"Spin the Bottle"
Written and directed by Joss Whedon

Lorne is on a stage in a nightclub, singing “The Way We Were” to an unseen audience. He starts talking about how magical youth is and then says that he wants to tell the audience a story. It starts with Connor, for some reason - Connor is walking through an alley, remembering the weird friendly times he’s spent with Cordelia. Lorne realizes that Connor has nothing to do with his story and decides that it actually starts with Angel and Cordelia, still in the garden at the end of “Supersymmetry.” Cordelia still wants to know if she and Angel were in love, but he claims that he doesn’t know. Cordelia wonders if she was going to tell him she loved him the night they were supposed to meet up on Point Dume (see “Tomorrow”). She’s upset that she still has no memory and he promises her that he’ll help her get it back. Lorne arrives, announcing that he’s been doing all the work to try to restore Cordelia’s memory. He reveals that he has a potion which will do the trick, and it’s guaranteed to do it without any side effects. Back onstage, Lorne says, “So I’m an idiot. What are you, perfect?” He explains to the audience and to Cordelia and Angel how he got the potion. Angel is reluctant to put his faith in it, but Cordelia is ready to try it. Lorne says that everything is ready and they just have to “gather the six.” Wesley’s at his apartment, testing a new concealed blade strapped to his arm. Lorne calls to tell him about the spell and he agrees to go to the hotel. Angel heads upstairs and gets Fred and Gunn from her bedroom, where neither is talking. Downstairs, Lorne paints a symbol on the floor and sets up various things in it. Gunn and Fred worry that he’ll accidentally open a portal, but Lorne repeats that nothing will go wrong. He and Fred speak Pylean to each other, confusing Wesley when he arrives.

Lorne tells his audience that he didn’t realize at the time that Fred had just tried to kill her professor, Gunn didn’t know that Wesley had helped her, Wesley didn’t know that Gunn had actually killed him (see “Supersymmetry”), and Fred didn’t know that Gunn was figuring out that Wesley had helped Fred. “So you see,” he says, “I didn’t have all the facts when I started this.” Upstairs, Cordelia gets out of the shower and is surprised to find Angel in her room. They discuss Connor, then get ready to go downstairs. In the lobby, Gunn and Wesley discuss everyone’s places in the scheme of things (as Fred did in “Fredless”): Angel’s the leader, Cordelia’s the heart, Wesley’s the brains (or at least he was), Fred may also be the brains, and Gunn’s the muscle. He says that Fred must have gone to Wesley for help to kill Seidel because they’re both the brains. Wesley replies that he did what Gunn couldn’t do. Gunn shoots back that he knows why Wesley keeps coming back; he says that if Wesley goes after Fred, he’ll fight back. Wesley tries to get past him, threatening him with his concealed blade, and Gunn asks what happened to make him change. “I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me,” Wesley says. The MoG start the spell, holding hands and sitting around the symbol. They focus on a bottle in the middle of their circle as Lorne asks for Cordelia’s memory to be restored. The bottle starts to move and a light shines out of it, heading towards everyone in the circle. The bottle spins in the middle of the circle as everyone starts acting confused and mystically stoned, except Lorne, who passes out behind the counter. Cordelia finally steps on the bottle, breaking it and bringing everyone back to coherence. Fortunately, Cordelia remembers who she is. Unfortunately, she thinks she’s still in high school.

Cordelia spots Angel and remarks, “Hello, salty goodness.” The MoG, who have all reverted to their personalities from their youths, do some introducing, establishing that Gunn is angry, Wesley is uppity, Fred is awkward, and Cordelia is the same way she was on Buffy. Cordelia asks Angel about himself and he notes that everyone is crazy, judging by the way they talk and dress. He snaps at Wesley, saying that the Irish never wanted the English in their country, and Cordelia notes that Angel doesn’t sound Irish. Angel recognizes that he no longer has his Irish accent and, after telling the others that his name is Liam, starts testing his voice. Cordelia decides to leave, but Wesley stops her, thinking that something shady is going on. He wants to gather information, but Cordelia suggests calling the police. Gunn and Fred both object to this idea, Gunn because he doesn’t like cops and Fred because she thinks it’s a conspiracy and the police are involved. As she babbles about a personality disorder test (which includes a question about “if you want to be a florist”), Cordelia interrupts, saying, “Okay. We’ve heard from Scarlett O’Please Shut Me Up.” Wesley notes that he hasn’t shaved in awhile and thinks that they’ve all been unconscious for a long time. Cordelia suddenly realizes that her hair is short and starts crying, saying, “The government gave me bad hair!” “Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair,” Wesley suggests. “I vote he’s not in charge,” Gunn announces. Liam suddenly starts saying that this is about the devil - his father called him a sinner, so now he must be in Hell. Wesley notes that it looks like they’re in a hotel and suggests that they take a look around. Gunn doesn’t like that Wesley is taking charge, and when they two face off, Wesley does some weird karate moves and discovers his concealed blade. After a beat, he gasps, “A clue!” (Fred tries some moves as well and laments, “I didn’t get one.”)

Gunn wonders why Wesley is the only one with a weapon, so Wesley says that they should go look for more. Fred and Gunn head behind the counter and Fred screams when she spots Lorne. Wesley loses control of his concealed blade and says, “All right! Nobody scream! Or touch my arms!” Fred says that she’s found another clue as Wesley checks his ankles to make sure he doesn’t have any weapons down there. The MoG gather around Lorne and Liam says he knew the devil was involved. “Why is the devil sleepy?” Fred wonders. Connor fights vampires in an alley, saving a prostitute who then propositions him. He doesn’t get the “paying for sex” thing and heads home. Onstage, Lorne says, “Enough about him. In the meanwhile, guess what I’m doing for fun.” Wesley duct tapes Lorne to a bench in the lobby as Gunn suggests that they cut his head off. Wesley disagrees, saying that Lorne may have useful information. Cordelia breaks up their argument with, “Hey, you two want to stop the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this?” She notes that neither of them seems to find what they’re going through strange. Fred and Liam find the weapons cabinet and Fred asks him, “Have you got any weed?” Wesley starts to announce that he has important news for the others, but Gunn interrupts to tell them that vampires exist. “I was telling!” Wesley whines. He tries to show off his knowledge of demons, but Gunn is only interested in how to kill Lorne. Wesley and Gunn start fighting; Lorne turns to the camera and says, “I know I’m still unconscious during this part of the story, but…can you believe these mooks?” Cordelia stops the fight and says that if Wesley has an idea of what’s going on, they should listen to him. Wesley talks about the Cruciamentum (see “Helpless”), wondering if this is a similar test. Liam notes that they all seem to have been changed; Fred agrees, pointing out that none of them looks like a teenager. Cordelia agrees, then whines, “What about prom?” Gunn wonders if Lorne did something to them and Fred thinks that if they kill the vampire supposedly in the hotel, they’ll go back to normal. Cordelia heads off with Liam and Wesley warns them to be careful.

Cordelia and Liam wind up in Cordelia’s room, where Cordelia turns off her radio, causing Liam to comment, “You stopped the tiny men from singing.” As Cordelia’s talking, Liam starts looking at her neck and briefly vamps out. He heads to the bathroom, where he freaks out upon realizing that he has no reflection. “I’m invisible,” he tells Cordelia back in the bedroom. She tells him he isn’t and he replies, “Oh. Excuse me.” Back in the bathroom he vamps out a bunch of times and realizes that if the others figure out what he is, they’ll kill him. Onstage, Lorne asks his audience, “Is there anything worse than feeling like you’re all alone?” Liam and Cordelia head out of the bedroom as Gunn, Fred, and Wesley walk around the kitchen. Fred talks about aliens and naked probing and Wesley gets a little excited. They head back to the lobby and meet up with Liam and Cordelia, who say that they checked a bunch of floors and didn’t find any vampires. Liam wants to leave, despite Wesley’s protests, and Cordelia is shocked that he’s blowing her off. Outside, Liam spots cars driving by and freaks out, running back inside. He announces that there were hundreds of screaming demons outside and Fred worries that they’ll try to get into the hotel. Wesley dramatically tries to announce, between interruptions from Liam, that he thinks the vampire is one of them. He surprises Gunn by putting a cross in his face and Gunn responds by punching him. “See?” Liam says with a laugh. “The English is stupid.” Wesley notes that the cross didn’t affect him or Gunn and wants to try it out on the others. Cordelia shows that the cross doesn’t affect her, and Fred does the same by using the cross as if it’s a metal detector. She hands the cross to Liam, who tries to hide the fact that it makes his hand smoke. Fortunately for him, Lorne is waking up, so there’s something new to focus on. “Hey, here’s a funny sidebar,” Lorne says. “I’m tied to a chair again!” He asks if Cordelia got her memory back and Wesley asks him to tell them who the vampire is. Lorne says it’s Angel and receives a punch in the face in response. The scene freezes and, onstage, Lorne says, “Ow!”

The MoG turn on Liam, who vamps out and starts fighting Gunn. He decides to eat the women first and Cordelia encourages him to go after Fred, since her neck is so long. Wesley tells them to run, which they do, but he fails miserably at fighting Liam. Liam chases Cordelia into a storage room and she uses her superhuman screaming powers against him. Connor arrives and starts to fight Liam; Wesley soon joins them but trips on the stairs and accidentally takes himself out of the picture. Connor throws Liam out a window into the kitchen and Cordelia thanks him for saving her, offering him a “reward” if he kills Liam. Connor heads to the kitchen for some more fighting. Back in the lobby, where Gunn is unconscious, Lorne tries to convince Fred that he knows how to fix everything. He asks if the bottle is still on the floor and she tells him that it’s in a bunch of pieces. He says that he thinks he can still make everything okay, then asks Fred to untie him, encouraging her to look into her heart to decide if he’s really evil. Liam and Connor fight in the kitchen and Liam complains that the others are hypocrites - they ganged up on him because he’s different, just like his father does. “Fathers. Don’t they suck?” Connor asks. Liam says that he’d rather have some alone time with Cordelia than fight Connor; Connor warns him to stay away from her. Liam asks if Cordelia is Connor’s girl and Connor confirms that she is. In the lobby, Lorne mixes up another potion and gives a dab of it to Fred. As Lorne asks if it works, she sees Gunn about to smack Lorne with a weapon and shouts, “Wait!” Liam wins his fight with Connor but walks off instead of killing him. Fred arrives and tells them not to kill each other. Back in the lobby, the other MoG get their share of the potion and their memories return. As Cordelia gets hers, she runs out of the lobby. Lorne tells his audience that they didn’t realize it at the time, but just as Cordelia’s memory returned, she had a vision of a huge demon (Vladimir Kulich). A member of Lorne’s audience yells for him to finish the story, but Lorne says that he always wants to leave people wanting more. Back at the hotel, Angel goes after Cordelia, who confirms that she remembers everything. She says that she wants to be alone, but Angel wants to know if they were in love. “We were,” she tells him. Onstage, Lorne puts on his jacket, then walks out of the empty nightclub.

MORAL, or CRAMMING COMPLEX ISSUES INTO A NUTSHELL: Make sure you test potions before you use them.

GRADE: A It’s almost as much fun as “Tabula Rasa.”

WELCOME TO L.A.: The Beast

MEMORABLE QUOTES: “Oh, good. Symbols on the floor. That’s always good.” - Gunn

“Did I miss the spell? Did English go away?” - Wesley, upon hearing Lorne and Fred speaking Pylean

Wesley: “So who are you?”
Gunn: “I’m the guy that’s gonna be kicking a whole mess of a%$ if somebody don’t tell me what’s going on.”
Cordelia: “What do they call you for short?”

“Why is the devil sleepy?” - Fred

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