"The Fire"
Written by B.J. Novak; directed by Ken Kwapis

Pam patches a call from Katy (see “Hot Girl”) through to Jim, then interviews that they appear to be dating. She anxiously says that she feels like she’s talking loudly. After Jim and Katy make plans to meet up for lunch, Pam tells him just to give Katy his extension. Michael prepares to fill out an evaluation of Ryan for his temp agency, which makes Dwight jealous. Ryan tells Michael that he wants to have his own business one day, but Michael thinks that’s ridiculous. He interviews that Ryan will be attending the Michael Scott School of Business, where Michael is both Yoda and Mr. Miyagi. Michael tells Ryan that there are ten rules of business, the first of which is, “You need to play to win. But you also have to win to play.” He says he’ll give the other ten rules at lunch. Dwight interviews that he and Michael are like the Lone Ranger and Tonto, but there’s no room for a third buddy.

A fire alarm goes off and Dwight and Angela both try to get everyone to leave the office in an orderly fashion. Michael takes off running while other employees either don’t care, thinking it’s a drill, or just stay calm. Dwight sees smoke in the kitchen and attempts to put out a possible fire with the water cooler. It doesn’t work, so he smashes the glass over the fire extinguisher and grabs that. He runs into Kelly coming out of the bathroom and grabs her as well, then crawls out of the office. Outside, everyone joins Michael, who interviews that he didn’t go by the rule of “women and children first” because they don’t employ children, and since women are equal in the workplace, he could have been sued if he let them go out first.

Outside, Michael tells Ryan about rule number two: “Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act.” Dwight tries to start a head count, with Michael as number one, but panics when Ryan tries to name himself number two. Dwight suggests that the three of them call themselves the Three Musketeers, but Michael thinks the Three Stooges is more fitting. Ryan interviews that he doesn’t want a nickname like some of the other employees have. Jim announces to his coworkers that they’re going to play games to pass the time. He comes up with Desert Island and Who Would You Do? and Pam suggests Would You Rather? Firefighters arrive and Dwight praises them for coming so quickly. They ignore him when he tries to give his theories about how the fire started.

Desert Island begins with Jim asking Angela what three books she would want with her on a desert island. She names the Bible and A Purpose-Driven Life but doesn’t want a third. Phyllis names The Da Vinci Code as one of hers, leading Angela to say that she would take that one, too, though only to burn it. Dwight wants to bring a hollowed-out edition of The Physician’s Desk Reference full of stuff he might need. And also a Harry Potter book. Elsewhere in the parking lot, Michael tells Ryan that the fourth rule is “in business, image is everything.” This is why he has a convertible.

Jim switches Desert Island from books to movies, since people don’t read as much as he thought. Four of Meredith’s five DVDs are Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blonde, and Bridges of Madison County. Jim thinks these are funny choices but Pam admits that she likes Legally Blonde. Jim finds this unacceptable, reminding her that she has to pick DVDs she’ll be watching for the rest of her life. Meredith finishes her list with Ghost, but only for the pottery scene. At Ryan’s car, Michael and Dwight note that he has books in his backseat; Ryan tells them they’re for business school, which he just started attending at night. Michael asks him to quiz him, but he can’t answer Ryan’s questions.

Dwight starts messing with Ryan, then has his feelings hurt when Michael says that Ryan knows more about business than Dwight ever will. Michael interviews that he didn’t go to business school, but neither did a lot of NBA players. Back at the car, Ryan imparts more knowledge and Michael admits that Ryan should be teaching him. Pam gives her list of five movies - Fargo, Edward Scissorhands,Dazed and Confused,The Breakfast Club, and The Princess Bride - but before she can share her all-time favorite, the group is distracted by Dwight, who’s kicking a wall. Jim asks him his all-time favorite movie and Dwight says it’s The Crow. Michael tries to tell Ryan about his experience in sales, but Ryan needs some alone time and tries to get away.

The others switch from Desert Island to Who Would You Do? with Kevin and Oscar declaring that they would sleep with Pam. Jim starts to explain the rules but is interrupted by Dwight blasting R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” from his car. He and Pam gleefully head over to the car and learn that Dwight wishes he’d gone to business school. Pam tells him that she bets Ryan wishes he were a volunteer sheriff’s deputy on the weekends. Dwight says Ryan doesn’t even know he does that, so Pam encourages him to tell Ryan. Dwight wishes Ryan would be drafted and have to go to war, but he notes that Ryan would probably wind up being a hero anyway. Barely able to keep from laughing, Jim tells Dwight he should quit to stick it to Ryan. Dwight notes that that would mean Ryan wins.

Roy arrives and he, Ryan, and Michael join Who Would You Do? Stanley elects Roy to go next, and Roy names Angela as someone he would sleep with. Pam is not pleased. Jim is next, but instead of going for his obvious answer of Pam, he names Kevin. Michael says he would sleep with Ryan because he’s going to have his own business someday. “You’re all gay,” Roy laughs. Ryan’s phone rings, saving him from awkwardness, and Michael realizes that he left his phone inside. Dwight takes the opportunity to be a hero and runs inside to get the phone. The women start the game up again, with Meredith, Phyllis and Kelly all picking Jim to sleep with. Pam goes for Oscar instead, even contemplating the idea of sleeping with Toby.

As Jim talks to Katy on the phone, Michael tells Ryan to call his cell phone so Dwight will hear it ringing and be able to find it. Unfortunately for Michael, his cell phone is in his pocket. (Unfortunately for everyone else, his ringtone is “Mambo Number 5” - see “The Dundies.”) Dwight emerges from the building and announces that Ryan started the fire because he didn’t put the toaster oven on the right setting for his lunch. Ryan is embarrassed and Michael and Dwight tease him about not learning how to use an oven properly in business school. Dwight writes his own version of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with lyrics about Ryan. Michael happily joins in.

Katy arrives, already ready to play Desert Island. Her first movie is Legally Blonde, which cracks Pam up. Pam interviews that she forgot how great Katy is and that she and Jim are cute together. Jim and Katy head off to lunch, so Pam decides to have a little PDA with Roy, which Jim sees. “They are so cute,” Katy notes. Ryan apologizes to Dwight for the fire and Dwight asks him if it was worth it. He then gives Ryan the nickname of fire guy. Michael tells Ryan that the fifth rule is “safety first.” He interviews that Ryan is book smart, but he’s street smart and book smart. Unable to think of more rules, Michael says he’ll tell Ryan the rest the next day.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Angela: “I would take The Da Vinci Code so I could burn The Da Vinci Code.”
Dwight: “Okay, great. That is going to keep you warm for, like, seven seconds. Question: is there firewood on the island?”
Jim: “I guess.”
Dwight: “Then I would bring an axe, no books.”
Jim: “Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.”
Dwight: “Fine. Physician’s Desk Reference.”
Jim: “Nice. Smart.”
Dwight: “Hallowed out. Inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer’s Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?”

Pam: “Okay, um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused--.”
Jim: “Oh, definitely in my top five.”
Pam: “Yes, in my top three, so suck it.”

Michael: (re: Dwight) “He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen.”
Kevin: “What if he dies in the fire, and that’s the last thing you ever said to him?”
Michael: “I didn’t say it to him. I said it about him.”

“Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. Ryan started the fire!” - Dwight, to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”


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