"Haunted Leg"
Written by Amy Sherman-Palladino; directed by Chris Long

Lorelai, Rory, and Emily are at the elder Gilmores’ house, discussing the fact that Richard is traveling for work again. Lorelai and Emily are still tense after their disagreement in “Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days.” Rory tries to get Lorelai to tell Emily about a mouse at the inn, but it just makes Emily worry about the state of the place. She’s upset that Lorelai walked out of the house after the fight and didn’t give Richard and Emily a chance to grasp the news that Lorelai and Christopher won’t be getting back together. Lorelai starts reading the paper and discovers that Shauna Christy, a woman she knows, killed her husband after finding him with their nanny. Emily is shocked, since Shauna was always so respectable. Lorelai jokes that she must have been an Annie Oakley fan, too. Emily chastises her for making a joke, then notes that at least Shauna had a husband to kill. Rory and Lorelai go to Luke’s, where Lorelai complains about her cold and wishes that she had something more exotic, like a haunted leg. Luke brings Rory regular breakfast foods but chicken soup and mashed potatoes for Lorelai. He notes that if she had a healthy immune system by eating healthy and cutting down on coffee, she wouldn’t have a cold. “Remember when you hated me? That was fun, wasn’t it?” Lorelai asks. After he leaves, Lorelai tries to get Rory to eat the carrots in her soup. Shane (see “Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days”) arrives and has a laconic conversation with Jess. After they leave, Dean comes in and tells the girls that he already ate. They’re just happy he speaks in full sentences.

At the inn, Lorelai and Michel look for the mouse, impatiently waiting for an exterminator. Kirk delivers Sookie’s wedding photos, then asks Lorelai if he can talk to her for a minute. He asks her if she’d like to have dinner with him (in two weeks, after she’s gotten over her cold). He tells her that she can take a few days to think it over, then says that she might be the prettiest girl he’s ever seen outside of a magazine. After Kirk leaves, Lorelai tells Michel not to say anything. He says that the mouse has laughed himself to death. Rory awakens on her “last first day of high school” to find Lorelai sitting by her bed. Lorelai gets sentimental about how much Rory has grown, then gives her a bill for all of the expenses she’s required over the past 17 years. She switches subjects, telling Rory that Kirk asked her out, which Rory thinks is sweet. Lorelai needs to figure out how to let him down nicely. Rory suggests either telling him she just wants to be friends or saying that she’s involved with someone else. Lorelai decides that they’ll have to move. In the kitchen, Rory laughs at Lorelai, who notes that Kirk works everywhere, so it will be impossibly to avoid him. Rory suggests that she marry Kirk and move in with his mother. Lorelai changes the subject to Rory’s swearing in ceremony for student council. Rory tells her that Emily will be coming, too; Lorelai wishes she’d told her not to come. Rory tells her that they don’t have to talk. Lorelai is proud of Rory for being vice president, saying that now all she needs is an embarrassing relative to humiliate her while she’s in office.

That afternoon, Lorelai arrives at Chilton for the ceremony, thinking she’s a minute late. She’s actually 14 minutes early, since Rory told her the wrong time to come. Lorelai tells her she’s going to stand up during her speech and demand a recount. Rory shows Lorelai to a seat and tells her to save a chair for Emily; she’s not thrilled about that, of course. Lorelai wants Rory to remember three things while she’s on stage: “I love you, you’re the greatest kid in the world, and you’re in a skirt, keep your knees closed.” After Rory leaves, Lorelai goes back and forth between keeping her purse on the seat and holding it on her lap. Emily shows up and chastises Lorelai for not putting her purse down to save a seat for her. Headmaster Charleston starts off the ceremony. Later, Rory gives her speech and, even later, Paris gives hers, talking about how she doesn’t want the empire of Chilton to fall. At the end of the ceremony, the student council members recite a pledge, then get the headmaster’s congratulations. Emily and Lorelai try to make small talk until Rory joins them. She heads off to get her things and Lorelai tells Emily that she doesn’t have to wait for her. Emily starts to leave, then asks Lorelai to have lunch the next day, maybe at Luke’s. Lorelai can’t imagine the scene but agrees to meet her. In the Chilton cafeteria, Paris finishes up a student council gathering and opens the floor. Francie (see “Like Mother, Like Daughter”) brings up the idea of trying to raise hemlines an inch and a half, and idea that Paris doesn’t think is important. Rory tells Paris that they were supposed to spend the gathering getting to know each other. Francie congratulates the girls on their win and tells them she’s looking forward to working with them.

At the inn, Sookie complains to Lorelai that she has to cook vegetarian food for certain guests for dinner that night. Lorelai suggests that she make pasta, though Sookie doesn’t think it’s fancy enough. Lorelai contemplates canceling her lunch with Emily, since the concept goes against her rules in the Gilmore survival guide. Sookie thinks that things could go all right, since people change. She also wants to sneak meat into the vegetarian guests’ food. At Chilton, Francie and a couple of her friends pull Rory into a bathroom so that Francie can tell Rory that Paris isn’t really in charge. She says that there are three other class presidents, including herself, and Paris doesn’t have the control over the senior class that she thinks she does. Francie adds that she’s also the leader of the powerful Puffs and can make Paris’ life miserable. She wants Rory to tell Paris to support the hemline issue or Francie will “make her so ineffectual, she’ll make Jimmy Carter look like Martin Sheen.” Rory points out that they’re supposed to be representing the school, not having top-secret meetings and making deals behind people’s backs. Francie tells her that this is how politics go. She warns Rory to keep their conversation quiet because Paris will get paranoid and Rory could get in trouble. Rory reminds her that she was forced into the meeting, but Francie plays it off like the meeting was Rory’s idea.

Lorelai heads to Luke’s for her lunch with Emily; Luke thinks she’s meeting Kirk, since Kirk told him that he asked Lorelai out. He actually came to Luke to ask if Luke thought he had a chance with Lorelai. Luke claims that he told him a bunch of stuff about Lorelai and they agreed that since she talks so much, some good lovin’ would shut her up. Lorelai would like a sharper fork so that she can make sure it goes all the way through Luke’s hand. Luke sings “Love is in the Air” and Lorelai throws a spoon at him. Emily arrives, wondering why Lorelai is throwing silverware in public, and compliments the view from the diner. She asks if the Caesar salad is good, but Lorelai wouldn’t know, since she doesn’t eat vegetables. Lorelai wants to know why they’re having lunch in Stars Hollow. Luke takes their orders and teases that Lorelai didn’t order dessert because she wants to look good for “the big day.” She taunts him back and Emily wonders what they’re talking about. She tells Lorelai that she wanted to spend time alone with her. Lorelai tries to make sure that she doesn’t have a hidden agenda; Emily claims that she doesn’t, then announces that she called Christopher recently. She says that she can tell that he’s not in love with Sherry and that he’d rather be with Lorelai and Rory. She wants Lorelai to talk to him, but Lorelai is upset that she’s meddling. Emily thinks that Sherry is trying to trap Christopher. Lorelai tells her to butt out and starts to leave. Emily tells her that a family doesn’t just happen and she has to fight for one with Christopher.

The student council meets at Chilton and Louise brings up the possibility of having a beginning of the year dance. Paris says that dances are distracting but gives in when Louise points out that they’ll bring in money for the topiaries Paris wants in the quad. Madeline would like a professional photographer for senior photos; Paris agrees to let Louise ask her godfather, who happens to be Helmet Newton. Francie asks if Paris has looked over the hemline issue yet, but she hasn’t. After the meeting, Rory tells Paris that she might want to support the hemline issue in order to establish goodwill with the other class presidents. Giving them something small like this might ensure Paris a favor in the future. It also might win Paris some points with the students. Paris agrees, but won’t support anything involving Elizabeth Arden in chemistry class. At home, Lorelai refuses to go to Friday night dinner ever again, but Rory makes her go. Lorelai suspects that Emily is talking to Kirk and wants to go over china patterns with him. The phone rings and Lorelai decides to screen the call. Kirk says hello and then hangs up; Lorelai thinks that the answering machine confused him. She asks Rory to pull a Freaky Friday with her. Kirk calls back but his call is interrupted by his mother, so Kirk tells Lorelai’s machine that he’ll call back again.

Lorelai and Rory arrive at the elder Gilmores’ house, where the newest maid has trouble distinguishing between the doorbell and the oven timer. Lorelai notes that Emily seems tense, but Emily claims that she’s fine. The maid announces dinner and Emily tells her that it’s half an hour too early. The maid doesn’t quite get it, so Emily announces that they’ll eat now and be in bed by 9. Lorelai wonders why Emily is still giving the maid a chance, since she’s had maids deported who did a better job. Emily admits that Richard recently made a crack that Emily can’t keep a maid. Lorelai determines that Emily hasn’t loved any of her maids since Lorelai was four or five. The doorbell rings and the maid goes to answer the door without giving Emily and the girls their salads. Lorelai is amused until the maid returns with Christopher. He tells Lorelai that he came over because she won’t return his calls, so he had to corner her. She’s upset that Emily interfered again after Lorelai told her to stay out of her business. Emily claims that she had nothing to do with Christopher’s appearance. Christopher refuses to leave until Lorelai talks to him, but she doesn’t think the timing is right. She tells him she’ll talk to him the next day. Christopher says that he’s sorry for the way things happened, but he did what he had to do and he doesn’t think it’s right that Lorelai is shutting him out after everything they’ve gone through. He’s especially upset that Lorelai is keeping Rory from him, since she hasn’t called him back, either.

Rory interrupts to tell Christopher that she hasn’t called back because she didn’t want to. She’s upset because he promised at Sookie’s wedding (see “I Can’t Get Started”) that things would work out, but they didn’t. Rory goes upstairs and Christopher still blames Lorelai for Rory’s behavior. Lorelai points out that Rory is independent enough to make decisions like this for herself. He wants to go talk to her but Lorelai tells him to leave Rory alone and, in fact, leave altogether. Christopher protests that Rory needs her father but Lorelai points out that Rory feels like her father has abandoned her. She tries to remind Christopher of the reason they’re there and he says that he didn’t want things to turn out this way. Lorelai asks if Sherry’s still pregnant and if he’s going to marry her. He confirms this and Lorelai tells him that he has to accept where they are. She tells him that it hurts too much to talk to him right now. Emily finally tells Christopher that he needs to leave. He does, but Lorelai follows him outside and advises him to give it time. Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai tries to cheer Rory up. They tell each other that Christopher misses both of them. Rory says that she knows Christopher never means to mess anything up, but he always does. She also doesn’t want to go to his wedding, though Lorelai thinks she might regret it later if she doesn’t.

Kirk catches up with the girls and asks Lorelai if she’s allergic to tuna. She’s not, but she’s made up her mind about going out with him. She tells him that she’s just gotten out of a weird relationship and doesn’t want to hurt Kirk, since they’re friends, so she has to say no. He says that at least he asked. Rory heads to Doose’s and runs into Jess, who asks her why she’s been ignoring him. She says she’s not and they share small talk about their summers. Rory tries to keep herself from asking about Shane and Jess thinks that she’s upset about the two of them being together. Rory claims that she couldn’t care less about them. She adds that she’s surprised, after what happened at the wedding, and Jess replies that he didn’t hear from Rory all summer. He thinks that Rory came back expecting Jess to have waited for her all summer, like Dean would have done. Now she and Dean are apparently together (he saw them at the End of Summer Madness Festival, though Rory is surprised he saw anything since he was making out with Shane the whole time). Jess confirms that Rory didn’t call or write him all summer and asks if she’s still with Dean. Rory says that she is, so Jess says he’ll see her around. Rory leaves and Lorelai asks if she’s done. Rory says she is.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “Apparently, maturity is extremely overrated in your universe.” - Rory to Lorelai

“Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather Kirk. Please don’t make any sudden movements, he’s a fear biter.’” - Lorelai, imitating Rory

Lorelai: “All right…we’re gonna have to move.”
Rory: “Okay.”
Lorelai: “Take off in the middle of the night, leave everything behind, assume different identities. I’ll join a local community theater and I’ll drive you to soccer. It’ll work for many years until the FBI comes to get me, and by that time, you’re on your own.”
Rory: “I don’t play soccer.”
Lorelai: “You do now.”

“Because talking to Paris is like shopping for a bathing suit in December - frustrating, fruitless, and a complete waste of time.” - Francie

Lorelai: “My life stinks. Hey, let’s look into each other’s eyes and say, ‘I wish I were you’ at exactly the same time - maybe we’ll pull a Freaky Friday!”
Rory: “Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait….”

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