"The UnGraduate"
Written by David S. Rosenthal; directed by Michael Zinberg

Lorelai wakes up, having slept in the living room, and brings breakfast outside for the crew working on her house. Luke comes over with muffins, since Lorelai let him a frantic message about them; he didn’t realize they were for the crew. Outside, T.J. gives confusing instructions to a crew member, who gets his real instructions from Tom. Apparently Lorelai is letting T.J. think that he’s the contractor, and she plans to keep this up because it makes him happy. Luke notes that they’re paying T.J. a contractor’s salary and giving Tom an extra 10 percent to pretend he’s not the real contractor. Lorelai heads to Babette’s to take a shower, since the previous day a couple of the crew members accidentally saw her naked after she got out of the shower. At the elder Gilmores’ house, Emily complains that a woman from the DAR is trying to plot a coup against her. Rory, who has accepted a job at the DAR (see “Fight Face”), promises to keep an eye on her from the inside. At community service, Rory has become the queen, managing the other workers and attempting to help one stop smoking. Even the supervisor consults with her and takes her advice. One of the girls invites Rory to come out with her and some others after their shift, but Rory is heading to a nursing home to knock out a few more hours.

Lorelai and Paris have coffee at the inn as Paris discusses her relationship with Doyle. Lorelai is obviously tired of her visits, and Michel and Sookie are fed up with her mocking Michel and sending food back. Sookie encourages Lorelai to cut her off, and though Lorelai feels sorry for Paris, she agrees to do something. Sookie is excited about an upcoming wedding because it will give her a chance to practice for Luke and Lorelai’s eventual wedding. (She’s picked July 23rd.) Lorelai tries to get her to back off and Michel says that he knew she wouldn’t be able to commit. Lorelai assures him that she’s getting married, they just haven’t set a date yet. Michel spots Paris returning and runs back into the kitchen. Rory does her thing at the DAR, then shares some gossip with Emily. Paris calls and tells Rory that they need to put down a security deposit on their off-campus place (though when they discussed this in “New and Improved Lorelai”, she said they would be living with Doyle). Rory reminds her that she’s not coming back to school. Paris asks if this is about the yacht (which she read about on someone’s blog) and complains that now she’ll have to live with a stranger. Luke goes to Lorelai’s and finds her entertaining the work crew. Tom brings up making the kitchen bigger, a concept which confuses Lorelai. T.J. arrives, having driven to another town to get a specific hammer on Tom’s orders; he doesn’t realize that Tom just sent him to get him out of the house all day. T.J. suggests opening up Rory’s room but Lorelai harshly tells him to leave it alone.

Hep Alien plays for a youth group at a Seventh Day Adventist Church, finishing up their summer-long tour (see “A House is Not a Home”). They’re happy to see that people are buying T-shirts, which means they can eat and possibly have money left to buy gas. At the inn, Sookie shows Lorelai the dark chocolate s’mores wedding cake she dreamed about and decided to make. Lorelai assures her again that she and Luke will set a wedding date. Michel comes in, hums the Wicked Witch’s song from The Wizard of Oz, and announces that Paris has arrived. Lorelai tries to passive-aggressively get Paris to agree to stop coming over for lunch by calling herself selfish for making Paris keep coming out there. Paris tells her that she talked to Rory at her office; Lorelai wasn’t aware that she had a job. Paris thinks that Lorelai is using her to get information on Rory, but Lorelai convinces her that that’s not the case. Rory does some community service at the nursing home, where Logan meets up with her, having just returned from a summer in Europe. Later, they hang out at the pool house and Rory looks at pictures from Logan’s trip. Colin fell in love with a non-English-speaking milkmaid in Holland and is apparently still with her in Amsterdam. Logan declines to mention school to Rory, who tells him that that was one chapter in her life and now she’s moving on.

Hep Alien stops at a gas station on the way home, spending the last of their gas money in order to get home. Back in the van, Lane announces that she’s been fibbing about their monetary resources - they actually have $9,000. The guys are upset, since they barely ate and washed their hair with soap while on the road, but she points out that they could make a CD with the money. Lorelai returns home to learn that Tom had to shut off her water for a few days because the guys accidentally hit a pipe. Since Lorelai has to go back to the inn, she passive-aggressively tries to get Luke to agree to take Paul Anka for the night, which he finally does. T.J. arrives with dinner, upset over having learned that he’s not really the contractor after all. Later, T.J. mopes at the diner and Luke cheers him up by complimenting the shelves he built. Upstairs, Luke finds out that Paul Anka has eaten a bunch of chocolate, so he rushes him to a vet’s house and begs him to save the dog so he doesn’t screw up his relationship with Lorelai. At breakfast, Rory talks about her community service, which Logan doesn’t seem to care too much about. Luke tells Lorelai what happened with Paul Anka, proving that he took good care of him. Lorelai announces that she doesn’t want to set a wedding date until she’s worked things out with Rory. Luke easily tells her that he’s fine with that. As the newest freshman class attends orientation at Yale, Rory attends her induction ceremony at the DAR.

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Tom: (re: T.J.) “And the good news is, he’s got terrible instincts. But he combines that with absolutely zero follow-through, so it all works out in the end.”
Lorelai: “Terrible instincts but zero follow-through. All the qualities you want in a good pretend contractor.”

Paris: “Is this about the boat?”
Rory: “How do you know about the boat?”
Paris: “Oh, come on. It’s out there.”
Rory: “Out there? Why is it out there? How is it out there?”
Paris: “I read about it on Rebecca Thurston’s blog.”
Rory: “I thought Rebecca Thurston’s blog was just about all the guys she has sex with and how much she hates her mother.”
Paris: “That’s true, but the boat you guys stole belongs to Dr. Daniel Zimmerman, whose son is Jason Zimmerman, who Rebecca Thurston had sex with on her father’s boat last semester.”
Rory: “I can’t believe I’m in the blog-o-sphere.”
Paris: “Hey, see for yourself. Just Google ‘Rory Gilmore sex boat.’”

“You can all kiss any part of me that reaches your general vicinity first!” - T.J.

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