"Norman Mailer, I’m Pregnant!"
Written by James Berg and Stan Zimmerman; directed by Matthew Diamond

Luke comes to Lorelai’s house, where she claims that she’s ready to go to the movies, though she isn’t really. He notes that her Jeep lights are on and she explains that it’s because her porch light is out. She knows that it takes 12 hours for the battery to die, so she has plenty of time to get to work and let her battery recharge all day. Luke logically suggests that she just replace the porch light, but it’s too gross up there for Lorelai’s tastes. (The light hasn’t been changed since the first time Dean and Rory broke up, way back in “Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers.”) Lorelai takes her socks out of the oven, noting that they’re still damp even though she followed the “recipe.” She can’t find her keys, so she decides to just leave the door unlocked. Luke doesn’t think that’s safe, even though it’s Stars Hollow and nothing ever happens there. He finds her keys in the back door, where Lorelai left them after having to come in that way, since the front porch light was out. “I can never pick you up here again,” Luke notes.

At the Yale Daily News office, Paris tells Rory that she dreamed that Rory took her desired religion beat. Rory promises her that she wants to do features, though Paris thinks her subconscious is trying to tell her something. She worries that she and Rory will wind up like Abby and Ann Van Buren. Doyle shows Rory the article Glenn had published in the New York Times; Glenn tries to downplay it but he’s become quite popular. Doyle is unhappy. Lorelai calls Rory back in her dorm and tells her that Luke (who’s cleaning the oven) just did a funny bit. Luke protests that it wasn’t a bit - he hit his head and it hurt. Lorelai notes that Rory sounds down; she says that she’s behind on some assignments and wishes that she’d done something productive over the summer rather than go to Europe (see “Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller”). Lorelai assures her that she’ll catch up, mentioning that she did it when she was behind at Chilton. Rory notes that college is a lot more important than high school. She debates finding a part-time job at a local paper. Luke does his “bit” again and Rory notes that Lorelai sounds very happy.

Norman Mailer has returned to the Dragonfly for the third time to give an interview in the dining room; Lorelai is happy about this but Sookie is upset because Mailer only orders iced tea. “This is a restaurant, not a coffee shop,” Sookie says. Lorelai thinks that having Mailer there gives them “street cred” and tries to convince Sookie that his presence is fun. Back at Yale, Doyle hands out assignments. Rory gets features and Paris gets religion; she tries to downplay her desire for it. Glenn gets the crime beat, and though he’s not thrilled, he says that Maureen Dowd told him it doesn’t make any difference. Rory runs some story ideas by Doyle, though they’re not very interesting (at least not to anyone who plans on reading the paper). Doyle is shocked to see Logan (“Written in the Stars”) arrive, since he’s been away from the paper for a little while and Doyle didn’t expect him back. He notes that Logan and Rory have met and Rory doesn’t seem to like Logan. Doyle tells her that Logan took the last year off and sank his father’s yacht. Doyle has been kissing up to him for a while because his father, Mitchum, is a “newspaper guy.” Logan, however, doesn’t take the Yale paper seriously.

Mailer and his interviewer are still at the inn and still not ordering anything other than tea, despite Sookie’s best efforts. In her dorm, Rory talks to Dean on the phone about her article, which she’s writing about music downloads. Paris is harassing members of the clergy. Rory is disappointed that Dean has to work the next night; apparently Taylor wants the market’s new icee machine to attract truckers and Dean has to work extra shifts until they see what happens. The couple won’t be able to get together until the next week. Paris asks if Rory has found a new angle for her article, since downloading stories have been done to death. Rory pretends that she has. At the inn, Lorelai, Sookie, and Michel meet with one of their financial advisors, who tells them that they’re doing well but need to lighten their financial load. She suggests that they stop serving lunch, since they’re not making any money on it. Sookie hates the idea and would rather get rid of something that affects Michel. Lorelai sends Michel and the advisor to the kitchen so she can tell Sookie to calm down. Sookie complains about Mailer but Lorelai tells her that dropping lunch will be temporary and she needs to not physical hurt Mailer.

At Yale, Rory gets some help with downloading info from another student. In the restroom, she encounters a tipsy girl wearing a fancy dress and a gorilla mask. She follows the girl outside and sees her get into a black SUV, saying, “In omnia paratus!” On her way back from the market, Lorelai gets a call from Christopher, who is having trouble getting Gigi to stop crying and go to sleep. He explains that Sherry is out and no one else will help him. Lorelai promises to come over. When she arrives, she finds Christopher’s apartment trashed since he hasn’t had time to clean anything up. Lorelai turns Gigi’s crib around so she can’t climb out, then gets Christopher to sit down. He apologizes for waiting for a crisis to call but says that he didn’t know what to do. Lorelai finally gets him to admit that Sherry has gone to Paris for her job and doesn’t plan to come back. Lorelai can’t believe that she just left Gigi behind. Wanting to get things under control, she tells Christopher to take a shower while she cleans up and orders food. Christopher says that he can’t raise Gigi alone but Lorelai tells him that he’ll do it because she’s his daughter, and because she herself did it with Rory. Christopher thinks that Lorelai is stronger than him. She tells him that if she’d bailed on Rory, Christopher would have stepped in and raised her. He’s afraid of screwing things up with Gigi so she encourages him some more. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he tells her.

At the Yale newspaper office, Doyle notes that Paris has been harassing clergymen, which has brought in a lot of complaints. Instead of being upset, he’s proud. Rory announces that she wants to change her story, telling him about the girl in the mask. She Googled “in omnia paratus” (“ready for anything”) and found out about a secret Yale society called the Life and Death Brigade, which is what she wants to write about now. Lorelai and Rory go to Friday night dinner; Lorelai wonders if she’s wearing the same thing she wore the last week. It doesn’t matter anyway, since Emily and Richard are both out. The girls decide to get revenge by eating pizza on paper plates in the living room. They contemplate not using coasters and finding something to unalphabetize. Lorelai shares the news that Sherry left Christopher and he called her to come help with Gigi. Rory isn’t happy with the news. Later, she goes to the newspaper office and reads articles about the Life and Death Brigade. One mentions that a relative of Logan’s was in the secret society. At the inn, Lorelai gets a call from Luke and rushes over to the diner, where she finds Kirk dressed as a hot dog, passing out fliers to people about lunch at the inn. Luke is trying unsuccessfully to get rid of him. She realizes that Sookie put him up to it.

At Yale, Rory tracks down Logan and asks if he wants to respond to her article about the Life and Death Brigade. He won’t give anything away. Back at the inn, Lorelai fills Sookie in on Kirk; she promises that she didn’t ask him to dress up. She gets upset about the lunch issue and storms into the dining room, announcing to everyone, including Mailer, that lunch no longer exists. Back in the kitchen, she blames Mailer for the cancellation of lunch, then, after a few moments of raving, realizes that she’s pregnant. After some brief celebrating with Lorelai, she runs back to the dining room and announces, “Norman Mailer, I’m pregnant!” “Congratulations,” he replies. At the Yale newspaper office, Logan instant messages Rory (calling her Ace) to tell her that he’ll help her with her article. He tells her that she has to agree before she knows the conditions. Rory agrees. At the diner, Lorelai notes that Luke is upset about something and promises that Kirk will never bother him on the inn’s behalf again. Luke is actually irritated because Mailer and his interviewer have set up camp there and are still only ordering iced tea. Rory heads to Christopher’s and tells him to stay away from Lorelai because she doesn’t want him to ruin her relationship with Luke.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Doyle: “What, Glenn, you don’t want crime?”
Glenn: “I don’t care. Maureen Dowd told me it’s all the same, not that that flirt has any idea what she’s talking about.

“Congratulations if you got what you wanted, and if you didn’t, I could care less.” - Doyle to the newspaper staff

Rory: “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Dean: “Yeah. Sex can do that also.”

Paris: “Did you know that priests have a fabulous sense of humor?”
Rory: “Just stay one lightning bolt’s length away from me at all times, please.”

“I mean, so he was married to Marilyn Monroe. Who wasn’t?” - Sookie, mistaking Norman Mailer for Arthur Miller

Lorelai: “I’m sorry, but why a hot dog? The Dragonfly doesn’t serve hot dogs.”
Kirk: (dressed as a hot dog) “Well, the quiche made me look fat.”

Sookie: “I didn’t tell him to dress like a giant hot dog. Why would he dress up like a giant hot dog?”
Lorelai: “Because it’s Kirk, Sookie. The giant hot dog suit was a given the minute you talked to Kirk.”

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