"Wedding Bell Blues"
Written and directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino

Luke places a phone order for boat supplies at the diner while Lorelai gets interested in his catalogue. She finds boots she likes, making Luke wonder how she could ever find something to buy in his boat supply catalogue. He’s also annoyed that everything he wants to order is out of stock, but the boots are available. He asks Lorelai if he can come by and work on the boat that night (see “But Not as Cute as Pushkin”). She figured that he would want to spend the evening figuring out how to injure himself enough that he wouldn’t have to go to Emily and Richard’s vow renewal (see “Come Home”) the next evening. She tells him that Rory is spending the night and they’re planning to have a Cop Rock marathon. Luke makes a final plea not to have to go to the renewal. Lorelai tells him he doesn’t have to but he replies that he’ll go. “I love it when I break you with just the sheer anticipation of a wear-down,” she says. At home, Rory and Lorelai prepare a junk food feast for their marathon. Lorelai wonders why she decided it was worth it to make mashed potatoes. Luke comes to the door, needed an extension cord, and says he doesn’t want to come in because he’ll have to see what the girls are eating. Just before they can start their marathon, Emily calls and tells Lorelai that she needs her to fix her dress. Left without a choice, Lorelai tells Rory that they’ll watch one Cop Rock, deal with Emily, and pick up where they left off.

Emily arrives to find Luke working on the boat, which she, of course, passive-aggressively criticizes. She also chastises him for congratulating her, since you’re supposed to give the bride best wishes instead. Once she sees the dress, Lorelai tells Emily that it won’t take long to fix. She tries to keep Emily standing so she can rush her right back out as soon as she’s done. Emily would rather get a drink and make herself comfortable. Richard calls Lorelai from his bachelor party, wanting to see how Emily’s bachelorette party is going. Apparently Emily implied that that’s why she was going to Lorelai’s, so now Rory and Lorelai think that they should have a party (or else Emily will hold it against Lorelai for the rest of her life). Lorelai quickly assembles a bunch of Stars Hollow women, including Miss Patty, Babette, Lane, Kyong, Gypsy, and a sleepy Sookie. Gypsy doesn’t even know who Emily is, though a tipsy Emily is thrilled to see her. Kyong is confused as to why they’re throwing a bachelorette party for a woman who’s already married. Emily talks about the ceremony, which will be held in a room vacated by people Emily manipulated. Sookie thinks the party is lacking something dirty, so Lorelai finds naughty pasta that Sookie gave her. Later that night, Emily passes out in Lorelai’s bed (hugging her Hello Kitty pillow) and various other guests sleep around the house. Lorelai finds Emily’s seating arrangements and starts moving people around. Rory is pleased to see Logan’s name on the list. Lorelai tells her that the people in Emily’s world are like the members of LDB - spoiled and selfish. Rory disagrees, defending them. Lorelai debates putting Emily and Richard at separate tables.

In the morning, Rory and Lorelai rush to get ready. Luke arrives and is disappointed to learn that he would have been able to get ready at the place where the ceremony is being held. Lorelai tells a still dozing Babette to lock up when she leaves. When they arrive at the club, Lorelai and Rory make up excuses for why they’re late. Emily is frustrated because she had to redo her seating chart; she’s fired her wedding planner over the mess. “Third level of Hell, party of one,” Rory tells Lorelai. A nervous Luke tries to figure out what to say to Richard, finally just complimenting his suit. Richard’s cousin Marilyn (see “The Reigning Lorelai”) has taken over the wedding planning; she asks Lorelai if Luke is a gardener because she’s always wanted to have a fling with a gardener. Richard pulls Lorelai aside and tells her that he wants her to give Emily a present. He has two necklaces and wants her to figure out which one goes best with Emily’s dress. In the bridal room, Lorelai holds both out and Emily picks one for now and the other for her birthday. She wonders why she’s doing this; Lorelai holds up the necklace. She reminds Emily that this is her second wedding, so she shouldn’t be nervous. Emily says that she missed Richard while they were separated and wonders if Lorelai ever wants to get married. Lorelai admits that she does. Rory emerges dressed in a suit; Lorelai is jealous of her outfit. In the main room, Marilyn asks Luke if he’s ever considered becoming a gardener. The ceremony begins and Rory spots Logan, which makes her happy. In the middle of things, Christopher slips into the room.

After the ceremony, the reception gets off to a good start, though Luke isn’t happy to learn that there will be dancing later. Lorelai comes up with a plan for speaking with people whose names she’s forgotten - she’ll take a drink and Luke will have to jump in and introduce himself, which will force the other person to say his or her name. She spots her aunt Totsy and warns Luke that if she hugs you, you smell like her for a month. Rory plays hide and seek with Logan, who’s brought a date. Lorelai and Luke try their trick out on a couple, then spot Marilyn getting Totsied. Lorelai tells Luke that Christopher is there, then finally spills that she spent the night drinking with him not that long ago (see “Women of Questionable Morals”). Luke isn’t thrilled. Christopher approaches and Lorelai tells him that she and Luke are dating. Emily and Richard are announced and everyone sits down. Richard gives a nice speech to everyone about why they picked “Wedding Bell Blues” for their first dance. When Lorelai was three, she had a lot of ear infections and Emily would play the song to calm her down. It became one of Emily’s favorites and she used to tease Richard that if his name were Bill, it could be their song. “Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill and this is our song,” he tells her. Emily is touched that he remembered the song and they begin dancing. Lorelai convinces Luke to join her on the floor. Rory follows Christopher out to the hall, where Christopher reminisces about his first kiss with Lorelai. She wonders if he liked being kissed first and he says, “Who wouldn’t like being kissed by a Gilmore girl?”

On the dance floor, Luke lets Lorelai know that he’s on to her scheme to keep him dancing so Marilyn can’t cut in. Rory goes to Logan’s table while his date (a family friend and apparently nothing more) is preoccupied. She asks him to dance. Lorelai and Luke run off to escape being Totsied as Rory asks Logan why he came. He tries to be funny but she finally asks him when he’s going to ask her out. He tells her that he’s thought about asking her out but doesn’t want to because he’s not boyfriend material. She tells him she doesn’t necessarily want to “date,” since she’s done that, and is willing to spend time with him, “no strings attached.” She grabs a bottle of champagne and they head off together to the bridal room, where they proceed to make out. Back in the reception hall, Lorelai realizes that Luke has been Totsied. Christopher joins them and tries to reminisce with Lorelai, who wants nothing to do with him. She heads off to find Rory for a picture of the wedding party. Luke and a tipsy Christopher follow her and the three find Rory and Logan half-dressed in the bridal room. “Grandma wants a picture,” Lorelai tells Rory. “Of this?” Rory exclaims. Christopher tries to go after Logan but Lorelai gets him to back off. Luke picks up where he left off until Lorelai goes in and closes the door behind her, telling Rory and Logan to go out the back. In the hall, Lorelai breaks up an argument between Christopher and Luke, who notes that he’s been more of a father to Rory than Christopher has. Christopher says that Luke and Lorelai are only together for now and Emily doesn’t think it will last (see “Come Home”). Luke leaves with Lorelai trying to go after him, attempting to get away from Christopher. The wedding party finally gets together for a photo and just before the flash goes off, Lorelai tells Emily, “You and me, we’re done.”

MEMORABLE QUOTES: Lorelai: “I thought you were going to spend the evening trying to figure out how to fling yourself down the stairs just hard enough that you won’t have to go to my parents’ thing tomorrow, but not so hard that you actually die.”
Luke: “No, I thought instead that I’d try to find a wild boar to maul me just enough that I’ll need medical attention so I won’t be able to go to your parents’ thing tomorrow, but after some stitches and a transfusion, I’ll still be able to make you coffee.”

Emily: (re: Lorelai) “Isn’t she hilarious? I never have any idea what she’s talking about, but she’s so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn’t she like a chimp, Gypsy?”
Gypsy: “Please make your mother stop talking to me.”
Lorelai: “If only I had that power.”

Lorelai: “Hey, stop being such a Nancy boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?”
Luke: “Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?”

Logan: “You’re special.”
Rory: “Special? Like, ‘stop eating the paste’ special?”

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