"Nevermind the Buttocks"
Written by Phil Klemmer; directed by Jason Bloom

Veronica and Cliff are in the office of Mr. Lavoie, Aaron’s defense attorney, who is questioning Veronica about the Aaron/Lilly sex tapes (see “Leave it to Beaver” and “One Angry Veronica”). Lavoie wonders exactly how familiar Veronica is with the act of sex, so Cliff assures him that she took sex ed. (She got an A-, and she also watches Animal Planet.) Lavoie moves on to other questions, namely whether Veronica is in touch with Duncan. At home, Keith tells Veronica more about the life insurance policy Dick Sr. had on Cassidy and Dick (see “I Am God”) - if both boys died simultaneously, Kendall would be the beneficiary. Keith wonders if Kendall is capable of murder and decides to investigate where she was at the time of the bus crash. At Neptune High, Veronica voiceovers that Clemmons is running some random locker searches, but she doesn’t seem to be worried about having any of her possessions confiscated. The teachers suggests that Weevil feed a snake in the classroom, something he relishes doing. He tells Veronica that he and the snake have a connection because they’re both at the top of the food chain. “I got no problem sacrificing a rat,” he tells her (see “Plan B”). She’s not amused.

After class, Mac complains to Veronica that Clemmons confiscated her cell phone interceptor and she won’t get it back until the end of the school year. She admits that she borrowed the interceptor from a friend so she could listen to Cassidy’s phone conversations. Veronica (who wonders why she never got one of those) promises to try to get it back. Later, she sets off Clemmons’ secretary’s car alarm to get her out of the office. Unfortunately, her key doesn’t work because Clemmons has changed the locks. “Man, he’s gotten paranoid!” she complains. She waits until the end of another class and catches up to Butters, offering him the chance to stick it to the man by helping her get to the confiscated items. He would rather have a date to the prom with Mac. Veronica agrees and he tells her to meet him at Clemmons’ office after school, when Clemmons will be serving bus duty. Veronica takes Mac with her and searches the box of confiscated items while Butters talks to an oblivious Mac about the prom. Veronica finds something interesting in the box and takes it, then finds the interceptor. Mac isn’t as thrilled as she would normally be because she’s figured out what’s going on with Butters. Veronica asks Butters if she can take Weevil’s copy of The Anarchist Cookbook back to him (she knows it’s his because his locker is 333 - he apparently brags about “meeting Satan halfway”).

Veronica meets up with Weevil in the parking lot and asks him if he’s seen Thumper lately. She notes that if he doesn’t turn up soon, he’ll miss prom. “Well, uh, I’m sure he’s crushed,” Weevil quips. Veronica returns The Anarchist Cookbook, noting that it was taken from him the first week of school. He catches on that she seems to be accusing him of blowing up the bus. She notes that he happened to coincidentally be at the gas station right before the crash (see “Normal is the Watchword”) and could have timed things so that the bomb went off as the bus neared the ocean. He also could have set off the bomb via cell phone without Veronica noticing. Weevil wonders why she thinks he would take out the bus if Cervando was on it. Veronica thinks he was actually trying to blow up the limo and even put a rat on the bus to drive the rich kids off of it. He put the bomb in Dick’s gift bag, not realizing that he gave it to Betina (see “I Am God”). Weevil points out that it wouldn’t be worth it to him to go after the 09ers, though Veronica thinks Logan would be worth it. Weevil reminds her that Logan wasn’t even there. Veronica still thinks that he would want to kill the guy he thought killed Felix. She adds that now that Thumper is gone, Weevil is at the top of the food chain again.

At lunch, a boy named Harry approaches Veronica and asks her to find the owner of a car that ran down his dog, Apache, at his house. She sympathizes and offers to help, even though he wants to pay her in meat. Later, Harry shows her a picture of the car, a Barracuda, but her quick investigations don’t turn up any green ones in Neptune. While working on the Navigator, Veronica notes that there’s a big, empty space in the paper just big enough for an ad. Later, Jackie asks Veronica to put in a good word for her at the Hut - her family’s assets have been frozen and she’s bored being home alone, so she wants a job. Veronica agrees to try to help her get one. She asks her manager at work and promises to vouch for Jackie and get rid of her if she sucks. Back at home, Keith asks Veronica if she knows why Logan might have gotten three phone calls from Kendall the day of the crash. Veronica reveals that they were sleeping together. Keith asks her to try to find out if Kendall and Logan were together at the time of the crash. Back at school, Veronica catches Logan in the parking lot and asks him straight out if he was with Kendall the day of the crash. He tells her that she kicked him out of the Casablancas’ house before the time the bus went over.

Inside Neptune High, Gia tells Veronica that she saw the Barracuda she’s looking for on the highway the day of the crash (when she happened to be on the phone with Woody). Someone inside mooned her and she noticed a mascot sticker on the window. Wallace tells Jackie that if she wants them to just be friends, she’s going to have to try harder not to be hot. “My burkha’s at the cleaners,” she replies. Wallace says that it’s been two weeks since he broke up with Jane (see “Plan B”) and she’s dating someone else, so no one will think that Jackie stole him from her. She especially shouldn’t worry since she’s already known as the girl whose father crashed the bus. This doesn’t amuse her and she lets him know. Veronica heads to Harry’s house, where she’s greeted by his younger brother Billy, who has a black eye. He attempts to flirt with her but she’s all business. She finds Harry out back, shooting arrows at a fake deer. She tells him that she may have a lead and asks if he remembers seeing a sticker on the window of the Barracuda. He doesn’t seem to remember and notes that it was dark. Hector tracks Weevil down at a garage where he’s working and tells him that the bikers made a mistake by turning on him. The Fitzpatricks aren’t treating them very nicely and they need help.

Veronica looks at cars on the Internet at Mars Investigations as Keith enters with Kendall’s high school yearbook. It turns out that Kendall is really Priscilla Banks, a friend of the real Kendall, who died in an accident in a car Priscilla was driving. “Kendall” also served six months in prison for wire fraud. As Keith pats himself on the back for his accomplishments, Veronica gets an IM from someone who offers the address where she can find the Barracuda. Veronica heads to the provided address and, though nervous about who she might find out is the car’s owner, is met by an older blind woman. She claims that the car belonged to her husband, then blows Veronica off to watch Wheel of Fortune, which Veronica finds strange. She sneaks into the garage and realizes that the sticker on the window (which has been removed) was a leprechaun. She also discovers a gun in the glove compartment. At Mars Investigations, Keith calls Priscilla’s father, pretending to be from her high school’s alumni association, and is only told that she lives in Neptune now. He asks Keith to tell Priscilla (if he sees her) that her mother died.

Weevil arrives and asks Veronica to get him into Clemmons’ office, since he knows she has a key. He admits that he wants Thumper’s paddle (see “Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough”), which Weevil saw when he put the cash in his locker. He thinks that the license plate numbers on the paddle belong to people Thumper was delivering to for the Fitzpatricks. Since the Fitzpatricks are treating the bikers like slaves now, Weevil thinks that paddle can be used as leverage. Veronica asks him why he followed the bus on the day of the crash. Weevil reveals that he was watching Cervando’s back because he’d been bragging about hustling Liam and Weevil had heard that Liam was looking for him. Keith emerges and shares a greeting with Weevil, who wants Veronica’s key to Clemmons’ office. She gives it over, since it doesn’t work anyway, then offers him the copy she made of the paddle. At the Hut, Jackie proves her waitressing skills, impressing Veronica. Wallace waits around and apologizes to Jackie for what he said about her earlier. He still wants to be with her, and Jackie admits that she likes him a lot, but the timing is bad - she’s been accepted to the Sorbonne and will be leaving for Paris the day after graduation. That means that they would only have five weeks to be together.

Veronica sees via a tracker that the Barracuda is moving and gets Jackie to cover the rest of her shift so she can leave. She follows the car, even tuning into the same radio station as the driver, whom she’s listening to through a bug. The car pulls up to a house and a woman with a familiar voice approaches, telling the driver that someone is in the house with a flashlight. He asks her to get his gun out of the glove compartment. Veronica calls Keith to let him know what’s going on; he tells her to stay put and wait for him. She doesn’t realize that he’s the man in the house. The driver enters and reveals to Keith that he’s Liam; he teases Keith about being caught “on the wrong end of a robbery in progress.” Keith begs for his life, but he has nothing to worry about, since there are no bullets in Liam’s gun. As the two men fight, the woman approaches Veronica - it’s Kendall. Liam and Keith crash through the front window of the house and fight until Keith gets away and jumps in Veronica’s getaway car. Kendall wonders why Keith was there, but Liam isn’t sure. He offers to find out, but Kendall thinks that would make things worse. In the car, Veronica tells Keith that she took the bullets out of the gun, and if he hadn’t hung up on her, she would’ve been able to tell him that. They note that Kendall has a secret house and Veronica asks if Keith found plans to blow up a bus inside. He didn’t, but he did snag her hard drive.

They head to Mars Investigations, where Mac hooks up the hard drive, even though she’s mad at Veronica for the stunt with Butters. The bikers and the Fitzpatricks meet up somewhere so that Liam can collect for the week, but the bikers aren’t making enough money to please him. Billy happens to be there and Liam hangs him up on a hook, planning to keep him there until the bikers give him more money. Weevil arrive with the copy of the paddle and announces that the bikers will no longer be working for the Fitzpatricks. He’s made copies of the copy, and the day he goes missing, the copies will go public. After the Fitzpatricks leave, Hector thanks Weevil for his help, but Weevil doesn’t want to rejoin them. At Mars Investigations, Veronica tells Keith that the woman who was holding the Barracuda is Mary, Liam’s grandmother. She thinks that the Fitzpatricks had something to do with the crash. Keith reveals that Kendall knew Liam’s older brother Cormac - in fact, she may have taken the rap for one of his crimes, which means the Fitzpatricks would be in debt to her. Logan wasn’t with her at the time of the crash, so Kendall could have been involved.

At the Hut, Wallace tells Jackie that he’s been thinking about her announcement and has decided that he doesn’t care. They should make the most of the time they have together and not worry about what will happen in five weeks. He asks her to prom and she accepts, even when he threatens to get a top hat and cane. At the Mars’ apartment, Keith and Veronica watch a news report stating that a construction crew turned up what may have been the murder weapon used to kill Lilly - Aaron’s Oscar. Unfortunately for Duncan, his hair is on it. Veronica heads to Harry’s house and accuses Billy of knowing exactly who killed Harry’s dog, since she knows he’s a biker. Billy asks her not to tell Harry because if he goes after Liam, he’ll go to prison for putting an arrow throw Liam’s throat. Veronica heads up to see Harry, noting that if she tells him Liam killed the dog, he’ll take Liam out. But when she gets upstairs, she lies that she doesn’t know who killed Apache.

THE SCHOOL BUS CASE: If both Dick and Cassidy were to die simultaneously, Kendall would be the beneficiary of the life insurance policy Dick Sr. held on them.

Gia saw Liam’s green Barricuda (complete with a mooner) on the highway right before the bus crashed.

Gia was on the phone with Woody just before the crash.

Kendall previously worked with Cormac, Liam’s brother, and may have taken the rap for one of his crimes. She has now been connected to Liam.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Keith: “Are you ready?”
Veronica: “Think back 18 years: small, blond, baby. Born ready.”

“The wicked stepmother trying to bump off her rich husband’s spawn. That’s a Disney movie, isn’t it?” - Veronica

Mac: “They took my cell phone interceptor and apparently plan on keeping it until the end of the year. What happened to end of the day? Why wasn’t that working?”
Veronica: “Everyone still kept bringing in their cell phone interceptors?”
Mac: “Is there any chance you can get it back for me? I borrowed it from my buddy at Radio Shack, because apparently I’ve become a psycho ex-girlfriend and I wanted to listen to Beaver’s cell phone calls. You’re judging me.”
Veronica: “No. I’m judging myself. Why don’t I have a cell phone interceptor?”

Veronica: “I believe the Latin term is coitus sordidus.”
Keith: “They were sleeping together? That was weeks before Kendall’s husband fled the country.”
Veronica: “Logan may be a little fuzzy on the Commandments.”

Logan: “Day of the crash, day of the crash…uh, I’d really have to consult my feelings journal to be sure.”
Veronica: “Kendall stood to make millions by sending Dick and Beaver over that cliff. There was an insurance policy.”
Logan: “Kendall requires a domestic staff to make cereal. You think she could really plot a murder?”

“I hate fake deer, too. Every time I see their stupid fake deer faces I wanna grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on ‘em.” - Veronica

Veronica: “Dad, you’ve shown me your yearbook. The whole Rick Springfield feathered hair thing, it looked awesome on you. But those days are over, and it’s time to move on.”
Keith: “This is Kendall Shiflett’s high school yearbook.”
Veronica: “And she was named Most Likely to Commit Murder for Profit? That’d really support our latest theory.”

Mac: “All right, you guys are in.”
Veronica: “Ah, thanks, Mac.”
Mac: “I’m not speaking to you. Butters asked if he should rent a room for prom night. I’m doing this for your dad. Mr. Mars, what else can I do for you?”
Keith: “You mind printing every e-mail, every document?”
Mac: “Your word is my shift-command. Little computer humor for you there.”
Veronica: “I liked it better when you weren’t speaking to me.”

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