"Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"
Written by Diane Ruggiero; directed by Nick Marck

Veronica and Duncan are watching The Big Lebowski in Duncan’s suite (and Veronica is quoting all of the dialogue). They’re starting to go at it when Logan arrives, asking, “Where’s my martini and why don’t I smell pot roast?” He’s a little upset that they’re watching the movie without him, but before he can join them, someone knocks on the door. Logan suggests that the three of them come up with a code word Veronica and Duncan can use when they want to be alone so Logan doesn’t interrupt them. (He suggests “awkward.”) At the door, he finds Kendall, who recognizes Veronica from “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang.” Logan and Kendall head to the bedroom and Veronica wonders why Duncan isn’t bothered by their relationship. At school, the FBLA (see “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang”) meets and the students learn that, though Veronica was ahead of everyone last week, now Cassidy has the most successful fake business. Dick has lost all of his money, since he put it all in Casablancas Realty, and Logan’s stock is falling, though he doesn’t seem to care. Duncan, who started out better than anyone, is now between Dick and Logan, though he’s not there to find out. Woody plays golf at a club while Keith asks him if there’s any more news about the bus crash. Woody promises that Lamb is looking into some leads. He reveals that he wants to turn Neptune into a city and bring Keith in as the chief of police. Keith notes that he wouldn’t be able to afford living in this city.

Veronica spots an “out of order” sign on the girls’ bathroom and heads in to find Logan waiting for her. He tells her that the guy who claimed to witness Felix’s murder has come forward and is setting him up (see “Rat Saw God”). She agrees to look into it. Out in the hall, Duncan pulls Veronica aside and tells her that he downloaded some of the files from Meg’s computer (see “Green-Eyed Monster”). She had been e-mailing someone at Child Protective Services because one of the kids she babysits for is being mentally abused. He declares that they need to find out who the kid is. They take the conversation to Mars Investigations, where they determine that the child is between the ages of seven and ten and has been made to write admonishments over and over in books. Duncan says that Meg stole one of the books, so Veronica decides that their first step is to get their hands on it. Of course, this is easier said than done because, as Duncan says, “There’s always someone home and they always hate us.” The only time he could ever go over while they were dating was when Meg’s parents were at a church group on Sunday nights. Veronica says that they’ll go on Sunday, but first they should focus on figuring out who the kid is. Among their choices are Sabrina Fuller’s little brother, their teacher Ms. Hauser’s son, and Woody’s son. Veronica decides to get babysitting jobs with the Fullers and the Hausers (and find a way to get into the Goodmans’ house) so she can snag a writing sample and compare it to the book they’ll eventually get when they break into the Mannings’ house.

Keith arrives and shows Veronica his invitation to the sheriff’s department’s bachelor auction/fundraiser. “I’m wondering if they’ll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound,” he muses. He notes that Veronica now has Duncan doing some of her dirty work. Cassidy, Dick, and Kendall meet with their lawyer, who tells them that though their cars and house are paid for, all of Dick Sr.’s other assets are frozen until his trial. Kendall points out that he’s probably not coming back. The lawyer continues that Dick and Cassidy have trust funds but can’t access them until they turn 21. Kendall’s only money came from accounts in Dick Sr.’s name and the boys’ mother is the trustee for their funds, so Kendall is basically out of luck. At Neptune High, Veronica calls Mrs. Fuller and talks her way into a babysitting job. In health class, Ms. Hauser (Kari Coleman) lectures about STDs, then has the students practice telling each other that they have an STD. Veronica tells Gia they can be partners, “but no glove, no love.” Dick and Gia make jokes about Ms. Hauser, who is apparently going through a very bitter divorce (and may have been dumped for another man). Gia wonders why she’s not as popular in Neptune as she was at her old school. Veronica seizes the opportunity and suggests a girls’ night at Gia’s house. After class, Veronica approaches Ms. Hauser and suggests that she take over as her babysitter now that Meg is out of commission. Ms. Hauser isn’t interested, but Veronica notices that she’s reading a book called You’re 40 and He’s Gone.

Veronica goes to the Fullers’ for her first job and sits for the frighteningly well-behaved Edwin. Mrs. Fuller tells Veronica not to let any boys come over, especially since Meg had Duncan over a lot. Duncan calls and Veronica tells him that she got a writing sample and will do some more snooping after Edwin goes to bed. She brings up the fact that Duncan and Meg babysat together a lot, but before Duncan can respond, Logan arrives (he’s early). Later, Veronica and Logan go over the information she’s found about his witness - he’s a plastic surgeon named Tom Griffith. Logan sees his picture and notes that it’s not the same guy who Logan saw after Felix’s murder. Veronica points out that he said he didn’t remember what happened that night, but Logan admits that he was lying because he didn’t want the police to look for the witness. He asks for Veronica’s help, but before she can agree, she has to kick him out so the Fullers won’t see him. Mr. Fuller shows Veronica out, letting her know that he can come hang out, smoke up, and have sex on his boat on Saturdays. He also gives her a picture Edwin drew of her, decapitated. Back at home, Veronica e-mails Wallace, telling him that she’s learned that she’s not the only love of Duncan’s life. At school, Veronica puts Keith’s invitation to the auction in Ms. Hauser’s box, then shows her the fliers she’s hanging up advertising her babysitting experience. The plan works. Dick and Cassidy’s mother Betina shows up at their house and quickly begins tending to her sons. Kendall is far from happy. Cassidy would like to move to Europe with Betina, but she doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea.

Ms. Hauser shows up at Veronica’s house with her son Albert and her list of rules for what he can and can’t do or eat. She rushes off to the auction and Albert immediately demands ice cream. Later, Duncan brings over the forbidden dessert and Veronica nabs another writing sample. Ms. Hauser returns after the auction, happy that she got herself a date with Sacks. Veronica pays a visit to Dr. Griffith, pretending that she wants plastic surgery; he doesn’t see anything she needs to change and thinks she has body dysmorphic disorder. Out in the parking lot, she leaves a message for Logan, then follows Griffith, thinking he’s trying to avoid her. At the Casablancas house, Dick gives Kendall a French maid’s uniform and tells her that Betina signed over the boys’ trust funds. Veronica follows Griffith to a cigar store, where he hangs out for half an hour. Later, she heads to Gia’s for the girls’ night and is surprised to see how obsessed her mother is with cleanliness. She’s even more surprised (and horrified) to learn that the night has turned into a slumber party with multiple guests (including Madison). At the Neptune Grand, Logan catches on to Kendall’s attempts to find herself a sugar daddy. “Bessie, when the milk stops being free, I stop drinking it,” he tells her. Instead of leaving the suite, Kendall strips and attempts to seduce Duncan in his bedroom. At the Goodmans’, Veronica observes Gia’s brother Rodney, who freaks out upon spilling water. Woody tells him that they’ll have to tell his mother. Later, Veronica takes a break from girl talk to see an unhappy Mrs. Goodman taking Rodney into another room.

Logan spots Kendall leaving Duncan’s room and trying to make him think that something happened between them. Logan asks if she’s ever considered getting a job, but she replies, “This is my job.” Just as Veronica is getting even more fed up with the other girls, the slumber party is crashed by Dick and Cassidy. Veronica heads home, where Keith smells smoke on her clothes from the cigar store. She tells him she just went in to use the restroom, but he knows which store she’s talking about and tells her he tried a number of times to bust the place for dealing drugs. Veronica meets Duncan back at the hotel in preparation for breaking into the Mannings’ house. She notes that it’s difficult to figure out which kid is being abused because all of their families are crazy. Logan wonders why the two are in dark clothes, then asks Duncan if Kendall was bothering him the day before. Duncan says that she was just asking for his help with something. He and Veronica head to the Mannings’ and use a hidden spare key to get in. Up in Meg’s room, Duncan heads for an air duct, admitting that he passed on Logan and Lilly’s trick to Meg. He finds a book with “the path to God is paved with righteousness” written in it over and over. While Veronica compares the handwriting to the samples she got, Duncan takes an envelope out of the vent and hides it in his pocket. Veronica realizes that none of the writing matches because the handwriting in the book belongs to a girl. She spots a photo of Meg, Lizzie, and their little sister Grace and figures out that Meg was covering for her own family. The two rush to Grace’s room and find her sitting in a small hidden room behind her closet.

Grace panics that her father will know that Veronica and Duncan were there; she says that she’s not ready to get out and her father told her she would be tested. As Veronica starts to call the sheriff and Duncan tries to comfort Grace, Mr. Manning appears with a baseball bat. After sending Grace downstairs, he forces Duncan and Veronica onto the floor and tells his wife to call the sheriff. Lamb arrives and Veronica tries to fill him in, mentioning the stacks of books in the closet. He handcuffs her and Duncan as Veronica quietly tells him to check the closet. Lamb takes Veronica and Duncan to his car, then returns and checks out the closet. Mr. Manning exclaims that he’s the victim here and Lamb has no right to poke around his house. “It’s funny,” Lamb replies. “I heard my father give that exact speech once.” He gets in the car, drives Veronica and Duncan around the corner, lets them out, and uncuffs them. Later, Mr. Manning looks outside and spots Lamb sitting in his car in front of the house.


THE TITLE IS A PLAY ON... A phrase from the movie Dirty Dancing.

THE FELIX TOOMBS CASE: Griffith stepped forward as the witness to Felix’s murder, but he’s not the same person Logan saw on the bridge that night.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Veronica: “Well, a%$ slaps and high fives to Logan for bangin’ a hot chick. Maybe she’ll buy us beer.”
Duncan: “I’d ask her, but I think she’ll be in there for a while.”

“Nobody likes an eager beaver.” - Veronica to Cassidy

“Hey, are you sick, or am I gonna see you singing ‘Twist and Shout’ on a parade float?” - Veronica to Duncan

Duncan: “She babysat a lot. I think they call it a part-time job. It-it’s when you do this thing called work, and strangers pay you instead of the Allowance Fairy.”
Veronica: “Ah, the Allowance Fairy. Elusive in Neptune outside the 09er zip.”

Lawyer: “As for the boys, Dick Jr. and Cassidy each have a trust fund.”
Dick: “Sweet.”
Lawyer: “However, you’re not eligible to withdraw from them until your 21st birthday.”
Dick: “Dude, my 21st birthday’s gonna to rock so hard. I love you, Daddy.”

Ms. Hauser: “Sexually transmitted diseases are no joke, Jane.”
Jane: “I wasn’t laughing, I sneezed.”
Ms. Hauser: “See how much you’re sneezing when you have gonorrhea!”

Gia: “Ms. Hauser, mine’s wrong. Isn’t this a flower?”
Ms. Hauser: “No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.”
Gia: “Well, we have it on, like, a trellis at our beach house.”
Veronica: “Your trellis is a whore.”

Kendall: “Doesn’t this mean anything to you?”
Logan: “It does. It means I’m getting laid. And I owe your village a goat.”

Back to Veronica Mars episode guides

Back to Fun and Games