"Blame Booze and Melville"
Written by Daniel Palladino; directed by Jamie Babbit

Rory, Lorelai, and Emily eat chocolate fondue at Friday night dinner, which Emily thinks is decadent. She notes that the girls are only eating marshmallows and not the fruit, which shouldn’t surprise her. She brings up the City Ballet, which needs some money, and the possibility of her sponsoring a specific dancer; she wants the girls to help her pick one out to bring home. Lorelai thinks this process is creepy. After dinner, Rory and Lorelai transfer boxes from Rory’s car to Lorelai’s so she can move all of her things back home gradually. They finalize plans for Sookie’s surprise baby shower, which they forgot about throwing. At the diner, Kirk complains that he was overcharged for toast, not realizing that Luke raised the price ten cents. Luke says it’s still a bargain, and he hasn’t raised the price of wheat toast in seven years. Kirk tries to bargain with him and winds up only having to pay $1.05. Lorelai arrives, getting in the middle of the issue, and Luke tells her, “You know, I shouldn’t have gotten into a business that involves dealing with people.” Lorelai shows off an advance copy of the magazine her interview appears in (see “To Live and Let Diorama”) and Luke announces that he’ll need a new pair of the pants for the party being thrown for her in New York. Lorelai says that the article is incredibly complimentary (not to Emily, of course). Luke thinks she should show it to Emily and get it over with. Taylor calls and tells Luke that everything is in place for him to buy Twickham’s house. Kirk tells Luke that he calculated the sales tax incorrectly and he’s been overcharged a penny.

At the Stanford Eagle Gazette, Rory proves that she’s become a lot more comfortable with her internship. Logan shows up, wanting her to leave early because he is a huge jerk. He and Mitchum chat, and then Logan invites Rory to Honor’s engagement party on Friday (see “But I’m a Gilmore”). He’s sure that she’ll get the summer job she wants at the paper because Mitchum seems to like her. Lorelai and Luke ride around in a limo in New York, Luke complaining about the city and Lorelai encouraging him to get everything out. She tries to get him to rant about the limo, but he thinks she deserves it. The two are a little tipsy and start making out. The next morning, Lorelai leaves Luke’s apartment, a little worried. She and Rory meet up at Sookie’s with their leftover party supplies, but before they can get inside, Sookie and Jackson rush out - Sookie’s in labor already. Rory freaks out about the possibility of seeing the birth and decides to go back to Yale, while Lorelai promises to meet Jackson and Sookie at the hospital. Taylor calls Luke at the diner and tells him that someone has put in a competing offer on Twickham’s house. Luke says that he’ll just increase his offer, but Taylor replies that the competitor can just keep upping his offer as well, since he has a quarter of a million dollars. Luke finally gets him to reveal who the competitor is - it’s Kirk. This kind of makes sense, as Kirk has been working for 11 years, has had hundreds of jobs, and saves everything he makes. Luke asks him to retract his offer on the house, but Kirk knows that Luke’s credit isn’t as good as his. Luke points out that Kirk was arguing about toast and Kirk replies that since he gave in to him, that doesn’t bode well for him on the house negotiations.

Luke heads over to Taylor’s ice cream shop and announces that he wants to talk to the town elders, as they will have the final say on who gets the house. Taylor says that they don’t deal with the public, but Luke orders him to arrange a meeting. Jackson, Sookie, and Lorelai arrive at the hospital, where Lorelai eats an apple, to Sookie’s surprise. Lorelai asks when Sookie knew that she was pregnant; Sookie reminds her of the events of “Norman Mailer, I’m Pregnant!” Lorelai asks how long it took for Sookie to find out she was pregnant. Sookie isn’t sure and points out that Lorelai has already been pregnant once before. Out in the hallway, Lorelai talks to a doctor about pregnancy tests and learns that one wouldn’t be definitive after just two days. She notes that she can’t buy a pregnancy test in Stars Hollow because people would see, but the fact that she’s eating an apple has to mean something. Emily calls to tell Lorelai that her ballerina, Paola, has arrived and is taken with Lorelai’s old Magic 8 Ball, which Emily would like to let her keep. “Whatever Paola wants, Paola gets,” Lorelai quips. She then calls Rory to discuss protection, then admits that she thinks she might be pregnant. Rory thinks that it might be a good thing, but Lorelai wants some time to feel like a normal, single grownup. Later, Rory and Mitchum chat at the Gazette and Lorelai calls to tell Rory that Sookie had a girl. In other good news, Lorelai isn’t pregnant. Rory asks if Lorelai ever mentioned the possibility to Luke, but she didn’t, not wanting to freak him out.

Elsewhere in the hospital, Jackson brings up the fact that the baby needs a name, noting that whatever name they don’t use this time around, they’ll use next time. Sookie tells him that there won’t be a next time - he’s getting a vasectomy. She then proposes that they give the baby all of the possible names they discussed: Martha Janice Lori Ethan Rupert Glenda Carson Daisy Danny. Lorelai heads to her parents’ to meet Paola but finds that she’s been replaced by Mikhail because she got on Emily’s nerves. Rory attends a staff meeting at the Gazette but doesn’t take part in any of the discussions. Afterward, Mitchum tells her that he won’t be around as much from now on, so he wants to take the opportunity to discuss her internship now. He tells her that she doesn’t have what it takes to make it in journalism (though she might make a good assistant). Mitchum thinks he’s done Rory a favor by telling her the truth, but she, of course, doesn’t see it that way. Luke and Kirk go to a steam room to meet with the town elders and bicker over who should get the house. An unidentified elder announces that Luke should get the house because he cares about it more and wants it for himself, Lorelai, and their potential future family. Kirk offers to take care of the lawn. At the elder Gilmores’, Lorelai finally brings out her article, then leaves the room. Emily freaks out about everything said about her, so Lorelai apologizes and convinces her to stop reading. Mikhail, however, announces that he’s leaving. Rory heads to the yacht club for Honor’s engagement party and confronts Logan about a girl he was talking to. She announces that she wants to go out on the ocean, and since they can’t take the Huntzbergers’ yacht, they’ll take someone else’s. At the elder Gilmores’, Lorelai has to explain her comments about Joseph Stalin to Mikhail and convince him that Emily is nothing like him. Rory calls her and tells her, “I need you to come and get me.”

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Rory: “Must be nice to nap without feeling guilty.”
Lorelai: “Get pregnant and you’ll have an excuse.”
Rory: “No, thanks.”

Luke: “I raised the price of wheat toast. It’s $1.10.”
Kirk: “You’re kidding.”
Luke: “I don’t do toast humor.”

Luke: “How’s the article? What’s it say?”
Lorelai: “It was then, sadly, that I discovered Luke could not read.”

Lorelai: “People are going to think I wrote it. I mean, it’s big. I nearly cried when I read it.
Luke: “Good.”
Lorelai: “And the fact that when Emily Gilmore reads it, she’s going to hire men to attack me with tire irons, well, that’s something else altogether.”

Kirk: “Luke! I think the sales tax is off by a penny! In fact, I’m sure of it. I’m ready to go to the mat on this one.”
Luke: “Those guys with the tire irons. Where did your mother get them?”
Lorelai: “The DAR. And they don’t work for outsiders.”

Lorelai: “14 hours of labor was the downside, but Sookie has the rest of her little girl’s life to get back at her for that.”
Rory: “I love the circle of life.”

Lorelai: “Mom, it was meant as a joke! Pol Pot, the walking anthrax. I was just being edgy, like Chris Rock!”
Emily: “Walking anthrax!”
Lorelai: “You haven’t gotten to that part yet?”
Emily: “No!”
Lorelai: “Well, something to look forward to.”

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