"In the Clamor and the Clangor"
Written by Sheila R. Lawrence and Janey Leahy; directed by Michael Grossman

Many of Stars Hollow’s townies are gathered at a church for the funeral of Stan, a beloved townie. Rory, Lorelai, and Sookie reminisce about him during the funeral; he was the first person to make a lunch reservation at the new inn, and the girls decide not to cancel it. Lorelai notes that deaths in Stars Hollow come in fives, and Stan is the fourth of this year. She and Sookie decide that a man named Hank is next because he’s very old. Rory tries to get them to stop eulogizing him since he’s still alive. She adds that if something does happen to Hank, then his death is their fault. Reverend Skinner announces that Stan always wanted the church bells, which stopped ringing about 20 years earlier, to be restored, and he left money to the church to fix them. As the funeral attendees head for the cemetery, the girls talk about how they’d like to hear the bells. Hank stumbles and the girls freak out. Lorelai notes that they’re going to be very nervous for the rest of his life. Rory says it’s what they get for “making him the fifth.” Lorelai denies that they have to power to do that and Sookie adds that anyone could be next - “Taylor or Reggie or Andrew or Kirk.” Kirk suddenly falls and exclaims that everything is going dark. “We are the Witches of Eastwick,” Lorelai comments.

Lane and her band, including new guitarist Gil (see “The Festival of Living Art”), practice in Lorelai’s garage. Zach thinks they sound too good and doesn’t want them to seem “fake and computerized.” The band members share their secret musical likes and Gil heads off to make a phone call. Lane blasts Zach for being mean to Gil. Gil returns and announces that the band has a gig at CBGB’s. It happens to be at 1 a.m. on a Tuesday, but the band is thrilled anyway. Lorelai and Rory walk through town, enjoying the snow and talking about how many times it has snowed already this year. The church bells ring and everyone stops to listen to them. At the Kims’ antique shop, Lane meets with some students from her Seventh Day Adventist college about an interview. The other students want to interview one of their pastors, but Lane wants to think a little more broadly. Rory arrives with the apparent intention of returning Lane’s book and getting another one. She’s actually bringing back a hollow book containing one of Lane’s forbidden CDs. They discuss Lane’s upcoming trek to CBGB’s; she’s still not sure what she’s going to tell her mother she’s doing, but she recognizes that she’s been practicing for this her entire life.

At Yale, Paris makes Rory attend an International Relations Association meeting with her. Paris says that it will look good on Rory’s résumé, then admits that a “certain fellow” recommended it to her. She adds that her certain fellow also told her that their advisor’s daughter was busted for growing pot in their basement. Rory spots the guy she asked out for coffee in the laundry room in “The Fundamental Things Apply.” At the diner, Kirk asks Luke what time it is, excited that the bells will be ringing again soon. Lorelai arrives and Luke tells her not to tell Kirk what time it is, since he just told him. Kirk reveals that he recently stood too close to the bells and now has tinnitis, so when the bells ring again, he won’t be able to tell them apart from the constant ringing in his ears. Lorelai finds it amusing that Kirk and William Shatner, aka Captain Kirk, both have tinnitis. Luke complains about the bells, but Lorelai doesn’t understand how someone could hate the bells. Luke announces that he and Nicole got an apartment together; Lorelai is upset that Luke moved to Litchfield and didn’t tell her. He tries to convince her that they’re friends, but she says that friends tell each other things like when they move. She runs off and he tries to call after her, but the bells drown out his voice.

At Yale, Rory chats with a couple of other girls, one of whom says that the guy from the laundry room, William, has been telling people about an encounter in the laundry room. He’s saying that a girl asked him out, was rejected, and is now stalking him. Rory quickly assumes that he’s been talking about her. At Lorelai’s house, she and Sookie talk about Luke and Nicole. Sookie says that Lorelai and Luke are friends, but Lorelai thinks that he only likes her because she buys things from him. Davey starts crying and Sookie explains that he hates the bells and knows when they’re about to ring. Lorelai spots Luke shoveling snow from her sidewalk and goes out to talk to him. He blasts her for thinking that everything is her business. “I owe you nothing!” he says. He adds that she needs to shovel her own sidewalk. Back at Yale, Rory, Paris, and William attend an International Relations Association meeting and debate the Israel-Palestine situation. William and Rory get into it and she winds up calling him an idiot. That night, Lorelai complains to Rory on the phone about how she’s hungry but can’t go to Luke’s. Rory gets fed up with Lorelai’s stubbornness and tells her she’s on her own. Lorelai heads through town, passing an earplug/aspirin sale at the market and a dance class interrupted by the bells. She arrives at the diner and asks Luke, “You want to help me break the bells?” “I’ll get my toolbox,” he replies.

Upstairs in Luke’s apartment, Lorelai notices that all of his belongings are still there and the place looks like someone has been living in it. At CBGB’s, Lane and her band nervously wait for their set. They get the bad news that they’re being bumped because there are only two people in the audience and they won’t drink anything. (They turn out to be Brian’s parents.) Lane demands that they get to play anyway, but it’s too late. Zach blames Gil for the failed performance, then tells Brian he can’t believe his parents don’t drink. Lorelai and Luke head to the church and are surprised to find the doors locked. Lorelai manages to use her gym membership card (never used after she gave birth, since she was too fat to go to the gym) to open the door. They realize that they have no idea how to actually break the bells, since Lorelai doesn’t think that Luke’s plan of “whack the bells really hard with a hammer” will work. Lorelai asks why Luke’s toolbox was at the diner instead of the new apartment, then asks why he told her he moved. She notes that the apartment above the diner looks exactly the same and he’s obviously been staying there. He makes excuses for why he’s been staying above the diner, but Lorelai says that he’s really just Nicole’s “rude guest.” Luke accuses her of passing judgment and she says that she doesn’t want him to move. He asks why, but before she can respond, Reverend Skinner appears. “Oh, thank God! Carry on,” he says when he realizes they’re destroying the bells.

Lane shows up at Rory’s dorm room and reveals that she never came up with an alibi to give her mother - she just snuck out of the house. She didn’t leave a note, she didn’t call, and she’s not even sure she locked the door behind her when she left. Rory tells her to call Mrs. Kim, but Lane says she can’t tell her mother the truth. Rory calls Lorelai, who announces that she’s calling Mrs. Kim. She tells Rory that if they were in Lane and Mrs. Kim’s position and she woke up to find Rory missing, she’d have a heart attack. Mrs. Kim (who has called firefighters and her prayer group) immediately takes off for Yale, stopping by Luke’s first to tell him that Lane won’t be at work the next day. Luke says that he knows, because Lane left a message, then called to make sure he got it. Realizing that Lane called Lorelai and Luke but not her, Mrs. Kim heads home. The next morning, Rory tells Lane that she should probably call her mother sooner rather than later. Lane is surprised that Mrs. Kim “didn’t just show up in the middle of the night, kick down the door, douse the place with holy water.” She thinks her mother is sending a message that while Lane is panicking about what’s going to happen next, she has to find her own way home. Lane laments that her life is horrible and she’s jealous of Rory’s life. She heads home anyway.

In the cafeteria, William teases Rory and she confronts him about what he’s been telling people about their laundry room encounter. She blasts him for saying that she’s stalking him and for using a vulnerable situation to get a laugh. “I wasn’t talking about you,” he tells her. He’s been talking about another girl and hasn’t told anyone about what happened with Rory in the laundry room. She’s happy to hear that and asks him not to tell anyone about this situation either. At the Kims’ house, Mrs. Kim goes up to Lane’s bedroom and finds her hidden stash of CDs. Later, Lane arrives home and sees that her mother has discovered her entire stockpile of forbidden goodies. She tells Mrs. Kim about the gig at CBGB’s and Mrs. Kim asks her how long she’s been hiding things from her. Lane admits that it’s been since she was six, when her mother told her Cookie Monster was one of the seven deadly sins (gluttony). She announces that she doesn’t want to go to Seventh Day Adventist college anymore - she wants to play with her band. She will go to community college and abide by the rules, so she gets what she wants and doesn’t have to sneak around. Mrs. Kim tells her that she can move out instead. Lorelai and Rory talk on the phone about the William situation and Rory realizes that the bells aren’t ringing. Lorelai plays dumb about the reason why. Rory is surprised to see Lane return to her dorm with a suitcase.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Miss Patty: “One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells.”
Rory: “Your first kiss?”
Miss Patty: “Uh, sure.”

Rory: “It’s great. I burned a copy for my mom.”
Lane: “You know, it’s people like you who are destroying the music industry.”
Rory: “Oh, now. Britney’s gotta shoulder some of the blame.”

Rory: “You can always tell your mom that you’re sleeping over at my dorm.”
Lane: “She knows they’re co-ed. By the way, she’s praying for you.”

Lorelai: “Apparently he’ll go from being grumpy Luke to grumpy commuter Luke.”
Sookie: “Luke plus road rage, there’s a healthy combination.”

Gil: “Here are the Strokes again!”
Zach: “Yeah, they’re over there, too.”
Brian: “Man, they’re overexposed, even on walls.”

Luke: “Okay, now just hold the flashlight; do not do any moving spotlight gags and point it at me and yell, ‘Freeze, drop your weapons.’”
Lorelai: “How about if I shine it on the wall and do a dirty hand-puppet show?”
Luke: “Just stand back so the lightning only strikes you.”

Lorelai: “Don’t you have a smaller toolbox?”
Luke: “No, why would I have two toolboxes?”
Lorelai: “‘Cause then you’d have a big one and a small one.”
Luke: “Well, if you have a big one, you don’t need a small one.” (Lorelai opens her mouth) “Don’t say ‘dirty,’ it’s too easy.”

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