Street, which is boring. The motion passes but the townies won’t stop bringing up the dumb things Taylor has done in the past. At the diner, Lorelai tells Lane that she’s going to start a newspaper that reports only good news. She tells Luke that she’s waiting for Sookie and Michel so they can see which street name the inn has now. She thinks that Luke will go off on a rant about the name changes, but he says that he doesn’t think it’s a bad idea. Apparently, after all the years of Taylor doing crazy things, Luke has developed a Zen attitude. Lorelai tries to test him, but he remains Zen. “I’m going to miss Nuclear Luke,” she comments. Sookie and Michel arrive, Michel complaining that he didn’t get enough sleep. Lorelai sees a photo of Rory in the paper from the USO function (see “We’ve Got Magic to Do”).

At breakfast, the elder Gilmores discuss grapefruit and the amount of sugar their maid puts on things. Emily wakes up Rory via intercom and promises to get someone to come over and fix it, since it’s too loud. Emily tells Richard about the discussion she had with Shira; she’s worried because she hasn’t seen Logan around for a while. She learns of the fire at the Dragonfly (see “We’ve Got Magic to Do”) and wonders what Lorelai looked like when Richard saw her. She’s a little upset that Richard didn’t tell her about their encounter. Lorelai, Sookie, and Michel head to the new map of Stars Hollow, hoping for a nice street name, but are instead stunned by what they see. They head to the inn while Lorelai tries to get in touch with Taylor to complain - they’ve wound up with Sores and Boils Alley. Someone delivers a cuckoo clock to Lorelai, who isn’t sure who ordered it. Logan shows up at the pool house with a Birkin bag for Rory; she’s not familiar with the brand, so he tells her to call Honor to get more information. At home, Lorelai finally gets a hold of Taylor, who thinks its an honor to have the name Sores and Boils Alley, since it’s one of the most historical places in Stars Hollow. Lorelai asks if they can go back to Third Street, but Taylor says that every street name has to change. She then receives a birdcage she didn’t order.

Rory and Logan return to the pool house and when Logan goes back to his car for his phone, he’s cornered by Richard, who wants to have a nightcap. Richard uses the opportunity to try to get information on Rory’s life. It doesn’t work. Rory spots them together, and after she and Logan leave, Richard tells Emily that everything seems fine with them. At the pool house, Logan tells Rory that Richard was trying to find out his intentions. Rory wonders why he’s thinking that way, since they’re young. She promises Logan that she’ll clarify things with her grandparents. At the inn, Lorelai finds three more packages, one containing a figurine that looks familiar to her. She meets with a formal Kirk in the dining room and learns that she has three new choices for the street name - Constabulary Road (which another street has already been named), a very long Indian name, and Crusty Bulge. Lorelai refuses to take any of them and announces that they’re reverting to Third Street. As she tells him to tell Taylor she won’t play along, she suddenly realizes who all of the packages are from. Emily brings a man to the pool house to fix the intercom; he’s incredibly old and was the person who originally installed the intercom 46 years earlier. Rory asks Emily to talk to Richard about the questions he was asking Logan. She tells Emily about the Birkin bag, which makes her very happy.

Lorelai heads to the diner, where Luke tells her that a package arrived for her - it’s a huge urn. She informs him that Emily has been sending her a bunch of random stuff she doesn’t seem to need anymore, possibly to smoke Lorelai out. Luke isn’t happy about the urn and tells Lorelai to call her and get her to stop sending things. Emily tells Richard that, judging from the Birkin bag, things between Rory and Logan are fine. She adds that the talk that he had with Logan about his intentions scared him. Richard is unaware that that was the theme of their conversation. He thinks that Rory and Logan are too young to be thinking about marriage, though Emily notes that they’ve been together a year and Rory is almost 21. Richard says that he just wanted to know what was going on with his granddaughter, since she doesn’t always tell them what’s going on in her life. Emily tells him that there’s an easier way to find out what she’s hiding. She takes him to the pool house and starts snooping. Richard doesn’t feel good about this, but Emily tells him that she did it with Lorelai; once she found a bunch of Tootsie Rolls in Lorelai’s bottom drawer, which confused her. Richard points out that she was probably hiding something under them. After some looking around, all Emily finds is the Birkin bag, which makes her jealous.

Lorelai goes to the gazebo, which Kirk has turned into a miniature Stars Hollow Visitors Center, and learns that the inn is not on the new town map. He tells her that this is because they rejected the historic street name. Emily calls Lorelai at her box-filled home to tell her that she’s getting rid of her dollhouse, so if Lorelai wants it, she needs to come get it. She heads back to the diner (where kids are playing near and in the giant urn) and Luke tells her that they changed his street name, which has finally made him mad. Lorelai is thrilled that he’s not Zen about Taylor anymore. She plans to confront him, and later heads to the inn to fill Michel and Sookie in on how things went. Lorelai spilled all to Taylor and wound up making a deal with him, but backed out when he patted her on the head and called her a “good girl.” Emily calls and asks why Lorelai hasn’t come to get the dollhouse yet. She’s unable to make it, so Emily is going to donate it to Goodwill. Lorelai blasts her for threatening to give away the dollhouse that means so much to her, but she can’t do anything about it, so she tells Emily to do whatever she wants to it. Logan goes to the pool house and Rory tells him that she’s straightened everything out with Richard. She tells him that she loves him, but he says he won’t say it back because he’s said it to girls before and not meant it. At Lorelai’s house, she and Luke go through the packages from Emily and decide what to give to the Salvation Army. Richard arrives with the dollhouse and tells Lorelai that they need to talk about Rory.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Kirk: “As residents of the year 1779, all looks foreign to us.”
Lorelai: “Who’s going to tell him those outfits are so 1778?”

“Was she thin, heavy, did she look tired? What was she wearing? And is she still in that netherworld of ‘I don’t know what my hair is supposed to be’?” - Emily, re: Lorelai

“So it takes the three of us to stare at a stupid piece of cardboard. Maybe later we can all gang up on that light bulb.” - Michel

“My mom has a tenth-degree black belt in passive aggression.” - Lorelai

“I don’t feel good about this. It’s usually this point in the John Le Carré novels where things start to go horribly wrong.” - Richard


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